3 Tips to Improve Teens Self-Esteem
Hey my friends . . . This has been a rough year for everyone, but especially for teenagers. Many have missed out on experiences that define the teenage years – things like prom, homecoming, and even just defining who you are in a group of friends. Covid has caused more problems for teen mental health than we can care to think about. Here are 3 Tips to Boost Teens Self-Esteem.
I’m Jeff Yalden, teen mental health and suicide prevention expert with Here Tomorrow in Neptune Beach, I’ve been working with schools and school communities for the past thirty years. Teens are my love and passion.
Listen, a teenager’s social-emotional development is also hinged on their brain development, hormones and neurotransmitters.
Erik Erikson’s theory of development says that it is during this time that an adolescent will begin to develop and question their own sense of self. In this day of social media, it is becoming more difficult to find who you are and where you belong. Teens are inundated with images that speak to their worth and comparison of others.
A pioneer in social media and the psychology of its impact on esteem and mental health is Jonathan Bertrand. Bertrand’s position is that social media use has a profound impact on the development of self and often interferes with mental health and esteem-related issues. Combine that with Erikson’s work and you have a bit of a potentially disastrous combination.
With that being said, I want to share with you 3 Tips to help teens boost their self-esteem.
Tip #1: Avoid excessive exposure to social media
More than 4-5 hours a day . . . 70% more likely to have major depression and other mental health conditions. So, when possible, eliminate or really reduce the use of social media. Let me add emphasis to social media being recognized as part of one’s self-esteem issues.
Here is the deal, If your teen struggles with body image, lifestyle comparison or feelings of inadequacy then social media may be a piece of that puzzle.
Here is what I am suggesting . . . Setting some limits, like turning off all technology a couple of hours before bed and limited overall time on social media. Trust me, this is a good place to start.
However, this might be difficult as you get resistance. You might then consider having some conversations about social media and its impact and invite your teen into the conversation rather than it being a lecture. After 24 hours, you’ll think you have a new teenager.
Tip #2: Use thought stopping
Another strategy is to use thought-stopping. Here is what that is. We cannot control a thought when it comes into your head, but we can control what we do with the thought. Don’t hang on to a negative thought. Instead, say ‘stop’ and think of something else. Over time this will help to create new neural connections in your brain instead of circling the negativity drain.

Helping teens understand they can have control over how they handle thoughts is a powerful way to build self-esteem. Think of it this way, situations become thoughts. Thoughts become feelings. Feelings become behaviors. Stop the negative thoughts. Another term for this is Behavioral Activation. If it’s not right . . . Change the thought.
Tip #3: Build mastery
Find an activity that you enjoy and work toward building mastery. This will not only encourage you to find a group of people with similar interests, but it will also build your sense of worth within yourself and within the group. Start by sampling some things that you have a a little of interest in and explore them. If it is a sport, commit to the season. If it is a new hobby or club, give it at least 3 months of your time. Building mastery is a great way to solidify your confidence.
Put down the devices and get more involved.
Contact Jeff today. (CLICK HERE)
Rochester & Rochester Hills School Communities
Thank you for having me speak to day.
Here are some references for you all:
The Jeff Yalden Foundation, Inc. – Please Consider a Donation
- The Jeff Yalden Foundation, Inc., a 501c3 Non-Profit Foundation for Teen Mental Health and Suicide Prevention. (Click Here)
The Daily Motivation from Jeff Yalden (Subscription Based but FREE to join the mailing list)
- Sign up for Jeff Yalden . . . The Daily Messenger (Click Here)
- Or on the Website (Click Here)
Today’s Presentation:
- Power Point Slides: May 8, 2020 Presentation (PDF Rochester Communities PowerPoint)
Jeff Yalden (Email)
Website: (Click Here)
FREE Books:
28 Day Boot Camp for Teens Workbook
Motivational Posters: Posters Motivational+PDF’s+2019
The Jeff Yalden Foundation: The Jeff Yalden Foundation, Inc. Donate
FREE Link School Community Teen Suicide Prevention Course: https://jeffyaldenuniversity.clickfunnels.com/access32545464/9a6d8752c7c
FREE Meditation Course: https://jeffyaldenuniversity.clickfunnels.com/optin1586289965594
Teen & Family Life Coach: https://jeffyalden.com/teen-life-coach/
Teen Suicide Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07K2M6QCB
Best of Jeff Yalden Videos:
- TEDx Talk – https://youtu.be/nP_xXPvJctI
-
Tippicanoe Valley High School – https://youtu.be/rpfVjoYAgik
- Barnard, MO – https://youtu.be/KAKnjeFyRR0
- High School Speaker: (Click Here)
- High School Motivational Speaker Videos: (Click Here)
- Teen Mental Health & Suicide Prevention in High School: (Click Here)
- Teachers and Staff Speaker: (Click Here)
- Teacher Staff Development Playlist Videos: (Click Here)
- Teen Suicide Behaviors & Responding in Crisis: (Click Here)
- Why Teens Self-Harm: (Click Here)
- Reference Letters (Click Here)
- Jeff’s Brochure (Click Here)
Visit Jeff Yalden University for More Courses for Teens and Families (Click Here)
COVID-19 and Self-Care
The COVID-19 fatalities extend beyond the virus itself.
When I woke up yesterday, I found out that an ER doctor in New York City ended her life by suicide. Dr. Lorna Breen was 49 and was the medical director of the emergency department at New York Presbyterian-Allen Hospital. This brave woman contracted COVID-19 on the job, and when the hospital ultimately sent her home, her family brought her home to Charlottesville, Virginia.
It was there that she made her forever decision.
Her grieving father told the New York Times that she tried to do her job, and it killed her.
Think about that. It’s unbelievably sad.

