Inspiring Conversations: Ep.1 – Bobby Petrocelli

April 1, 2020 by Jeff Yalden Leave a Comment

You Matter . . . IT Doesn’t

I got on ZOOM about five minutes before our time of 12:00pm, April 1, 2020. No, this is not an April Fools’ Day joke. By the way, I don’t like April Fools’ jokes. I was excited to speak with fellow author, speaker and educator Bobby Petrocelli. I asked him to tell me a couple of things on his heart that he might want to talk about that day.

Bobby Petrocelli is passionate and wise, and I knew I’d have questions.

Right away, Bobby mentioned his book, YOU MATTER . . . IT DOESN’T. He told me he wanted to talk about the WHY behind the IT. I knew where he was going with this because it’s right up my alley. I composed myself and started with a prayer…

A Talk Show is BORN!

During my interview with Petrocelli, it dawned on me that I needed to do a YouTube channel dedicated to inspiring conversations, and here we are. Just like that, the show is created. Now I just need to figure out how to make a YouTube talk show.

This is a good time to figure it out, because nothing much is happening, and I have time. The COVID-19 pandemic has us all struggling with social isolation. Schools are closed, many people are out of work and obviously my speaking schedule is on hold.

It’s during times like this where you have time to create new ideas that might take off. We can choose victim or victor, right? I love Bobby Petrocelli. He’s a great man and an amazing speaker. We’ve known each other for many years. When I get a chance to interview him, I get excited. He’s inspiring and knowledgeable. He’s a man of God and cares about youth and families. He cares about people.

Find out more about Bobby HERE.

IT HAPPENED . . .

What is IT?

The IT represents the result of something. Bobby talked about his wife being killed by a drunk driver when he was 24 years old. The IT is his wife was killed by a drunk driver. The WHY is what we don’t often talk about. Among other things, the IT leaves us angry, hurt, resentful, and broken. We end up going through life carrying this feeling because we don’t move past IT.

WHY did IT Happen?

The WHY is behind the IT and gives us the answers we are looking for so we can move forward and cope with whatever happened. The WHY takes us on a journey to understand what needs to be understood. If we don’t ask questions, we are never healed through whatever pain we are going through. IT happened and we can’t change it, but we can change how we grow, cope, and move forward in a healthy way. For Bobby, he was prepared as much as anyone can prepare for something tragic like this. He said, “If we don’t ask the WHY then IT will dominate your life,” and he wasn’t going to let that happen. Bobby is a man of faith – a strong man of God. Right away he right away talked about forgiveness…

He didn’t say that he condones wrongdoing.

Forgiveness is for the person doing the forgiving. He knew that he had to forgive this man who was two times the legal limit, driving while intoxicated when his wife was killed. Forgiveness was his first step in recovery. Amazing! He was 24 years old and he knew he had to forgive, when most people would have been angry at the world.

Bobby wasn’t.

I asked him about this.

“I had been prepared for something like this,” he said. I’m not exactly sure what Bobby meant, because who can prepare for something so tragic – but I knew it was his faith in God. It was also his ability to have a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset – even at 24. I’m telling you; Bobby Petrocelli is an inspirational man.

Is What You’re Being Asked to do IMPOSSIBLE?

The above question is something Bobby asks his audiences.

“You have it, whatever it is, so let’s build on it,” he said.

Bobby talked about how we have what it takes so let’s learn. Let’s be open to learning and engage in the process every day. I was thinking, don’t be the victim, be the victor. We have a lot in common, but he’s so much better at speaking about it.

You’re never asked to do anything impossible. You can choose to walk away, or you can choose to saddle up and figure it out.

Petrocelli: 10 Seconds

IT happened, but Bobby was not going to fold.

10 Seconds got him through this.

“It’s not one day at a time, like so many people say. For me, I couldn’t think of the next five minutes. I had to break it down to 10 Seconds. For me it was 10 Seconds at a time.”

I was at my worst at 16 and again at 22. I can still remember those days.

