A Moment of Clarity … The Journey or The Destination?
Posted by Jeff Yalden on Saturday, July 8, 2017
Another such trip had him on the road for nine days. He wanted to go to Sturgis, S.D., for the annual and very popular bike rally held there.
“I take off on the motorcycle, and I’ve got my helmet on. I get into Rhode Island, where I was able to take my helmet off. The weather was absolutely stunning. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and it was about 75-80 degrees. I rode the motorcycle to Williamsport, Pa., where I had to do a speaking engagement that morning.”
After that speaking gig, he got back on the Harley and rode with no helmet from Pennsylvania, through Ohio, into Indiana – up into Illinois and Wisconsin, and finally into South Dakota four days later.
“It was beautiful, and probably the best four best days of my life: Just me, the motorcycle and my music,” he said. “And then I arrived in Sturgis for Bike Week. I wanted to go see Mount Rushmore – aka Heads on a Rock. I got out there and I thought, ‘well, I’ve arrived. Now what?’”
For him, the “now what” was getting back on the motorcycle and making his way back to Cape Cod.
“I always wanted to go to Sturgis. It has always been on my bucket list, but you know what I remember most? I remember eight days with not a cloud in the sky. Eight days of riding with – for the most part – not even a helmet on – and just music.”
As Jeff was leaving the gym the day he recorded this episode of The BOOM Podcast, he had an epiphany.
“We all get caught up looking forward to tomorrow. We look forward to next week, next month – next year. We look forward to when we get that new car – buy that new house – we look forward to when we lose weight or we have a better job or we have more money. We look forward to this or we look forward to that.”
But then when we think we have what we think will make us better off, we realize that this wasn’t the answer to true happiness.
As Jeff was driving home, he enjoyed a feeling of happiness, but he couldn’t help but ask himself why he felt that way.
“I thought to myself that I don’t really know what my destination is. I don’t know what my goals are right now or what my epic dream is. I don’t really know what my purpose is – and this isn’t a bad thing. I have changed so much in the past four years.”
He believes many of us struggle with the idea of a destination. We think we are supposed to have a greater purpose – a bigger dream or a defined plan with concrete goals.
“I think we should keep asking those questions, but as I sit here right now, I think the journey every day is what we remember most versus the destination. If you are not happy today, you need to really look within yourself and ask why – and you need to figure out what you need to do. Is life perfect? Life will never be perfect. Is life fair? Life will never be fair.”
We have good days and bad days, but Yalden said the thing we have to understand is that happy people are not happy all of the time.
“Happy people choose to be happy about the moments – the moments that are in their lives – and we have moments all the time in the journey to where someday we arrive at that destination,” he said.
What is more important, the destination or the journey?
“I think our total fulfillment comes from appreciating the journey, and in the journey, be patient in the process.
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“When you ask for help and you continue to ask the question, the answer should come. But too many people are afraid to admit that they might need help,” he said.
This could be asking for help by getting therapy or being prescribed appropriate medication by a physician.
“People don’t want to admit that they are getting help dealing with things, which I think is ignorant. You could learn to live with mental health issues and lead a very fulfilling and meaningful life.”
When he recorded this podcast episode, Jeff had recently gone through four rough days.
“I was feeling resentment and anger in my heart, and that was a feeling that I am not used to, but for whatever reason, we all have these triggers that produce different emotions,” he said.
Many of our resentments come from situations in our pasts.
“Until a situation is dealt with and has closure, we can’t put it to bed. If we still harbor those feelings from then, that’s not healthy. I want to share with you something that I think is very simple, but it’s also very important: You need to have a resolution for your past. If you don’t have a resolution, then you are going to feel that resentment and anger.”
Let it go.
Jeff brought up the topic of divorce. If you are no longer in a relationship with someone, you owe nothing to that person. You don’t owe any emotion to that person.
“When we carry that emotion forward – when we carry that resentment, it’s because you are dealing with something that is still in the present,” he said.