To all of the front-line workers – doctors, nurses, first-responders, food service workers, truckers – everybody: It’s tough being considered a hero today because being a hero comes with a great deal of responsibility. As anxiety increases with the coronavirus pandemic, you want to continue serving people and saving lives…
But one of the things that we most often forget in our desire and our compassion and empathy to want to help and serve people – is that we forget to take care of ourselves.
Listen: You matter.
The situation that we are all in is traumatic. It is filled with a lot of anxiety and stress and the uncertainty of the world – but especially if you are one of these front-line workers that has to serve in the face of COVID-19.
You are still fortunate to have a job, but having this job can be extremely stressful
Remember: You can’t pour from an empty pitcher. It’s crucial that you have a daily routine in place, a structured lifestyle. The first order of business must be self-care. This could be anything from healthy eating, exercise, meditation, yoga or time in prayer. Whatever self-care looks like for you, now is the time to make sure you are setting time aside for this.
If you are not taking care of yourself, how can you take care of others? The best you isn’t showing up.
I have a niece who is a front-line worker in New York City. She sees the heartbreak of COVID-19 on a daily basis. I have friends here in the Myrtle Beach area who are nurses – and I applaud you all. I am so thankful to have people like you in my life, but one of the things that really sends up red flags is when you negate your thoughts and feelings with a statement like, “I’ll take care of me later. I’ve got to show up and do this now.”
NO! You have got to take care of yourself more now while you are taking care of others.
My intention is to be careful here, and I do not want to come across as insensitive.
You can be compassionate. You can be empathetic. But you cannot carry the darkness. Love people and serve others, absolutely – but you have got to take care of yourself first. This is so important.

God bless each and every one of you. I love you, and I hope you are well and staying safe.
About Jeff Yalden
Jeff Yalden is renowned for his work as a youth motivational speaker and teen mental health and suicide prevention expert. For three decades, Jeff has given his life to students, teachers, counselors, parents, and the mental health community.
For more about Jeff Yalden, click HERE.
Check out Jeff’s book: Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic
Why Teens Need a Mental Health Life Coach

Jeff Yalden speaks to teens one on one everywhere he goes.
As a Youth Motivational Speaker & Coach, Jeff Hears Their Cries
Why Teens want to speak to Jeff Yalden
- They’re afraid you’re going to try and fix it
- They’re afraid you’re going to judge them
- You’re going to tell them they’re overreacting
- You don’t understand the pressure of being a teen
- You’re not going to take them seriously
- They’re afraid of being a burden
- They can’t figure out how they’re feeling themselves
- They feel you won’t value their feelings, thoughts, and emotions
Teens don’t trust adults
Sounds crazy, but it’s true and that is why they’re not reaching out to their trusted adults. Ask many teens who their trusted adult is and they’ll tell you they don’t have one. Scared, isolated, and teens feel alone and a disappointment. They’re not speaking because they are afraid to burden their closest adults with their problems. They know how stressful life is for you that they don’t want to overwhelm you with their problems.“I wanted to say “Thank You” for letting me thing that I do belong here and I am special. I am loved and that I don’t need to end it all to get what I want.I will never forget everything you said to everyone.” – Student, OH
Two Questions Teens Need Answered

- Can I trust you?
- Do you care about me?
Teen Pressures are Overwhelming

Mental Health Teen Life Coach Jeff Yalden reaches students.
Teen Suicide: Is your Teen Next?

After a suicide, Jeff meets with students and friends and gives them permission to talk and feel while leading them in on a healthy and positive path to closure and acceptance.
Two Reasons Teens Want to End Their Lives
There are two specific reasons teens start thinking about wanting to end their lives.- They feel alone
- They feel they’re a disappointment
Teens are in a Vulnerable and Emotional State

Teens in Therapy
13 Reasons why a Teen Mental Health Life Coach is Right for Your Teen
1. Social Media and Teens:

2.Mandated Testing in Schools:
3. Bullying and Cyberbullying

4. Divorce and Family Issues
5. Peer Pressure
6. Sexual abuse
7. Alcohol and Drugs: Self-Medicating

8. The Maturity of a Teen’s Brain
9. Teens Don’t Like Talking to Adults

One of the most memorable moments of Jeff’s career as a teen life coach was this young lady and the two years of saving her life.
10. Drama . . . Drama . . . Drama
11. The Future Decisions

