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Why Teens Need a Mental Health Life Coach

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Teen Life Coach Jeff Yalden

Jeff Yalden speaks to teens one on one everywhere he goes.

Your teen needs a Teen Life Coach and a Mental Health Life Coach for support and encouragement. Consider Jeff Yalden. He’s been that trusted teen life coach for many years.
Growing up teen today is harder than it has ever been.
Parenting is harder than it’s ever been too, and that is why teens need a Mental Health Life Coach. Parents can use a coach that understands teens as well.

As a Youth Motivational Speaker & Coach, Jeff Hears Their Cries

Pressures of being a teen today are overwhelming. The mental well-being of our teens is seriously being compromised.
Jeff sees it everyday in his talks with teens and school communities. High School Assemblies with youth motivational speaker Jeff Yalden are 15 hours and in that time he meets one on one with many teens requesting to speak to him personally.
After his high school assemblies students line up to talk about life, their family struggles, abuse, brokenness, loss, fear, anxiety, stress, feelings of being overwhelmed and more.
A personal conversation with Jeff and teens feel they can trust in him to share their heart.

Why Teens want to speak to Jeff Yalden

For so many reasons, teens are afraid to talk, including but not limited to:
  • They’re afraid you’re going to try and fix it
  • They’re afraid you’re going to judge them
  • You’re going to tell them they’re overreacting
  • You don’t understand the pressure of being a teen
  • You’re not going to take them seriously
  • They’re afraid of being a burden
  • They can’t figure out how they’re feeling themselves
  • They feel you won’t value their feelings, thoughts, and emotions
So what do teens do? They isolate themselves trying to figure it all out and it becomes too overwhelming.

Teens don’t trust adults

Sounds crazy, but it’s true and that is why they’re not reaching out to their trusted adults. Ask many teens who their trusted adult is and they’ll tell you they don’t have one. Scared, isolated, and teens feel alone and a disappointment. They’re not speaking because they are afraid to burden their closest adults with their problems. They know how stressful life is for you that they don’t want to overwhelm you with their problems.
“I wanted to say “Thank You” for letting me thing that I do belong here and I am special. I am loved and that I don’t need to end it all to get what I want.I will never forget everything you said to everyone.” – Student, OH

Two Questions Teens Need Answered

VbSzbvllRIy7GyUtwkeYhgIf you’re going to connect and be able to get the trust and respect from your teens you have to answer these two questions:
  • Can I trust you?
  • Do you care about me?
You can’t just say, “I’m the parent. Of course they know they can trust me.” Not so fast. How do you show it? How do they know?
Teens don’t walk in the house from school and say, “Mom and dad, I’ve had a bad day. Can we talk?“
They go to their room just wishing you would come through the door and listen to their heart without saying a word. Just listen.
In isolation their minds are left thinking the worst.
You spell LOVE: T-I-M-E. TIME and being non-judgmental when you’re listening.

Teen Pressures are Overwhelming

With all the pressures: social media, school, friends, their future, and the expectations, teens are overwhelmed. Their mental health is being compromised and teens don’t know how to cope.
Teen Life Coach Jeff Yalden

Mental Health Teen Life Coach Jeff Yalden reaches students.

Major concerns such as self-harm, depression, and maybe even suicidal ideation if teens don’t ask for help or parents don’t advocate for their child.
A teen mental health life coach helps your teen navigate the process of life by listening and offering practical tips and advice. Having this teen life coach will lead to self-value, self-respect, and a confidant they can talk to without judgement.
It’s extremely important to have a mental health life coach to help deal with everyday challenges for teens.
Someone that understands them and can help them navigate the process of life in a calm, non-reactionary, balanced journey; giving them practical tips and advice.

Teen Suicide: Is your Teen Next?

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After a suicide, Jeff meets with students and friends and gives them permission to talk and feel while leading them in on a healthy and positive path to closure and acceptance.

Jeff Yalden is an expert on teen mental health and teen suicide.
Teen Suicide has been and continues to be an epidemic in school communities everywhere.
You may have heard about the show “13 Reasons Why” that tells the story of how a teen girl takes her own life after experiencing many traumatic experiences.
Many mixed views about the show.  Some feel like the show provides a valuable opportunity for discussion about bullying and teen suicide.
On the other side of the spectrum are those that feel the show glorifies suicide and shows that it is an easy option.
Regardless of what you think, Jeff says the show is popular because it is a conversation teens are having.  Suicide is a thought and that is why teens are paying attention.  For this reason, Jeff says as a parent you should be watching the show because your teen is probably watching it themselves.
The show triggers with teens and their emotions.  Pay attention and do something.

