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Teen Suicide Behaviors and Responding in a Crisis

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Teen suicide behaviors and responding in a crisis is written by Jeff Yalden and provided for school communities to help save lives and teach mental health in our schools. Teen Suicide is an epidemic today concerning school communities. Know the behaviors and warning signs of suicidal ideation and how to respond in the event of a crisis.

Jeff Yalden is a teen suicide prevention expert and works with school communities helping to create policies and procedures for school staff. Jeff speaks with students, teachers, counselors, administration, parents, and communities on teen mental health and building school culture to create a winning environment that helps students succeed and improve the morale and retainership of school staff.

“Jeff is an amazing speaker and his message is powerful. I heard him for the first time in Atchison,KS after our community suffered from some very tragic losses. Jeff was amazing and helped with the healing process. My high school son heard Jeff speak and his comment to me was “that was powerful mom.” I brought Jeff to my district this past fall. Again, his message was powerful and he touched the lives of many. Jeff you are amazing!!!  Keep fighting the fight!” – Julie Crum, Principal

Addressing Teen Suicide & Prevention in Schools

Teen Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities

Addressing teen suicide in schools is becoming more of a concern everyday. Our school administrators are understanding that they need to bring this more attention, but the concern is how to do it in a safe and non-triggering manner that is educational, informative, and provides help for those in need. Without the proper community resources understand the schools are lacking the correct resources to address students in need of third party professional care. Nonetheless, at the onset, it’s about relationships and getting our youth to talk.

It’s important that our students learn about mental health from the same trusted adults they learn everyday from.

Full applause to every administrator, teacher, coach, student, and parent that supports this and is willing to address the topic of teen mental health. Bravo! We have a lot of work to do, but let’s not shy away from the topic of Teen Mental Health.

When the Conversation Happens

Let’s get acquainted with a few things regarding the conversation about teen mental health, teen suicide, or mental wellness. First, the conversation don’t need to be in crisis moments. The conversations don’t need to be depressing either.  It’s really important that we all get educated and know what to do when the conversation happens in real time. Even before the conversation starts, we need to notice the red flags that will lead us to have the conversation. Listen, nothing to be worried about. Nothing to want to shy away from.

We are adults and we have experience and wisdom. Talk to your teens, students, youth in the same manner you talk about your subject or a current event. You are the trusted and significant adult. They’re going to listen to you. With everything, approach this conversation with compassion, empathy, and be really present with your heart to theirs. This moment is a moment that can shape their life forever and you are that light the individual needs.

Give yourself permission to know you can and will say the right thing. Know that you listening and being present is what matters most in this moment.

You Might Not Be Qualified

Stop right there. You might not be trained in mental health as a counselor or therapist, but you are trusted as a teacher or you’ve been given the honor of being a mom or dad, coach, aunt, uncle, youth pastor, or some other significant adult. You are qualified in these moments of crisis where a young person trusts in you. What you do in these moments matter most. Your number one job is to cherish this relationship right here and right now. Listen. Care. Be the source that bridges this individual with the person they need to be with to get the help they need.

Think parents. Think school counselor. Think professional mental health care. Put this in order. First, get in touch with your school counselor or school administration. You’ve done your job. They will contact parents and let’s hope the parents do the right thing. In the meantime, you’ve done more than what a qualified person can do. A qualified person wasn’t there when the individual needed that trusting and significant adult. Believe in you.

However, do remember you are not the therapist and your job isn’t to fix the individual. You being present, compassionate, and giving your attention to the situation is saving the person’s life and giving them hope, permission, and the right advise of what is next.

Warning Signs of Teen Suicide

The warning signs associated with teen suicide should be learned by every adult and student. This should be common place in today’s schools. Just knowing the warning signs alone can make the conversation happen before the individual reaches out. You will know when to intervene.

Active listening skills should be a staff development workshop as well as a class for students. This way, anyone hearing or seeing warning signs can intervene when they witness those signs that are a “Cry for help.”

Jeff’s new booklet for Parents and Teens

The more education we receive on teen suicide behaviors and how to respond the greater chances we have of saving lives and getting people the help they need.

Outside Resources

All teachers and school personnel should be given the outside resources that are available within your community. Make it available to all teachers in a booklet and also add it to your school website resources page. Having this information on hand and readily accessible shows genuine concern for your students and also offers a sense of hope in facing life’s challenges.

School Policy on Teen Suicide

Every school should have their policy on teen suicide available along with the resources. This policy should cover the basics of what to look for such as the warning signs, symptoms, myths and facts, clues, and more. This should be written with the help of school counselors, mental health professionals, and should be talked about with all staff present so they’re comfortable in the policies and procedures if and when they find themselves in a conversation or a crisis.

Know the policies and procedures and have them written down and provided to all staff. Knowing what to do and how to respond appropriately to suicidal behavior and a crisis or a threat in school or out of school is important to saving a life before an individual reacts emotionally. This knowledge will not only help students and staff members, but it will also possibly avoid lawsuits.

Renowned youth mental health and suicide prevention speaker has a theory about teen suicide

Teen Suicide Clues

All teachers and staff members should be aware of clues that will show the warning signs. Take all signs seriously. If you see something you should say something. If you know something you should do something.

You generally have four different types clues that something is wrong:

  • Direct Verbal Clues
  • Indirect Verbal Clues
  • Behavioral Clues
  • Situational Clues

Within these types of clues there are warning signs to look for and know about. They include but are not limited to:

  • Talking about suicide, hurting themselves, death, or dying
  • Seeking access to firearms or pills
  • Withdrawing from friends, family, and society
  • Having severe mood swings
  • Feeling hopeless or trapped
  • Increased use of alcohol or drugs
  • Sleeping all the time or having issues with sleep
  • Uncontrolled rage or agitation
  • Self-destructive and risky behavior
  • Giving away personal belongings
  • Telling people goodbye for seemingly no reason

For more information about teen suicide, please visit Jeff’s Teen Suicide section on his website.

Don’t let this happen to one of your students.

Remember people at any age can experience suicidal thoughts. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among teenagers.

Other Factors to Consider

  • Gender: Men commit suicide successfully 4.5 times more often than women, but women attempt suicide 2-4 times more than men.
  • Ethnicity: African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, and Asian-Americans have lower rates than Euro-Americans.
    • However, Native Americans have rates 1.6-4.2 times the national average.
  • Sexual orientation: Homosexual teens are three times more likely to attempts suicide than heterosexual teens.
  • Previous suicide attempts: Of all completed suicides, 10-40% have previously attempted suicide.

Ways to Intervene

Knowing the policies and procedures will help immensely.  Follow the guidelines accordingly and be confident to step into action. Be prepared to drop everything to take time to deal with the situation. Take every complaint and feeling the individual expresses seriously.