12. The feelings of being Alone and a Disappointment
13. They’re Influences such as Television and the Internet
CORONAVIRUS: Managing Stress and Anxiety
In the above VIDEO, renowned mental health speaker and Amazon bestselling author Jeff Yalden lays out some important pointers to keep you present and centered in the midst of the global COVID-19 (Coronavirus) pandemic.
How is your heart?
Are you feeling OK in this time of uncertainty?
How are you doing with your emotions and your triggers?
Jeff says we can’t control COVID-19 or the future. We can’t can’t control people, places or things either, but we can control what we take in. We can control what we ingest.
And he’s not just talking about what we eat or drink.
We can control how much of the news we choose to ingest, for example – or limit the time we spend on things that don’t serve us.
Did you know that feeling overwhelmed is a common symptom of anxiety? The entire world is feeling anxious over the novel coronavirus.
You can choose to limit the noise in your life. Let’s turn down the noise and focus on our self-care.
THE GRATITUDE JOURNAL AND MORE
How about keeping a gratitude journal? This daily practice will help to keep you centered. And even in the most trying times, there is always something to be grateful for.
Even with this COVID-19 situation, we can still be thankful.
As you progress in your gratitude journal, you will start to appreciate things you never really thought about. You might notice a beautiful little tree in your backyard that you never even looked at before – or the way your dog’s eyebrows and ears move when you talk to him.
There are so many things to do every day that can enrich you.
You could write a real letter to a friend. Yes – a snail-mail letter. You can start on that book you always wanted to write.
How about listening to music or catching up on your podcast queue? You can get into a fitness routine. (Yes – you can still go outside. Into the sunshine. By now, we all know about social distancing.)
You can go for a walk or a bike ride, spend time video chatting with family and friends or take a drive.
CREATIVITY, YOGA, MUSIC
De-clutter. Try painting, coloring or drawing. Shoot a video. Set up that YouTube channel you have been thinking about.
Read uplifting books. Get your blog going. Have you ever thought about starting a podcast? It’s quick and easy to get set up.
You can come out the other side of this pandemic as a guitar player.
Jeff practices yoga daily, and he highly recommends that everybody try it. Stretch. Breathe.
The point is this: Downtime because of COVID-19 can become an exercise in personal development.
Watch the above VIDEO for more from Jeff.
THE FAMILY: SHARE YOUR FEELINGS
In the VIDEO, Jeff talks about Dr. Murray Bowen and his Family Systems Theory, which details the family dynamic and mental health. It’s all about how different family members cope with what they are going through in life.
According to Jeff, if we’re not communicating and sharing our thoughts and feelings within the family, we start going outside of it, and that’s where separation happens.
Bullying often comes from our children having to suppress what life throws at them. This can cause them to take their anger and frustration out on others.
Jeff discusses an important point made by his friend, Dr. Alex Crosby at the CDC: The number one statistic for suicide is white males between the ages of 35-50.
According to Jeff, many of these young men were taught not to share their feelings and to “suck it up,” “be tough” or “grind through it.”
“This isn’t healthy,” says Jeff. “When our responsibilities become bigger or our obligations are greater, you have no coping or problem-solving skills.”
It’s critical that we tell our kids that it’s OK to talk about their feelings. The old-school approach is dangerous and simply doesn’t work.
Talk to your children about COVID-19 and pay attention to their concerns.
WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS
COVID-19 is scary. Do what the experts tell you to do. We will get through this.
Make sure to share your feelings with your circle. Communicate. Laugh. Love.
“Find things that you can do that take you away from the stress and bring you closer to what’s beneficial for your overall well-being,” said Jeff.
Resources
ORDER Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.
CLICK HERE for Jeff’s online suicide prevention course.
To book Jeff for your school or event, call 800-948-9289
High School Mental Health Speaker Brings Motivation, Dodgeball, Humor, and Yoga to Upper Scioto Valley
Last year, high school mental health speaker Jeff Yalden visited Upper Scioto Valley High School in McGuffey, Ohio and spent a full day speaking to the students, teachers, and parents.
During his visit, Jeff connected with the junior class and developed a relationship with them via Facebook. Watch the video of Jeff’s in 2019. (Click Here).