Two Reasons Teens Want to End Their Lives

There are two specific reasons teens start thinking about wanting to end their lives.
  1. They feel alone
  2. They feel they’re a disappointment
What comes next if they’re not asking for help is self-harm. Heed the warning signs and take all signs seriously.

Teens are in a Vulnerable and Emotional State

Teen Mental Health Life Coach Jeff YaldenThe years of being a teen are very stressful and although as parents you’ve been through it, it just isn’t the same.
This is one of the reasons why teens need a mental health life coach they can talk to weekly or bi-monthly.
A teen life coach that can teach them skills that will help them deal with everyday life stressors. A teen life coach that gives them tools o they can add to their toolbox.
As a teen life coach, Jeff spends a lot of time teaching coping skills and problem solving skills.

Teens in Therapy

Jeff feels strongly that professional counseling is a great place for teens.
Teens don’t trust in adults, especially counselors and don’t feel they need therapy. A teen life coach having been through the journey of mental health counseling can really help your teen with understanding what counseling is.
You can’t just say to a teen, “You need therapy.“
Therapy is a process and Jeff works with his clients to help them understand the benefits of therapy and perhaps medication, if that is needed.
Teens trust in Jeff because he stays on their side and explains how it all works. Jeff validates their feelings and thoughts but shows the benefits of giving professional counseling a try and sticking to it.
In the process of working with a teen life coach make sure that this teen life coach knows enough about mental health in teens.  Also, this teen life coach understands their boundaries between a teen life coach and professional therapist.
The two can easily work together. Jeff specializes in working with the client and another therapist. Jeff says, “We both have our strengths and I don’t interfere with the therapist at all.” Working together it’s a win-win situation.

13 Reasons why a Teen Mental Health Life Coach is Right for Your Teen

1. Social Media and Teens:

The overwhelming amount of time being on Social Media. More time on social media is more time isolating yourself from the world. Isolation is toxic.
18If your teen is spending 4-5 or more hours on social media platforms they’re 70% more likely to have major depression in their life.
Jeff Yalden can assist you as a parent with explaining what social media and the dopamine effect are doing to teens.

2.Mandated Testing in Schools:

The anxiety and pressure teens are facing with tests is overwhelming and causing a lot of stress.  Teens think today that if they’re not perfect what is the point.
The expectations teens feel they’re not reaching are coming from school, parents, themselves, and keeping up with their friends.
Your teen needs help managing the anxiety that comes with this overwhelming pressure. A teen life coach teaches helpful tools to manage this anxiety in order to be more successful in school and in life.

3. Bullying and Cyberbullying

Youth Motivational Speaker Jeff YaldenTeen suicide is rarely the cause of one thing such as bullying. Bullying can be the straw that breaks the camels back, but today, Jeff will tell you that bullying or cyberbullying can certainly be the cause of a teen suicide completion or attempt.
Absolutely!
Kids are mean and this occurs in school, on social media, and a lot of the time at home.
It’s very rare for a teen to never experience being bullied by the time they have graduated from high school.
Having a teen life coach can teach skills to help your teen handle the bullying and even prevent bullying from happening to them.  Teens also need these skills to help them realize when they are being the bully and how not to get in that situation.
While most schools have anti-bullying programs in place the students don’t take them seriously and sometimes these programs give new opportunities for bullying to occur.

4. Divorce and Family Issues

Family issues and blended families is more normal amongst teens and their friends. Too many of our teens have these feelings they are the cause of the tension in the family or the reason for the divorce.
Family issues are very emotional for the teen. Maybe more so than for the parents.
Having a teen life coach can help your teen find emotional resilience and manage the big picture, the change, and how to take this one day at a time without getting caught up in the brokenness.
If your child doesn’t talk to someone and express their thoughts and feelings the pain will manifest into behavior that leads to further problems, anxiety, depression, and maybe suicidal ideation.

5.  Peer Pressure

Imagine the pressure you feel as an adult trying to keep up with family, friends, and co-workers.
Teens need to learn how to follow their own personal course and to enjoy getting to know who they are and not trying to live in other people shoes.
Having a teen life coach can help your teen make decisions for themselves where they take pride in who they are and the course of their own life.