Divorce can be tricky because, even though the old relationship is gone, things like finances, alimony and child support might still be in play – and there is no resolution because a person could be dealing with something that is still in the present.
But Yalden said that this is less about them than it is about you. Responsibilities and obligations might factor into this equation and must be dealt with, but some of the resentment can be alleviated by talking a proactive approach to these obligations.
“Don’t avoid situations in your life,” he said. “Don’t avoid responsibility and obligations in your life. When your resentment and anger doesn’t have a resolution, that’s because two sides can’t meet or that’s because of something you are dealing with in the present.”
Let go of the past and meet your responsibilities today. This is the path to clarity.
“So now you have the present that you are dealing with. That’s your obligation. That’s your responsibility. That’s where adulting comes in. You address that issue with [the other party] to find resolution or you need to take responsibility for the situation to take care of it in your heart. You address it. Don’t avoid it and deflect the attention so that it stays off you – that’s when you get into a lot of trouble.”
During those recent rough days, Yalden brought the BOOM and scheduled a counseling appointment.
“I went and sat down with my counselor for an hour and a half. I had one of the most amazing talks that we have ever had. And I love visiting my counselor because she said, ‘Jeff, you think at such high levels now that this isn’t even counseling anymore.’”
He was very proud of that because it meant that he was doing good work and constantly seeking to be a better person.
BOOM is a factor and an effect. In this case, the factor was that Yalden took steps to address his anger and resentment in counseling – and the effect was the reward of clarity from having addressed the issue.
“That’s where we live the BOOM. It’s one word that can change your life. BOOM is motivation and BOOM is reward. If you have issues in your life that you need to address, don’t be too proud and don’t have too much of an ego that says, ‘Yo, I’m fine. I don’t need to talk to anyone.’ I think that’s an immature response. I think it’s a childish response. I don’t think you are any less of a person because you take medication or you seek help.”
To learn more about Jeff Yalden, click 
“I had no confidence,” she said. “He was trying to pound it into my head – ‘you come in here and barely try and you look good. Can you imagine what you would look like if you pushed it and gave it your all?’”
She never liked hearing it, and because she thought he was just being nice, she didn’t really take it to heart.
Story was Sargent’s personal trainer for about a year. Little-by-little, he would confide in her about his own struggles with addiction.
“He would just be very honest with me, and I thought the same way I could be honest with him. There is no judgement there ever. That just made me have more respect for him – to see where he was in such a short amount of time. He had come so far – so I really was inspired by him,” she said.
The plain fact is that we all have our own struggles and demons to overcome.
“Everyone has them,” Sargent said. “No one is perfect. You might look at someone and think that they have it all together, but they don’t. Everyone has their struggles, and it’s just really important that we all recognize that.”
Yalden is a big believer in transparency – especially in the journey to improvement.
Minard is president and CEO of 
“I wanted to reach out to a friend I have great respect for,” said Yalden.
The Story of You is all about helping people transform adversity into adventure, and this is because he did that in his own life.
When he woke up in a jail cell at 17, his face was smashed in because of a beating he took as a result of an incident in a fast food drive-through where he rear-ended another vehicle. He said he was not only going down the wrong path, but he and his roommates were doing and selling every type of drug. Both of those roommates are now dead.
“I didn’t even know how I had gotten there,” he said. “I found out that my blood alcohol was so high that – normally when they read that on a report, they would just assume someone was dead from beyond alcohol poisoning.”
He had also been drugging, and the guy who beat the living daylights out of him had priors for assault.
Minard said that at the time he was still in a victim mindset, but this was rock-bottom. He was so scared that he really wanted to change his life. Slowly but surely, Minard started associating with positive people.
“I realized that I was going to end up dead – or I was going to end up killing somebody else from the way I was living my life.”
Jeff often says to his audiences that you don’t do drugs. Drugs do you.
In this fast-paced BOOM Podcast, Minard tells the story of his rise, Phoenix-like, from the ashes of failure and into the bright light of service, success and hope – from graduating from high school by the skin of his teeth to successfully completing college – to starting Dreamshine (with sister Amy) – and the eventual publication of his book, his speaking career and the launch of his podcast.
