The COVID-19 fatalities extend beyond the virus itself.
When I woke up yesterday, I found out that an ER doctor in New York City ended her life by suicide. Dr. Lorna Breen was 49 and was the medical director of the emergency department at New York Presbyterian-Allen Hospital. This brave woman contracted COVID-19 on the job, and when the hospital ultimately sent her home, her family brought her home to Charlottesville, Virginia.
It was there that she made her forever decision.
Her grieving father told the New York Times that she tried to do her job, and it killed her.
Think about that. It’s unbelievably sad.
To all of the front-line workers – doctors, nurses, first-responders, food service workers, truckers – everybody: It’s tough being considered a hero today because being a hero comes with a great deal of responsibility. As anxiety increases with the coronavirus pandemic, you want to continue serving people and saving lives…
But one of the things that we most often forget in our desire and our compassion and empathy to want to help and serve people – is that we forget to take care of ourselves.
Listen: You matter.
The situation that we are all in is traumatic. It is filled with a lot of anxiety and stress and the uncertainty of the world – but especially if you are one of these front-line workers that has to serve in the face of COVID-19.
You are still fortunate to have a job, but having this job can be extremely stressful
Remember: You can’t pour from an empty pitcher. It’s crucial that you have a daily routine in place, a structured lifestyle. The first order of business must be self-care. This could be anything from healthy eating, exercise, meditation, yoga or time in prayer. Whatever self-care looks like for you, now is the time to make sure you are setting time aside for this.
If you are not taking care of yourself, how can you take care of others? The best you isn’t showing up.
I have a niece who is a front-line worker in New York City. She sees the heartbreak of COVID-19 on a daily basis. I have friends here in the Myrtle Beach area who are nurses – and I applaud you all. I am so thankful to have people like you in my life, but one of the things that really sends up red flags is when you negate your thoughts and feelings with a statement like, “I’ll take care of me later. I’ve got to show up and do this now.”
NO! You have got to take care of yourself more now while you are taking care of others.
My intention is to be careful here, and I do not want to come across as insensitive.
You can be compassionate. You can be empathetic. But you cannot carry the darkness. Love people and serve others, absolutely – but you have got to take care of yourself first. This is so important.
God bless each and every one of you. I love you, and I hope you are well and staying safe.
About Jeff Yalden
Jeff Yalden is renowned for his work as a youth motivational speaker and teen mental health and suicide prevention expert. For three decades, Jeff has given his life to students, teachers, counselors, parents, and the mental health community.
For more about Jeff Yalden, click HERE.
Check out Jeff’s book: Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic
In my career as a youth motivational speaker, it’s not often that an elementary school brings me in to speak – especially in the areas of mental health and suicide prevention. But this was exactly where I found myself early this month in 
Part of the reason why I am sharing this and being so transparent is that this isn’t just about me. I know that I have a large following of people that value my opinion, my advice, and respect me as a person.
I work in mental health, and part of me talking about it and part of me in the work that I do every single day – is really telling people that when you are struggling, it’s OK to ask for help. Folks, that’s exactly what happened last night.
I know I hurt Janet, and I am sorry.
She ended up leaving and going to be with her family and have fun – just leaving me alone. I get it. I can’t expect her to sit with me when I am in this anger and hate. I didn’t want to be alone, so I went to the ER. I just needed to calm down.
Here’s the thing: When you are dealing with a family member or a friend that is suffering or living with mental illness and having an episode, first and foremost – do not ever let that person stay alone, because it is at those moments – I am speaking professionally right now, not speaking personally – it’s at those moments when someone is alone that they are not in their right frame of mind that they are more willing to do something that could be deadly.
Let me recap: I was not there in that position last night. I know that I am not suicidal. I know that I would not take a gun. I know that I would not take a knife. I know that I would not hang myself. I know enough to just figure out how to take a timeout –to go get help – go for a walk – go to the hospital. I know all that.
But on the personal side – you, my friends – do not ever leave someone alone, even if you are not talking to that person. You’ve got to be patient if you are choosing to live with this person. If it’s too much for you, get out of the relationship, because it’s a lot – and in some regards, it’s not fair. I understand. But the worst thing you can do is ever leave that person alone.
If you know someone who is not in their right frame of mind, and they are not able to make healthy decisions, doesn’t it make sense that you need to be there to make the healthy and the right decisions for your loved one? That’s one thing a lot of people don’t understand – ‘Jeff, how do I help?’ – You are not going against the person. You are just thinking more clearly for the person that can’t think for themselves.
Some triggers can prompt a response. And when you are dealing with mental illness – depression, bipolar, PTSD – it gets in front of you. In that moment, you might want to react.
I don’t think people want to take their life. I think there are a lot of people that just don’t know how to ask for help.
I know there will be people that are going to message me after saying this – “you know, Jeff – you give too much information.” I know. But I also feel like, with the work that I do – if I am not transparent, I am not as effective as I should be.
I woke up this morning and I am asking “why”– why am I going through this and what’s going on. I haven’t felt like this for a long time.
I took out all my meds – how I have them packed for my trips, and I wanted to go through them. I go right to my Lexapro. That’s my depression and anti-anxiety [medication], and it works so good for me – and I realize that I haven’t been taking my Lexapro. When I put all of my pills out, how did I miss not putting my Lexapro in there?
And I knew something wasn’t right, because when I was putting my pills together, it went so much faster than it usually does. But for seven to ten days, I hadn’t been taking my Lexapro. When I noticed that, you’re damn right I took one right away.
I in my transparency to you, I want to just leave you with with this:
