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Teen Suicide & Mental Health Night at Catholic Church in Fishers, Indiana

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The Catholic Church and Suicide Prevention?

Jeff Yalden speaks Suicide Prevention in the Catholic Church

Holy Spirit Parish at Geist Catholic Church invited teen mental health and suicide prevention expert, Jeff Yalden to Fishers, Indiana  to speak truth to parents and the congregation about today’s youth and the suicide epidemic plaguing our country.

For more than two hours, Jeff mesmerized the nearly 500 people that came from all over the outskirts of Indianapolis to hear his straight talk about today’s teens growing up in the digital age – and the potential adverse effect these devices are having on them.

Jeff asked one question before speaking: “What is the Catholic religion’s stance on suicide among its congregation?”

Jeff wanted to make sure that he was going to be safe talking about teen suicide in the church, and it turned out that he was. His point of contact and the pastor, Father Dan, were incredible human beings – and they sat with him for an hour before people started arriving.  They had a great discussion about God, the church, the people, faith and so much more.

“I was so honored and excited after spending this time with Pastor Dan and his leadership team,” Jeff said.

 

The Catholic Church has changed over the years when it comes to suicide. According to theology of the Catholic Church, suicide is considered a grave matter, an element required for mortal sin.  They believed that one’s life is the property of God and that one’s body is a gift to the world.  To destroy life is to wrongly assert dominion over what God wanted for his child – and this act of taking one’s life was held as despair over salvation.

Suicide contradicts the natural inclination of the human being to preserve and perpetuate his life. It is gravely contrary to the just love of self. It likewise offends love of neighbor because it unjustly breaks the ties of solidarity with family, nation, and other human societies to which we continue to have obligations. Suicide is contrary to love for the living God. – Catechism of the Catholic Church

Suicide is seriously contrary to justice, hope, and charity. It is forbidden by the fifth commandment, “Thou shalt not kill.”

As of most recently, the official Catechism of the Catholic Church indicates that the person who committed suicide may not always be fully right in their mind, and thus not 100 percent morally culpable: “Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.”

Theological author Jonathan MS Pierce puts it this way:

“The Catholic Church prays for those who have committed suicide, knowing that Christ shall judge the deceased fairly and justly. The Church also prays for the close relations of the deceased, that the loving and healing touch of God will comfort those torn apart by the impact of the suicide.”

In days past, people who made the forever decision to commit suicide were denied a Christian funeral. That’s beyond harsh – and Pope Pius X said, “In the Fifth Commandment God forbids suicide, because man is not the master of his own life no more than of the life of another. Hence the Church punishes suicide by deprivation of Christian burial.”

Today, thankfully, it’s understood that God is ultimately the final judge of people places and things – and the Catholic Church has lightened up on its stance on suicide.

It’s understood today that God ultimately is the final judge of people, places, and things and thus the Catholic Religion has lightened up its stance on Suicide.

National Suicide Prevention Week takes place in September in the United States – where mental health professionals and advocates share tips and advice on suicide prevention – and lay out warning signs, symptoms, myths, facts and more in the hope of stemming the tide and preventing suicide.

Mr. Jarrid Wilson . . . Pastor and Mental Health Advocate Dies by Suicide

In September, pastor and mental health advocate Jarrid Wilson took his life. He was only 30.

Just a few hours before his forever decision, he tweeted about Jesus’ compassion for the depressed and suicidal: “Loving Jesus doesn’t always cure suicidal thoughts. Loving Jesus doesn’t always cure depression. Loving Jesus doesn’t always cure PTSD. Loving Jesus doesn’t always cure anxiety. But that doesn’t mean Jesus doesn’t offer us companionship and comfort. He ALWAYS does that.”  This was his last and final tweet before he chose to take his life, leaving behind many fans and followers, a wife and two children.

This act of selfishness really hurt Jeff and made him very bitter about who advocates for mental health – and especially those who would also call themselves pastors. Jeff is very protective of this conversation – the conversation around suicide and about eliminating the stigma surrounding it – and feels strongly that whomever advocates must be vigilant about doing the work themselves.

If someone with a sizable following is sending a message of hope, that person’s responsibility to others is great. If that person decides to die by suicide, this sends a more powerful message than the original one, the implication being that it was all for naught.

“It’s been a tough month.” says Jeff.

Wilson had been a long-time advocate for mental health. He and his wife founded “Anthem of Hope,” a Christian outreach for the depressed and suicidal. His death followed that of Pastor Andrew Stoecklein, another young, vibrant evangelical pastor and mental health advocate who committed suicide last year.

Teen Suicide is an Epidemic and The Catholic Church has a Responsibility

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention [CDC] reports that suicide rates among working-age Americans (from 16-64) 34 percent between 2000 and 2016.  Among Americans aged 10-24, the spike was even more dramatic – CDC data shows a 50 percent increase in suicides in this group between 2000 and 2017.

The suicides of these two pastors highlight this concerning upward trend in suicide, especially among young people – even among those who are part of a Christian community.

During his visit with the community at Holy Spirit Parish at Geist Catholic Church, Jeff talked about some things our youth are dealing with today that young people didn’t deal with as few as ten years ago.  A key point was the fact that today’s youth are connected 24/7/365 and constantly stressed and anxious – living in a world where they are always comparing their lives to those of others.

Jeff says in his book, “Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic”  . . . that if you spend more than four to five hours a day on social media or your smartphone you are 70 percent more likely to have major depression in your life.

Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic

Jeff’s book doesn’t get into the psychological sciences and Catholic spirituality, philosophy and theology. Jeff wrote the book as today’s youth think, reason, and act.  It is straightforward and to the point, written in a concrete manner that makes it and easy to understand the depth of teens, their brokenness and why they’re feeling the way they’re feeling.

Certainly, one of the driving factors of an increase in suicide among teens and young adults is their constant connectedness to the world through smartphones and the social media platforms, combined with a lack of greater meaning in their lives.

According to a 2015 article from the peer-reviewed research journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, “frequent social media use in children and teenagers is associated with poor psychological functioning, as it limits their daily face-to-face interactions, impairing their ability to keep and maintain meaningful relationships.”

“The lack of coping skills and problem-solving skills make it very difficult for today’s youth who live in the here and the now to understand that not all things are taken care of in the present moment.  Our youth don’t understand that today,” says Yalden.

One of the biggest suicide prevention tools that communities of faith can provide, Yalden says, is being full communities of faith, where people feel connected and non-judged, valued, and validated as whole people.

Our Churches have to be more involved with families, our youth and more present in our communities – but in non-judgmental ways.  Every child needs to have a significant and trusted adult they can reach out to and our churches are filled with so many loving and kind people.  Our churches are a great place where a difference can be made immediately.

Jeff sends a special thank-you to Holy Spirit Parish at Geist Catholic Church and to Pastor Dan and his staff for having this conversation.

If you are interested in Jeff coming to your Church or School Community, please visit www.JeffYalden.com.

Purchase you copy of Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.

Jeff Yalden: Positivity in Coastal Virginia

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On April 19, youth motivational speaker and Amazon bestselling author Jeff Yalden visited Mathews, Virginia – a community in the Chesapeake Bay region of the state.

Yalden was invited by the Mathews County Sheriff’s Office to speak to high school and middle school students about life choices, mental health, behavior, and attitude. He also presented to more than 100 parents and community members that night.

Investigator April Edwards from the Sheriff’s Office organized Yalden’s visit. It’s fitting that after some due diligence about Yalden himself, she knew that he would be the ideal candidate to instill a sense of purpose, hope and direction to kids who might otherwise be tempted to go down the rabbit hole of risky behaviors and compromise their self-respect.

“Jeff Yalden came and took our schools by storm,” said Edwards. “He captured the attention of our students as well as the attention of faculty, administration, law enforcement, parents and many other vested adults from our community.”

She added that the kids developed trust in Yalden within two hours and then poured their hearts out to him.

“Jeff has a gift, and he has helped many of our children through a very difficult time in their young lives,” she said. “Many of these kids will never forget the day that a motivational speaker captured their attention, their hearts and their minds.”

Yalden was grateful to Edwards for going to bat for him.

“Thank you for organizing and fighting to make it happen. We made a difference today,” he said.

In his more than 25 years working with young people and school communities, he said he has met many awesome teachers, administrators, coaches and counselors, but he cited then-interim and now permanent Mathews High School principal Alexis Foster as one of a kind.

“Today’s teens are growing up differently and need trusted adult who can find the perfect balance of understanding, discipline and encouragement, while providing inspiration and hope – an individual who shows beyond any doubt that they truly care about the students that walk through their doors,” Yalden said.

“Mr. Foster is the embodiment of empathy and compassion, yet he held the kids accountable in a way that they felt empowered and hopeful – that their needs were being met and that they had solid futures to look forward to.”

Foster himself was more than pleased with the result of Edwards’ work to bring Yalden in for the day.

“As a school administrator, it’s very difficult to always find the time to say the right things or to do things to motivate your kids – but if you have the time and really care about kids, you need to invite Jeff Yalden to your school,” he said. “Just spending the day with him today, I saw lives changed, kids’ attitudes changed – and parents are now thinking about things that maybe they never thought about before.”

What Yalden most wanted to instill in the young people in attendance was the fact that the world owes them nothing.

“You get out of it what you put into it,” he said.

For more information about Jeff Yalden, go HERE.

Learn all about The Jeff Yalden Foundation HERE.

To book Jeff now, call (800) 948-9289.

Jeff Yalden: Touching Hearts, Changing Lives in Washington State

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Cle Elum, Washington is a small community 90 minutes from Seattle, boasting only 1,872 residents as of the 2010 census.

In April, the community lost a freshman from Cle Elum-Roslyn High School when he made the forever decision to take his own life.

Youth motivational speaker and crisis intervention expert Jeff Yalden spent a full two days in the community last month, presenting to high school students, middle school students, and parents – and simply being available for those wanting him to lend an ear.

“I can’t even begin to tell you the amazing stories and conversations we’ve had,” he said. “You can’t even imagine – and through the toughest discussions and the tears, I looked at some of these kids and fell in love with them.”

He said he also loved to see how committed the staff members were to the welfare and well-being of the kids.

First, Yalden spent two hours with roughly 250 high school students.

From conversations with the young man’s friends, it became apparent that he told some of them what he intended to do, but the feeling was that he would not go through with it.

“And so here we are – talking about a young man who told people, and followed through,” he said.

We have to take all signs seriously, according to Yalden.

“Don’t put yourself in the position where you are going to make that decision whether [or not] they are just saying it. No. Young people are probably the most important people in saving one of their peer’s lives – whether it’s direct verbal clues, indirect verbal clues, behavioral clues or situational clues. You are the ones that hear about it first.”

Remember: See something, say something. Know something, do something.

“You have a responsibility to do the right thing,” he said. “suicide is the most preventable kind of death.”

Yalden hosted a parent program on the first evening of his visit, and although speaking to the parents in attendance and having conversations with them is always productive, there is always the sense that the ones that show up are not the ones Yalden needs to reach. The parents who show up are usually engaged and involved in their children’s lives already.

On day two of his visit, Yalden had an early-morning follow-up session with students and staff at Cle Elum-Roslyn High School before heading Walter Strom Middle School, where many of the students knew the young man.

“There was a lot of crisis going on at the middle school – a lot of hearts to touch, lives to change, hope to restore – and give these kids direction as they move forward,” he said.

For Yalden, it’s not just about speaking at assemblies and making presentations.

“When you hear about some of these obstacles and challenges that these kids are having and you can meet one-on-one – that’s when you do the work,” he said. “That’s when you challenge the kids to think deeper, to do better, to make decisions that they know they need to make – and be able to hold them accountable.”

 

JEFF YALDEN REACHES OUT TO THE BROOKFIELD, MISSOURI SCHOOL COMMUNITY

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Jeff Yalden’s heart sank when he heard the news of two completed suicides and one suicide attempt last month in Brookfield, Missouri.

Two more young lives cut short by what he calls the “forever decision” in an area that has suffered too much loss already.

Yalden is a teen mental health and youth motivational speaker. He is also a teen suicide and crisis intervention expert. For more than 25 years, he has worked in the trenches of communities hit hard by suicide contagion, and has proven to be effective in preventing further suicides and bringing hope to communities that have lost hope.

Yalden visited the Brookfield school community a year ago, and remains friends with Angie Smith Wallace, a STUCO advisor and teacher at Brookfield High School. Wallace also founded the Taylor Gilpin Wallace Foundation for Suicide Prevention on behalf of her son after her son made the forever decision to take his own life.

In the above video, Yalden reached out because several people in the community reached out to him.

“Words can’t adequately describe the pain I feel in my heart when I hear of the death of a young person, or in your case the many losses your community has felt over the past year,” he said. “I can tell you now that you might not be done, but you have to do something immediately.”

In the video, Yalden laid out the two questions that young people need to have answered by the trusted adults in their lives: Can I trust you? Do you care about me?

He also talked about the fact that most young people don’t want adults to fix their problems.

“They want to feel validated that what they are thinking and feeling is normal. Growing up and understanding is on their terms, and today’s teens are growing up differently than their parents did.”

For more about this, check out Yalden’s TEDx talk HERE.

The factors contributing to suicide, put forth by Dr. Thomas Joiner at Florida State University, are three-fold: “I am alone.” “I am a burden.” “I have the desire for suicide.”

“Teens don’t want to die,” said Yalden. “They live in the here-and-now, and see solutions to their problems as so far out there that they can’t solve in the now, so the pain of ‘I am alone’ and ‘I am a burden’ carries on day after day, week after week – and they get discouraged with never being happy.”

Yalden said that leads to a persistent form of depression called dysthymia, which could lead to the desire for suicide.

“Teens need relationships. They need trusted adults that are patient, giving of their time, understanding, supportive, and love them unconditionally,” he said, adding that it is imperative that we teach them coping skills and problem-solving skills and instill in them the importance of balance and boundaries, especially when it comes to social media, the Internet and YouTube.

Too much exposure to social media, as Yalden explains in this video, can also cause depression and other mental health issues in our teens.

Mental illness threatens to become the biggest public health crisis in America, and this is no longer a family issue, according to Yalden. This is an economic issue.

He said that mental illness and depression factor into 90 percent of suicides – and many suicides are preceded by factors that we don’t even notice.

“Why should we notice it when we weren’t even looking for it,” he said. “The individuals that are on the schools’ radars aren’t necessarily the ones we need to look out for. A lot of school communities have said to me, ‘Jeff, we didn’t even know there was a problem. There were no signs. This is the last person we would have suspected.’”

As a man who proudly lives with mental illness every day, Yalden is all about crushing the stigma attached to it.

“It’s OK to ask for help!”

Yalden can’t overemphasize the importance of a healthy self-esteem.

“I promise – on the other side of fear is self-esteem. Don’t let anyone take that from you. You have to do the work, though,” he said.

He said that this very sad time affects us all – and this is a time that will shape us.

“This will either expose wounds or build muscles. It’s your choice how you respond. Allow yourself to grieve on your terms. I am so sorry and thinking of you all,” he said.

For more information, go HERE.

Check out Jeff’s new nonprofit HERE.

To book Jeff now, call (800) 948-9289.

South Carolina High School Hosts Teen Mental Health Speaker Jeff Yalden

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Photo: Jamin Ortiz/JDO Designs

In early November, a young man in Myrtle Beach, SC, made the final decision to end his life, no doubt leaving a void of unspeakable loss in the hearts of his family, friends and the Carolina Forest High School community, where he was a ninth grader.

Through the grapevine, word about this heartbreaking incident made its way to youth motivational speaker, author and mental health advocate Jeff Yalden, who was then in Minnesota for a college presentation.

Yalden, who lives in Murrells Inlet, speaks more than 200 times a year at high schools, colleges and other venues across the country. Over 25 years, he has presented to more than 4000 live audiences across the globe.

But when tragedy strikes so close to home, the ripples through the community are palpable.

Yalden reached out to Carolina Forest High School, offering to help in any way he could with the counselors and crisis intervention experts. Instead, Carolina Forest High School invited him to do one of his signature presentations.

On Wednesday, November 21, Yalden delivered a hard-hitting and uplifting youth motivational talk in the school auditorium – a variation of his renowned “about life” presentations – covering such subjects as attitude, choices, self-respect and more.

Photo: Jamin Ortiz/JDO Designs

“This was not an assembly reflecting on the loss of the student who took his life. This assembly was about who we are, where we are and where we are going,” Yalden said.

Yalden said he proudly lives with mental illness every day. Diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II disorder, and PTSD [he served as a U.S. Marine during the Gulf War], he is transparent and authentic in his personal journey with self-care, therapy, and medication.

He was featured as a celebrity teen and family life coach on MTV’s long-running reality show, MADE.

Yalden is also a suicide prevention expert and crisis intervention specialist. A priority in his messages is to assure young people that it’s OK to ask for help.

His presentation Tuesday was meant to inspire and encourage the students – most of whom were ninth graders – as they prepared to leave for Thanksgiving break.

“They lost a ninth grader. They didn’t want me to focus on that, which I understand,” he said. “Every school community is different and handles it in their own way.”

Yalden covered three points in his presentation that he feels are very important: Self-value, attitude and choices – a trifecta that plays into his “take time to think” mantra.

“In the end, I think the kids appreciated the truth and the humor in a message that they were not really expecting,” he said.

Yalden said that mental illness is quickly becoming the biggest public health crisis in this country.

“Mental illness is becoming just so prevalent in schools, and teen suicide is a national epidemic. I am honored to have been able to speak in our community. I feel good that schools are opening their hearts and saying that we need to address this with our kids.”

Carolina Forest High School counselor Tammy Goodman said that although she wasn’t sure a lot of the students knew what to expect, she felt a different energy from the students following Yalden’s presentation.

“They were very excited about the books that he had to offer, and I do think the students received it positively.”

Photo: Jamin Ortiz/JDO Designs

Yalden handed out copies of his Amazon bestseller, BOOM! One Word to Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day – as well as motivational t-shirts. Students rushed to the front of the stage to snap them up.

Goodman noted that the auditorium was full of students from all walks of life and from different grade levels.

She explained the motivation behind Yalden’s talk.

“I think the main thing was to kind of let students know that regardless of what they are dealing with – whether it’s at home, academics here at school, or socially – we can pick up where we are and go from here,” she said. “The message for them really is that there is always hope – that no matter what they are dealing with, there is always somebody that they can go to for help.”

For more about Jeff Yalden, visit www.jeffyalden.com.

Check out Yalden’s new nonprofit at www.jeffyaldenfoundation.com.

A Message to the Perry Township Community – Stark County, Ohio

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[The Perry Township community is struggling with the losses of four teens to suicide within six months.]

Hey, Stark County – Perry High School and Edison Middle School community.

My name is Jeff Yalden.

I’m a mental health and suicide prevention /crisis intervention expert for teens and young people.

Over the past few months, I have received a lot of cries for help from people in your community, so after this last loss, I decided to make the above video for you – hoping that you that you can do a little to help with all of you trying to move forward.

Parents and students, teachers, administrators and community – I hope you are listening.

I can’t do anything unless I am invited by the schools or the community, but first I want to be very careful in the words I use and how I say what I want to say.

Please understand that my intentions are pure, and my heart hurts for you all. Most importantly, I want to send my prayers and thoughts to every family that is directly impacted. Their lives will never be the same. For the rest of their lives, they have to spend time picking up the pieces and asking why.

I’m truly sorry.

I want to acknowledge each and every one of you – whether it be families, friends, classmates, students – teachers, staff members, administrators – the whole community and the surrounding communities as well. Not one person isn’t affected by these losses. And if my understanding is correct (I’m going off emails, social media messages and I’m reading online), you have all experienced significant loss in the past five or six months.

Four losses since August. One this past New Year’s Day.

In my work, I deal with teen suicide and loss every day – and words can’t adequately describe the pain I feel in my heart when I hear of the death of a young person. But I get it, though. I was once there. I understand.

After a suicide – or multiple suicides like you are dealing with – we’re left asking why a young person with so much to live for makes a forever decision to end his or her own life. Why or how would a teenager get so hopeless or feel that suicide is the only option?

My friends – our system is broken. It’s flawed. Our teenagers are growing up in a broken system in America, and America has a responsibility. The responsibility is simple: If we’re going to have Internet, cell phones and social media platforms –then our government needs to provide the adequate care for what this brings.

Simply put: We’re giving our young people rights and privileges that they are not emotionally capable of handling, and this can bring consequences like mental health issues and depression – and in many cases, this can lead to suicide.