In February, Jeff was invited back for the school’s Mental Health Day. Who better for your students mental health day than Jeff Yalden? He’s been doing this in school communities all over the country for three decades.
Jeff talks teen mental health, self-harm, self-medicating, depression, and teen suicide. How awesome is it that the students invited Jeff to come back to their school to talk teen mental health? It just goes to show that we can talk mental health and have fun too.
Upper Scioto Valley School District invested in Jeff for a second year in a row. On this visit, Jeff talked to students, teachers, and parents and community again, but this time he brought a slightly different message.
Not only is Jeff a teen mental health motivational speaker, but he also consults with school districts on school culture and school climate.
New Program: Intentional Living
Jeff’s new program, Schools of Intentional Living and Learning, is focused on improving and enhancing school campuses by providing the fundamental modality of self-care and mindful practice. This is accomplished by teaching intentional living and self-advocacy to recharge the mind, body, and the soul.
The benefits of being a School of Intentional Living and Learning includes:
- Improve relationships between students and staff.
- Improve self acceptance and self-esteem.
- Building a family friendly and supportive campus.
- Valuing ourselves and each other.
- To practice self-care improving one’s emotions.
- Teaching equanimity.
- Bring awareness to our mental health and how to be in control.
- To teach compassion, kindness, and empathy.
- To give back and see the benefits of selfless service.
- Less referrals for Discipline.
- More community engagement, especially on campus.
- Becoming a National Recognized School of Influence.
- Teaches time management.
- Teaches non-judgement.
School Culture & Mental Health
Everyday talk is about changing the way we’re engaging in our schools between staff and students. Jeff wants to change the school environment so that schools and campuses are safe, but also friendly and fully functional for overall academic successes. But he also focus on addressing the growing concerns of mental health and our teens.
Since 1992, Jeff has been one of the most sought after high school motivational youth speakers in the world.
At this point in his high school motivational speaking career, Jeff wants to inspire and encourage all individuals in the school community to be fully present and engaged, but without the inherent stress and anxiety that are plaguing today’s society.
Jeff Yalden is a man that lives with mental illness, is a practicing yogi, and working on his 200 hour yoga teacher training certification. He wants to help, inspire, educate, and bring to schools a modality that changes the culture of our schools and in return addresses teacher retention and the mental health of our students.
Mental Health Day at Upper Scioto Valley School District
The day started at 7:00 am where Jeff brought his yoga practice to Upper Scioto Valley High School gym with two elementary teachers and the high school counselor. Jeff introduced his yoga practice and explained how yoga has been beneficial to him living with mental illness.
As Jeff took these three staff members on a simple yoga morning exercise routine he talked about how schools should have a yoga program for students and staff. For one it is great for relationships, protecting the posture of our youth, and also to increase self-esteem, and to be find a practice that helps with mental well-being and so much more.
After the yoga workout, teachers and staff members were waiting for Jeff before the students arrive.
Teacher and Staff Development
Off to the board room where Jeff talked and inspired the staff and teachers from K-12.
What teacher and staff development is actually fun? Ask Jeff, and he always has fun talking to teachers and staff members. Jeff likes to say thank you to teachers for his regret in not thanking the teachers and coaches that made him the man he is today.
For an hour, they talked about teen mental health, teen stress, anxiety, and how to help our students be their own best advocates for their mental well-being.
Aside from the teens, Jeff talked to the staff about their own mental well-being as well.
It’s frustrating that we are losing so many great teachers to other professions because being a teacher was once seen as an incredible job.
Today, being a teacher comes with a lot of stress. Grappling with the mental health of students isn’t something today’s teachers think they’re qualified to handle. It’s a very scary situation when you look at trying to retain teachers and where education is going to be in 10-15 years.
After speaking to the teachers and staff, the middle school and high school students came down to the field house where Jeff spoke to them on teen mental health and advocating for yourself for about an hour and a half.
Teen Mental Health Speaker for High School and Middle School Students
Jeff addressed the students and staff about his journey living with mental illness. He talked to them about being willing to speak up about feelings. His talk also visited teen suicide, self-harm and self-medicating. He also covered drugs, vaping, and how to reduce anxiety.
After the talk, the day was spent with a great mix of fun, classroom talk about coping and problem solving. He also met with individual students and small groups.
Upper Scioto Valley School District did a great job in bringing this mental health awareness day to their school. It was presented in a way that made it fun without heavy conversations or triggers. It was a day that all schools should look to incorporate into their school curriculum.
Another great visit to McGuffey, OH and Upper Scioto Valley High School for Teen Mental Health and High School Mental Health Motivational Speaker, Jeff Yalden.
Teen Suicide Behaviors and Responding in a Crisis
“Jeff is an amazing speaker and his message is powerful. I heard him for the first time in Atchison,KS after our community suffered from some very tragic losses. Jeff was amazing and helped with the healing process. My high school son heard Jeff speak and his comment to me was “that was powerful mom.” I brought Jeff to my district this past fall. Again, his message was powerful and he touched the lives of many. Jeff you are amazing!!! Keep fighting the fight!” – Julie Crum, Principal
Addressing Teen Suicide & Prevention in Schools
Addressing teen suicide in schools is becoming more of a concern everyday. Our school administrators are understanding that they need to bring this more attention, but the concern is how to do it in a safe and non-triggering manner that is educational, informative, and provides help for those in need. Without the proper community resources, understand the schools are lacking the correct resources to address students in need of third party professional care. Nonetheless, at the onset, it’s about relationships and getting our youth to talk. It’s important that our students learn about mental health from the same trusted adults they learn everyday from. Full applause to every administrator,
When the Conversation Happens
