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Inspiring Conversations: Ep.1 – Bobby Petrocelli

April 1, 2020 by Jeff Yalden Leave a Comment

You Matter . . . IT Doesn’t

I got on ZOOM about five minutes before our time of 12:00pm, April 1, 2020. No, this is not an April fools joke. By the way, I don’t like April fools. I said to Bobby, “Bobby, excited to speak with you. Tell me a couple things on your heart that you want to talk about today?” I knew right away if he gave me a couple things, I’d have questions from listening to his wisdom and passion. Right away, Bobby mentioned his book, YOU MATTER . . . IT DOESN’T. He said, “I want to talk about the WHY behind the IT. Great conversation I thought to myself because I knew exactly where he was thinking with this and it’s right up my ally. I composed myself and started with a prayer . . .

A Talk Show is BORN!

During this interview with Bobby Petrocelli I thought, “I need to do a YouTube Channel on inspiring conversations, and here we are. Just like that the show is created. Now to figure out how to make a YouTube Talk Show.

I’ll figure that out because right now, nothing much is happening and I have the time while we struggle with social isolation, schools closed, and being out of work. It’s during times like this where you have time to create new ideas that might take off. We can choose victim or victor, right? I love Bobby Petrocelli. He’s a great man and an amazing speaker I have known for many years. When I get a chance to interview him . . . I get excited myself. He’s an inspiration. Knowledgeable. He’s a man of God. He cares about youth and families. He cares about people. www.10Seconds.org

IT HAPPENED . . .

What is IT? The IT represents the result of something. Bobby talked about his wife being killed by a drunk driver when he was 24 years old. The IT is his wife was killed by a drunk driver. The WHY is what we don’t often talk about. The IT leaves us angry, hurt, resentful, and broken amongst other feelings. We end up going through life carrying this feeling because we don’t move past IT.

WHY did IT Happen

The WHY is behind the WHAT, the IT, and gives us the answers we are looking for so we can move forward in coping with whatever it is we are coping with. The WHY takes us on a journey to understand what needs to be understood. If we don’t ask questions we are never healed through whatever pain we are going through. IT happened and we can’t change it, but we can change how we grow, cope, and move forward in a healthy way. For Bobby, he was prepared as much as anyone can prepare for something tragic like this. He said, “If we don’t ask the WHY then IT will dominate your life,” and he wasn’t going to let that happen. Bobby is a man of faith. A strong man of God. He right away talked about forgiveness. He didn’t say that he condones when someone does something wrong or condone any wrongdoing. Forgiveness is for you and he knew that he had to forgive this man who was two times the legal limit of driving while intoxicated when his wife was killed. Forgiveness was his first step in recovery. Amazing. He’s 24 years old and he knew he had to forgive. I asked him about this attitude at 24 when most people would be angry at the world. He wasn’t. This is where Bobby said, “I had been prepared for something like this . . . ” I am not sure what exactly that meant, because who can prepare, but I knew it was his faith in God. It was also his ability to have a growth mindset and not a fixed mindset growing up and even today. I’m telling you, Bobby Petrocelli is an inspirational man.

Is What You’re Being Asked to do IMPOSSIBLE?

He made this comment and asked the question as he said he asks his audience. “You have it, whatever it is, so let’s build on it.” Bobby talked about how we have what it takes so let’s learn, be open to learning, and engage in the process everyday. I was thinking, don’t be the victim, be the victor. We have a lot in common, but he’s so much better at speaking about it. You’re never asked to do anything impossible, but when asked to do something you can choose to quit and walk away or you can choose to saddle up the boot straps and figure it out.

10 Seconds

IT happened. IT happened and he wasn’t going to fold. What got him through this time? 10 Seconds.

“It’s not one day at a time, like so many people say. For me, I couldn’t think of the next five minutes. I had to break it down to 10 Seconds. For me it was 10 Seconds at a time.”

When I was at my worst at 16 years old and 22 years old I can still remember those days. At 16 I wasn’t listening to anyone. Fixed mindset. At 22 years old I knew a little better and was very close to my grandparents. My grandmother used to say to me, “Jeff, take it one meal at a time. After dinner, go to bed, and just wake up for breakfast.” That was my 10 Seconds at a time. The thing here that I want to make clear is that it’s not that things get better with time, but it’s what you do with that time where things get better. Sometimes, it’s just putting space between a thought and an action. It’s being grounded, present in the moment, breathing, and just knowing that it will be okay.

Success: Patterns, Habits, and Routines

Nobody is better than anyone else, but some people have a routine and they’re driven. They wake up on time as they go to bed too at a set time. They don’t waste time on their smartphones doing things that don’t matter. Successful people have a purpose. Their IT is their success. They’ve created patterns, habits, and a routine to accomplish the goals they’ve set for themselves. What is the WHY? Who knows exactly what their WHY is or how they got to it, but one thing is certain . . . Everyone has been knocked down in life. You have a choice at this point. You can stay knocked down or you can get back up. Bobby got back up and he knew he needed some things in his life to be right for him to cope through this loss. You are a result of your patterns, habits, routines, attitude, friends, and commitment to GROWTH MINDSET.

Your Friends are The ROOTS, LEAVES, or the BRANCHES

I got chills when Bobby started talking about Tyler Perry’s Madea – Let Them Go. I love this skit and it is so right. Your friends are either the roots, the leaves, or the branches. Watch the video and understand this analogy. So true.

What Works For You

First thing is engage in the process. Choose a growth mindset. Don’t be a victim. Go from the IT happened to understanding the WHY it happened. Then, it’s HOW CAN I . . .? How can I be better at this or that? How can I be a better person? How can I move forward with love, compassion, forgiveness, and be more healthy? It’s about being present in moments. Now. Not yesterday or tomorrow. Not even in five minutes, but here and now. Within these moments what are you doing productive that works best for you? “Is what I am doing making me better or hurting me?“, Bobby said. For Bobby it was the moments where he would ask if what he was doing was helping or hurting him towards a healthy outcome. He set a mindset and here are the bullets I took from this part of the conversation:

Be still
You’re One of a Kind
Don’t Rob Yourself
Find Those Roots on a Tree as a Friends

Very simple and true.

Be Still

Be present and know that in stillness great things will happen.

You’re One of a Kind

Self-Esteem. Stop focusing on being beautiful on the outside and look within yourself and know you are one of a kind. There is nothing or nobody else like you.

Don’t Rob Yourself

You have a gift and you need to use it. Don’t let what is so special about you be robbed because you’re not seeing what is special. Self-esteem again. Know you are capable and beautiful and have a growth mindset.

Find the ROOTS on a TREE as your Friends

You want friends that aren’t there for a season. You want friends in your life that are invested and there to plant seeds and not pick the fruit. Let them go if they’re not in your life for the right reasons. Remember, YOU MATTER . . . IT DOESN’T. There is a WHY to why we are broken, rejected, abandoned, or hurt. Don’t choose to carry this pain with you through life. Growth mindset. Figure out the WHY and ask the HOW questions. Remember, forgiveness is for you. It’s not for them. Choose love. Choose you. Choose Growth. Check out Bobby Petrocelli at www.10Seconds.org. As always, I am at www.JeffYalden.com.

INSIDE THE TEEN MIND

February 27, 2020 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker Leave a Comment

Teens think differently than adults, plain and simple. And there’s more to it than the fact that maturity, life experience and wisdom serve as filters through which adults process their thoughts…

The brain develops from the back to the front, starting with the cerebellum, amygdala and the nucleus accumbens.