At 16, I wasn’t listening to anyone. I had a fixed mindset. At 22, I knew a little better and was very close to my grandparents. My grandmother used to say to me, “Jeff, take it one meal at a time. After dinner, go to bed, and just wake up for breakfast.”

That was my 10 Seconds at a time. The thing here that I want to make clear is that it’s not that things get better with time, but it’s what you do with that time where things get better. Sometimes, it’s just putting space between a thought and an action. It’s being grounded, present in the moment, breathing and just knowing that it will be okay.

Success: Patterns, Habits, and Routines

Nobody is better than anyone else, but some people have a routine and they’re driven. They wake up on time because they go to bed at a set time. They don’t waste hours on their smartphones, doing things that don’t matter. Successful people have a purpose. Their IT is their success. They’ve created patterns, habits and a routine to accomplish the goals they’ve set for themselves.

What is the WHY? That differs from person to person, but one thing is certain: Everyone has been knocked down in life. You have a choice at this point. You can stay knocked down or you can get back up.

Bobby got back up. He knew he needed some things in his life to be right in order for him to cope through his loss.

You are a result of your patterns, habits and routines – your attitude, friends, and commitment to a GROWTH MINDSET.

Your Friends are The ROOTS, LEAVES, or the BRANCHES

I got chills when Bobby started talking about Tyler Perry’s Madea – Let Them Go.

I love this skit and it is so right. Your friends are either the roots, the leaves, or the branches. Watch the video and understand this analogy. So true.

What Works For You

The first thing to do is to engage in the process. Choose a growth mindset. Don’t be a victim. Go from IT happened to understanding WHY it happened. Then, it’s HOW CAN I . . .? How can I be better at this or that? What can I do to be can I be a better person? How can I move forward with love, compassion, forgiveness, and be healthier? It’s about being present in moments. Now. Not yesterday or tomorrow. Not even in five minutes, but here and now. Within these moments, what productive thing are you doing that works best for you?

Bobby puts it this way: “Is what I am doing making me better or hurting me?”

For Petrocelli, that question made all the difference, and helped him toward a healthy outcome. it was the moments where he would ask if what he was doing was helping or hurting him towards a healthy outcome. He set a growth mindset.

Here are the very simple and true bullets I took from this part of my conversation with Petrocelli:

Be still
You’re One of a Kind
Don’t Rob Yourself
Find Those Roots on a Tree as a Friends

Very simple and true.

Be Still

Be present and know that in stillness great things will happen.

You’re One of a Kind

Self-Esteem. Stop focusing on being beautiful on the outside and look within yourself and know you are one of a kind. There is nothing or nobody else like you.

Don’t Rob Yourself

You have a gift and you need to use it. Don’t let what is so special about you be robbed because you’re not seeing what is special. Self-esteem again. Know you are capable and beautiful and have a growth mindset.

Find the ROOTS on a TREE as your Friends

You want friends that aren’t there for a season. You want friends in your life that are invested. Surround yourself with people who are there to plant seeds rather than pick the fruit. Let them go if they’re not in your life for the right reasons.

Remember: YOU MATTER . . . IT DOESN’T.

There is a WHY to why we are broken, rejected, abandoned, or hurt. Don’t choose to carry this pain with you through life. Develop a growth mindset. Figure out the WHY and ask the HOW questions.

Remember, forgiveness is for you. It’s not for them.

Choose love. Choose you. Choose Growth.

Check out Bobby Petrocelli at www.10Seconds.org. As always, I am at www.JeffYalden.com.

MENTAL ILLNESS: THE GREATEST PUBLIC HEALTH CRISIS OF OUR TIME?

January 15, 2020 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Part three of a series of principles based on Jeff new new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.

We can no longer sweep mental illness under the carpet…

Teen suicide and the opioid crisis are crippling communities on a scale we have never seen. We have major issues on our hands that point to an underlying component of mental illness – and if the stigma surrounding mental illness leads to under-reported suicides, who is to say that an overdose isn’t a suicide? A death certificate might attribute the cause of a death to suicide, but oftentimes we have no idea about intent.

According to USA Today, more than 175 Americans die daily of drug overdoses – which is greater than the number of teens to make the forever decision to take their lives.