IT’S OK TO ASK FOR HELP

We need to teach our young people coping skills and problem-solving skills. My friends, this is a parenting issue, but I think education needs to change. We need to focus more on social and emotional learning. We need to focus on and really build the self-esteem of our children and prepare them for life’s challenges, obstacles and situations. We need to give them the tools to be successful in life. In the meantime, we need adequate mental health care and counseling. We also need more involved parents.

We need to teach our young people that it is OK to ask for help without feeling intimidated or wrong for asking. But here’s what I am seeing all too much: When suicide happens, we’re left reacting. We are emotionally reacting. Parents and community are looking to place blame on the school, the administration, or the teachers.

“It’s bullying,” it’s that reason, this happened or that happened. “You’re not doing this…”

STOP!

Suicide is never the result of one thing.

I will say that one thing can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, but suicide is never the result of one thing. Also, no administrator is ever given a certificate on how to handle a suicide – whether that suicide is on campus or off campus – whether it happens in the building, outside the building – whether it is an incoming student that is relatively new to the school community or it’s a popular student athlete, adored by everyone. No student loss or suicide is ever the same.

They are all different, and how they are handled isn’t really anyone’s business because the school administrator and his or her team has to think about two things – what is in the best interest of the students, and what is in the best interest of the teachers and staff members.

Our job as parents is to support their decisions and accept them – especially now.

Our job is to rally together and support the school, the teachers, and the administration – not just when we have loss, but every day.

Our kids ask two questions, and whether you are a teacher, a coach, a parent or anyone that works with youth – we need to answer these two questions:

1) Can I trust you?
2) Do you care about me?

These two questions are the cornerstone of every trusted relationship.

Parents – if your if your child needs a trusted adult immediately because they are distraught and emotionally suffering more so than ever before – are you that trusted adult they would go to first?

You are either saying “I don’t know,” or “probably not.”

BE THAT TRUSTED ADULT

This is a problem. Parenting today’s young people is a different game than it ever was before. Today, I would never tell a child that I am disappointed in them. The point I am trying to make here is that kids are a parent’s responsibility. Parents need to support the schools, the teachers and the staff – and our teachers and staff need to support our parents.

We all need to do what is best to teach, to educate, to inspire and to encourage our youth. We all need to be trusted adults where our kids feel safe, so that they can open up to us without fear of being lectured, judged or even disappointing us.

Let me tell you about teen suicide today. There are three reasons why teens choose to end their lives:

1) They feel alone.
2) They feel that they are a burden.
3) They have the desire to end it all.

Let me tell you something else: The students that are on the school’s radar get help and they are taken care of. The students that aren’t asking for help are not on the school’s radar. They are the ones we find out about – and as counselors and teachers, we say, “I didn’t know.”

How do we help those that aren’t asking for help?

We need to do a better job to teach our kids that speaking up and saying something is the right thing to do, because our kids are on the front lines, and they find out first.

Our teens want to talk to someone that understands them – someone that understands what they are going through today. They don’t want to be lectured. They want to be listened to and validated that their feelings and emotions are normal.

We all need to do a better job, from our government, to our teachers and coaches, and most importantly, our parents.

Our teens need to also do a much better job of asking for help when they need help. I can’t emphasize enough, my friends: It’s OK to ask for help.

SUGGESTIONS FOR MOVING FORWARD

Young people: I’d like to invite you to open your heart that you have trusted adults wanting to be there to help you answer life’s toughest questions. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help.

You matter. Don’t ever think you’re alone.

You matter. Don’t ever feel that you are a burden to your family or society.

Parents: I need you to know that our youth today are hurting more than you can imagine – and starting earlier to feel emotions than we ever felt our own emotions when we were growing up. It’s almost like society is taking over. Parenting a child has become more difficult, with less parental influence and control. The speed of pain for a child is instant – almost as fast as turning on a light bulb.

Bring the family and community priorities back. Remember things like values and morals, kindness and community pride. Love and support our schools and our youth.

I challenge you to volunteer, sponsor, and donate. Give from your heart. And whatever rumors might be going around – let’s not participate.

Again – suicide is never the result of one thing. Talk to your children honestly. Be careful about sugar-coating the truth, because they know so much more today than we ever did.

For all adults, remember this: It takes a village to raise our children. And remember the two questions our children ask every adult in their lives: Can I trust you? Do you care about me?

Be approachable so that our children know that they can safely come and talk to you, and that you are not going to judge them for their questions and thoughts. Also know that all our teachers and our school communities are hurting too. Reach out and show your support.

A quick message to our teachers, staff and coaches: Thank you. Remember that you make a difference every single day. So many questions yet in many cases there are so few answers – but we are all responsible, and we need to move forward together for our youth and for each other.

Think about what is in the best interest of our community.

Let’s come together and respect how the school handles this on their end; the decisions need to be made, based on a comfortable balance – a comfortable balance compassionately meeting the needs of our students, their staff, their teachers and the community as a whole – while preserving the ability of the school to fulfill its primary purpose of education.

This is a very sad time – a time that affects all of us. It doesn’t have to define our year, though. I’m so, so sorry and I wish I can say more. My friends, suicide and mental health are becoming an economic issue, and we need all of you to speak up.

This is the greatest crisis of our time.

In the words of a friend of mine: “Choose life. Choose love. Choose you.”

I love you, my friends – and I am sorry for your losses. Stay beautiful, Perry Township – and I know you quite well, too. I’m sending prayers and thoughts to all of you.