You might be thinking: “Did Jeff just cuss at me?”

The Prefrontal Cortex

Those three words I used control your physical activity, emotions and your motivation. The front part of your brain is the last to develop – and this includes the prefrontal cortex, which controls reasoning and impulse.

The front part of the brain doesn’t mature until roughly age 25. See what I’m getting at?

Your teens might be acting recklessly or impulsively because of a huge burst of brain development in adolescence – which explains why kids sometimes act first and think later or display unpredictable or risky behavior.

I know I acted impulsively when I was a teen. Didn’t you? We should give our kids a break and acknowledge that we did reckless things too. If we are open about this, it would be much easier for us to become the trusted adults our kids need in our lives. Remember, though, that that doesn’t mean that we should share everything.

If you couple the not-yet-developed brain with depression or any other mental illness, this reckless behavior can get worse. We have all seen teenagers lash out in a fit of anger, and I don’t mean a typical temper tantrum. Add alcohol and/or drugs to this mix and you have a recipe for disaster.

The Here and Now

Young people live in the here and the now – and they don’t yet have the foresight to realize that something seemingly permanent is in fact fleeting, no matter what it looks like at the time.

Teens: How you feel now isn’t how you will feel tomorrow or ten years from now. Depression, substance abuse or other mental illnesses are certain to compound the feeling that what might be going on now will be permanent.

There is hope. Even when you think you are at rock bottom, there is hope. Remember that there are people who understand how you feel – and more importantly why you feel or act the way you do. You are growing up and maturing like everybody else. You are not alone.

Above content is Part Five in a series based on Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic

To find out more about The Jeff Yalden Foundation, go HERE.

ORDER your copy of Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.

To book Jeff for your school, event or conference, call 800-948-9289.

CLICK HERE for Jeff’s online suicide prevention course.

High School Mental Health Speaker Brings Motivation, Dodgeball, Humor, and Yoga to Upper Scioto Valley

February 17, 2020 by Jeff Yalden Leave a Comment

Last year, high school mental health speaker Jeff Yalden visited Upper Scioto Valley High School in McGuffey, Ohio and spent a full day speaking to the students, teachers, and parents.

During his visit, Jeff connected with the junior class and developed a relationship with them via Facebook. Watch the video of Jeff’s in 2019. (Click Here).

In February, Jeff was invited back for the school’s Mental Health Day. Who better for your students mental health day than Jeff Yalden? He’s been doing this in school communities all over the country for three decades.

Jeff talks teen mental health, self-harm, self-medicating, depression, and teen suicide. How awesome is it that the students invited Jeff to come back to their school to talk teen mental health? It just goes to show that we can talk mental health and have fun too.

Upper Scioto Valley School District invested in Jeff for a second year in a row. On this visit, Jeff talked to students, teachers, and parents and community again, but this time he brought a slightly different message.

Not only is Jeff a teen mental health motivational speaker, but he also consults with school districts on school culture and school climate.

New Program: Intentional Living

Jeff’s new program, Schools of Intentional Living and Learning, is focused on improving and enhancing school campuses by providing the fundamental modality of self-care and mindful practice. This is accomplished by teaching intentional living and self-advocacy to recharge the mind, body, and the soul.

The benefits of being a School of Intentional Living and Learning includes:

Benefits:

Improve relationships between students and staff.
Improve self acceptance and self-esteem.
Building a family friendly and supportive campus.
Valuing ourselves and each other.
To practice self-care improving one’s emotions.
Teaching equanimity.
Bring awareness to our mental health and how to be in control.
To teach compassion, kindness, and empathy.
To give back and see the benefits of selfless service.
Less referrals for Discipline.
More community engagement, especially on campus.
Becoming a National Recognized School of Influence.
Teaches time management.
Teaches non-judgement.

If you’re interested in learning more about Jeff’s new program for enhancing your school culture, please visit Youth Motivational Speaker, Jeff Yalden’s website.

School Culture & Mental Health

Everyday talk is about changing the way we’re engaging in our schools between staff and students. Jeff wants to change the school environment so that schools and campuses are safe, but also friendly and fully functional for overall academic successes. But he also focus on addressing the growing concerns of mental health and our teens.

Since 1992, Jeff has been one of the most sought after high school motivational youth speakers in the world.

At this point in his high school motivational speaking career, Jeff wants to inspire and encourage all individuals in the school community to be fully present and engaged, but without the inherent stress and anxiety that are plaguing today’s society.

Jeff Yalden is a man that lives with mental illness, is a practicing yogi, and working on his 200 hour yoga teacher training certification. He wants to help, inspire, educate, and bring to schools a modality that changes the culture of our schools and in return addresses teacher retention and the mental health of our students.

Mental Health Day at Upper Scioto Valley School District

The day started at 7:00 am where Jeff brought his yoga practice to Upper Scioto Valley High School gym with two elementary teachers and the high school counselor. Jeff introduced his yoga practice and explained how yoga has been beneficial to him living with mental illness.

As Jeff took these three staff members on a simple yoga morning exercise routine he talked about how schools should have a yoga program for students and staff. For one it is great for relationships, protecting the posture of our youth, and also to increase self-esteem, and to be find a practice that helps with mental well-being and so much more.

After the yoga workout, teachers and staff members were waiting for Jeff before the students arrive.

Teacher and Staff Development

Off to the board room where Jeff talked and inspired the staff and teachers from K-12.

What teacher and staff development is actually fun? Ask Jeff, and he always has fun talking to teachers and staff members. Jeff likes to say thank you to teachers for his regret in not thanking the teachers and coaches that made him the man he is today.

For an hour, they talked about teen mental health, teen stress, anxiety, and how to help our students be their own best advocates for their mental well-being.

Aside from the teens, Jeff talked to the staff about their own mental well-being as well.

It’s frustrating that we are losing so many great teachers to other professions because being a teacher was once seen as an incredible job.

Today, being a teacher comes with a lot of stress. Grappling with the mental health of students isn’t something today’s teachers think they’re qualified to handle. It’s a very scary situation when you look at trying to retain teachers and where education is going to be in 10-15 years.

After speaking to the teachers and staff, the middle school and high school students came down to the field house where Jeff spoke to them on teen mental health and advocating for yourself for about an hour and a half.

Teen Mental Health Speaker for High School and Middle School Students

Jeff addressed the students and staff about his journey living with mental illness. He talked to them about being willing to speak up about feelings. His talk also visited teen suicide, self-harm and self-medicating. He also covered drugs, vaping, and how to reduce anxiety.

After the talk, the day was spent with a great mix of fun, classroom talk about coping and problem solving. He also met with individual students and small groups.

Upper Scioto Valley School District did a great job in bringing this mental health awareness day to their school. It was presented in a way that made it fun without heavy conversations or triggers. It was a day that all schools should look to incorporate into their school curriculum.

Another great visit to McGuffey, OH and Upper Scioto Valley High School for Teen Mental Health and High School Mental Health Motivational Speaker, Jeff Yalden.

Teen Suicide Behaviors and Responding in a Crisis

January 23, 2020 by Jeff Yalden Leave a Comment

Teen suicide behaviors and responding in a crisis is written by Jeff Yalden and provided for school communities to help save lives and teach mental health in our schools. Teen Suicide is an epidemic today concerning school communities. Know the behaviors and warning signs of suicidal ideation and how to respond in the event of a crisis. Jeff Yalden is a teen suicide prevention expert and works with school communities helping to create policies and procedures for school staff. Jeff speaks with students, teachers, counselors, administration, parents, and communities on teen mental health and building school culture to create a winning environment that helps students succeed and improve the morale and retainership of school staff.