Do not try to minimize the problem by telling the person everything they have to live for. This will only increase feelings of guilt and hopelessness.

Be calm, supportive, and nonjudgmental. Listen actively and encourage self-disclosure.

It is okay to acknowledge the reality of suicide as a choice, but do not “normalize” suicide as a choice. Assure the individual they’re doing the right thing by confiding in you.

Do not express discomfort with the situation. Your willingness to discuss it will show the person you care and you want to help.  Stay with the person. Never leave him/her alone until further action has been taken. You have done everything you can by just being in the moment, listening and being non-judgemental.

Suicidal Ideation on Phone

If you are talking to someone via phone, do not hang up; get someone else to call for help on another line. Be on speaker and be texting someone immediately. Don’t overreact until you know the severity, but take all signs seriously. Get someone to the person in distress immediately.

Recognize that talking about suicide will not plant the idea! In reality, talking about suicide reduces their anxiety.

Show You Care and Want To Help

Listen and ask questions. Show that you are paying attention and that you care. Ask direct, straightforward questions. (“Are you thinking of suicide?”)

Be aware that students will usually respond “no.” This is not your place to challenge them or wonder if they’re being truthful.

Remember, you are the person that got them talking and the next step will be with the mental health professionals or third party psychiatric care and evaluation. Without you intervening here they may not get the help they need.

Ask Questions to Assess the Severity of the Situation

  • What has happened to make life so difficult?
  • What has been keeping you alive so far?
  • Are you thinking of suicide?
  • Do you have a suicide plan?
  • Do you use alcohol or drugs?
  • When you think about yourself and the future, what do you visualize?
  • Is the means available to you? Remove the means if possible.
  • What do you think the odds are that you will kill yourself?

Don’t ask the questions back to back. Ask and listen. Let them talk. The more you listen the more the individual will know you care.

The SLAP Method

Determining the severity of the risk isn’t your call to make. The situation needs to be addressed with the parents, the school counselors, or a third party mental health professional from your conversation. That includes you calling 911, school administration, school counselor, parents, family members, etc. It’s important that you have this information though because it needs to be documented and shared when you make the call.

S = How (S) pecific are the details of the plan?

L = What is the (L) evel of lethality of the plan? (Gun vs. aspirin)

A = What is the (A) vailability of the proposed method?

P = What is the (P) roximity to helping resources?

Be positive and supportive in your approach. Help the individual student see that what they’re feeling in this moment is temporary and that the crisis will pass. Just get the individual to breathe.

Let the individual know they’re okay and they will be okay. Validate them for sharing and coming forward.

Share about that situations we deal with are temporary, but suicide is forever. It’s okay to say this in the conversation.  Just remember, you are not a trained therapist and you can’t fix their heart. Just care and be there.

In the here and the now, your job is to understand, be compassionate, empathetic, and lead the individual to the right person in the moment of crisis. I can’t repeat that enough.

Support Groups and People to Help

Often an individual contemplating suicide is unaware of the different support groups such as (e.g., counselors, family, friends) that are available. Or, they feel they can’t talk to them or they don’t know how to talk to them. Mention the individual’s family as a source of strength, but if they reject the idea, back away quickly. For teens, the source of pain is usually either the family or the peer group. When you know which it is, you are in a better position to help or refer for help.

Use constructive questions to help separate and define the person’s problems and remove some of their confusion. To help the person understand their situation, use active listening and respond empathically. (“It sounds like you feel…”). Allow them to talk and you listen.

Being Prepared in Moments of Crisis

If it’s a crisis situation and you need to make crisis management decisions in the moment. Be decisive. Rapid decision making on the part of the intervener is extremely important. If you need someone to help find out who the individual’s trusted and significant adult is and call for help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Example: “So, I know you’re really close with your math teacher, Ms. __________. Would you like me to call and see if she is available?”

Moving Forward in the Moment of Crisis

Report the incident to the appropriate school personnel. Again, this is school counselor(s) or school administration.

Here again, know the the proper protocol. Know policy and procedure so you move forward according to your school districts guidelines.

 

Never Leave a Suicidal Person Alone

Before leaving the individual make sure they verbally promise they will be safe and won’t make a forever decision – Commit Suicide. If you can, get the student to sign something that you had written up. Make sure this is the last resort before leaving a student alone in this situation. Teen Suicide and acting on impulse is like what butter is to bread. Know that their behavior and the crisis situation they’re feeling time is of the utmost importance. Do not leave the person alone . . . UNLESS, and this is a big UNLESS, you absolutely have no other choice and you’ve agreed with the person in writing they’ll be okay for the night.

If you can’t get hold of school personnel such as counselor or school administration, call the students parents or guardians. Please make a decisive decision for what is in the best interest of the student and their well-being. Save a life first.

Depending on the time of day and the whereabouts of this moment, you have to act and do accordingly. Do not keep the person’s threat a secret, but do respect their privacy. Be confident and think through the situation in what is the best, safest, outcome for the individual.

Actions to Avoid

Responding in Crisis Situations isn’t easy, but know that in the moment you need to breathe and relax. It’s going to be okay, but here are some things to avoid.

Make no promises. This is a situation where it is never appropriate to promise confidentiality. Do not ignore or lessen the suicidal threat. Avoid sounding shocked at the suicidal thoughts. Do not stress the shock or pain that the suicide may cause their family before you are certain that is not exactly what the student hopes to accomplish. Don’t moralize. Do not argue with a student who may be suicidal. You may not only lose the debate, but also the person. Don’t criticize, ridicule, or infer that the person is crazy. Don’t be concerned by long periods of silence. Allow the student time to think. Do not ignore your own intuitions about a student’s behavior or changes. Do not try to handle the situation alone. Do not attempt in-depth counseling. Be present. Be patient. Listen.

Teen Suicide: Additional Information

If a suicide does occur, it is essential that the students be provided with accurate facts about the suicide as soon as possible. This information should be given to all students simultaneously. It is necessary to provide sufficient time for discussion and also support for the students. Be careful here, because you need to know what the family/parents are saying.

This is also a moment where the school administration may not have had time to brief the school staff. If this is the case, the teachers are already in class and will have to address the situation with their classes.  Another reason why it’s important to address teen suicide: behaviors and responding in moments of crisis. Staff members want to know what to say and how to support their students. Give them permission that they’re capable of having this conversation and that it’s okay to speak from their heart.

Be gentle, listen, it’s okay to show your emotions. This is real and the kids want real. They want their teachers to be real and not to sugarcoat situation or events.