6. Sexual abuse

Being abused sexually is more common than you’d imagine.  According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), teens account for 51% of all reported sexual abuse and female victims of teen sexual abuse while in grades 9-12 are more likely than others to experience eating disorders, suicidal ideation, pregnancy, and risky sexual behaviors.
A teen life coach will give your teen the consistent coaching that can help your teen know the difference between being where they should be and where they should not be, but more importantly having the confidence to say, “NO.”
Your teen needs to understand how and where sexual abuse occurs and if it’s happened a teen life coach can help them process and be comfortable talking to their parents and professional help as it’s the right thing to do.

7.  Alcohol and Drugs: Self-Medicating

Too many of our teens are vaping, drinking, and experiencing with pills. It’s become a Teen Life Coach says every teen needs a trust adult in their life.norm for too many teens today and they’re not taking it seriously.
George Mason University says this culture of alcohol drinking can lead to higher rates of teen sex, teen pregnancy, date rape, violence, and illegal activity.
Teens believe it is not a big deal to drink alcohol, because everyone does it, even their parents.
Alcohol becomes a go-to for stress and anxiety.  Self-medicating.
A teen life coach can help with coping skills and problem solving skills on how to deal with anxiety, stress, and everyday problems.

8. The Maturity of a Teen’s Brain

The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain where emotional control, impulse restraint and rational decision-making take place.  According to Dr. David Walsh, this part of the brain does not fully mature until around the age of 25 and this is why many teenagers do not practice “good judgment” in difficult situations.

9.  Teens Don’t Like Talking to Adults

Again, Jeff says you have to earn their respect and trust and it takes time.
Teen Life Coach, Jeff Yalden saves a teen and visits her a year later.

One of the most memorable moments of Jeff’s career as a teen life coach was this young lady and the two years of saving her life.

Teens withdraw from parents and spend more time alone or with their friends. Isolation is toxic and our teens are spending too much time alone or with their friends asking the questions they should be asking an adult.
Having a teen life coach in your teens life can help them make good decisions and guide them through the tough times they don’t feel comfortable talking to their parents or counselors about.

10. Drama . . . Drama . . . Drama

Drama causes a lot of ups and downs and happens daily in a teens life.
One day your teen is best friends with someone and the next day she is not.
Hateful are said to each other and rumors can be spread.  This can lead to bullying and depression.
Your teen needs to have a mentor to show them the bigger picture.  When it comes to friends a teen life coach can help your teen use their inner judgement in making good decisions when it comes to the friends that matter and to the friends that are acquaintances.

11. The Future Decisions

Life Coach for TeensThe future is a huge stress factor for high school students in junior and senior year of high school.
If your teen is in a competitive high school environment it’s even worse.  If your teen doesn’t get into a good school they’ll feel a disappointment to themselves and their parents.
Teens feel the pressure to know what they want to do as a career as early a 9th grade.
They get confused from all of the pressure from parents, friends, teachers, and media.
A teen life coach can help teen your teen make these decisions by asking questions that make the most sense to them and what they want in their life.

12. The feelings of being Alone and a Disappointment

Most teens feel alone and a disappointment.  Teens are becoming more independent and trying to figure out what their purpose in life is, who their friends are, and what they are good at.
As they are learning more about themselves they may have moments of feeling left out or like they are different than everyone else.
Teen Life Coaches can help a teens understand that we are all connected and here for different reasons.  Teens are wondering what their purpose is and a teen life coach can help guide them in the right direction while supporting and encouraging them in their journey.

13.  They’re Influences such as Television and the Internet

Teens are influenced everyday and everything is influential to a teen who is easily impressionable.
Suicide contagion is real.  Television shows like “13 Reasons Why” was very impressionable on millions of teens.
Teens need a life coach to know that suicide is a permanent action to a situation that is temporary.
By you giving your teen a life coach, someone to talk to and trust in on a consistent basis you are giving your teen a trusted mentor to teach important life-saving tools that will help your teen gain a healthy mind in order to live a happy and successful life with meaning and purpose.
Consider a teen life coach for your teen today, by visiting Jeff Yalden: Teen Life Coach and Teen Mental Health Expert.