“Jeff is an amazing speaker and his message is powerful. I heard him for the first time in Atchison,KS after our community suffered from some very tragic losses. Jeff was amazing and helped with the healing process. My high school son heard Jeff speak and his comment to me was “that was powerful mom.” I brought Jeff to my district this past fall. Again, his message was powerful and he touched the lives of many. Jeff you are amazing!!! Keep fighting the fight!” – Julie Crum, Principal

Addressing Teen Suicide & Prevention in Schools

Teen Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities

Addressing teen suicide in schools is becoming more of a concern everyday. Our school administrators are understanding that they need to bring this more attention, but the concern is how to do it in a safe and non-triggering manner that is educational, informative, and provides help for those in need. Without the proper community resources understand the schools are lacking the correct resources to address students in need of third party professional care. Nonetheless, at the onset, it’s about relationships and getting our youth to talk. It’s important that our students learn about mental health from the same trusted adults they learn everyday from. Full applause to every administrator,

teacher, coach, student, and parent that supports this and is willing to address the topic of teen mental health. Bravo! We have a lot of work to do, but let’s not shy away from the topic of Teen Mental Health.

When the Conversation Happens

Let’s get acquainted with a few things regarding the conversation about teen mental health, teen suicide, or mental wellness. First, the conversation don’t need to be in crisis moments. The conversations don’t need to be depressing either. It’s really important that we all get educated and know what to do when the conversation happens in real time. Even before the conversation starts, we need to notice the red flags that will lead us to have the conversation. Listen, nothing to be worried about. Nothing to want to shy away from. We are adults and we have experience and wisdom. Talk to your teens, students, youth in the same manner you talk about your subject or a current event. You are the trusted and significant adult. They’re going to listen to you. With everything, approach this conversation with compassion, empathy, and be really present with your heart to theirs. This moment is a moment that can shape their life forever and you are that light the individual needs. Give yourself permission to know you can and will say the right thing. Know that you listening and being present is what matters most in this moment.

You Might Not Be Qualified

Stop right there. You might not be trained in mental health as a counselor or therapist, but you are trusted as a teacher or you’ve been given the honor of being a mom or dad, coach, aunt, uncle, youth pastor, or some other significant adult. You are qualified in these moments of crisis where a young person trusts in you. What you do in these moments matter most. Your number one job is to cherish this relationship right here and right now. Listen. Care. Be the source that bridges this individual with the person they need to be with to get the help they need. Think parents. Think school counselor. Think professional mental health care. Put this in order. First, get in touch with your school counselor or school administration. You’ve done your job. They will contact parents and let’s hope the parents do the right thing. In the meantime, you’ve done more than what a qualified person can do. A qualified person wasn’t there when the individual needed that trusting and significant adult. Believe in you. However, do remember you are not the therapist and your job isn’t to fix the individual. You being present, compassionate, and giving your attention to the situation is saving the person’s life and giving them hope, permission, and the right advise of what is next.

Warning Signs of Teen Suicide

The warning signs associated with teen suicide should be learned by every adult and student. This should be common place in today’s schools. Just knowing the warning signs alone can make the conversation happen before the individual reaches out. You will know when to intervene. Active listening skills should be a staff development workshop as well as a class for students. This way, anyone hearing or seeing warning signs can intervene when they witness those signs that are a “Cry for help.”

Jeff’s new booklet for Parents and Teens

The more education we receive on teen suicide behaviors and how to respond the greater chances we have of saving lives and getting people the help they need.

Outside Resources

All teachers and school personnel should be given the outside resources that are available within your community. Make it available to all teachers in a booklet and also add it to your school website resources page. Having this information on hand and readily accessible shows genuine concern for your students and also offers a sense of hope in facing life’s challenges.

School Policy on Teen Suicide

Every school should have their policy on teen suicide available along with the resources. This policy should cover the basics of what to look for such as the warning signs, symptoms, myths and facts, clues, and more. This should be written with the help of school counselors, mental health professionals, and should be talked about with all staff present so they’re comfortable in the policies and procedures if and when they find themselves in a conversation or a crisis. Know the policies and procedures and have them written down and provided to all staff. Knowing what to do and how to respond appropriately to suicidal behavior and a crisis or a threat in school or out of school is important to saving a life before an individual reacts emotionally. This knowledge will not only help students and staff members, but it will also possibly avoid lawsuits.

Renowned youth mental health and suicide prevention speaker has a theory about teen suicide

Teen Suicide Clues

All teachers and staff members should be aware of clues that will show the warning signs. Take all signs seriously. If you see something you should say something. If you know something you should do something. You generally have four different types clues that something is wrong:

Direct Verbal Clues
Indirect Verbal Clues
Behavioral Clues
Situational Clues

Within these types of clues there are warning signs to look for and know about. They include but are not limited to:

Talking about suicide, hurting themselves, death, or dying
Seeking access to firearms or pills
Withdrawing from friends, family, and society
Having severe mood swings
Feeling hopeless or trapped
Increased use of alcohol or drugs
Sleeping all the time or having issues with sleep
Uncontrolled rage or agitation
Self-destructive and risky behavior
Giving away personal belongings
Telling people goodbye for seemingly no reason

For more information about teen suicide, please visit Jeff’s Teen Suicide section on his website.

Don’t let this happen to one of your students.

Remember people at any age can experience suicidal thoughts. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among teenagers.

Other Factors to Consider

Gender: Men commit suicide successfully 4.5 times more often than women, but women attempt suicide 2-4 times more than men.
Ethnicity: African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, and Asian-Americans have lower rates than Euro-Americans.
- However, Native Americans have rates 1.6-4.2 times the national average.
Sexual orientation: Homosexual teens are three times more likely to attempts suicide than heterosexual teens.
Previous suicide attempts: Of all completed suicides, 10-40% have previously attempted suicide.

Ways to Intervene

Knowing the policies and procedures will help immensely. Follow the guidelines accordingly and be confident to step into action. Be prepared to drop everything to take time to deal with the situation. Take every complaint and feeling the individual expresses seriously. Do not try to minimize the problem by telling the person everything they have to live for. This will only increase feelings of guilt and hopelessness. Be calm, supportive, and nonjudgmental. Listen actively and encourage self-disclosure. It is okay to acknowledge the reality of suicide as a choice, but do not “normalize” suicide as a choice. Assure the individual they’re doing the right thing by confiding in you. Do not express discomfort with the situation. Your willingness to discuss it will show the person you care and you want to help. Stay with the person. Never leave him/her alone until further action has been taken. You have done everything you can by just being in the moment, listening and being non-judgemental.

Suicidal Ideation on Phone

If you are talking to someone via phone, do not hang up; get someone else to call for help on another line. Be on speaker and be texting someone immediately. Don’t overreact until you know the severity, but take all signs seriously. Get someone to the person in distress immediately. Recognize that talking about suicide will not plant the idea! In reality, talking about suicide reduces their anxiety.

