Hello, I’m Jeff Yalden, a dedicated youth motivational speaker and mental health speaker who has had the privilege of working with school communities worldwide. “My mission is to enrich the lives of young individuals, empower parents in nurturing their children, and inspire teachers to have unwavering belief in their students, surpassing even the students’ own belief in themselves.”
Today, as I see the challenges of growing up, parenting, and teaching becoming more complex than ever, it’s clear that raising our youth is tougher than it has ever been. Even being a youth motivational speaker has its unique challenges in today’s world.
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That’s why I’m excited to share insights from one of the most impactful books I’ve ever come across. I believe it holds invaluable wisdom not just for our high school educators and counselors but also for parents and teenagers. This advice transcends age and gender boundaries, making it relevant and beneficial for everyone.
Consider this: our lives are built upon agreements. We make commitments to ourselves, to others, to a higher power, and to life itself. Yet, the most vital promises we make are the ones to ourselves.
Now, let’s explore why “The Four Agreements” is incredibly valuable for young people written by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s a self-help guide that provides straightforward principles for leading a more fulfilling and peaceful life. These four agreements serve as a practical roadmap, offering four simple rules for achieving greater happiness and tranquility. Think of them as a secret code for unlocking freedom, profound happiness, and boundless love. Whenever you find yourself feeling worried, lonely, or questioning life’s meaning, these principles can transform your outlook and improve everything.
To grasp the significance of these agreements, we first need to recognize how we’ve been shaped by the rules and values of our family and society. Often, these expectations are enforced through a system of rewards and punishments. “The Four Agreements” empowers us to break free from self-limiting agreements and replace them with commitments that lead to liberation, joy, and love.
Furthermore, it’s crucial to understand how our minds are influenced by an inner judgment that causes suffering because we continually fall short of our “image of perfection.” This image has been amplified by the omnipresence of social media and the constant pursuit of dopamine hits. What were once natural inclinations have become obscured in our quest for self-discovery. We now seek freedom because it feels elusive, happiness because it seems distant, and beauty because we doubt our own worth. In essence, we are searching for our true selves.
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So, let’s delve deeper into these transformative ideas.
Be Impeccable With Your Word
“Be impeccable with your word” means being extremely careful and truthful in what you say. It’s about using your words to spread kindness and honesty. Here are three examples:
Truthfulness: If you promise to meet a friend at a certain time, make sure you do it. Being impeccable with your word means keeping your promises and being true to your commitments.
Avoiding Gossip: Instead of spreading rumors or talking behind someone’s back, be impeccable with your word by not engaging in gossip. Speak kindly about others or choose to remain silent if you can’t say something positive.
Self-Talk: Be kind to yourself in your thoughts and words. Avoid self-criticism and negative self-talk. Instead, use your words to encourage and uplift yourself, focusing on your strengths and potential.
Remember, hurt people hurt people so when you find your words aren’t coming from a place of love and compassion take a look at yourself and see why you’re not using your words accordingly. It’s a great way to check yourself.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
“Don’t take anything personally” means not letting what others say or do affect how you feel about yourself. It’s about understanding that people’s actions and words are often about them and their own feelings, not about you. Here are three examples for youth:
Criticism at School: If a classmate makes fun of your clothes or your performance in class, don’t take it personally. They might be having a bad day or feeling insecure themselves. Your worth isn’t determined by their words.
Friendship Changes: If a friend suddenly stops talking to you or hangs out with someone else, don’t take it personally. People’s interests and priorities can change, and it’s not a reflection of your likability or value as a friend.
Online Comments: If you post something online and receive negative comments or criticism, don’t take it personally. Some people use the internet to vent their frustrations, and it doesn’t mean anything about your worth. Focus on the positive feedback and constructive criticism instead.
Remember, not taking things personally can help you maintain your self-esteem and emotional well-being, even when faced with challenging situations or hurtful words from others.
Don’t Make Assumptions
“Don’t make assumptions” means avoiding jumping to conclusions or guessing what others are thinking or feeling without clear evidence. It’s about asking questions and communicating openly instead of assuming you know the truth. Here are three examples for youth:
Homework Help: If your friend seems upset or distant, don’t assume they’re mad at you or that you know the reason. Instead, ask them if everything’s okay and if there’s anything you can do to help. They might be dealing with something unrelated to you.
Misunderstood Texts: If you receive a message that seems rude or confusing, don’t assume the sender is angry or mean. Text messages can lack tone and context, so it’s better to ask for clarification before getting upset or defensive.
Team Project: If a classmate isn’t doing their part in a group project, don’t assume they’re lazy or don’t care. Talk to them about the project’s progress, their responsibilities, and if they need any help. They might be facing challenges you’re unaware of.
Avoiding assumptions helps prevent misunderstandings and keeps your relationships strong. It encourages open and honest communication, making it easier to resolve issues and build trust with others.
Always Do Your Best
Always do your best” means putting in your maximum effort and giving everything you do your full attention and dedication. It’s about striving for excellence while also being kind to yourself. Here are three examples for youth:
Schoolwork: When working on homework or studying for a test, always do your best. Give it your full attention, try your hardest, and seek help when needed. Even if the result isn’t perfect, you can be proud of your effort and learning.
Sports or Hobbies: Whether you’re playing a sport, learning a musical instrument, or pursuing a hobby, always give it your best effort. Practice regularly, push your limits, and enjoy the process of improvement. Your progress will show the results of your dedication.
Friendships: In your friendships, always do your best to be a good friend. Listen when they need someone to talk to, support them in their goals, and be there in both good times and bad. Your genuine efforts will strengthen your friendships over time.
“Always do your best” encourages you to excel and grow in all aspects of your life while recognizing that your best may vary from day to day. It’s a reminder to be committed and persistent in your endeavors, leading to personal growth and fulfillment.
Create Better Relationships, Reduce Stress and Lead a More Authentic and Joyful Life
“Following these agreements can help you create better relationships, reduce stress, and lead a more authentic and joyful life” means that when you apply the principles of “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz in your life, you can expect several positive outcomes:
Better Relationships: When you practice being truthful, not taking things personally, avoiding assumptions, and always doing your best, your interactions with others improve. You build trust, communicate more effectively, and resolve conflicts more peacefully. This leads to healthier and more fulfilling relationships with friends, family, and colleagues.
Reduced Stress: By not taking things personally and avoiding unnecessary assumptions, you prevent misunderstandings and unnecessary worry. This reduces stress and anxiety in your daily life. You’re less affected by negative comments or actions from others, leading to a calmer and more relaxed state of mind.
Authenticity: Living by the Four Agreements encourages you to be true to yourself. You don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, and you express your thoughts and feelings honestly. This authenticity leads to a deeper connection with your own values and beliefs, allowing you to live a more genuine and fulfilling life.
Joyful Life: When you follow these agreements, you free yourself from the burden of unnecessary judgments, self-doubt, and negative assumptions. This liberation allows you to experience greater happiness and joy in your everyday experiences. You focus on the positive aspects of life and let go of unnecessary negativity.
In summary, embracing “The Four Agreements” as a way of life can bring about positive changes in your relationships, mental well-being, and overall happiness. It’s a path towards a more harmonious and authentic way of living.
Try it. Write these “Four Agreements” down and keep them with you.