Let’s get acquainted with a few things regarding the conversation about teen mental health, teen suicide, suicidal behavior or mental wellness. First, the conversation don’t need to be in crisis moments. The conversations don’t need to be depressing either. It’s really important that we all get educated and know what to do when the conversation happens in real time. Even before the conversation starts, we need to notice the red flags and potential suicidal behavior that will lead us to have the conversation. Listen, nothing to be worried about. Nothing to want to shy away from. We are adults and we have experience and wisdom. Talk to your teens, students, youth in the same manner you talk about your subject or a current event. You are the trusted and significant adult. They’re going to listen to you. With everything, approach this conversation with compassion, empathy, and be really present with your heart to theirs. This moment is a moment that can shape their life forever and you are that light the individual needs. Give yourself permission to know you can and will say the right thing. Know that you listening and being present is what matters most in this moment.You Might Not Be Qualified
Stop right there. You might not be trained in mental health as a counselor or therapist, but you are trusted as a teacher or you’ve been given the honor of being a mom or dad, coach, aunt, uncle, youth pastor, or some other significant adult. You are qualified in these moments of crisis where a young person trusts in you. What you do in these moments matter most. Your number one job is to cherish this relationship right here and right now. Listen. Care. Be the source that bridges this individual with the person they need to be with to get the help they need. Think parents. Think school counselor. Think professional mental health care. Put this in order. First, get in touch with your school counselor or school administration. You’ve done your job. They will contact parents and let’s hope the parents do the right thing. In the meantime, you’ve done more than what a qualified person can do. A qualified person wasn’t there when the individual needed that trusting and significant adult. Believe in you. However, do remember you are not the therapist and your job isn’t to fix the individual. You being present, compassionate, and giving your attention to the situation is saving the person’s life and giving them hope, permission, and the right advise of what is next.Warning Signs of Teen Suicide
The warning signs associated with teen suicide should be learned by every adult and student. This should be common place in today’s schools. Just knowing the warning signs alone can make the conversation happen before the individual reaches out. You will know when to intervene. Active listening skills should be a staff development workshop as well as a class for students. This way, anyone hearing or seeing warning signs can intervene when they witness those signs that are a “Cry for help.” The more education we receive on teen suicide behaviors and how to respond the greater chances we have of saving lives and getting people the help they need.Outside Resources
All teachers and school personnel should be given the outside resources that are available within your community. Make it available to all teachers in a booklet and also add it to your school website resources page. Having this information on hand and readily accessible shows genuine concern for your students and also offers a sense of hope in facing life’s challenges.School Policy on Teen Suicide
Every school should have their policy on teen suicide available along with the resources. This policy should cover the basics of what to look for such as the warning signs, symptoms, myths and facts, clues, and more. This should be written with the help of school counselors, mental health professionals, and should be talked about with all staff present so they’re comfortable in the policies and procedures if and when they find themselves in a conversation or a crisis. Know the policies and procedures and have them written down and provided to all staff. Knowing what to do and how to respond appropriately to suicidal behavior and a crisis or a threat in school or out of school is important to saving a life before an individual reacts emotionally. This knowledge will not only help students and staff members, but it will also possibly avoid lawsuits.Teen Suicide Behaviors: Clues
All teachers and staff members should be aware of clues that will show the warning signs. Take all signs seriously. If you see something you should say something. If you know something you should do something. You generally have four different types clues that something is wrong:- Direct Verbal Clues
- Indirect Verbal Clues
- Behavioral Clues
- Situational Clues
- Talking about suicide, hurting themselves, death, or dying
- Seeking access to firearms or pills
- Withdrawing from friends, family, and society
- Having severe mood swings
- Feeling hopeless or trapped
- Increased use of alcohol or drugs
- Sleeping all the time or having issues with sleep
- Uncontrolled rage or agitation
- Self-destructive and risky behavior
- Giving away personal belongings
- Telling people goodbye for seemingly no reason
Remember people at any age can experience suicidal thoughts. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among teenagers.
Other Factors to Consider
- Gender: Men commit suicide successfully 4.5 times more often than women, but women attempt suicide 2-4 times more than men.
- Ethnicity: African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, and Asian-Americans have lower rates than Euro-Americans.
- However, Native Americans have rates 1.6-4.2 times the national average.
- Sexual orientation: Homosexual teens are three times more likely to attempts suicide than heterosexual teens.
- Previous suicide attempts: Of all completed suicides, 10-40% have previously attempted suicide.
Ways to Intervene
Knowing the policies and procedures will help immensely. Follow the guidelines accordingly and be confident to step into action. Be prepared to drop everything to take time to deal with the situation. Take every complaint and feeling the individual expresses seriously. Do not try to minimize the problem by telling the person everything they have to live for. This will only increase feelings of guilt and hopelessness and could result in suicidal behavior. Be calm, supportive, and nonjudgmental. Listen actively and encourage self-disclosure. It is okay to acknowledge the reality of suicide as a choice, but do not “normalize” suicide as a choice. Assure the individual they’re doing the right thing by confiding in you. Do not express discomfort with the situation. Your willingness to discuss it will show the person you care and you want to help. Stay with the person. Never leave him/her alone until further action has been taken. You have done everything you can by just being in the moment, listening and being non-judgemental.Suicidal Ideation on Phone
If you are talking to someone via phone, do not hang up; get someone else to call for help on another line. Be on speaker and be texting someone immediately. Don’t overreact until you know the severity, but take all signs seriously. Get someone to the person in distress immediately. Recognize that talking about suicide will not plant the idea! In reality, talking about suicide reduces their anxiety.Show You Care and Want To Help
Listen and ask questions. Show that you are paying attention and that you care. Ask direct, straightforward questions. (“Are you thinking of suicide?”) Be aware that students will usually respond “no.” This is not your place to challenge them or wonder if they’re being truthful. Remember, you are the person that got them talking and the next step will be with the mental health professionals or third party psychiatric care and evaluation. Without you intervening here they may not get the help they need.
Ask Questions to Assess the Severity of the Situation
- What has happened to make life so difficult?
- What has been keeping you alive so far?
- Are you thinking of suicide?
- Do you have a suicide plan?
- Do you use alcohol or drugs?
- When you think about yourself and the future, what do you visualize?
- Is the means available to you? Remove the means if possible.
- What do you think the odds are that you will kill yourself?