Show You Care and Want To Help

Listen and ask questions. Show that you are paying attention and that you care. Ask direct, straightforward questions. (“Are you thinking of suicide?”) Be aware that students will usually respond “no.” This is not your place to challenge them or wonder if they’re being truthful. Remember, you are the person that got them talking and the next step will be with the mental health professionals or third party psychiatric care and evaluation. Without you intervening here they may not get the help they need.

Ask Questions to Assess the Severity of the Situation

What has happened to make life so difficult?
What has been keeping you alive so far?
Are you thinking of suicide?
Do you have a suicide plan?
Do you use alcohol or drugs?
When you think about yourself and the future, what do you visualize?
Is the means available to you? Remove the means if possible.
What do you think the odds are that you will kill yourself?

Don’t ask the questions back to back. Ask and listen. Let them talk. The more you listen the more the individual will know you care.

The SLAP Method

Determining the severity of the risk isn’t your call to make. The situation needs to be addressed with the parents, the school counselors, or a third party mental health professional from your conversation. That includes you calling 911, school administration, school counselor, parents, family members, etc. It’s important that you have this information though because it needs to be documented and shared when you make the call. S = How (S) pecific are the details of the plan? L = What is the (L) evel of lethality of the plan? (Gun vs. aspirin) A = What is the (A) vailability of the proposed method? P = What is the (P) roximity to helping resources? Be positive and supportive in your approach. Help the individual student see that what they’re feeling in this moment is temporary and that the crisis will pass. Just get the individual to breathe. Let the individual know they’re okay and they will be okay. Validate them for sharing and coming forward.

Share about that situations we deal with are temporary, but suicide is forever. It’s okay to say this in the conversation. Just remember, you are not a trained therapist and you can’t fix their heart. Just care and be there. In the here and the now, your job is to understand, be compassionate, empathetic, and lead the individual to the right person in the moment of crisis. I can’t repeat that enough.

Support Groups and People to Help

Often an individual contemplating suicide is unaware of the different support groups such as (e.g., counselors, family, friends) that are available. Or, they feel they can’t talk to them or they don’t know how to talk to them. Mention the individual’s family as a source of strength, but if they reject the idea, back away quickly. For teens, the source of pain is usually either the family or the peer group. When you know which it is, you are in a better position to help or refer for help. Use constructive questions to help separate and define the person’s problems and remove some of their confusion. To help the person understand their situation, use active listening and respond empathically. (“It sounds like you feel…”). Allow them to talk and you listen.

Being Prepared in Moments of Crisis

If it’s a crisis situation and you need to make crisis management decisions in the moment. Be decisive. Rapid decision making on the part of the intervener is extremely important. If you need someone to help find out who the individual’s trusted and significant adult is and call for help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Example: “So, I know you’re really close with your math teacher, Ms. __________. Would you like me to call and see if she is available?”

Moving Forward in the Moment of Crisis

Report the incident to the appropriate school personnel. Again, this is school counselor(s) or school administration. Here again, know the the proper protocol. Know policy and procedure so you move forward according to your school districts guidelines.

Never Leave a Suicidal Person Alone

Before leaving the individual make sure they verbally promise they will be safe and won’t make a forever decision – Commit Suicide. If you can, get the student to sign something that you had written up. Make sure this is the last resort before leaving a student alone in this situation. Teen Suicide and acting on impulse is like what butter is to bread. Know that their behavior and the crisis situation they’re feeling time is of the utmost importance. Do not leave the person alone . . . UNLESS, and this is a big UNLESS, you absolutely have no other choice and you’ve agreed with the person in writing they’ll be okay for the night. If you can’t get hold of school personnel such as counselor or school administration, call the students parents or guardians. Please make a decisive decision for what is in the best interest of the student and their well-being. Save a life first. Depending on the time of day and the whereabouts of this moment, you have to act and do accordingly. Do not keep the person’s threat a secret, but do respect their privacy. Be confident and think through the situation in what is the best, safest, outcome for the individual.

Actions to Avoid

Responding in Crisis Situations isn’t easy, but know that in the moment you need to breathe and relax. It’s going to be okay, but here are some things to avoid. Make no promises. This is a situation where it is never appropriate to promise confidentiality. Do not ignore or lessen the suicidal threat. Avoid sounding shocked at the suicidal thoughts. Do not stress the shock or pain that the suicide may cause their family before you are certain that is not exactly what the student hopes to accomplish. Don’t moralize. Do not argue with a student who may be suicidal. You may not only lose the debate, but also the person. Don’t criticize, ridicule, or infer that the person is crazy. Don’t be concerned by long periods of silence. Allow the student time to think. Do not ignore your own intuitions about a student’s behavior or changes. Do not try to handle the situation alone. Do not attempt in-depth counseling. Be present. Be patient. Listen.

Teen Suicide: Additional Information

If a suicide does occur, it is essential that the students be provided with accurate facts about the suicide as soon as possible. This information should be given to all students simultaneously. It is necessary to provide sufficient time for discussion and also support for the students. Be careful here, because you need to know what the family/parents are saying. This is also a moment where the school administration may not have had time to brief the school staff. If this is the case, the teachers are already in class and will have to address the situation with their classes. Another reason why it’s important to address teen suicide: behaviors and responding in moments of crisis. Staff members want to know what to say and how to support their students. Give them permission that they’re capable of having this conversation and that it’s okay to speak from their heart. Be gentle, listen, it’s okay to show your emotions. This is real and the kids want real. They want their teachers to be real and not to sugarcoat situation or events. The students will look to you for guidance and support. It’s okay to just say, “I don’t know right now. I’m shocked. I have to process this and breathe. Right now, that’s all we can all do.” It’s okay to say, “I’m sorry. This really sucks!” Allow them to talk and express their feelings. Getting them to talk openly and together is the best and safest thing as they’re all together. Keep the students in school. School is the safest place for everyone to be. Together.

Teen Suicide Statistics

Of the people that commit the act of suicide, 90% have showed signs that indicated they needed help. Most have told someone within the previous couple weeks that they were thinking about hurting themselves.
In the past 30 years, teen suicide has increased 300%.
Among children between the ages of 10-14, suicide has gone up 112%.
For every completed suicide, there are between 300 attempts.
Suicidal adolescents are a diverse group. Be aware of the ripple effect.
Research shows an increase in adolescent suicide following media coverage of a high profile suicide.

For more information about Jeff Yalden and his work in school communities, please visit www.JeffYalden.com.

Jeff Yalden: Teen Mental Health and High School Assemblies

One Community’s Cyber Attack on Jeff Yalden’s Reputation

January 15, 2020 by Jeff Yalden 7 Comments

Hello, my friends. Jeff Yalden here. I’ve spent nearly four days writing this and it continues to rip my heart out reliving the situation from this one community. It’s been weighing heavily on my heart, and I appreciate the opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings in this forum. It’s my hope to alleviate any hesitation any community might have in bringing me in. I started speaking professionally in 1992, and what a ride it’s been. I am honored to work with hundreds of communities, thousands of people, and countless students. I am passionate and proud of my work, as challenging as it is, and I’ve had nearly three decades’ worth of positive feedback. I value my reputation, and what this one community has put me through is truly one of the worst experiences of my life.

If you know anything about me, you know that I’m a very transparent kind of guy: I am diagnosed with depression, bi-polar type 2, and PTSD. I’ve always been honest and real because I know that earns trust and respect from my audiences. The reason I’ve been able to connect with so many directly relates to my personal understanding of how broken they feel, what they are going through, and where they’ve been emotionally and/or physically. What I do is delicate. There is no “one size fits all” rule book on how to help people release emotions, have a better understanding of mental health, or prevent suicide. Sometimes I’m called in to offer support to an existing system, but most often, the communities I visit recognize that something needs to change. I am commonly asked to “shake things up” in order to help families. In order to save lives.