Inspiring Conversations: Ep.1 – Bobby Petrocelli

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You Matter . . . IT Doesn’t

I got on ZOOM about five minutes before our time of 12:00pm, April 1, 2020. No, this is not an April Fools’ Day joke. By the way, I don’t like April Fools’ jokes. I was excited to speak with fellow author, speaker and educator Bobby Petrocelli. I asked him to tell me a couple of things on his heart that he might want to talk about that day.

Bobby Petrocelli is passionate and wise, and I knew I’d have questions.

Right away, Bobby mentioned his book, YOU MATTER . . . IT DOESN’T. He told me he wanted to talk about the WHY behind the IT. I knew where he was going with this because it’s right up my alley. I composed myself and started with a prayer…

A Talk Show is BORN!

During my interview with Petrocelli, it dawned on me that I needed to do a YouTube channel dedicated to inspiring conversations, and here we are. Just like that, the show is created. Now I just need to figure out how to make a YouTube talk show.

This is a good time to figure it out, because nothing much is happening, and I have time. The COVID-19 pandemic has us all struggling with social isolation. Schools are closed, many people are out of work and obviously my speaking schedule is on hold.

It’s during times like this where you have time to create new ideas that might take off. We can choose victim or victor, right? I love Bobby Petrocelli. He’s a great man and an amazing speaker. We’ve known each other for many years.  When I get a chance to interview him, I get excited. He’s inspiring and knowledgeable. He’s a man of God and cares about youth and families. He cares about people.

Find out more about Bobby HERE.

IT HAPPENED . . .

What is IT?

The IT represents the result of something. Bobby talked about his wife being killed by a drunk driver when he was 24 years old. The IT is his wife was killed by a drunk driver. The WHY is what we don’t often talk about. Among other things, the IT leaves us angry, hurt, resentful, and broken. We end up going through life carrying this feeling because we don’t move past IT.

WHY did IT Happen?

The WHY is behind the IT and gives us the answers we are looking for so we can move forward and cope with whatever happened. The WHY takes us on a journey to understand what needs to be understood. If we don’t ask questions, we are never healed through whatever pain we are going through. IT happened and we can’t change it, but we can change how we grow, cope, and move forward in a healthy way. For Bobby, he was prepared as much as anyone can prepare for something tragic like this. He said, “If we don’t ask the WHY then IT will dominate your life,” and he wasn’t going to let that happen. Bobby is a man of faith – a strong man of God. Right away he right away talked about forgiveness…

He didn’t say that he condones wrongdoing.

Forgiveness is for the person doing the forgiving. He knew that he had to forgive this man who was two times the legal limit, driving while intoxicated when his wife was killed. Forgiveness was his first step in recovery. Amazing! He was 24 years old and he knew he had to forgive, when most people would have been angry at the world.

Bobby wasn’t.

I asked him about this.

“I had been prepared for something like this,” he said.  I’m not exactly sure what Bobby meant, because who can prepare for something so tragic – but I knew it was his faith in God. It was also his ability to have a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset – even at 24. I’m telling you; Bobby Petrocelli is an inspirational man.

Is What You’re Being Asked to do IMPOSSIBLE?

The above question is something Bobby asks his audiences.

“You have it, whatever it is, so let’s build on it,” he said.

Bobby talked about how we have what it takes so let’s learn. Let’s be open to learning and engage in the process every day. I was thinking, don’t be the victim, be the victor. We have a lot in common, but he’s so much better at speaking about it.

You’re never asked to do anything impossible. You can choose to walk away, or you can choose to saddle up and figure it out.

Petrocelli: 10 Seconds

IT happened, but Bobby was not going to fold.

10 Seconds got him through this.

“It’s not one day at a time, like so many people say. For me, I couldn’t think of the next five minutes. I had to break it down to 10 Seconds. For me it was 10 Seconds at a time.”

I was at my worst at 16 and again at 22. I can still remember those days.

At 16, I wasn’t listening to anyone. I had a fixed mindset. At 22, I knew a little better and was very close to my grandparents. My grandmother used to say to me, “Jeff, take it one meal at a time. After dinner, go to bed, and just wake up for breakfast.”

That was my 10 Seconds at a time. The thing here that I want to make clear is that it’s not that things get better with time, but it’s what you do with that time where things get better. Sometimes, it’s just putting space between a thought and an action. It’s being grounded, present in the moment, breathing and just knowing that it will be okay.