The SLAP Method
Determining the severity of the risk isn’t your call to make. The situation needs to be addressed with the parents, the school counselors, or a third party mental health professional from your conversation. That includes you calling 911, school administration, school counselor, parents, family members, etc. It’s important that you have this information though because it needs to be documented and shared when you make the call. S = How (S) pecific are the details of the plan? L = What is the (L) evel of lethality of the plan? (Gun vs. aspirin) A = What is the (A) vailability of the proposed method? P = What is the (P) roximity to helping resources? Be positive and supportive in your approach. Help the individual student see that what they’re feeling in this moment is temporary and that the crisis will pass. Just get the individual to breathe. Let the individual know they’re okay and they will be okay. Validate them for sharing and coming forward.
Support Groups and People to Help
Often an individual contemplating suicide is unaware of the different support groups such as (e.g., counselors, family, friends) that are available. Or, they feel they can’t talk to them or they don’t know how to talk to them. Mention the individual’s family as a source of strength, but if they reject the idea, back away quickly. For teens, the source of pain is usually either the family or the peer group. When you know which it is, you are in a better position to help or refer for help. Use constructive questions to help separate and define the person’s problems and remove some of their confusion. To help the person understand their situation, use active listening and respond empathically. (“It sounds like you feel…”). Allow them to talk and you listen.Being Prepared in Moments of Crisis
If it’s a crisis situation and you need to make crisis management decisions in the moment. Be decisive. Rapid decision making on the part of the intervener is extremely important. If you need someone to help find out who the individual’s trusted and significant adult is and call for help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Moving Forward in the Moment of Crisis
Report the incident or any potential teen suicide behavior to the appropriate school personnel. Again, this is school counselor(s) or school administration. Here again, know the the proper protocol. Know policy and procedure so you move forward according to your school districts guidelines.Never Leave a Suicidal Person Alone
Before leaving the individual make sure they verbally promise they will be safe and won’t make a forever decision – Commit Suicide. If you can, get the student to sign something that you had written up. Make sure this is the last resort before leaving a student alone in this situation. Teen Suicide and acting on impulse is like what butter is to bread. Know that their behavior and the crisis situation they’re feeling time is of the utmost importance. Do not leave the person alone . . . UNLESS, and this is a big UNLESS, you absolutely have no other choice and you’ve agreed with the person in writing they’ll be okay for the night. If you can’t get hold of school personnel such as counselor or school administration, call the students parents or guardians. Please make a decisive decision for what is in the best interest of the student and their well-being. Save a life first. Depending on the time of day and the whereabouts of this moment, you have to act and do accordingly. Do not keep the person’s threat a secret, but do respect their privacy. Be confident and think through the situation in what is the best, safest, outcome for the individual.Actions to Avoid
Responding in Crisis Situations isn’t easy, but know that in the moment you need to breathe and relax. It’s going to be okay, but here are some things to avoid. Make no promises. This is a situation where it is never appropriate to promise confidentiality. Do not ignore or lessen the suicidal threat. Avoid sounding shocked at the suicidal thoughts. Do not stress the shock or pain that the suicide may cause their family before you are certain that is not exactly what the student hopes to accomplish. Don’t moralize. Do not argue with a student who may be suicidal. You may not only lose the debate, but also the person. Don’t criticize, ridicule, or infer that the person is crazy. Don’t be concerned by long periods of silence. Allow the student time to think. Do not ignore your own intuitions about a student’s suicidal behavior or changes. Do not try to handle the situation alone. Do not attempt in-depth counseling. Be present. Be patient. Listen.Teen Suicide: Additional Information
If a suicide does occur, it is essential that the students be provided with accurate facts about the suicide as soon as possible. This information should be given to all students simultaneously. It is necessary to provide sufficient time for discussion and also support for the students. Be careful here, because you need to know what the family/parents are saying. This is also a moment where the school administration may not have had time to brief the school staff. If this is the case, the teachers are already in class and will have to address the situation with their classes. Another reason why it’s important to address teen suicide: behaviors and responding in moments of crisis. Staff members want to know what to say and how to support their students. Give them permission that they’re capable of having this conversation and that it’s okay to speak from their heart. Be gentle, listen, it’s okay to show your emotions. This is real and the kids want real. They want their teachers to be real and not to sugarcoat situation or events. The students will look to you for guidance and support. It’s okay to just say, “I don’t know right now. I’m shocked. I have to process this and breathe. Right now, that’s all we can all do.” It’s okay to say, “I’m sorry. This really sucks!” Allow them to talk and express their feelings. Getting them to talk openly and together is the best and safest thing as they’re all together. Keep the students in school. School is the safest place for everyone to be. Together.Teen Suicide Statistics
- Of the people that commit the act of suicide, 90% have showed signs that indicated they needed help. Most have told someone within the previous couple weeks that they were thinking about hurting themselves.
- In the past 30 years, teen suicide has increased 300%.
- Among children between the ages of 10-14, suicide has gone up 112%.
- For every completed suicide, there are between 300 attempts.
- Suicidal adolescents are a diverse group. Be aware of the ripple effect.
- Research shows an increase in adolescent suicide following media coverage of a high profile suicide.
Jeff Yalden: Teen Mental Health and High School Assemblies
Why Teens Self-Harm
Why Teens Self-Harm
Let’s talk about why teens self-harm so you as a trusted adult in a teens life can intervene and get the teen the help they’re in need of. We need to be more open about teen mental health in our homes and this is a conversation we need to be having in our schools.
It’s important to understand the signs and symptoms of teens in distress and how best to intervene as their trusted adults.
The Consequences of Self-Harm:
Understand that the consequences of this self-harm behavior goes beyond physical harm. It includes depression, anxiety, stress, overwhelming feels, social isolation – isolation is toxic, and can certainly be an increased risk for a suicide attempt. Intervening early can save a life or a future of negative coping and problem-solving skills.Self-Harm in our Communities
Self-harm is a highly prevalent behavior in our middle school, high schools, on college campuses, and in our communities. It really highlights the fact that we really need to address this behavior and start the conversations in our schools. Our teachers, coaches, and school personnel are so important and vital in the conversation around teen mental health, self-harm, and suicide prevention.Self-Harm is the Primer to Suicide
Researchers have speculated that self-harm might prime teens for suicide as long as they’re able to overcome the fear and pain that comes from self-harm.
- The individual starts to tolerate the pain
- The individual starts to justify why taking their life is the right thing to do
Scientists Describe Self-Harm
Non-suicidal self-injury is commonly defined by scientists as a deliberate discrete destruction of body tissue without the intent of suicide.You’re trying to destroy your body in some way without trying to kill yourself. A wide range of behaviors fit this description of why teens self-harm, including cutting, burning and carving of the skin, and sticking yourself with pins and needles. It’s also pulling hair, punching themselves, and and it’s also reckless behavior and self-medicating – vaping, drugs, alcohol, pot, and more harmful drugs. Our youth usually start self-harming themselves between the ages of 11 and 15. Be mindful it is happening at a much earlier age and also at an older age. Know why teens are self-harming and by knowing why you have a better chance of getting the teen the help they need. Surveys that suggest self-harm in teens is somewhere between 4% and 50%. If we are looking at self-medicating and self-harm together, Jeff says those that self-medicate are dealing with issues and they’re using self-medicating to cope. If this is the case, we are looking at much more than 50%.
Self-Harm: Increased Risk of Suicide
There is also some evidence that people who engage in non-suicidal self-injury are at an increased risk of suicide. The evidence mostly links strongest with those patients in psychiatric care. When Jeff comes to a school community and address teens in one-on-ones here is two feelings he most commonly hears from students about why they’re self-harming. These are two symptoms of teen suicide behavior and warning signs of mental illness.Self-Harm Thoughts Come From:
- Feelings of Being Alone – Teens feel they lack meaningful relationships.
- Disappointment – Teens feel they’re a disappointment to family, friends, teachers, coaches. They don’t want to burden you with their problems.
Visit Jeff’s Theory on Teen Suicide:

Teen Suicide and Suicide Prevention needs to be addressed in schools and in our homes. Jeff Yalden is renowned as a teen mental health speaker.
Coping with Emotions
Teens engage in self-injury as a way to cope with their emotions, particularly the negative ones. Most teens that talk about self-harm say that it works. That self-harm makes them feel better. It calms them down and brings a sense of relief. When Jeff is meeting with a teen who is opening sharing their self-harm, he says, “Self-harm is a good thing in that you’re recognizing it isn’t the healthy way of asking or getting help.” The teen is often shocked by what Jeff is saying. He makes sure that the individual fully understands what he is saying and what he means. He helps them to understand they want help and they’re acting out. To know that self-harm isn’t healthy and to want to deal with emotions in a more healthy manner is what Jeff applauds in his talks with teens. With the right help and trusted relationships, the teen will open up and see that asking for help is okay and they shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help. If you work with teens in any capacity it’s a great responsibility and privilege to help our youth deal with their thoughts and emotions in a more healthy manner. If we don’t teach our youth in their young years, their unhealthy coping skills will manifest and appear later and throughout your life causing greater issues and problems.But Why Self-Harm?
Self-harm is soothing. Self-harm makes the teen feel better in the moment they’re self-harming. Self-harm releases endorphins. Endorphins are brain chemicals that relieve pain and can produce euphoria in a way similar to a runner getting that endorphin effect, running. People use self-harm in a ways that other people use drugs or alcohol, food, gambling, or sex . . . to try to feel better in the hear and the now. Young people live in the here and the now and that is a challenge of understanding and getting across to our youth is that life isn’t in the here and the now. Consider this, many people also self-harm as a form of punishment.Four Reasons Teens Self-Harm
- relieve tension or stop bad feelings
- feel something, even if it’s pain; The individual wants control
- communicate with others to show they are distressed
- get others to stop bothering them
It’s Prime Time for Teens to Engage in Self-Harm
Why do teens self-harm? Well, from a development perspective, it’s the perfect storm for self-harm as teens are growing through these stages of life. Navigating personal relationships, the brains and bodies maturing and going through major changes. Their hormones, emotions, puberty, self identity, and more . . . This is prime time as they’re living 24/7 and simply are trying to breathe with how fast life is passing by and they’re trying to keep up with it. Part of the brain involved in emotion, the amygdala, and part of the brain involved in higher thinking, the cortex, are not fully connected, and as a result, they don’t communicate as well as they do later in life. The teen brain doesn’t mature until they’re about 24-25 years old. It’s very common for teens, particularly early adolescents, to feel high levels of emotion and really not have many skills to deal with the emotion. Teens are more reactionary and don’t understand that in a matter of time answers will appear and what they’re dealing with in the now will be okay in a couple of days, or even in a couple of hours. That is why Jeff always says, “Take Time To Think.” When the brains are fully developed, they may learn other more positive methods for coping with their emotions, such as talking to a friend, exercise, or ask a professional for help. Self-injury does seem to be a behavior many teens grow out of, with around 80 percent reporting that they stopped injuring themselves within five years of starting. That is good news. However, let’s not ignore the fact that we need to engage in the conversations. From a practical point of view, self-harm is an easily accessible behavior for teens who might have a hard time getting a hold of drugs and alcohol. Let’s get to them before they start self-medicating and engaging in a deeper form of self-harm that they’ll be in denial about.Gender Differences in Why Teens Self-Harm
Research once suggested that self-harm is a more common behavior among girls. More recent research says there is more of an even split between boys and girls. Jeff says that today he thinks self-harm is higher amongst boys than it is girls. However, keep in mind, girls and boys might use different methods for hurting themselves and some methods are more noticeable than others. Example, girls are more likely to cut while boys are more likely to use more masculine ways such as reckless behavior or burning themselves. Girls look for more feminine ways and boys look for more manly or masculine ways of self-harm.Treating Self-Harm