What do we do, then? Can we sit idly by and hope the government will step up and do something, or can we empower ourselves by coming up with our own solutions…

Coming up with the answers ourselves seems like a much better idea.

We all need to step up, and that goes double if we are parents. We need to be present – ready and willing to talk about the issues facing our kids in this complicated world.

The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that some 300 million people worldwide are affected by depression. That number proves that depression is the most common mental health issue – and depression can be the catalyst that leads people to suicide.

Depression falls under the umbrella of mental illness – and if any diagnosis related to mental illness is ignored or left untreated, a quality life of joy and happiness could be very difficult. Is this you?

Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Approximately 44,000 Americans die by suicide every year. One person out of 25 who attempt suicide will succeed.

As if the above heartbreaking statistics weren’t enough, suicide takes a heavy toll on the national economy. The Education Development Center at Brandeis University cited research putting the national cost of suicide at $58.4 billion based on reported numbers alone (much of this represented by lost productivity) – but determined that the cost has been significantly underestimated.

“The researchers calculated that the annual public cost of suicide attempts and suicides in the United States is approximately $93.5 billion—nearly twice previously thought. Their study appears in Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, the official journal of the American Association of Suicidology.”

Our teens are suffering, and the number of teen deaths by suicide is rising. It is truly a public health crisis.

Paying close attention to teen mental health is the new normal for us. We – parents, teachers, school staff, coaches and administrators – need to accept this and understand the responsibility we all have.

To find out more about The Jeff Yalden Foundation, go HERE. ORDER your copy of Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.

To book Jeff for your school, event or conference, call 1-800-948-9289

You can learn more about Jeff Yalden by visiting his website – www.JeffYalden.com. You can also learn more about Jeff’s Suicide Prevention Online Course for School Communities and Parents, Jeff Yalden University, and follow Jeff on YouTube and Social Media by clicking on the links below: Online Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities Facebook Page School Resources Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866

A Conversation with Isabella

November 27, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

One of the greatest things about my work as a youth motivational speaker is that I get to plant seeds, give hope and inspire young people. One of the most challenging things is that sometimes I get to help, but I might not know the end result of the work I do. Thankfully, I know the end result when it comes to my friend Isabella, whom I had the chance to talk to a year after I met her. She is now 18 and has granted me permission to make the VIDEO included with this post. Last year when I met with her at her school, we made a decision together – and Isabella did the work. What broke my heart then was that we had to put her into an ambulance alone for a ride to a hospital more than an hour away. But when I recently returned to the school community, I couldn’t wait to hear about how she is doing now – and I want to share that progress with you. I’m a fan.