Success: Patterns, Habits, and Routines

Nobody is better than anyone else, but some people have a routine and they’re driven. They wake up on time because they go to bed at a set time. They don’t waste hours on their smartphones, doing things that don’t matter. Successful people have a purpose. Their IT is their success. They’ve created patterns, habits and a routine to accomplish the goals they’ve set for themselves.

What is the WHY? That differs from person to person, but one thing is certain: Everyone has been knocked down in life. You have a choice at this point. You can stay knocked down or you can get back up.

Bobby got back up. He knew he needed some things in his life to be right in order for him to cope through his loss.

You are a result of your patterns, habits and routines – your attitude, friends, and commitment to a GROWTH MINDSET.

Your Friends are The ROOTS, LEAVES, or the BRANCHES

I got chills when Bobby started talking about Tyler Perry’s Madea – Let Them Go.

I love this skit and it is so right. Your friends are either the roots, the leaves, or the branches. Watch the video and understand this analogy. So true.

What Works For You

The first thing to do is to engage in the process. Choose a growth mindset. Don’t be a victim. Go from IT happened to understanding WHY it happened. Then, it’s HOW CAN I . . .? How can I be better at this or that? What can I do to be can I be a better person? How can I move forward with love, compassion, forgiveness, and be healthier? It’s about being present in moments. Now. Not yesterday or tomorrow. Not even in five minutes, but here and now.  Within these moments, what productive thing are you doing that works best for you?

Bobby puts it this way: “Is what I am doing making me better or hurting me?”

For Petrocelli, that question made all the difference, and helped him toward a healthy outcome. it was the moments where he would ask if what he was doing was helping or hurting him towards a healthy outcome. He set a growth mindset.

Here are the very simple and true bullets I took from this part of my conversation with Petrocelli:

  • Be still
  • You’re One of a Kind
  • Don’t Rob Yourself
  • Find Those Roots on a Tree as a Friends

Very simple and true.

Be Still

Be present and know that in stillness great things will happen.

You’re One of a Kind

Self-Esteem. Stop focusing on being beautiful on the outside and look within yourself and know you are one of a kind. There is nothing or nobody else like you.

Don’t Rob Yourself

You have a gift and you need to use it. Don’t let what is so special about you be robbed because you’re not seeing what is special. Self-esteem again. Know you are capable and beautiful and have a growth mindset.

Find the ROOTS on a TREE as your Friends

You want friends that aren’t there for a season. You want friends in your life that are invested. Surround yourself with people who are there to plant seeds rather than pick the fruit. Let them go if they’re not in your life for the right reasons.

Remember: YOU MATTER . . . IT DOESN’T.

There is a WHY to why we are broken, rejected, abandoned, or hurt. Don’t choose to carry this pain with you through life. Develop a growth mindset. Figure out the WHY and ask the HOW questions.

Remember, forgiveness is for you. It’s not for them.

Choose love. Choose you. Choose Growth.

Check out Bobby Petrocelli at www.10Seconds.org. As always, I am at www.JeffYalden.com.

Wanting for our Children – To Become The Best or To Want The Best

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Jeff Yalden - Speaker for Teens

Jeff Yalden – Mental Health Speaker for Teens & Parents.

I HAD heard about all of the dying, about all of the grief, and still I didn’t immediately understand what I was seeing when, at a railroad crossing here, I spotted a man in a blaring orange vest, the kind that road crews and public-safety workers wear. He wasn’t carrying any equipment. He wasn’t engaged in any obvious activity. He shuffled his feet, staring into the distance. Hours later, at the same crossing: an orange-vested woman. Like the man, she just stood there, without evident purpose. “They’re on the lookout,” a friend of mine who lives here explained. “For what?” I asked. “Suicides,” my friend said. Between May 2009 and January 2010, five Palo Alto teenagers ended their lives by stepping in front of trains. And since October of last year, another three Palo Alto teenagers have killed themselves that way, prompting longer hours by more sentries along the tracks. The Palo Alto Weekly refers to the deaths as a “suicide contagion.” And while mental health professionals are rightly careful not to oversimplify or trivialize the psychic distress behind them by focusing on any one possible factor, the contagion has prompted an emotional debate about the kinds of pressures felt by high school students in epicenters of overachievement. This is one such place. Children here grow up in the shadow of Stanford University, which established a new precedent for exclusivity during the recent admissions season, accepting just 5 percent of its applicants. They grow up with parents who have scaled the pinnacles of their professions or are determined to have their offspring do precisely that. They grow up with advanced-placement classes galore, convinced that their futures hinge on perfect SAT scores and preternatural grade-point averages. Experts on sleep are in keen demand. The kids here don’t get enough of it.
If you know of a teen that is suicidal, please have them visit www.NotTheSolution.com and encourage them to seek help immediately!
But the situation isn’t so different in the Virginia suburbs of Washington, D.C., where a separate cluster of teen suicides in recent years forced educators and parents to re-examine the messages they give teenagers, intentionally and unintentionally, about what’s expected of them and what’s needed to get ahead in this world. It’s not so different in Chicago’s western suburbs, where a high school teacher recently pulled me aside and, in a pained whisper, insisted that the number of advanced-placement classes that local students feel compelled to take and the number of hospitalizations for depression rise in tandem.
An-Unforgettable-Night