The students will look to you for guidance and support. It’s okay to just say, “I don’t know right now. I’m shocked. I have to process this and breathe. Right now, that’s all we can all do.” It’s okay to say, “I’m sorry. This really sucks!”

Allow them to talk and express their feelings. Getting them to talk openly and together is the best and safest thing as they’re all together. Keep the students in school. School is the safest place for everyone to be. Together.

Teen Suicide Statistics

  • Of the people that commit the act of suicide, 90% have showed signs that indicated they needed help. Most have told someone within the previous couple weeks that they were thinking about hurting themselves.
  • In the past 30 years, teen suicide has increased 300%.
  • Among children between the ages of 10-14, suicide has gone up 112%.
  • For every completed suicide, there are between 300 attempts.
  • Suicidal adolescents are a diverse group. Be aware of the ripple effect.
  • Research shows an increase in adolescent suicide following media coverage of a high profile suicide.

For more information about Jeff Yalden and his work in school communities, please visit www.JeffYalden.com.

Jeff Yalden: Teen Mental Health and High School Assemblies

Why Teens Self-Harm

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Why Teens Self-Harm


Let’s talk about why teens self-harm so you as a trusted adult in a teens life can intervene and get the teen the help they’re in need of. We need to be more open about teen mental health in our homes and this is a conversation we need to be having in our schools.

It’s important to understand the signs and symptoms of teens in distress and how best to intervene as their trusted adults.

The Consequences of Self-Harm:

Understand that the consequences of this self-harm behavior goes beyond physical harm. It includes depression, anxiety, stress, overwhelming feels, social isolation – isolation is toxic, and can certainly be an increased risk for a suicide attempt.

Intervening early can save a life or a future of negative coping and problem-solving skills.

Self-Harm in our Communities

Self-harm is a highly prevalent behavior in our middle school, high schools, on college campuses, and in our communities. It really highlights the fact that we really need to address this behavior and start the conversations in our schools. Our teachers, coaches, and school personnel are so important and vital in the conversation around teen mental health, self-harm, and suicide prevention.

Self-Harm is the Primer to Suicide

Researchers have speculated that self-harm might prime teens for suicide as long as they’re able to overcome the fear and pain that comes from self-harm.

When Jeff ask teens about self-harm and why they haven’t made the forever decision yet, they say, “It would hurt too much.” Or, “I couldn’t do that to my friends, family.” These are major red flags. Jeff says, if a student is self-harming (cutting) and not getting the help they need then two things start to happen:

  1. The individual starts to tolerate the pain
  2. The individual starts to justify why taking their life is the right thing to do

Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic

Scientists Describe Self-Harm

Non-suicidal self-injury is commonly defined by scientists as a deliberate discrete destruction of body tissue without the intent of suicide.

You’re trying to destroy your body in some way without trying to kill yourself.

A wide range of behaviors fit this description of why teens self-harm, including cutting, burning and carving of the skin, and sticking yourself with pins and needles. It’s also pulling hair, punching themselves, and and it’s also reckless behavior and self-medicating – vaping, drugs, alcohol, pot, and more harmful drugs.

Our youth usually start self-harming themselves between the ages of 11 and 15. Be mindful it is happening at a much earlier age and also at an older age. Know why teens are self-harming and by knowing why you have a better chance of getting the teen the help they need.

Surveys that suggest self-harm in teens is somewhere between 4% and 50%.  If we are looking at self-medicating and self-harm together, Jeff says those that self-medicate are dealing with issues and they’re using self-medicating to cope. If this is the case, we are looking at much more than 50%.

Self-Harm: Increased Risk of Suicide

There is also some evidence that people who engage in non-suicidal self-injury are at an increased risk of suicide. The evidence mostly links strongest with those patients in

Teen Suicide Text to Jeff Yalden

psychiatric care.

When Jeff comes to a school community and address teens in one-on-ones here is two feelings he most commonly hears from students about why they’re self-harming. These are two symptoms of teen suicide behavior and warning signs of mental illness.

Self-Harm Thoughts Come From:

  • Feelings of Being Alone – Teens feel they lack meaningful relationships.
  • Disappointment – Teens feel they’re a disappointment to family, friends, teachers, coaches. They don’t want to burden you with their problems.

Visit Jeff’s Theory on Teen Suicide:

Teen Suicide and Suicide Prevention needs to be addressed in schools and in our homes. Jeff Yalden is renowned as a teen mental health speaker.

Teen Suicide and Suicide Prevention needs to be addressed in schools and in our homes. Jeff Yalden is renowned as a teen mental health speaker.

A large majority of teens who report non-suicidal self-injury are not trying to end their life, they’re trying to cope with life and we know that teens today are struggling with coping skills and problem solving skills.

In this conversation when the teen is open about their self-harm, they’re asking for help. Our youth struggle with asking for help because they’re afraid to ask, they don’t know, or, they’re afraid to talk because they feel they will be judged.

Coping with Emotions

Teens engage in self-injury as a way to cope with their emotions, particularly the negative ones. Most teens that talk about self-harm say that it works. That self-harm makes them feel better. It calms them down and brings a sense of relief.

When Jeff is meeting with a teen who is opening sharing their self-harm, he says,  “Self-harm is a good thing in that you’re recognizing it isn’t the healthy way of asking or getting help.” The teen is often shocked by what Jeff is saying. He makes sure that the individual fully understands what he is saying and what he means.  He helps them to understand they want help and they’re acting out.

To know that self-harm isn’t healthy and to want to deal with emotions in a more healthy manner is what Jeff applauds in his talks with teens. With the right help and trusted relationships, the teen will open up and see that asking for help is okay and they shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help.

If you work with teens in any capacity it’s a great responsibility and privilege to help our youth deal with their thoughts and emotions in a more healthy manner. If we don’t teach our youth in their young years, their unhealthy coping skills will manifest and appear later and throughout your life causing greater issues and problems.

But Why Self-Harm?

Self-harm is soothing. Self-harm makes the teen feel better in the moment they’re self-harming.  Self-harm releases endorphins. Endorphins are brain chemicals that relieve pain and can produce euphoria in a way similar to a runner getting that endorphin effect, running.

People use self-harm in a ways that other people use drugs or alcohol, food, gambling, or sex . . . to try to feel better in the hear and the now. Young people live in the here and the now and that is a challenge of understanding and getting across to our youth is that life isn’t in the here and the now.

Consider this, many people also self-harm as a form of punishment.

Four Reasons Teens Self-Harm

  • relieve tension or stop bad feelings
  • feel something, even if it’s pain; The individual wants control
  • communicate with others to show they are distressed
  • get others to stop bothering them

There is also evidence that people are more likely to self-harm if they have a negative self image of themselves. Take this negative self believe combined with strong negative emotions and poor coping skills, it makes it easier for them to harm the body.