MENTAL ILLNESS: THE GREATEST PUBLIC HEALTH CRISIS OF OUR TIME?

We can no longer sweep mental illness under the carpet…
Teen suicide and the opioid crisis are crippling communities on a scale we have never seen. We have major issues on our hands that point to an underlying component of mental illness – and if the stigma surrounding mental illness leads to under-reported suicides, who is to say that an overdose isn’t a suicide? A death certificate might attribute the cause of a death to suicide, but oftentimes we have no idea about intent.
According to USA Today, more than 175 Americans die daily of drug overdoses – which is greater than the number of teens to make the forever decision to take their lives.
What do we do, then? Can we sit idly by and hope the government will step up and do something, or can we empower ourselves by coming up with our own solutions…
Coming up with the answers ourselves seems like a much better idea.
We all need to step up, and that goes double if we are parents. We need to be present – ready and willing to talk about the issues facing our kids in this complicated world.

The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that some 300 million people worldwide are affected by depression. That number proves that depression is the most common mental health issue – and depression can be the catalyst that leads people to suicide.
Depression falls under the umbrella of mental illness – and if any diagnosis related to mental illness is ignored or left untreated, a quality life of joy and happiness could be very difficult. Is this you?
Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Approximately 44,000 Americans die by suicide every year. One person out of 25 who attempt suicide will succeed.
As if the above heartbreaking statistics weren’t enough, suicide takes a heavy toll on the national economy. The Education Development Center at Brandeis University cited research putting the national cost of suicide at $58.4 billion based on reported numbers alone (much of this represented by lost productivity) – but determined that the cost has been significantly underestimated.
“The researchers calculated that the annual public cost of suicide attempts and suicides in the United States is approximately $93.5 billion—nearly twice previously thought. Their study appears in Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, the official journal of the American Association of Suicidology.”
Our teens are suffering, and the number of teen deaths by suicide is rising. It is truly a public health crisis.
Paying close attention to teen mental health is the new normal for us. We – parents, teachers, school staff, coaches and administrators – need to accept this and understand the responsibility we all have.
To book Jeff for your school, event or conference, call 1-800-948-9289
You can learn more about Jeff Yalden by visiting his website – www.JeffYalden.com. You can also learn more about Jeff’s Suicide Prevention Online Course for School Communities and Parents, Jeff Yalden University, and follow Jeff on YouTube and Social Media by clicking on the links below: Online Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities Facebook Page School Resources Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866