Order your video today . . . Jeff spent 48 hours in a community suffering from loss and searching for meaning and answers to their questions. Visit https://jeffyalden.com/products/.

These are to some extent problems of affluence and privilege. But they have relevance beyond any one subset of our country’s populace. They reflect a status consciousness that bedevils Americans at all income levels, and they underscore an economic trepidation that is sadly widespread and is seemingly intensified by the gaping divide between the haves and have-nots. The suicide rate among all teenagers has seemingly risen a bit over the last decade. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, it was 8.15 per every 100,000 Americans between the ages of 10 and 24 in 2013, the last year for which complete data is available; the rate was 6.74 in 2003. Many more children think about taking their own lives. According to a 2013 survey by the C.D.C., 17 percent of American high school students had considered suicide in the previous year. Eight percent said they’d attempted it. And suicide clusters have at least as much to do with imitation as with environment, each instance of self-annihilation planting an idea and heightening the possibility of the next. There’s no direct line connecting the pressures of Palo Alto and the deaths. But the community’s soul searching goes beyond those tragedies, to matters plenty important in and of themselves. Are kids here getting to be kids? Does a brand of hovering, exactingly prescriptive parenting put them in unforgiving boxes and prevent them from finding their true selves and true grit? “There’s something about childhood itself in Palo Alto and in communities like Palo Alto that undermines the mental health and wellness of our children,” Julie Lythcott-Haims told me. Lythcott-Haims was a dean at Stanford from 2002 to 2012. She lives in Palo Alto. Her two children, ages 13 and 15, go to school here. And she’s the author of a new book, to be published in June, called “How to Raise an Adult.” It reflects on the shortfalls of some modern parenting, which, in her view, can be not only overprotective but overbearing, micromanaging the lives of children, pointing them toward specific mile markers of achievement and denying them any time to flail or room to fail. They wind up simultaneously frazzled and fragile.
If you know of a teen that is suicidal, please have them visit www.NotTheSolution.com and encourage them to seek help immediately!
“The suicides are tragic, but they are at the pointy head of the pyramid, the tippy top,” she said. “Beneath them is a larger number of kids who are really struggling and beneath them is an even larger number of kids who feel an amount of stress and pressure that they shouldn’t be made to and that’s untenable.” THE local media has been rife with commentary, from many perspectives, about the mental health of Palo Alto teenagers. Here is what Carolyn Walworth, a junior at Palo Alto High School, recently wrote: “As I sit in my room staring at the list of colleges I’ve resolved to try to get into, trying to determine my odds of getting into each, I can’t help but feel desolate.” She confessed to panic attacks in class, to menstrual periods missed as a result of exhaustion. “We are not teenagers,” she added. “We are lifeless bodies in a system that breeds competition, hatred, and discourages teamwork and genuine learning.” Adam Strassberg, a psychiatrist and the father of two Palo Alto teenagers, wrote that while many Palo Alto parents are “wealthy and secure beyond imagining,” they’re consumed by fear of losing that perch or failing to bequeath it to their kids. “Maintaining and advancing insidiously high educational standards in our children is a way to soothe this anxiety,” he said. He made these observations apart from the suicides, for which, he emphasized, “There is no single cause.” He recommended lightening children’s schedules, limiting the number of times that they take the SAT, lessening the message that it’s Stanford or bust. “I will never be neutral on this issue,” he wrote. “The ‘Koala Dad’ is the far better parent than the ‘Tiger Mom.’ ” What he was saying — and what’s obvious, but warrants repeating — is that ushering children toward a bright future means getting them there in one piece. There’s a fresh awareness of that here, and perhaps a new receptiveness to some words of his that should echo far beyond Palo Alto: “Want the best for your child, not for your child to be the best.”