The following is an edited transcript of the above VIDEO: YALDEN: How are you doing, Isabella? It was a hard day a year ago… ISABELLA: It actually was, but what was really hard was accepting that I did need the help. I went on this hurtful journey of depression and PTSD – feeling like my auntie’s death was my fault. I believed it was my fault. I believed that my mom’s sadness was my fault – and that caused me to go into a deep, deep depression. I felt like I was locked. This little girl inside me wanted to get help, but we were afraid. Jeff Yalden came to our school and was talking about mental health and how to help people – and he was the key to that lock. I came and talked to him. I told him about what I was going through, and he told me what we were going to do. At first, I was afraid. It wasn’t an exciting journey, but I needed to do it. I needed to get the help I needed. Yes, it was sad that I was going to be leaving my school and going into this hospital – but I was happy to get the help I needed. I want to thank Jeff because, even though he said I did the work – nobody would have said I needed to go and get help. It was that encouragement… YALDEN: Thank you. I couldn’t be any more grateful, appreciative or inspired – but ultimately, I never want to send someone to the hospital without them having ownership. If you don’t have ownership, you are not going to take it seriously – you are not going to be honest. What made you that day want to listen to say, “I need help…”? What made you think you were ready? ISABELLA: Seeing my friends cry, honestly. I have one friend who he watched me through this depression. He had seen me cry and have breakdowns. I didn’t want to see him cry, nor did I want to see my mom cry. I wore a mask around here. I faked happy and pretended everything was OK – but behind closed doors, I let out all of my feelings. I felt like my life was worthless, and I didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore. And so, that’s what gave me the ownership to say, “Jeff – I need the help…can you please help me,” and you did. I came back a year later. I did miss some school, but I got back, and I went to summer school – and now I am graduating with 30 credits. I never really thought that I would be here – here right now in this school. I didn’t think I would live to see this day because of my depression. All I can tell you guys is – TALK! I know it’s scary to talk to a trusted adult – but honestly, it helps a lot. YALDEN – When you open up, you actually feel like there is less anxiety and you feel better, right? And you did the work despite the fear of the unknown. You pushed through and here you are on the other side. Can you give kids – 17 and 18 – permission that it’s OK to talk? If you have pain in your heart, what you don’t speak out, you end up acting out. And we can’t help if we don’t know. ISABELLA: I give permission to 17, 18 and sometimes younger than that – because it’s not just teenagers. It’s middle-schoolers and surprisingly, elementary school kids – because they ARE bullied, and words hurt. And this is pretty off-topic, but don’t bully. You really don’t know what a person is going through. They could be fighting depression. They could be fighting something else. Just don’t add onto it. Why be mean when we are all put on this earth to be kind? I don’t like to be mean. I really don’t – and to any kids who are fighting depression and feeling like they are alone – listening to that voice in their heads – you are stronger. Jeff made me see that I am stronger. That voice in my head was just a voice. I have great friends. I have an amazing mom. And I have amazing teachers – so if anyone out there is struggling and feels like they are alone – talk to a trusted adult. Talk to a teacher. Even talk to your counselor, because you need to take that first step toward getting the help you need. Trust me – the dark side? You’ll get out of it, and you will come to the bright side. It’s so beautiful here. YALDEN: you have to be willing to lose your ego and open your heart. It is hard – but it’s part of growing and not being afraid to talk and ask for help. My friends, I was so inspired to come back to this community. I want to protect her identity – but when she came up to me after the assembly this morning, I just lit up There is a great outcome on the other side. You just have got to be willing to do the work.

Teen Mental Health Speaker: Jeff Yalden

Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as one of the top mental health experts in the world primarily focused on education and school communities working with teens, school administration, counselors, teachers, staff, parents and community leaders. He’s a four-time best-selling author including his latest book, TEEN SUICIDE: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic. His Podcast: Mental Health and Motivation continues to attract thousands of new subscribers every month for his direct talk and influence on today’s mental health conversations for teens and adults. You can learn more about Jeff Yalden by visiting his website – www.JeffYalden.com. You can also learn more about Jeff’s Suicide Prevention Online Course for School Communities and Parents, Jeff Yalden University, and follow Jeff on YouTube and Social Media by clicking on the links below: For more information, please visit www.JeffYalden.com or click on any link below: Online Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities Book: Teen Suicide: They WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic Facebook Page School Resources Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866

Jeff Yalden: 7 Rules of Life

October 30, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

The more we get to know ourselves through counseling, wisdom, experience and daily self-care, the more comfortable we are with who we are, what life means and how we live. Enjoy my seven Rules of Life and it is my hope that you find peace, love and joy in your mental and physical well-being, just as I continue to do every day:

1. Let It Go

You are only one person. You can only do so much. If you can change a situation for the better, do so. If you can’t, let it go. Show up every day and do the best you can.

2. Ignore Gracefully

Don’t participate in drama or outside noise. Don’t listen to other people who put you down or don’t believe in you or your dreams. Ignore those who fail to validate you or are just plain rude. Live a life that is empowering to you. Be graceful in how you respond, act, speak and do. Remember, it’s their issue. Not yours. And if people walk out on you, LET THEM GO!

3. Give It Time

We’re connected 24/7, 365 days a year. Time is at a premium and there never seems to be enough of it. Choose to bring back time by being mindful and present. Choose to bring back time by being mindful and present. Although life is about being in the moment, we must also have patience in the process of living. Perfection doesn’t exist. You matter. Perfection doesn’t matter.