Over the years, I have been commissioned to address situations that most of you cannot comprehend. I am proud to say that I know I’ve helped people. I know I have saved lives. And every single life improved or saved is a blessing to me. This is my life’s calling. There is so much more that I want to do. There is so much more that I need to do. By accepting this challenging task, this career of speaking about mental health and suicide, I’ve ruffled some feathers. These are delicate topics. More than once, I have been the recipient of criticism. The topic of mental health alone can trigger feelings for anyone not ready to talk about it. For every disparaging remark, I’ve had hundreds of positive comments. Hundreds. Yet isn’t it human nature to focus on the negative? I want to share with you – I need to share with you – what happened after one of my talks.

In May of 2019, I was called into a community in Wisconsin. In discussing the needs of the students and staff, a schedule was created for my visit. I always cater my presentations to the specific requests of the school or community, and this district visit was no different. The day started with a morning meeting with the school’s administration; several of them said (repeatedly) how excited they were to have me and how desperately their students needed to hear my message. This particular event took place in a high school gymnasium with approximately 2,000 students in attendance. Considering the delicate nature of the topics I discuss, I deem it essential to have all students on one side of a venue, but unfortunately this gymnasium did not provide this. I am an animated, confident speaker; I am passionate about my message. I am not someone who stands in front of a lectern to convey a message or present a canned, fabricated talk to teens. I prefer to make eye contact; I prefer not to have my back to anyone in my audience; I prefer to face my audience, the entire audience, so that I can gauge their reactions and determine how I can best make a meaningful connection with them. However, on this particular day, I had 1,000 students in bleachers on either side of me. Still, I considered it to be an excellent talk. I was with those kids for nearly two hours, and during those two hours I had no idea that a firestorm was brewing. I learned hours later that one of the students texted her mother during the assembly. She reported that they were locked in the gymnasium for two hours and were not permitted to leave. The result? Her mother called 911 and the first match was lit. The second match was lit unintentionally by a young man with autism. This particular student was in the gymnasium that day, even though he had just been released from a psychiatric hospital. The nature of my talk was clearly communicated to the school community and attendance was certainly not mandatory, yet this fragile young man was in my audience. It was too much for him mentally; he found the school psychologist right there in the bleachers and he was concerned about his stability. He called 911.

I had no idea; I moved on to the next part of my day which was working with the counselors and meeting individual students. Even though every school provides counselors for their students, sometimes it takes the stories from a stranger to bring a student’s walls down. I don’t know their families. I don’t know where they live, what church they attend (or don’t attend) – I am Switzerland. A completely neutral party… but I am someone who gets it. This happens at every school I visit and that’s the point – to get students comfortable enough to share their personal challenges or tragedies. This school was no different. After the assembly, students lined up in droves to talk to me. I had several incredible talks with students; changes were made and I’m confident that lives were saved. You know how things tend to happen in groups of three? While I sat with the school counselors listening to stories of abuse, rape, depression, and hopelessness, a third match ignited. In their classes, two teachers shared their disapproval of the assembly, openly criticizing me; one even called me a “douchebag” in class. Several students shared that they had loved the speaker, and they didn’t understand how their teachers could be so disparaging. The school administrators quickly became aware and the teachers were reprimanded, but it was too late. That third match was lit and the fire spread unchecked. The reaction to my talk in Wisconsin escalated out of control. A cyber campaign began which attacked not only my reputation, but also my personal life, my family, and my assistant. I received ugly tweets, condemning reviews, and threatening emails (many from people who weren’t even present during the event). This relentless assault via Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, voicemails, webform submissions, and text messaging caught the attention of the local media and the school administrative team was forced

to make a public statement. You know what’s interesting? I also received several messages detailing similar situations to mine: Scrutiny from this particular community that snowballed into fiery persecution. These letters shared a common theme – they were sent privately as the senders feared retaliation; many were anonymous for the same reason. I assure you, I acted no differently in Wisconsin than I do anywhere else. Going into the assembly, a school administrator said, “Jeff, we need this conversation here.” The morning meeting was nothing but positive and I considered the day an incredible success. However, I learned a long time ago that certain triggers can cause teens to overreact; they might hear the words you say, but don’t understand (or don’t care to figure out) what you mean. More recently, I learned that a couple of teens who create fake Twitter accounts can cause a lot of damage. I speak to an average of 100 school communities a year and I’ve never experienced such backlash.

Was it the intensity of my speech that kindled disapproval? Was I overly confident in my delivery? Did I speak too quickly or too loudly? In my attempt to address both sides of the gym evenly, did I miss clues that could have helped me avoid condemnation? Not that I can think of. It was a school assembly like any other; I found all 2,000 students to be an amazing audience. If you’re going to research me, if you’re going to base your decision on my ability to help your community on a negative Internet posting, I implore you to do your due diligence. The Internet is a great tool that provides facts; one of those facts is that there are more lies than truths on the Internet. In 2018, researchers led by Sinan Aral of MIT published a study entitled “The Spread of True and False News Online” in the journal Science. They analyzed tweets between Twitter’s inception in 2006 through 2017 and concluded that “it took the truth about six times as long as falsehood to reach 1,500 people.” Six times! The study also revealed that people find lies more intriguing and therefore more share worthy. So, when you review passionate criticism (against anyone!), consider the source. Weigh the pros and the cons. What price can you put on saving even just one life? I thank you for giving me this opportunity to say something on my own behalf. My heart aches to know that my intentions were so grossly misunderstood, and my heart aches for the souls I am unable to help as a result. I also know that I strive to provide what my clients need to the best of my ability. I cannot control what other people do; I can only direct my own course. I have hundreds of videos, thousands of clients, and countless testimonials supporting my work and my reputation. And to those Wisconsin students and parents who were brave enough to message me kind words, I can’t thank you enough.

Sincerely, Jeff Yalden PS – I welcome your feedback regarding this posting or my visit to your community. Email Jeff Reference Letter Brett Boggs Reference Letter for Potential Clients Brochure Teen Suicide Book BOOM Motivational Book

Videos of Recent Teen Mental Health & Suicide Prevention Speaking Engagements:

Suicides at Morrisville HS – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk2ulDBhGME

Teen Suicide and Mental Health High School – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWNBKc_BB_U&t=9s

Barnard, MO – https://youtu.be/KAKnjeFyRR0

Teen Mental Health – https://youtu.be/YkZCFb8uX4A

Teen Suicide: It’s Okay To Ask for Help – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDaWdcJf1ss&t=83s

TEDx Talk – https://youtu.be/nP_xXPvJctI

It’s OK to ask for HELP – https://youtu.be/aDaWdcJf1ss

Allies in Mental Health – https://youtu.be/r9CwNEHIkSA

Mental Health Teen Speaker – https://youtu.be/BpUuSF2zFyg

Tippicanoe Valley High School – https://youtu.be/rpfVjoYAgik

Brookfield High School – https://youtu.be/iNOFgRiGOM4

Hannibal – Prevention – https://youtu.be/SQYhZcYwWkQ

Killingly High School – https://youtu.be/6ZPki3tBe0M

Cresco, IA – https://youtu.be/k5VgH9cxPjY

MENTAL ILLNESS: THE GREATEST PUBLIC HEALTH CRISIS OF OUR TIME?