Parenting – Unconditional Love & Support

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For 23 years, I have worked with teens and parents in multiple capacities – speaking engagements, television, life coaching, intervention, and coaching.  It’s been an honor and a privilege to have found myself in this field of work. Over the past 10 days, I have had the opportunity to sit back and read the sad and unfortunate circumstances in regards to the loss of Leelah Alcorn, the transgender from Ohio that committed suicide.  I sit back and reflect as a parent and think who am I to judge.  We all have opinions. I certainly am not and haven’t been a perfect parent or role model.  I’ve made my mistakes and have been judged.  I’ve had my successes and been applauded.  As I age, I continually learn so much and look back and learn from the lessons I’ve lived knowing what I did wrong and how I could have done better.  Being healthy and balanced in my heart and head has been a journey with counseling and my relationship with God.  Everyday, I try and be a man that lives a positive life and supports and loves unconditionally my inner circle of people and my family.  What exactly does that mean though?  Through anything will I love unconditionally?  Through anything will I support unconditionally?  My opinion depends on the circumstances and personally, I have dealt with many circumstances to have learned from and to where I now teach from.  Life’s lessons have certainly made me who I am and who I am today is a much better communicator and motivator as a result of experience and age.  I think this is the case for us all. When I look at the situation from Leelah Alcorn and I think, “What if that were my child?”  First, I want to hope that I would have been closer to “her”, and to know that my son, “Joshua”, that I brought into the world was having emotional issues that I needed to understand.  Then, regardless of how I felt or how I thought, I wanted to do what is right as a parent and what is right and best for my child.  In this circumstance, I would unconditionally love and support my child, “Leelah”, and embrace her.  No question!  When it comes to sexuality, my child being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, this is my child and I will love and support my child.  I would act from my heart even if this challenged my faith. Where does that love and support change?  What if my child was addicted to meth, heroine, crack-cocaine, prescription drugs, or alcohol?  How would I respond then?  Completely different situation because now I am dealing with an addiction that is different than an emotion.  Having dealt with addiction and seen it firsthand, I have come to learn that to enable a behavior is to hurt the person more than you could be helping the person.  I am not one to enable anyone.  Personally, I think we’ve become a society that is failing our children because we are trying to hard to protect them from failure and mistakes.  We can’t shelter our children from the real world.  I feel that we as parents, teachers, coaches, and counselors it is our responsibility to teach our youth and children about personal responsibility and accountability.  Teach them that life isn’t easy.  Life is hard.  Life isn’t fair.  Life will never be fair.  Tough love?  Perhaps!  Put the responsibility where it belongs.  This doesn’t change the fact that I love my child unconditionally, it just changes that I am not going to support the behavior which is a result of the addiction.  This is choices versus consequences. If my child chooses to get help, I am supportive and there through the process every step of the way.  If the addiction is stronger than the desire and my child isn’t getting help and tearing apart the family – stealing, fighting, disrespecting, etc. I will not tolerate that and I will put boundaries on the relationship.  I will let my child hit rock bottom.  You can’t over parent addiction.  Addiction needs the help of professionals and in my opinion it needs to be dealt with in residential care.  I am not supporting the behavior, but this doesn’t change my love which still is unconditional. The point I am trying to make is that as parents we need to look at every situation differently and deal with the situation at hand.  Many families have issues within the walls of their home.  Don’t let your neighbors influence your parenting.  Don’t try and be the almighty perfect family because you’re living a life protected by a facade.  You brought your children in the world and society has an influence on them – the music, media, marketing.  Nature verse nurture, too.  Your faith has an influence on your morals and values, but is that more important that the circumstances at hand?  Sometimes we need to change and pray about it, but what is important here is that our child knows we unconditionally love them no matter what.  The support may never be understood, but that is parenting.  Parenting everyday is never understood. In the case of Leelah Alcorn, I think the demise of her death is very sad and didn’t need to happen.  She didn’t feel love nor she didn’t feel support.  That is sad.  She left saying, “Let my death mean something!”  I want to honor that.  What does her death mean to you as a parent in how you love and support your child?  Whether it is grades, sports, friends, sexuality, drugs, or anything else.  How are you going to show your child your support and love?  How are you going to parent and teach?  What message do you want your child to get?  Parenting is about being a part of your children’s lives and knowing who they are and being there for them in the good times and the bad times.  It’s being their inspiration and the disciplinarian.  It’s listening and offering advice and support.  It’s correcting actions and behaviors, too.  Parenting isn’t easy.  Nobody every said it was.  You will fail and cry, because you did things wrong.  You will laugh and applaud, because you did things right, too.  To judge yourself daily as a parent is to be expecting too much of yourself and trying to be the “Perfect” parent.  You are a family and that is what is most important. In the end, I want my children to know I love them and I’ll support them.  I may not support their choices and decisions, but I will listen.  They need to know that I will give tough love when I have to.  I will not enable them because enabling is setting up our youth, whether our children, our students, our athletes, whomever, for failure and a life of hurt.  I want to be a role model and let my actions speak louder than my parenting.  I want them to be happy, but what does happy really mean?  I want them to be good and to do what is right, but who is to say, “What is really right?”  I hope in the end, my children grow up and become young people that that live a life of meaning, live a life of fulfillment, and are rewarded for who they are, how they live, and in the manner in which they’ve lived – as a result of what I may have taught them. Just my thoughts . . .   Who is Jeff Yalden Jeff Yalden is a Teen and Family Communicator.  A Suicide Prevention Specialist and a Teen Motivational Speaker.  He is the author of “Your Life Matters.”  Jeff is the Host of “The Jeff Yalden Show”, on WMRC 1490 Radio and his Podcast for teens and parents can be found at www.JeffYalden.com/itunes.  Follow Jeff on Social Media @JeffYalden and visit his website at www.JeffYalden.com.  