It’s Prime Time for Teens to Engage in Self-Harm

Why do teens self-harm? Well, from a development perspective, it’s the perfect storm for self-harm as teens are growing through these stages of life.

Navigating personal relationships, the brains and bodies maturing and going through major changes. Their hormones, emotions, puberty, self identity, and more . . . This is prime time as they’re living 24/7 and simply are trying to breathe with how fast life is passing by and they’re trying to keep up with it.

Part of the brain involved in emotion, the amygdala, and part of the brain involved in higher thinking, the cortex, are not fully connected, and as a result, they don’t communicate as well as they do later in life. The teen brain doesn’t mature until they’re about 24-25 years old.

It’s very common for teens, particularly early adolescents, to feel high levels of emotion and really not have many skills to deal with the emotion. Teens are more reactionary and don’t understand that in a matter of time answers will appear and what they’re dealing with in the now will be okay in a couple of days, or even in a couple of hours. That is why Jeff always says, “Take Time To Think.”

When the brains are fully developed, they may learn other more positive methods for coping with their emotions, such as talking to a friend, exercise, or ask a professional for help. Self-injury does seem to be a behavior many teens grow out of, with around 80 percent reporting that they stopped injuring themselves within five years of starting. That is good news. However, let’s not ignore the fact that we need to engage in the conversations.

From a practical point of view, self-harm is an easily accessible behavior for teens who might have a hard time getting a hold of drugs and alcohol.  Let’s get to them before they start self-medicating and engaging in a deeper form of self-harm that they’ll be in denial about.

Gender Differences in Why Teens Self-Harm

Research once suggested that self-harm is a more common behavior among girls. More recent research says there is more of an even split between boys and girls.  Jeff says that today he thinks self-harm is higher amongst boys than it is girls. However, keep in mind, girls and boys might use different methods for hurting themselves and some methods are more noticeable than others.

Example, girls are more likely to cut while boys are more likely to use more masculine ways such as reckless behavior or burning themselves. Girls look for more feminine ways and boys look for more manly or masculine ways of self-harm.

Treating Self-Harm

Those that self-harm are more than likely to overcome their behaviors without seeking treatment, but treatment early on is the best help they can receive.  It’s important to discuss this with the teen and the family and help them find more positive coping skills. This does need to be reported and dealt with in a non-judgmental and safe manner as to not upset the individual. Having a record on hand and reporting the situation will take the burden off you the trusted adult who intervened.

Consider this . . .

Don’t overreact. Don’t get mad. Don’t fix it. Don’t punish the child if you are the parent or guardian.

This is very serious and a moment in the child’s life that you can earn their trust and respect in crisis situations. Let them know unconditionally you care about him or her and are willing to help in any way. Validate their thoughts and feelings, but let them know there are safe ways of handling your emotions and you are there to help without judgement.

Anyone who has engaged in self-harm, even if it’s just one time, has reported more challenges and difficulties in their life. Psychologically and socially. So, if you know a student or a teenager and they’re self-harming, it is imperative to talk with the individual and get them the right help.

MENTAL ILLNESS: THE GREATEST PUBLIC HEALTH CRISIS OF OUR TIME?

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Part three of a series of principles based on Jeff new new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.

Yalden - Talking to Teen.png

We can no longer sweep mental illness under the carpet…

Teen suicide and the opioid crisis are crippling communities on a scale we have never seen. We have major issues on our hands that point to an underlying component of mental illness – and if the stigma surrounding mental illness leads to under-reported suicides, who is to say that an overdose isn’t a suicide? A death certificate might attribute the cause of a death to suicide, but oftentimes we have no idea about intent.

According to USA Today, more than 175 Americans die daily of drug overdoses – which is greater than the number of teens to make the forever decision to take their lives.

What do we do, then? Can we sit idly by and hope the government will step up and do something, or can we empower ourselves by coming up with our own solutions…

Coming up with the answers ourselves seems like a much better idea.

We all need to step up, and that goes double if we are parents. We need to be present – ready and willing to talk about the issues facing our kids in this complicated world.

Yalden - Teen Suicide - Cover.jpg

The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that some 300 million people worldwide are affected by depression. That number proves that depression is the most common mental health issue – and depression can be the catalyst that leads people to suicide.

Depression falls under the umbrella of mental illness – and if any diagnosis related to mental illness is ignored or left untreated, a quality life of joy and happiness could be very difficult. Is this you?

Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Approximately 44,000 Americans die by suicide every year. One person out of 25 who attempt suicide will succeed.

As if the above heartbreaking statistics weren’t enough, suicide takes a heavy toll on the national economy. The Education Development Center at Brandeis University cited research putting the national cost of suicide at $58.4 billion based on reported numbers alone (much of this represented by lost productivity) – but determined that the cost has been significantly underestimated.

“The researchers calculated that the annual public cost of suicide attempts and suicides in the United States is approximately $93.5 billion—nearly twice previously thought. Their study appears in Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, the official journal of the American Association of Suicidology.”

Our teens are suffering, and the number of teen deaths by suicide is rising. It is truly a public health crisis.

Paying close attention to teen mental health is the new normal for us. We – parents, teachers, school staff, coaches and administrators – need to accept this and understand the responsibility we all have.

To find out more about The Jeff Yalden Foundation, go HERE.

ORDER your copy of Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.

To book Jeff for your school, event or conference, call 1-800-948-9289

You can learn more about Jeff Yalden by visiting his website – www.JeffYalden.com. You can also learn more about Jeff’s Suicide Prevention Online Course for School Communities and Parents, Jeff Yalden University, and follow Jeff on YouTube and Social Media by clicking on the links below:

Online Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities

Facebook Page

School Resources

Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866

Too Stressed and Overwhelmed

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It was an honor to speak at a Marine Corps Ball on a Saturday night, but was it too much for someone who lives with mental illness and needs balance and boundaries?

Marine Corps 1990

 

Listen – it meant a lot to me that I was invited, and I want to do whatever I can to honor my Marine Corps. It’s been 25 years since I was honorably discharged.

Here’s the deal: I arrived home from travels close to midnight on Friday night. I had to leave my house at noon Saturday to drive the four hours to Rock Hill, SC to speak for 20 minutes and then drive home. I got back home after midnight. On Sunday, I didn’t do anything but rest – watching football and lounging on the couch all day. After the week I had, it was easy to give myself permission to do this. I was in eastern Texas at the beginning of the week and closed it out with a speaking engagement in western Washington – followed by an all-day flight home Friday.