If you are interested in me visiting your school community, please go to www.jeffyalden.com or my nonprofit, www.jeffyaldenfoundation.com

Suicide Takes Another Young Life in Missouri

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In March, teen suicide prevention expert and youth motivational speaker Jeff Yalden spoke in northwest Missouri, delivering messages of comfort and hope to two communities reeling from the losses of two irreplaceable young people by suicide.

Yalden said then that Missouri was going through a tough time with teen suicides.

He was there three weeks before that to deliver a comprehensive presentation about teen suicide and mental health in Hannibal, MO before coming to Brookfield and Barnard.

And now, another young person in Barnard recently made the forever decision to take his own life – and he was a recent graduate from one of the very schools Yalden visited – South Nodaway High School.

After he got an email about this, Yalden confirmed this with Nick Wray, the guidance counselor there.

“My heart just broke,” Yalden said, adding that the young man graduated in 2017, and was a senior when Yalden spoke there in March.

“He didn’t really hang out with kids his age. All his friends were all older than him. I don’t know the details, so it’s not fair to speculate – but what upsets me so much about this is that I spent 24 hours there,” he said.

One of Yalden’s regrets is that while he was  in Barnard, he dealt with the junior class for the most part, because the junior class was hurting from the loss of their classmate, Bailee, who ended her life on February 5.

Yalden was upset because he repeats this message as much as possible, and yet it sometimes seems to fall on deaf ears: If you need to talk to someone, don’t be afraid to open your heart.

“Listen: We all have 100 percent potential, but if you are unwilling to ask for help in life, 100 percent shrinks down to 50 percent,” he said.

It’s important to figure out what you can do alone and what you need help with.

“If you can’t do it on your own, you have to delegate and ask for help. What saddens me is that the message is so strong when I say it: Don’t be afraid to ask for help.”

Yet he finds out months later that yet another young life has been snuffed out by suicide.

“Anyone can tell you that when you graduate, you have to go into the real world. It’s adulting and responsibilities, and no longer do you have the everyday structure and routine of going to school, doing your homework, going to sleep and going back to school.”

He said that in school, everything is kind of done for you. But after you graduate, what are you doing?

“Are you working? Are you in college? And then if you are hanging out with people older than you – and I don’t know about those influences – but are you ready to be 17-18 years old and hearing about the responsibilities and adulting of someone 20, 23, 24 – hearing about how tough college is, or the working world – or paying these bills? That’s speculation.”

Yalden’s intention is never to come off as insensitive. He has helped folks deal with loss for more than two decades. But he said that as parents, we need to do a better job of being present in our kids’ lives – teaching them about adulting and responsibilities.

“Nick was telling me that this young man was kind of a loner, and that’s another thing that scares me. If our kids are loners, why are they loners? Are we missing something?”

Every suicide is different, according to Yalden. Every suicide carries different emotions as it permeates throughout the school. In this case, the student had already graduated and gone out into the world.

“Bailee was the one that I went out there for. She was a very popular young lady, a junior and very well known. This young man was a loner, and because he graduated already, it has a different effect. It’s not in the school. It’s outside the school, but the shock is within the school.”

To the students, families, teachers and the school community in Barnard, Jeff sends his deepest condolences.

“My friends, I’m sorry. I wish there was more I could say or do. I want you to understand that what you are dealing with today is all over the world, and no matter how painful it is, I understand. I have been there.”

When we are young, we can’t see the wisdom in the phrase, this too shall pass.

“I want you to do a couple of different things:

  • Breathe through it.
  • I want you to know that our struggles – what we go through every single day – shapes us and builds our character. It defines our courage and builds our self-esteem. There is nothing that you can’t go through.

It WILL be OK in time.”

Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help.

“Know that you have trusted people in your life; people that  you respect – people whose opinions you value. Don’t ever be afraid to go to them.

Yalden said that if a person is unwilling to ask for that help, then all too often the pressure mounts and puts them in a state of mind where they are unable to make healthy decisions.

“If you know someone that is hurting – emotionally hurting – and they don’t know who to go to, they are not in their right frame of mind and can’t really think and make sound decisions for themselves. You as the friend, family member, boyfriend/girlfriend, parent – YOU have a responsibility to reach out and do the right thing because you are able to think more clearly than that person.”

We all need to do a better job of supporting and encouraging each other.

“I think we need to do a better job educating young people – letting them know that life is a struggle – to dot your I’s and cross your t’s and to move forward every single day,” Yalden said.

But the other side of that coin is the possibility that we might scare our kids too much in trying to teach them that they need to be great and perfect.

“Life is not about perfection. Life is about progress. Life is about patience in the process,” he said. “The more we are willing to talk about it, the more we are going to be able to do.”

Yalden said mental illness is no longer a family issue. This is an economic issue.

“If we are unwilling in our families and our schools to talk about mental illness and the attention that it needs, then we are not going to be able to make any headway. Whether it’s mental illness, depression, anxiety or suicide (yes, that word) – if we are unwilling to talk about it – we are going to continue dealing with this.

We need to get comfortable being uncomfortable talking about it. We all have a responsibility to save lives – to reach out and let people know that what they are going through is temporary. Suicide is forever.

To find out more about Yalden’s speaking programs, including suicide prevention, mental health, teen coaching and more, go HERE.

To book Jeff now for your school or event, call 800-948-9289.