Texting Acronyms for Parents of Teens

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Warning: Can be shocking to some! Your kid has something to hide CD9: Short for “Code 9,” which means parents are around. KPC: Keeping Parents Clueless MOS: Mom Over Shoulder P911: Parent Alert PAL: Parents Are Listening PAW: Parents Are Watching PIR: Parent In Room POS: Parent Over Shoulder Your kid’s personal information or safety is at risk ASL: Age/Sex/Location F2F: Face to Face. Asking for a meeting or video chat LMIRL: Let’s Meet In Real Life NAZ: Name/Address/ZIP MOOS: Member of the Opposite Sex MOSS: Member of the Same Sex MORF or RUMORF: Male or Female, or Are Your Male or Female? RU/18: Are You Over 18? WUF: Where You From? WYCM: Will You Call Me? WYRN: What’s Your Real Name? Your kid shouldn’t be involved in this 143, 459 or ILU: I love you 1174: Invited to a wild party 420: Marijuana GNOC: Get Naked On Cam GYPO: Get Your Pants Off AMEZRU: I Am Easy, Are You? IWSN: I Want Sex Now KFY or K4Y: Kiss For You KOTL: Kiss On The Lips NIFOC: Nude In Front Of The Computer RUH: Are You Horny? TDTM: Talk Dirty To Me Not every acronym is bad BRB: Be Right Back CWYL: Chat With You Later CYT: See You Tomorrow IMHO: In My Humble Opinion IMNSHO: In My Not So Humble Opinion L8R: Later LMK: Let Me Know NM: Never Mind ROTFL: Rolling On The Floor Laughing SOHF: Sense Of Humor Failure If you’re curious about another acronym that you’ve stumbled across in your kids’ texts or chat, look it up on NetLingo. It has a continually updating list of online acronyms, along with their various meanings and origins. As any parent will tell you, dealing with teenagers and preteens is a fine balancing act. You want to give them freedom to explore, but you also need to keep tabs on what they’re doing. Click here for 5 dangerous apps you don’t know your kid is using. I recommend friending or following your kids on any sites they use. If they know you’re watching, they’re less likely to do something they shouldn’t. Plus, you can keep an eye to make sure they aren’t revealing information they shouldn’t or talking to people who aren’t safe. Of course, you never know what sites they might be using that you don’t know about. That’s where monitoring and tracking apps and software come in handy. You can keep tabs on everything they do online. Just be sure to communicate with your kids about why certain sites are bad so they can grow into responsible digital citizens. In fact, you should start before they’re teens with my 10 Commandments for Kids Online. It’s a contract between you and your child about the do’s and don’ts of our digital life. Jeff Yalden is a youth motivational speaker and celebrity teen and family life coach.  Visit Jeff at www.JeffYalden.com.

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