4. Don’t Compare

We live in a world where everyone is trying to live a life compared to what they see on social media, and it can become an addiction. What you are accustomed to is embellished, filtered and photoshopped, depicting an image of a lifestyle that isn’t real. People are making it look like their lives are perfect and yours doesn’t measure up. Don’t get caught up in other people’s fake lives. Put the phone down and connect with people your heart to theirs.

5. Breathe & Stay Calm

It will be OK. Just breathe. Stay calm and don’t act on emotions. You don’t need to answer that email or text right now. Take time for yourself. Have balance and boundaries. Have a trusted friend that you can talk to and vent and know they’re supportive and nonjudgmental. Don’t ever be afraid to seek a counselor or therapist to learn tools for coping, communicating or problem solving. Remember, they work for you. Just breathe. It will be OK.

6. You Are Responsible

The most powerful two-letter-ten -words in the English language: “If it’s going to be, then it’s up to me.” Tough times happen. It might be your fault, or it might not – but understand this: How you move forward from anything is always your responsibility. What are you going to do? Don’t be a victim. Choose to be a victor. Don’t be bitter or angry. It does no good. Choose to be better every day. Be responsible in your behavior, your attitude and the choices you make.

7. Smile

Love will always be stronger than hate. A smile will always be better than a frown. You’ll feel the smile yourself and your smile will brighten someone else’s day. It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. If you can’t find a reason to smile, try this: Choose three things you are grateful for and reflect on being appreciative. Replace expectations with appreciation and gratitude.

Life Isn’t Easy

Life isn’t all rollercoasters, unicorns and rainbows. Expectations leave us disappointed. We live in an imperfect world. Things aren’t always fair nor are they black and white. Don’t get caught up in the complications of life. You can only do or be in control of so much. This can be overwhelming when you see it all in front of you. Relax. Breathe. Simplify. At the end of the day, you can’t change people, places or things. You can control you and how you live, act, and respond to people, places, and things. Live with grace, forgiveness, and acceptance. Learn self-care and advocate for your own best mental, physical and spiritual health. Be influential. Be the light for others. As Gandhi said, “Be the change.” Live in a way you wish others can live their lives. Thanks for letting me share my 7 Rules for Life.

Teen Mental Health Motivational & Educational Consultant: Jeff Yalden

Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as the number one Teen Mental Health Speaker in all of North America. Jeff is a Suicide Crisis Intervention Expert and Suicide Prevention Trainer working with hundreds of school communities every year. He’s an Amazon Best Selling Author of four books, including Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic and BOOM: One Word to Instantly Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day! His podcast, Mental Health & Motivation: The Unlikely Life Coach continues to attract thousands of new subscribers every month for his direct talk and influence on families and teens. Since 1992, Jeff Yalden has traveled to 50 states and 48 countries delivering his message, “About Life.” From 2005-2011, Jeff was a celebrity teen and family life coach on MTV’s hit realty show MADE. As a celebrity teen & family life coach, Jeff gets the heart of the matter helping teens, young adults, families, and communities in their struggles together. He’s a Gulf War Veteran and a two- time Marine-of-the-year recipient 1991-1992. He was Mr. New Hampshire Male America, 1990. Every year over 1 million people are left inspired by Jeff Yalden’s inexhaustible energy that permeates after he speaks. Jeff has an online suicide prevention course for school communities, parents, teachers, staff, and teens. Check it out HERE. For more information, please visit www.jeffyalden.com and www.thejyf.org PURCHASE Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic Link to Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/jeffyaldenfoundation Click HERE for school resources. Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866

Jarrid Wilson Suicide: I’m Angry and Disappointed

October 29, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

In September, Harvest Christian Fellowship associate pastor, mental health advocate and author Jarrid Wilson made the forever decision to end his life by suicide at only 30 years old.

Before I go any further, I want to send my thoughts and prayers to his wife and sons – to his family, followers and fans. It is with a heavy heart that I write this, but it’s also my responsibility – as it was also Jarrid’s responsibility.