FOLLOW Jeff on Facebook.

Tioga, North Dakota: A Community in Pain

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[Tioga, N.D. is a rural community struggling with the recent losses of two young people.]

Let’s be honest. We are all a mess – and that is the common ground where we must come together and pick each other up.

Tioga High School Community.

To the friends and family of Trystan and Tanner – to all the teachers and staff members – and to the whole school community: My name is Jeff Yalden. On Thursday, September 21, I am coming to Tioga. I am looking forward to my visit, my friends.

I get it. I am teen mental health expert. I have helped over 100 different communities to move forward after loss. Also –  I suffer from mental illness myself. I am diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II and PTSD.

On Thursday, I want to invite you to come to school with an open heart. I understand what you are going through. I understand that many of us are feeling numb. We have questions – and, listen– I don’t want to be insensitive about this at all. But on Thursday, I promise you that my heart is going to be 100 percent with each and every one of you.

I am sorry about your loss. We can’t let this define us. The pain is probably going to be forever. There is no other way of saying it. But I will tell you something that I have come to learn: We are not victims in life. We choose to rise up and be victors. We can’t let this define us.

However, this is going to shape us – just like everything that we go through in life – and on Thursday, I promise you that we are going to laugh, we’re going to spend time in thought. We might even shed a tear or two. That’s OK – because in the end, what we need to do is go through the grieving process – and we need to come to a point where we accept what has happened, and we put this behind us.

Family:  I don’t want to be insensitive. Please understand – but neither Trystan or Tanner are walking through the door again, and we need to accept that. And we need to move forward for ourselves. We need to more forward for each other.

Young people: I am honored that I get to be a part of your life, and I promise you – on Thursday, life is going to change.

Parents: I’ll be speaking to the parents at night. I know you have a lot going on, a lot you can be doing and a lot that you have to do. I hope you make time to come out. I am going to talk to you about our teens today and their struggles. We are going to talk about the speed of hurt for young people today. We are going to talk about suicide symptoms, signs – we are going to talk about what our teens are feeling today.

So until we meet on Thursday – I want to invite you to just breathe – and know that it’s going to be OK.

You might say, “Jeff – how do you know?”

My friends, I get it. I’ve been there. And I know for you it’s like, “I don’t want a mental health professional to give me statistics and give me textbook definitions.”

I’m not going to give you textbook definitions. I deal with this every single day. On Thursday, show up with an open heart. This is going to be a day that is going to change your life. I promise you that on Thursday, I will be fully present and engaged. I will be there early in the morning and I will stay as late as I have to. I am going to give you all of my heart. It’s going to be a good day.

Teachers: Thank you for letting me be a part of your school community. I know you are hurting.

Students: I am just honored and looking forward to being a part of your life.

Parents: I know this is hard -and you wish you had the right words to say to your kids. This is probably one of the hardest things our kids will ever go through – and to try to get them to make sense of the loss of two of their classmates – this is why I am coming.

I will see you guys on Thursday.

For more information about Jeff Yalden, click HERE.

Missouri Communities Rocked by Teen Suicide

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Jeff Yalden Shares Messages of Hope and Comfort to Missouri Communities Rocked by Teen Suicides

By Roger Yale for Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

According to teen suicide prevention expert Jeff Yalden, the state of Missouri is going through a really tough time right now when it comes to teen suicide.

Three weeks ago, Yalden delivered a comprehensive presentation about teen suicide and mental health in Hannibal, MO, and returned this week to Brookfield and Barnard, MO, two communities that are still reeling from the losses of two irreplaceable young people.

BROOKFIELD

On Tuesday, March 7, students from five schools in Linn County converged on Brookfield High School to hear Jeff Yalden speak to them on their level, and planting seeds of hope, enthusiasm and perseverance – and what he calls a drive for success in their journey of life.

He captivated middle and high-schoolers, urging them to live in the now and what that might mean – the ups and downs, the challenges and the victories wrapped up in the everyday moments that, strung together, make up a life.

The assembly was only the beginning for Yalden.

He was booked by Angie Wallace, who founded the Taylor Gilpin Wallace Foundation for Suicide Prevention on behalf of her son after her son made the forever decision to take his own life.

“Angie brought me in for an all-day event – high school kids, middle school kids, a luncheon with the community and a parent program – very similar to Hannibal,” he said, adding that Wallace and her son Tanner attended the program in Hannibal.

The luncheon was attended by student council kids, physicians, the CEO of the local hospital, prominent community members and the executive director of the Missouri Association of Student Councils, Terri Johnson.

A young man stood up and shared his story from when he was contemplating suicide.

“Really, what this day was about was inviting the community to open their hearts and minds and understand mental health and teen suicide and how real it is,” he said.

Following a dinner with the Wallace family, which Jeff cites as amazing, warm and generous, it was off to the parent program – which was set up at Park Baptist Church in Brookfield.

The program was live on Wallace’s foundation page, garnering appreciative comments from as far afield as Texas.

“We had about 200 community members come out to my parent program,” he said. “We had clear eyes and full hearts. We shed tears. We also laughed and did some reflecting. It was a beautiful day.”

BARNARD

That night, Yalden drove more than two hours to Barnard, MO, where just four weeks ago, a young lady named Baylee ended her own at just 16.