January 15, 2020 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker Leave a Comment

Part three of a series of principles based on Jeff new new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.

We can no longer sweep mental illness under the carpet…

Teen suicide and the opioid crisis are crippling communities on a scale we have never seen. We have major issues on our hands that point to an underlying component of mental illness – and if the stigma surrounding mental illness leads to under-reported suicides, who is to say that an overdose isn’t a suicide? A death certificate might attribute the cause of a death to suicide, but oftentimes we have no idea about intent.

According to USA Today, more than 175 Americans die daily of drug overdoses – which is greater than the number of teens to make the forever decision to take their lives.

What do we do, then? Can we sit idly by and hope the government will step up and do something, or can we empower ourselves by coming up with our own solutions…

Coming up with the answers ourselves seems like a much better idea.

We all need to step up, and that goes double if we are parents. We need to be present – ready and willing to talk about the issues facing our kids in this complicated world.

The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that some 300 million people worldwide are affected by depression. That number proves that depression is the most common mental health issue – and depression can be the catalyst that leads people to suicide.

Depression falls under the umbrella of mental illness – and if any diagnosis related to mental illness is ignored or left untreated, a quality life of joy and happiness could be very difficult. Is this you?

Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Approximately 44,000 Americans die by suicide every year. One person out of 25 who attempt suicide will succeed.

As if the above heartbreaking statistics weren’t enough, suicide takes a heavy toll on the national economy. The Education Development Center at Brandeis University cited research putting the national cost of suicide at $58.4 billion based on reported numbers alone (much of this represented by lost productivity) – but determined that the cost has been significantly underestimated.

“The researchers calculated that the annual public cost of suicide attempts and suicides in the United States is approximately $93.5 billion—nearly twice previously thought. Their study appears in Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, the official journal of the American Association of Suicidology.”

Our teens are suffering, and the number of teen deaths by suicide is rising. It is truly a public health crisis.

Paying close attention to teen mental health is the new normal for us. We – parents, teachers, school staff, coaches and administrators – need to accept this and understand the responsibility we all have.

To find out more about The Jeff Yalden Foundation, go HERE. ORDER your copy of Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.

To book Jeff for your school, event or conference, call 1-800-948-9289

You can learn more about Jeff Yalden by visiting his website – www.JeffYalden.com. You can also learn more about Jeff’s Suicide Prevention Online Course for School Communities and Parents, Jeff Yalden University, and follow Jeff on YouTube and Social Media by clicking on the links below: Online Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities Facebook Page School Resources Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866

Teen Suicide and Mental Health

January 11, 2020 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker Leave a Comment

Part one in a series from Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic

For more than two decades, I have worked in the trenches of teen life as a youth motivator and mental health advocate. I am also a suicide prevention and crisis intervention expert. I can’t count the number of teen suicides I have been through with parents and families who have lost a child to what I call “the forever decision.” I have met students who wished they didn’t have to bear the unspeakable anguish of losing a friend to suicide. It’s staggering. I am also a man who proudly lives with mental illness. I am diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Because of my work and my mental health challenges, I feel that I am in the unique position to help others by telling my story and utilizing my strengths as a public speaker and motivator to break the stigma attached to mental illness and teen suicide. Some of you might know me from my Amazon bestseller, BOOM: One Word to Instantly Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day! That book was a joy to write, and it’s packed with principles to motivate and inspire readers of all ages. I am happy that folks find it helpful, and I am grateful. But because mental health is forefront in my life and work, I recently put together a nonprofit, The Jeff Yalden Foundation. Our mission is simple and direct: to prevent suicide, improve community mental health, and shatter the stigma of mental health by initiating a positive movement to speak up and reach out. No man is an island. I don’t want to be a “voice crying out in the wilderness.” We are all about expanding the conversation about mental health and teen suicide. I believe it is imperative that we all get comfortable with being uncomfortable and talking about these things. Because teen suicide has reached epidemic proportions in recent years, it weighed on my heart to get to work on my latest book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic. It was a tough book to write, but I felt that it would serve as an ideal starting point for folks to get a grasp of the severity and scope of teen suicide in this country. It also lays out the signs and red flags, and what to do if you know a young person is at risk. This blog post is the first in a series distilled from my book – yet another way to keep the conversation going. WHAT IS MENTAL ILLNESS? The National Institute of Mental Health [NIMH] states that nearly one in five U.S. adults lives with a mental illness. In a room full of people, you can count on the fact that all of them are going through some type of challenge, and some of them are struggling with a mental health issue. But mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a medical problem, like diabetes or heart disease – and it’s high time that everybody realizes this. The short explanation is that mental illnesses are health conditions involving changes in thinking, emotion, or behavior. Mental illness is common. In most cases, it’s treatable. The vast majority of individuals with mental illness continue to function in their daily lives. You might find this definition from the NIMH useful: “Serious mental illness is defined as a mental, behavioral, or emotional disorder [excluding developmental and substance use disorders] resulting in serious functional impairment, which substantially interferes with or limits one or more major life disorders.” TEENS DON’T WANT TO DIE Most teens that attempt suicide because they may have depression, bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder. These disorders amplify the pain a teen may feel. It is because of this that every suicidal teen should be seen by a medical professional immediately and that all threats and/or red flags be taken very seriously.

It is my position that teens don’t want to die. They attempt or succeed in suicide in order to escape bad situations and/or painful, overwhelming, and emotionally-charged thoughts and feelings. Remember: Our young people live in the here-and-the-now and lack the coping and problem-solving skills they need to see a situation clearly. To them, perhaps a temporary situation in their lives is seen as the end of the world. I am a huge advocate for therapy and counseling with a trusted adult – a professional who specializes in mental health and can guide a young person through suicidal thoughts and teach them how to process and respond to their thoughts and feelings. YOUNG PEOPLE: If you are finding ways to justify taking your life, a simply switch in thought patterns can reduce the negativity and help you build better coping skills. If you are afraid of going to see a counselor, let me ask you this: What’s the downside? You may say the stigma is the downside – but this is your life and you want to be healthy and successful. Do not be ashamed about seeking and asking for help. A tough person is one who has the courage to ask for help. It’s OK to ask for help. It’s ALWAYS OK to ask for help. The more we talk about mental illness and teen suicide, the greater the awareness, acceptance, and resources become for our communities. To find out more about The Jeff Yalden Foundation, go HERE. ORDER your copy of Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.

To book Jeff for your school, event or conference, 1-800-948-9289

A Conversation with Isabella

November 27, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker Leave a Comment

One of the greatest things about my work as a youth motivational speaker is that I get to plant seeds, give hope and inspire young people. One of the most challenging things is that sometimes I get to help, but I might not know the end result of the work I do. Thankfully, I know the end result when it comes to my friend Isabella, whom I had the chance to talk to a year after I met her. She is now 18 and has granted me permission to make the VIDEO included with this post. Last year when I met with her at her school, we made a decision together – and Isabella did the work. What broke my heart then was that we had to put her into an ambulance alone for a ride to a hospital more than an hour away. But when I recently returned to the school community, I couldn’t wait to hear about how she is doing now – and I want to share that progress with you. I’m a fan.