Some people think Minard just arrived on the scene as if out of thin air. Nothing could be further from the truth.
“The thing about my speaking and the book launch is that a lot of people don’t know that I had ten years before that of building a company from the ground up and starting Dreamshine. They thought I just came out of nowhere,” he said.
Minard said he is thankful for the adversity he has encountered in his life precisely because he was able to transform it into what took him on his adventure – and gave him the desire to help change the lives of others.
And Yalden notes that nothing changes if nothing changes.
“That’s part of the BOOM. It’s like something’s got to go off and you’ve got to suddenly take responsibility. You are not the victim. You are the victor.”
Minard said his college experience was not easy because, unlike many people, he did not have a photographic memory and learned differently.
But he came away with some awesome revelations.
“I learned that the true factors for success were perseverance, determination and grit,” Minard said.
Yalden asked Minard why some people call him “the man that never gives up.”
“I’m going to go after it harder than anyone else and longer. It’s the long game.”
Minard is a big believer in believing in something bigger than ourselves.
“That’s really what it’s all about, and so I get fired up my not giving up. I live by actions – and I think your actions speak for you. Your fruits speak for you much louder than words,” he said.
There is so much in this podcast: The value of family [Minard is married with 5 kids]. Celebrating small victories. Taking action. The power of purpose. It’s all here, including the story of how Mark met and eventually interviewed serial entrepreneur and four-time New York Times bestselling author, Gary Vaynerchuk.
Yalden was also a guest on Minard’s podcast last year.
Listen to the BOOM Podcast 
About four years ago, Jeff went through a divorce which ended a 14-year marriage. Instead of placing the blame on anybody else, he went straight to the mirror and asked himself tough questions, coming to the realization that his mental health issues were much more severe than he thought them to be at the time.
Jeff was pre-diabetic and putting on weight. He said he knew what to do and what to eat, but was basically ignoring the warning signs.
“All of a sudden I was a full-fledged diabetic, but I still didn’t pay attention,” he said.
He vividly recalls the time he went to his parents’ house, physically exhausted and mentally drained and with his diabetes flaring up.
“I told them I felt like I was going to die and I didn’t want to die alone. They gave me some orange juice and something to eat, and I went home a few hours later.”
But his parents intervened that night. Jeff’s dad came to his house, woke him up, and called an ambulance for him. Jeff was a mess. His triglycerides were a jaw-dropping 2784, his blood sugar over 500 and his A1C level was 15.5.
“My endocrinologist said to me that at any moment something catastrophic was going to happen,” he said, adding that even despite these serious warning signs, he still didn’t make the necessary changes, citing his grueling speaking and travel schedule as a deterrent to a healthy lifestyle.
And that’s not all by any means. He endured a spinal cord fusion because of a CrossFit injury and was immobilized for six weeks.
“I couldn’t speak for almost four months and I ended up having a mental breakdown. My diabetes was flaring up and my depression got worse. I wanted to give up, and I did,” he said.
He quit speaking and got a 9-to-5 job, thinking at the time that he just wanted to have what he calls a normal job.
He packed up his office – his life – into cardboard boxes: Computer, fax machine, mementos, awards – even his varsity letters and photos – essentially getting rid of everything near and dear.
But something awesome began to happen when he started going back to counseling once a week.
“When I walked in there, I was emotionally broken. I was not the Jeff Yalden that many of you know. We started at the beginning and built a toolbox, and I began rewarding myself for small victories.”
As a result of building this toolbox, Jeff eventually made the decision to go home and restore his office and get back to doing what he loves.
This was his first 
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BOOM is a factor and an effect.
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This brief read can change your life.
“The average person only reads less than ten percent of a book – so I wrote a book 18000 words long. That’s it. I wanted it that way. I wanted you to read it – and then pass it on to a friend. That was my intention as I wrote this book.”
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