I spoke for free at the Marine Corps Ball and didn’t expect to get paid. Let’s call that giving back. But it gets complicated when I start thinking about travel time, being busy and overwhelmed, free talks versus self-care. I speak for a living, after all.

If I think about my clients, I realize that it wasn’t fair to them to push myself and speak at the ball. I wasn’t being fair to myself either. At the end of the day, my self-care should have been more important. I need balance and boundaries in order to prioritize my life and my speaking schedule.

Today I was in the office early, knowing I had a lot of work to catch up on before I fly out to Philadelphia this evening. Mostly, I was working with my media team and taking care of the website.

The website has been a thorn in my side for the past few months. It’s outdated and needs to have all the widgets updated – but before I could do that, I needed to update the PHP. Your guess is as good as mine about what that means. It’s language that computer code geeks know. It’s code that confuses me and I don’t have the patience for it.

The website crashed when I tried to update a plug-in.  That’s more than an hour I will never get back, and that’s another reason I am transferring the hosting of the website to a new platform.

Thankfully for Charles Kirkland, my go-to guy in website marketing, he was able to help us make some sense of what we are doing and what we need to do. He was on speed dial a few times today.

Maybe I wouldn’t have stressed about this so much if I got the rest I needed – but I made the decision to speak, pro bono, at the Marine Corps Ball.

Maybe I’m too busy as a professional speaker to do motivational talks for free. I think I should reevaluate my schedule and take a good look at how many times I speak.

My Hilton Honors has me staying at a Hilton hotel 147 nights this year and it’s only November 11. That’s a lot of travel.

Teen Mental Health Motivational Speaker

It was a very stressful day, but was it really all that stressful considering what many people deal with in their lives?

Living with Mental Illness

I’m a man that lives with major depression, bipolar II disorder and PTSD. Maybe I’m making too much of this. I won’t disagree, but I do that, and it bothers me. A lot.

Why can’t I let it go and just be present and thankful I’m making progress every day? I pride myself on showing up and doing the best I can – but then my expectations are too high.

I’m confused and bothered by this stress.

Change in Medication

Another thing I need to be aware of is my change in medication. I’ve recently switched from Lexapro to Wellbutrin. I don’t know enough to think this could be the cause, but I know enough to be aware that me being on medication is important. It’s good to be reminded of this fact.

Flying off to Philadelphia

So, I’m at the airport and my flight is slightly delayed. That doesn’t bother me, but sometimes it does. I’m getting ready to board and I thought I’d throw some thoughts out on the blog instead of hiding on my social media profiles.

I think I’m going to spend this 90-minute flight to Philadelphia grateful to recognize how I am feeling and letting this go.

I’m going to spend time thankful I got to speak at the Marine Corps Ball. Whether it was a paid talk or a pro bono talk doesn’t matter. I think I need to have more boundaries and balance in my life personally and professionally. I need to focus on the tasks at hand, my time management – and know my schedule months in advance.

Saying no Is a lesson we can all learn. If we don’t say no, it’s too easy to become overwhelmed. When we are overwhelmed not only do we suffer, but those we are closest to suffer as well.

Tomorrow is a New Day

Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe all this could have waited one more day and I could have just been present and enjoyed today – Veterans Day!

Happy Veterans Day to myself and all my fellow veterans. Now I’m bothered I didn’t get to enjoy the day I earned because I was too stressed and overwhelmed.

I’m learning each and every day. This is just another day of living with bipolar. Today, it beat me. Tomorrow, I’m taking back control over my mental illness.

Now this: As I’m getting ready to board, the gate agent just advised us of maintenance, and we are further delayed. There was a bird strike on the plane’s final approach. It could be a lot worse, I guess. Thankfully, I’m not that bird who played chicken with an inbound plane.

Just breathe friends, just breathe.

Who is Jeff Yalden?

Teen Mental Health Motivational and Educational Consultant for School Communities and Mental Health Professionals

Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as one of the top mental health experts in the world primarily focused on education and school communities working with teens, school administration, counselors, teachers, staff, parents and community leaders.

He’s a four-time best-selling author including his latest book, TEEN SUICIDE: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic.

His Podcast: Mental Health and Motivation continues to attract thousands of new subscribers every month for his direct talk and influence on today’s mental health conversations for teens and adults.

You can learn more about Jeff Yalden by visiting his website – www.JeffYalden.com. You can also learn more about Jeff’s Suicide Prevention Online Course for School Communities and Parents, Jeff Yalden University, and follow Jeff on YouTube and Social Media by clicking on the links below:

For more information, please visit www.JeffYalden.com or click on any link below:

Online Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities

Book: Teen Suicide: They WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic  

Facebook Page

School Resources

Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866

A Memorable Day at The Meadows – A Psychiatric Hospital

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Teen Mental Health Speaker and Suicide Prevention Advocate

Jeff Yalden has been speaking in education and to school communities for the past 28 years. He started in 1992 while stationed at Cecil Field Naval Air Station Marine Barracks. One day, a phone call came into the office asking if a Marine would be available to come down to Apopka High School in Apopka, FL and speak to the Marine ROTC Cadets.  Jeff, having just been meritoriously promoted to Corporal, said he’d be honored to drive two hours down on his day off and talk to the cadets.

Little did he know that this opportunity would lead him into a career he was made for and the man he has become as a result of taking the initiative on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Perhaps it was fate. Maybe it was his as yet undiagnosed bipolar II disorder, which kept him running full-speed-ahead – keeping him active and always wanting more out of life. For Jeff, bipolar is a blessing and a curse.  It’s crippling and painful, and has almost been the death of him – but it’s also been a blessing because Jeff is resilient, hard-working, and always striving to succeed in business and in life.

Before therapy and medication, Jeff was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but after his diagnosis and being put on medication, he is a whole new person.

“I am proud to be a man that lives with mental illness,” he said. Being proud hasn’t come easy, and his greatest regret is that he has hurt people in his journey toward getting to know who he is – the man he is slowly becoming.

As a youth speaker in his early years Jeff didn’t talk much about mental illness.  He talked a lot about resiliency, self-esteem, and life’s obstacles.  Fast forward 28 years: Jeff spends his time focusing on and talking about mental health and suicide prevention.  It’s like he’s come full circle – telling his story about where he was, what he has gone through, and now the going through and becoming part.  Jeff wouldn’t want it any other way.  Life is a journey.  It’s not a race.  He says this a lot, but he also says, “Get to know who you are and be comfortable with who you are not.”  That is all part of the journey of life.