The following is an edited transcript of the above VIDEO: YALDEN: How are you doing, Isabella? It was a hard day a year ago… ISABELLA: It actually was, but what was really hard was accepting that I did need the help. I went on this hurtful journey of depression and PTSD – feeling like my auntie’s death was my fault. I believed it was my fault. I believed that my mom’s sadness was my fault – and that caused me to go into a deep, deep depression. I felt like I was locked. This little girl inside me wanted to get help, but we were afraid. Jeff Yalden came to our school and was talking about mental health and how to help people – and he was the key to that lock. I came and talked to him. I told him about what I was going through, and he told me what we were going to do. At first, I was afraid. It wasn’t an exciting journey, but I needed to do it. I needed to get the help I needed. Yes, it was sad that I was going to be leaving my school and going into this hospital – but I was happy to get the help I needed. I want to thank Jeff because, even though he said I did the work – nobody would have said I needed to go and get help. It was that encouragement… YALDEN: Thank you. I couldn’t be any more grateful, appreciative or inspired – but ultimately, I never want to send someone to the hospital without them having ownership. If you don’t have ownership, you are not going to take it seriously – you are not going to be honest. What made you that day want to listen to say, “I need help…”? What made you think you were ready? ISABELLA: Seeing my friends cry, honestly. I have one friend who he watched me through this depression. He had seen me cry and have breakdowns. I didn’t want to see him cry, nor did I want to see my mom cry. I wore a mask around here. I faked happy and pretended everything was OK – but behind closed doors, I let out all of my feelings. I felt like my life was worthless, and I didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore. And so, that’s what gave me the ownership to say, “Jeff – I need the help…can you please help me,” and you did. I came back a year later. I did miss some school, but I got back, and I went to summer school – and now I am graduating with 30 credits. I never really thought that I would be here – here right now in this school. I didn’t think I would live to see this day because of my depression. All I can tell you guys is – TALK! I know it’s scary to talk to a trusted adult – but honestly, it helps a lot. YALDEN – When you open up, you actually feel like there is less anxiety and you feel better, right? And you did the work despite the fear of the unknown. You pushed through and here you are on the other side. Can you give kids – 17 and 18 – permission that it’s OK to talk? If you have pain in your heart, what you don’t speak out, you end up acting out. And we can’t help if we don’t know. ISABELLA: I give permission to 17, 18 and sometimes younger than that – because it’s not just teenagers. It’s middle-schoolers and surprisingly, elementary school kids – because they ARE bullied, and words hurt. And this is pretty off-topic, but don’t bully. You really don’t know what a person is going through. They could be fighting depression. They could be fighting something else. Just don’t add onto it. Why be mean when we are all put on this earth to be kind? I don’t like to be mean. I really don’t – and to any kids who are fighting depression and feeling like they are alone – listening to that voice in their heads – you are stronger. Jeff made me see that I am stronger. That voice in my head was just a voice. I have great friends. I have an amazing mom. And I have amazing teachers – so if anyone out there is struggling and feels like they are alone – talk to a trusted adult. Talk to a teacher. Even talk to your counselor, because you need to take that first step toward getting the help you need. Trust me – the dark side? You’ll get out of it, and you will come to the bright side. It’s so beautiful here. YALDEN: you have to be willing to lose your ego and open your heart. It is hard – but it’s part of growing and not being afraid to talk and ask for help. My friends, I was so inspired to come back to this community. I want to protect her identity – but when she came up to me after the assembly this morning, I just lit up There is a great outcome on the other side. You just have got to be willing to do the work.

Teen Mental Health Speaker: Jeff Yalden

Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as one of the top mental health experts in the world primarily focused on education and school communities working with teens, school administration, counselors, teachers, staff, parents and community leaders. He’s a four-time best-selling author including his latest book, TEEN SUICIDE: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic. His Podcast: Mental Health and Motivation continues to attract thousands of new subscribers every month for his direct talk and influence on today’s mental health conversations for teens and adults. You can learn more about Jeff Yalden by visiting his website – www.JeffYalden.com. You can also learn more about Jeff’s Suicide Prevention Online Course for School Communities and Parents, Jeff Yalden University, and follow Jeff on YouTube and Social Media by clicking on the links below: For more information, please visit www.JeffYalden.com or click on any link below: Online Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities Book: Teen Suicide: They WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic Facebook Page School Resources Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866

Bucks County Technical High School

November 12, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker Leave a Comment

Youth Motivational Speaker and Teen Mental Health Speaker Plants Seeds at Bucks County Technical High School.

November 12, 2019 – The seniors are arriving into the auditorium. It’s 9 a.m. and I’m back. This auditorium is familiar. I’ve been coming to this school for more than 10 years.

Arrived Bucks County Technical High School

Kevin Gentilcore, Director of Pupil Services is my point of contact. BCTHS was once another client but seeing Mr. Gentilcore annually has become inspirational and what I look forward to now. He’s like my coach – my mentor. I love this man.

I’m out in the hallway watching the seniors come in. I hear words like, “This assembly better not be a waste of time,” which is typical from seniors with fixed mindsets. Nonetheless, I always get inspired when I hear these words from high school students.

In the hallway awaiting the seniors to arrive for the high school motivational assembly…

As a youth motivational speaker, my job is to plant seeds. I’ve learned in 28 years that planting seeds is really all I do. It’s all I have control over.

The younger, egotistical Jeff Yalden used to think he was changing the world. I’m not. I’m planting seeds. It’s more fun thinking this way too.

At 48, you’d think I was too old and can’t relate to young people anymore. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. I relate more now than ever before. I’m more present and having more fun. I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. I don’t need validation anymore. I care more about the teachable moment.

The seniors take their seats. Mr. Gentilcore is sitting in the back. He knows me, no introduction needed. The students don’t care about introductions. If they want to know me, they can google Jeff Yalden or find me on social media @Jeff Yalden.

Youth Motivational Speaker Needs No Introduction

Introductions make me anxious. This isn’t about me. It’s about the students in front of me.

“Let’s go!”, I think to myself. I’m ready to speak and plant seeds. I’m excited.

From the moment I start, I calculate that roughly 90 percent of the students are giving me their undivided attention. The outlying 10 percent take a minute but quickly become glued and focused.

As I am speaking and I have the attention of 350 seniors, I’m feeling seeds being planted. Words are being heard. I’m getting comfortable in front of my audience. Yes, after 28 years as a youth motivational and teen mental health speaker, I still get nervous speaking in high school assemblies.

An hour and a half later the high school assembly is over.

As the seniors exit the auditorium, I’m standing outside in the hallway in case any student wants to shake my hand and say, “Thank you!” or wants to thank me for my service as a Marine.

Students line up one by one thanking me and telling me how much my words meant to them. With each hand I shake I’m very careful to look each senior or staff member in the eyes, acknowledging that I’m appreciative that they listened. I never want a student or anybody else to walk away thinking, “Jeff Yalden doesn’t care about me.” I’m present and try hard to make sure every handshake includes eye contact, and I say, “Thank you for listening.”

They listened (growth mindset). I did what I love. I spoke to high school students in a student high school assembly. I planted seeds. I love this. It’s what I do, but they chose to listen.

Students Want To talk

It always happens that a few students want to talk privately.

Today, it was five seniors who weren’t expecting to have their emotions moved or shaken. That’s good. A lot of seniors walked out, shaking my hand saying, “Dude, you made me think today!” Good.

Two young ladies I talked to dealing with some heavy stuff. Emotions, thoughts, feelings, their future – lonely, disappointed and dealing with burdensome thoughts. These are typical conversations I have with teens.