“A lot of teachers and counselors said that Baylee was probably the most popular junior in her class and that she was an old soul,” he said, adding that Baylee’s grandfather also committed suicide, and that they were very close.

“Baylee had a disease that was a little bit debilitating, but she learned how to deal with it. She had a great personality – vibrant and ornery. You couldn’t help but to love her, they say.”

She took her life on February 5 – Super Bowl Sunday.

He spoke at South Nodaway High School and noted that the principal, Darbi Bauman, was actually Baylee’s aunt.

Guidance counselor Nick Wray coordinated the event, and Yalden met with all the classes individually before delivering a speech at the full assembly.  The school serves grades 7-12 with total enrollment of 84 students.

Students from nearby Jefferson High School attended the assembly as well.

After a brief visit with faculty and staff, Yalden visited Baylee’s family’s house.

“I sat down with mom, dad and her sister and heard the story. I read the suicide letter and saw Baylee’s bedroom,” he said.

Yalden also saw Baylee’s scrapbook at school, and helped her fellow students clean out her locker – a poignant moment, but one which gave these young people a sense of closure.

At the family home, Yalden was hit with a realization.

“For the first time in my life, I think I’d come to realize that not all suicides are a selfish individual act, and there’s so much more to explain how I feel about this situation – but Baylee knew what she was doing. It was a combination of many things, and I think Baylee was just really, really tired.”

However, Yalden said this left the community rocked to the core.

“There is heartache. Everybody is hurting. They were very concerned with the kids and them moving forward. This is a very tight community,” he said.

He closed out the night with a family/community program attended by more than 200 family members.

“After leaving that community and hearing the hearts of everybody and the pain in those hearts, I’ll tell you – Baylee was definitely the one girl you would want to meet.

To discover more about North America’s Number One Youth Motivational Speaker – visit www.jeffyalden.com.

Book Jeff now by calling 800-948-9289.

Top Teen Motivational Speaker Heats Up Heatherwood Middle School

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Jeff Yalden: Can You hear Me Now?

Top Teen Motivational Speaker Heats Up Heatherwood Middle School

By Roger Yale for Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Finding out that there is a problem with a sound system just before delivering a presentation to 1000 middle schoolers can’t be the best way to start the day.

But this is exactly what happened on February 27 when Jeff Yalden visited Heatherwood Middle School in Mill Creek, Washington, where he was set to talk to the assembly about mental health, anxiety and depression – and teaching teenagers how to reduce the stresses they face every day.

Despite several hiccups with sound and the fact that school started late due to snow, Yalden spoke for 40 minutes in the gymnasium before speaking with to the three grade levels at Heatherwood separately.

“It still went well, but here’s the thing I really want to try to explain: I know my best,” he said. “I know what I can deliver – and when I am not given the tools to be able to do my best job, that deeply affects me. The kids don’t know anything different about the presentation, so they can only go off what they are hearing for the first time.”

In the assembly, Yalden stressed a simple yet powerful formula for dealing with potentially stressful situations: Stop. Think. Respond.

“This means that you now have to take personal responsibility. You have to say, ‘I am responsible for my behavior. I am responsible for the choices that I make. I am responsible for how I respond.”

Things started to change for the better when Yalden got the opportunity to speak to three young men about their lives.

“We talked about their attitudes, their behaviors and their choices – and I tell you that was awesome. I really enjoyed that one-on-connection that I was able to make with those boys,” he said.

A highlight of the day came in the form of a breakthrough with a young lady who had been struggling to the point of despondency.

“The principal and I got to talking, and we took her up to the office and were able to chat with her. The counselor came in and we were really able to make great headway with this young lady. I got to work with her one-on-one. We got to find out her story, assess the situation and got to look at the big picture,” he said.

It’s amazing what can happen when you push through obstacles and keep going.

Yalden closed out the evening with the parent program, which had an impressive turnout of roughly 50 parents.

The topic that night was teens and mental health.

“We talked about what is important today with our teenagers and raising their self-esteem and how we can go about that – and the importance of our kids learning coping and problem-solving skills,” he said.

He warned of the pitfalls of being “helicopter parents,” always hovering and trying to pick up the pieces of our kids’ relationships too fast.

Yalden discussed the effects of social media and cell phones and admonished parents to take a more vigilant role – but he also said he wasn’t talking about taking these away either.

“Parents really need to start being really proactive and monitor what their kids are doing online and with their cell phones. They need to understand all the social media platforms their kids are using,” he said, adding that our kids don’t have the emotional and mental maturity to be putting all of this stuff out there, and realizing the consequences of what they are putting out there.

“One of the best things we can do is to teach our kids how to go through the struggles of life and come out on the other side. And that’s building self-esteem,” he said.

To find out more about Jeff’s speaking and coaching programs, visit www.jeffyalden.com.

Book Jeff now for your school or organization now by calling 800-948-9289.

 

TAGS: Anxiety, Attitude, Choices, Depression, Educational Speaker, Heatherwood Middle School, Jeff Yalden, Leadership, Middle School Motivational Speaker, Middle School Speaker, Mill Creek, Motivational Speaker for Schools, School Assemblies, Suicide, Suicide Prevention, Suicide Prevention Speaker, Teen Mental Health Speaker, Teen Motivational Speaker, Teen Speaker, Teen Suicide, The Boom Mindset, Youth Motivational Speaker

 

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