Jeff just wrapped up a week speaking to high schools in the Clearfield-Jefferson County of Pennsylvania.  What a week it had been speaking at four amazing schools and to parents and community each night.  On this day, Friday, Jeff was spending the day at The Meadows.  A psychiatric hospital just outside of Penn State University.  They had invited Jeff to speak to their patients. Jeff was inspired by this and was excited to be a part of it. Not that it was more important than any other talk or visit, but this one was different because he spent time as a patient in psychiatric hospitals at 16 and again at 22.

Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic

Jeff doesn’t talk about these visits in his presentations – and it’s not that he is embarrassed or ashamed. Quite simply, the subject doesn’t fit with most of these. It’s part of his story, but not significant enough to add to his usual talks.

On this day, though, he was proud to talk about it – especially to let the patients know that it was OK to be where they were. He made sure to tell them that they needed to be present in these moments and take in the support and guidance offered them before going back out into the real world where they are expected to live, reason and act accordingly.

It was nearly two hours of talking and answering questions.  The staff thought he’d have their attention for maybe 20-30 minutes.  Everyone was in awe about how incredible the patients were -attentive, inspired and and eager to want more.

Jeff is real.  He’s not afraid to be brutally honest about his journey of living with mental illness.  He is not skittish about being one with his audience and letting them know that it can be OK.  You have to do the work, but paradoxically the work is so much easier than not doing the work.  You can live a healthy life with mental illness, but you have to make your health a mindset and a priority each and every day.

If you are interested in Jeff Yalden coming and speaking to your school community or mental health event, please visit www.JeffYalden.com or www.TheJYF.org today.  You’ll be a HERO when you invite Jeff Yalden to speak at your next event.

Check out Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.

 

JEFF YALDEN RETURNS TO ATCHISON, KANSAS

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Jeff will be on hand all day tomorrow, April 3, for students, parents, community members, and recent graduates. For details, contact Atchison High School at (913) 367-4162.

Atchison, KS – Latest suicide. I’m sorry. I’m here for you…. just a couple of thoughts from my heart to yours during this very difficult time. #Atchison #Kansas #Suicide #ForeverDecision #ItsOKtoaskforHelp #TeenSuicide #JeffYalden #MentalHealth

Posted by Jeff Yalden on Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Hey Atchison Community –

A lot of people in the community and parents have reached out to me and shared with me the latest loss.

First and foremost, I want to share my thoughts and prayers to the young man’s family, friends and the people that know the young man and the family. I am sorry.

I was just in your community. I love your community.

I wanted to come by and offer you a couple of thoughts.

My friends, I don’t think suicide is ever the right decision. I think suicide is a permanent action to a temporary problem – but I get it. I understand where young people are.

I want to share with you again two reasons why young people end up with the thought for the desire for suicide:

1) Young people feel alone – basically it feels like you don’t have meaningful relationships.

I get it.

We live in a world today where we spend so much time on smartphones and social media, and it’s about balance and boundaries. I don’t really want to go there, but if you spend more than four or five hours a day on screen time, you are 70 percent more likely to have depression in your life. So – I want to encourage you – less screen time and more social engagement.

And when you have social engagement – whether it’s a trusted adult, whether it is your friends – where you are problem solving, communicating and you are together – listen, that takes care of the “I am alone.” That makes sense, right?

2) The other reason is that you feel like you are a burden.

This basically means that you feel that you don’t make any notable contributions to the world and that you serve as a liability – and that you are disappointing your parents, teachers or coaches because maybe their expectations are so high – and you are spending so much time on your smartphones that you are not focusing on things that are really important: Your motivation. Your school, your future – your direction.

Here’s what happens: When emotionally you feel like you are alone and that you are a burden – and it lasts so long – suddenly you end up with that desire.

I don’t think young people want to die. I think one of the problems is that young people live in the here and the now.

Young people – you don’t know what you don’t know. Like, you don’t know what it was like at one time to not have smartphones, Internet, social media or YouTube – so you are the first generation growing up with this.

I think we have done a disservice to our young people as a society.

We have given young people these rights and these privileges where this frontal lobe, or frontal development has not matured and come into focus – so the emotions that come with smartphones, the Internet and social media – we’re not mature enough to emotionally handle the result of this.

If your parents aren’t going to say no and teach you balance and boundaries – it’s hard for you to put that balance and those boundaries in your life – but that’s something that you have to start working on.

Social and emotional learning does not come as a result of being on the screen all of the time. Online time can affect mental health in a negative way. Social engagement social interaction can help your mental health.

Think about it.

Two of the biggest things that we are concerned about with teenagers today are coping skills and problem-solving skills. We live in the here and the now. We think that we go to the bank and an ATM spits out cash. We send a text and get an immediate reply…

Again – Atchison, Kansas – I don’t know the details on this young man. But I will tell you this: It’s going to be OK.

My friends, it’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to want to talk to somebody. I meet young people all the time and they say, “Yo – I don’t want to talk to anybody because every time I talk to someone, it’s like they are telling me my emotions don’t matter. I shouldn’t feel like this, and it’s like they aren’t validating how I feel.”

Part of being young is about having crazy emotions and feelings – and not understanding them.

And it’s OK to have that trusted adult to go talk to.

I spoke at a school in Indiana today, and a girl wanted to talk afterwards. The girl has been in counseling for two years. Do you know that today she told me more than her two counselors knew about her? I asked her why she felt comfortable telling me what she did.

“I don’t know,” she said. “You seem like you get it.”

Don’t you think you have trusted adults in your life that – if you gave them the chance – they would get it too?

Folks – we can’t help you if we don’t know.

“Well Jeff – I don’t know how to talk to someone…”

When you didn’t know how to ride a bike, that didn’t stop you, did it?

When you didn’t know how to ask a girl out – you still found a way, right?

When trusted adults in your life sit down with you and something is wrong, they know what to say. You just have to be willing to just go up to them and say, “I don’t know what to say but I am kind of really struggling.”

When I spoke to that child today, I can’t tell you how many times she said, “I don’t know” in tears – and you know what I did? I just kept asking her if she felt safe and if she knew she wasn’t in trouble.

As long as she knew those two things – little by little, she opened up. It was a beautiful day.

My point is simply this: Suicide is a permanent action to a temporary problem.

If you are afraid to talk to a trusted adult and you don’t open up to anybody – and living in the here and the now – all of this pressure is so much that you start to think that the desire is there – but it doesn’t ever need to get to the point where you have that desire.

But you have to have the courage to realize that it’s OK to go talk to somebody.

I am praying for you. I’m sorry, and I love you guys.

Don’t be afraid to open your heart and find a trusted adult. And they are going to support you and encourage you – but you have to open up.