Two Things I believe about Teens and their Upbringing

Don’t put teens in positions where they have no control.
Don’t ask teens to have to make adult decisions or to assume adult responsibilities.

I spend about 30 minutes addressing these issues before turning them over to Mr. Gentilcore, knowing he will do the right thing and bring this to the attention of the school counselor.

I am proud of these seniors for sharing. You can’t keep it in forever. It’s okay to talk and what I do is give them permission to address what they’re feeling in their heart. It’s part of planting the seeds I’m talking about.

I also quickly met with three boys who wanted to thank me. They told me how impactful my words were. Pretty awesome, if you ask me.

Why Teens Don’t Open Up

Teens need a trusted and significant adult in their lives, but very few actually have one in place to help guide them through life’s sometimes choppy waters. This is alarming, it’s very common today. This should be concerning to adults who have teens in their lives.

Teens don’t trust adults – even their teachers, counselors or parents. They’re afraid to talk and don’t know how. They’re afraid to be judged and they have built up walls.

Teens are also afraid that their thoughts and feelings will not be validated – and that the adults will only try to fix what they are going through, when they know deep down that they need to face these issues themselves.

What can our teachers, coaches and parents do to show the kids in their lives that they care? Be present. Be real. Share your story so they know you understand what they might be feeling or what they’re going through.

Teens Ask Two Questions

The two questions all teens need answers to are…

Can I trust you?
Do you care about me?

When you show up in a child’s life every day, you answer these questions whether you realize it or not – by your gestures, the way you walk and talk – by your presence and your smile. These things speak louder than words. Be mindful of the message you are sending.

So, the high school assembly at BCTHS is over. Jeff Yalden leaves the building after a hug and a THANK YOU to Mr. Kevin Gentilcore.

High School Assembly Ends

Another great visit. Another great school assembly. Another day speaking to students and PLANTING SEEDS.

Now it’s up to the seniors to do something with the seeds that were planted.

Thanks again, BCTHS. See you next year.

Who is Youth Mental Health Motivational Speaker Jeff Yalden

He’s a four-time best-selling author including his latest book, TEEN SUICIDE: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic.

His Podcast: Mental Health and Motivation continues to attract thousands of new subscribers every month for his direct talk and influence on today’s mental health conversations for teens and adults.

For more information, please visit www.JeffYalden.com or click on any link below:

Online Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities

Book: Teen Suicide: They WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic

Facebook Page

School Resources

Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866

Staff Development: Talking Teens & Mental Health

November 8, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker Leave a Comment

When the phone rings or I get an email from a school community requesting me to come and speak to students about teen mental health awareness or suicide prevention, I get excited. For more than two decades, I’ve been speaking in the educational market – talking to teens about leadership, character, self-esteem, mental health and suicide prevention – and having fun living my purpose and passion. I have the greatest job in the world. I am a mental health speaker who specializes in school communities.

Yes, I also speak at mental health conferences for adults, but I primarily work in school communities in a concerted effort to address the state of our youth and their mental well-being. This is a huge issue. It’s not good and we should be concerned about it. But I have another concern that should be of high priority too.

The mental well-being of school staff is the elephant in the room and needs to be attended to. I am serious about this – and this includes teachers, administrators, counselors and even school psychologists.

How do I know?

I know because I’m boots-on-the-ground whenever I work in these school communities, and I get to know many of these people when I am hired to come in. Many staff members are struggling. Some know that they are. Others might be in denial. But the fact is that they need help.

I stay in touch with former teachers, counselors, administrators, school psychologists and therapists who no longer work in education because of the toll it took on them. By not setting boundaries, some of these wonderful people personalized the pain of others and took it home with them. This is called secondhand trauma. Its effects can be debilitating.

Perhaps you have a staff member who is not admitting that they are overwhelmed, stressed or anxious. Maybe this person is clearly having trouble handling the expectations placed on them. Instead of managing their self-care, setting boundaries or talking about what’s bothering them, they might be avoiding these things altogether. You would be surprised at how many people prefer to avoid these potentially harmful issues. Living in denial is no place to be.

We absolutely need to be taking care of our staff. We need to take care of each other.

Almost every time I come into a school community, I meet people who share their stories with me. Maybe it’s because I am a stranger and it feels safer that way. Sometimes they open up about someone in their family who is struggling. Many times, somebody will follow me to my car when I’m leaving. They might tell me their story or ask how I am able to live so effectively with my mental health issues.

I am diagnosed with PTSD, major depression and bipolar 2 disorder.

I am always glad when somebody who is struggling asks me about how they can take that first step toward getting the help they need.

That first step is simply this:

We have to get comfortable talking and asking for help. It’s OK to not be OK, but it isn’t OK if you don’t do anything about it. If we don’t talk it out, we will act it out. By talking to someone – hopefully a mental health professional – you will feel less anxious and more at ease. Talking will give you the coping skills and tools you need to solve your problems and begin to overcome your struggles.

Below, I have posted a message from a dear friend who once hired me to speak at their school. It was necessary for this person to take time off to take care of self.

This is very common in today’s educators. I see it every day. I have many counselors and school psychologists that have had to leave education because of their exposure to secondhand trauma. I work with quite a few of them personally.

To all my educator friends: You can have empathy and compassion, but you can’t carry the darkness or the burden of our students. Self-care is about you taking care of yourself. It’s not selfish. Don’t ignore the red flags of your well-being. You matter. Our students need you.

A School Administrator and Mental Illness

“Good morning, my Friend.

Just watched this morning’s video and am now crying in a coffee shop. Good tears, though, because you gave a message I needed to hear this morning. I am working on acceptance every single day…super hard for me. We are now med-twins. I have been diagnosed with “moderate recurrent major depression.” Have been working with a wonderful therapist, as you know, but my doctor finally said, “Enough is enough. Two choices…stop resisting and try meds, or I admit you somewhere.” He plays hard ball and I love him for it. I started Wellbutrin about 6 weeks ago, and therapy was upped to twice a week through the worst of it. I am finally beginning to emerge from the fog, though I have a lot more work to do. I now realize that I’ve lived with depression and anxiety forEVER…. undiagnosed, unacknowledged, and suppressed. I think that my job at school as AP just brought it out…working with kids from trauma, dealing with depression, suicide, drug abuse, etc., overloaded my system and enhanced my negative coping methods (denial denial denial, work harder harder harder, feel responsible to fix all the unfixable things) I crumbled. In therapy, I’m digging up allllllll the shit. Good times! And I’m getting better, I *think*. (Some days I’m not sure, but am told that is part of the process.) You are an inspiration to me every single day. I tell myself all the time, “Jeff does it, so can I.” I believe God sent you to me before I knew I needed you. I had no idea at the time…I brought you in for my kids, but now I need you for me. Funny how life works.
Thinking a lot about how to use this experience to help others someday when I’m stronger and ready. Was thinking how cool it would be to join you on the road…talking to teachers and staff while you address the kids. Our educators are hurting and many of them don’t know how deeply their own wounds run. (I am the perfect example of that…thought it was burnout. Little did I know it wasn’t that simple.)
Anyway…really just wanted to say thank you for continuing to uplift and encourage with strength and courage and vulnerability. Love you! Stay well, and continue to treat yourself with kindness, patience, and compassion. (And good luck with the med shift…I have found the Wellbutrin has given me the energy boost I needed to restart self-care. Hope it works well for you.) ”~Private for Protection