For more information, visit www.jeffyalden.com

To book Jeff now, call (800)948-9289

Check out Jeff’s new nonprofit: www.jeffyaldenfoundation.com

Jeff Yalden Inspires at Florida NAMI Event

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On Thursday, October 5, mental health speaker and Amazon bestselling author Jeff Yalden spoke at the Pasco County, Florida chapter of NAMI – the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

Yalden said NAMI is a nonprofit that helps millions of Americans who live with mental illness every single day

According to its website, there are nearly 1,000 NAMI state organizations and NAMI affiliates across the country and NAMI is “nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness. What started as a small group of families gathered around a kitchen table in 1979 has blossomed into the nation’s leading voice on mental health.”

NAMI is likely active in your community – raising awareness about mental illness while “providing support and education that was not previously available to those in need.”

Yalden believes that mental illness is quickly becoming the greatest public health crisis of our time.

“What was really great is that this was the first time that I got to speak to a NAMI organization,” he said. “I have a reputation of being a teen/youth mental health speaker. I am trying to get more into the adults as well, because if adults don’t start accepting mental illness as an illness, it’s going to be a lot harder to do our work with the youth and beyond. We need to attack this today, to make tomorrow better – to make mental illness less stigmatized in society.”

He said the bottom line is that mental health isn’t necessarily just a family issue anymore. It is an economic issue and we are all responsible.

“It’s really up to all of us to start getting comfortable being uncomfortable talking about mental health,” he said.

Yalden said he had an awesome time, and that he was honored to have had the opportunity to share his heart with them. He spoke to people that, like him, are living with mental illness. He also spoke to community influencers, police officers, hospital workers and folks who work in the mental health field – validating the importance of what they do every day.

Before every speaking event, Yalden makes it a point to gather his thoughts, to pray and to center himself so that he can be present and with his audience.

Earlier, he contemplated running out and buying some nice clothes for the event, but if he did, he thought that would change who he is. Yalden speaks in casual clothing. That’s who he is.

“Sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to be who other people want us to be, and when you try too hard to do that, you end up hurting yourself. As a result, I would probably do my audience wrong. The last thing I want to do is to do my audience wrong.”

In his presentation, Yalden laid it all out – including the time when his marriage of 17 years ended in divorce and he found himself in front of the mirror. Then and there, he asked himself what he had to do with the split.

That question in that moment made a profound impact on him.

“That was the most powerful place I think I have ever been in my life. I realized at that moment when I looked in the mirror that my mental illness was greater than I ever expected it to be,” he said.

Yalden is diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II disorder and PTSD. His goal in living with mental illness is to be transparent and to live with authenticity and to work on himself every day and live in a way that shows mental illness, when treated – like chemotherapy for cancer – can result in a healthy life.

“Folks, as I travel all over the world – 200 days a year – I still see my therapist twice a month. I take my medication. I have come to learn that self-care is not selfish. It’s very important.”

Life happens for us – not to us.

Yalden laid out three important points for daily living:

  • Self-Value
  • Attitude
  • Choices

“You have to be your own best advocate,” he said. “You have to fight for the services you need. It’s time to be serious.”

He went on to talk about anger – and the cognitive distortions associated with it.

In an article about anger, The American Psychological Association cited an example of these cognitive distortions as “misappraisals about the importance of the event or about the capacity to cope.”

“I think everybody in this room has somewhat of a problem with anger,” he said.

When trying to understand where someone else is coming from. Yalden said that he has come to learn that the more you are willing to just be present and listen, the more the other person is willing to share.

Jeff asked the audience to ask themselves these three questions:

  • Is my life meaningful?
  • Is my life fulfilling?
  • Is my life rewarding?

He talked about God and mental health – by all accounts a tough subject to tackle.

“Let me be careful how I say this. I am a man of God, but when a child or an adult is dealing with mental illness, I don’t think God is the answer – yet.”

Yalden always wants to make sure that his audiences receive the full intent of the messages he wishes to convey, and that he is putting it out there as clearly as possible.

“Please hear me.  If you have cancer, God can be in your life – but you are also probably going to get chemo, right? If you have mental illness, you need a mental health professional first – and then God can be a part of that too. Did I make sense?”

Yalden closed with four simple letters: T-I-M-E.

“Let’s continue to do our job every day,” he said.

NAMI member Richard Michaels said that Yalden’s talk was very informative.

“He really has an interesting life story, and you will really learn a lot from him when you listen to him. And listen to the little things that he talks about – the little things that we take for granted, but mean so much in our lives,” he said.

Yalden couldn’t be happier about the event, which was well-attended.

“Down here in Florida, we are talking mental health and making great strides. Thank you NAMI Pasco County.”

For more information about Jeff, click HERE.

Jeff’s speaking calendar fills up fast. To book him now for your event, organization or school, call 800-948-9289.

Mental Health – Full Transparency

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EDITOR’S NOTE:  Mental health speaker Jeff Yalden took himself to the emergency room at a local hospital near his home in the Myrtle Beach area on October 8, after experiencing a bout with anxiety and anger over the weekend.

Yalden lives with mental illness, and is a staunch advocate for full disclosure.

“I think if you are really going to make a difference in this field, you have to be someone that deals with what you are talking about in order to make sense to the people living it with themselves, and that you understand what they are going through,” he said.

The following was recorded Monday, October 9.

I want to be completely transparent with you about what happened last night.

I know there are a lot of people that don’t think that I should put this out there, but in my opinion, mental illness is rapidly becoming one of the greatest healthcare crises of our time. If we are unwilling to talk about it – if we are not willing to get comfortable being uncomfortable talking about mental health and mental illness – I think we are going to be doing a lot of people wrong – including ourselves, our loved ones and society.

For those that don’t really understand why I do it:  I am very passionate about mental health – very passionate about mental illness. Number one, it’s my greatest challenge in my journey of life. Number two, it’s my work. I am very passionate about my work.

I got home Friday, and I realized that I just didn’t feel happy. I felt edgy, and I knew that I wanted to relax on Saturday and Sunday. My schedule is very intense. I am doing a lot of work with teen suicide, suicide prevention and mental health in schools. I know some of you understand my work, but it’s hard to understand the depths of my work.

There are times when I am in homes until the wee hours of the morning, talking to families. Sometimes I am just being supportive, giving hugs and saying it’s going to be OK – teaching the grieving process and talking about the grieving process – and understanding that, here’s a family or here are friends that lost a significant other or a child.

I love what I do. I am not making any excuses. I’m passionate. It’s so deep in my heart.

But I just wasn’t feeling good. Saturday, I just wanted to watch football and take it easy. I didn’t want to be around people. And Sunday, same thing, but a couple of triggers kind of set me off, but I was doing good emotionally.  I was just taking it all in. I was dealing with it. I was breathing. I was like, “OK – responsibilities – this is going to be OK.”

Finally last night, something happened, and I’ll tell you – there are two things you can’t take back. You can’t take back time, and you can’t take back words.

For somebody with bipolar or somebody that’s on the edge with major depression, words can trigger an emotion – and then as much as you try and calm down and relax, like, “it’s going to be OK,” I just flipped. And I tried really hard to keep it inside and to calm down.

I took my Yeti and threw it at the wall.

Folks, I’m not proud to tell you this.

I would never hit [fiancee] Janet. I would never hit anybody. But then I just had some real choice words. Again, you can’t take back words, so I get it. I know Janet is really, really hurt. I am really, really hurt.

I don’t really know what all this means tomorrow, going forward.

I have to sort some feelings out. I know I need to make some changes. I have to catch a flight today. I want to take my meds and make sure they are all good, and do a lot of self-care – fix myself – because the most important thing right now is that I am healthy for my client.

There’s nothing more important than that, because they put the trust in me professionally, and I put trust in me for my responsibility – being with young people – but the bottom line is simply this:  I threw something last night. I had some very choice, angry words. I didn’t throw anything at Janet. I just threw it right at the wall.

You know, something about mental illness too is that you can say you are the adult, that you are responsible – that you have to control your anger. And I agree 100 percent. But sometimes you get in this fit of rage. Folks, I haven’t had this fit of rage in nearly 20 years.

Jeff at a recent event for NAMI – The National Alliance on Mental Illness

I just ran into my room, jumped in bed and tried to get comfortable and breathe it out – and I just couldn’t.

Janet ended up leaving and going to her family, and that’s one of the things that was the trigger. It was Sunday night. I’m home. I have to leave on Monday. I didn’t want to go out at eight o’clock at night to go eat dinner. This has nothing to do with my love for the family. I just wanted time out for me – in my house, in my four walls. And Janet didn’t really understand that, so she ended up going. I didn’t mind her going. I just didn’t want to go.

So, I was in bed last night and was having trouble calming myself down. It’s just really hard.

I went to the ER, and I knew what was going to happen there. My doctor says, “Jeff, you know more about mental health that probably I do.” I study mental health. I live with mental health. I teach mental health. I get it.

I think I was just going because I wanted to know in my heart that I was asking for help and doing the right thing.

At that time, I did not know that I wasn’t taking my Lexapro [depression/anxiety medication].

I had a good talk with the doctor. No, I am not thinking of harming myself or harming other people. I get it. They have to ask those questions. But I needed to calm down.

I am not one to take medications if I don’t need to take medications, but I knew that there was something else going on, and I told the doctor that I just need to bring [my] heart rate down. I need to just be able to go to sleep.

The doctor gave me Klonopin [a sedative], and I researched it on Google. I took Klonopin when I got home. I didn’t take it before I was driving home. I let the dogs out and went to bed.

I woke up this morning, just feeling  that my heart is really hurt.

I’m calling the doctor first thing this morning – and my therapist – and just going to try to work on some self-care. I have got to hit the road, and I am on the road for quite a bit. But I think making sure that I am taking my Lexapro is going to make me feel a lot better.

Part of the reason why I am sharing this and being so transparent is that this isn’t just about me. I know that I have a large following of people that value my opinion, my advice, and respect me as a person.

I work in mental health, and part of me talking about it and part of me in the work that I do every single day – is really telling people that when you are struggling, it’s OK to ask for help. Folks, that’s exactly what happened last night.

I know I hurt Janet, and I am sorry.

She ended up leaving and going to be with her family and have fun – just leaving me alone. I get it. I can’t expect her to sit with me when I am in this anger and hate. I didn’t want to be alone, so I went to the ER. I just needed to calm down.

Here’s the thing: When you are dealing with a family member or a friend that is suffering or living with mental illness and having an episode, first and foremost – do not ever let that person stay alone, because it is at those moments – I am speaking professionally right now, not speaking personally – it’s at those moments when someone is alone that they are not in their right frame of mind that they are more willing to do something that could be deadly.

Let me recap: I was not there in that position last night. I know that I am not suicidal. I know that I would not take a gun. I know that I would not take a knife. I know that I would not hang myself. I know enough to just figure out how to take a timeout –to  go get help – go for a walk – go to the hospital. I know all that.

But on the personal side – you, my friends – do not ever leave someone alone, even if you are not talking to that person. You’ve got to be patient if you are choosing to live with this person. If it’s too much for you, get out of the relationship, because it’s a lot – and in some regards, it’s not fair. I understand. But the worst thing you can do is ever leave that person alone.

If you know someone who is not in their right frame of mind, and they are not able to make healthy decisions, doesn’t it make sense that you need to be there to make the healthy and the right decisions for your loved one? That’s one thing a lot of people don’t understand – ‘Jeff, how do I help?’ – You are not going against the person. You are just thinking more clearly for the person that can’t think for themselves.

Some triggers can prompt a response. And when you are dealing with mental illness – depression, bipolar, PTSD – it gets in front of you. In that moment, you might want to react.

I don’t think people want to take their life. I think there are a lot of people that just don’t know how to ask for help.

I know there will be people that are going to message me after saying this – “you know, Jeff – you give too much information.” I know. But I also feel like,  with the work that I do – if I am not transparent, I am not as effective as I should be.

I woke up this morning and I am asking “why”– why am I going through this and what’s going on. I haven’t felt like this for a long time.

I took out all my meds  – how I have them packed for my trips, and I wanted to go through them. I go right to my Lexapro. That’s my depression and anti-anxiety [medication], and it works so good for me – and I realize that I haven’t been taking my Lexapro. When I put all of my pills out, how did I miss not putting my Lexapro in there?

And I knew something wasn’t right, because when I was putting my pills together, it went so much faster than it usually does. But for seven to ten days, I hadn’t been taking my Lexapro. When I noticed that, you’re damn right I took one right away.

I in my transparency to you, I want to just leave you with with this:

  1. Living with mental illness does not necessarily mean that your life is forever change, and you can’t live a healthy life. No. Not at all.
  2. You have to be aware and you have to be willing to ask for help – and I am good at that.
  3. Talking about it. I think we have a responsibility to talk about it – to help give other people awareness that mental illness is real.
  4.  I want to be an inspiration to those that are dealing with mental illness themselves – to say it’s going to be OK. It’s OK to ask for help. It’s really important that you practice self-care.I think it’s really important that you manage your eating and your exercise. That’s self-care too.
  5. Surround yourself with people that are understanding, compassionate and empathetic. If that’s not the case, then those are people that you probably need to put back into your acquaintances category of relationships.

I hope I made sense.

To find out more about Jeff’s speaking programs, including suicide prevention, mental health, teen coaching and more, go HERE.

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