I hope you understand my intentions for sharing my feelings…

Jarrid was a passionate advocate for mental health and suicide prevention. He had the megachurch behind him where he was a pastor. I think of myself as a Christian, and I know that there are many pastors out there living with their share of darkness. I have been fortunate enough to work with a number of them, and they have shared their struggles with me. I have become much more aware of these struggles and in some cases, concerned.

As a suicide prevention and mental health advocate myself – primarily working in school communities with teens, teachers and staff, parents and community leaders – I’ve met and conversed at length with many leaders of churches, and they’ve all told me I’m right and to continue sharing the message when I talk about church and mental health.

Pastors are not perfect

Let me just tell you that 53% of pastors have an addiction to pornography and the occupation of being a pastor is one of the highest for suicidal ideation. I don’t need to go further.

This isn’t about bashing any pastor or any church. It’s about full transparency and not hiding behind a faith to heal your heart or emotions – or hiding behind a congregation for validation. We clearly need more truth, and I think our churches have an incredible responsibility in the mental health crisis we currently live in.

I’m angry and I have a right to be. Here is exactly why I feel as though I do. I’ve been speaking and advocating for mental health and suicide prevention for 28 years.

Jeff Yalden: A Man Who Proudly Lives with Mental Illness

I live with mental illness. I’m diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder [PTSD]. I travel nearly 180 days a year giving hope, educating, and inspiring many – as did Jarrid. I’m very protective of who is speaking and giving hope and educating those who need help and hope. This isn’t something we should take lightly, and I see too many people thinking that since they have a story, they can save lives. People struggling with mental illness require the help of professionals – not people that can trigger emotions and leave pieces to be picked up later.

Jarrid Wilson’s final act of suicide, in my opinion, sent more of a message than any of his work as an advocate. Any hope he’d given to anyone struggling and who trusted in him was negated by his forever decision in the end.

Because of things like this, I feel that my 28 years of working – speaking throughout the country on mental health and suicide prevention – has become more of a challenge, and this was a big slap in the face…

It’s not OK that Wilson, who was in a position of leadership and trust – serving people and doing kingdom work, ultimately decided to take his own life.

I WISH HE KEPT FIGHTING AND ASKING FOR HELP.

I believe there is always help available. Take the time to just breathe…

Maybe I’m wrong. Perhaps there is a depth of despair I can’t fathom. I’m learning and trying to understand.

I will not give up, but I am angry and really disappointed in Jarrid. As an advocate, you know the work you have to do because you know first-hand the importance of self-care.

Did Jarrid not live the truth he so proudly displayed in his speaking or the books he’d written? Did he not open up about his troubles to his wife or senior pastor? Did he forsake therapy because he thought turning to God would heal his mental illness? Was he even on medication?

I have questions, and I feel like I have the right to know because I fight the battle myself.

Jarrid’s high-pressure role at Harvest Christian Fellowship seemed to be too much, and one of his friends said that he had expressed an interest in stepping down. Did this sign go unnoticed by church leadership? Was there even a conversation as to why he wanted to step down? Was there support for him?

Is the church too big to include input from mental health professionals?

A person I’d like to have lunch with is Mr. Dale Partridge, a pastor and a friend of Wilson’s. What exactly does he know and what did they try and do for Jarrid? It could be possible that Jarrid himself wasn’t as truthful as he could have been about the depth of his pain.

Church Leadership

Before I get out of my car and go into a facility to make a presentation, I always ask God to use me as a vehicle to provide hope, to educate and to plant seeds. I feel strongly that God is with me – but I also feel strongly that God has blessed us with mental health professionals, who are crucial in helping people create a toolbox and resources to help them cope. This is the God I know.

Is it possible that we have churches that are reckless enough to put people with mental illness in positions of leadership? Do certain churches place people into leadership roles even when these people doubt their faith?

Don’t get me wrong. I know we have wonderful houses of worship with fantastic people who lead their congregations – but like anything else, we also have imperfection and unbiblical practices from people who are in positions of great responsibility.

Why are our churches putting these people in such positions? I’ve read that many church leaders have been open about their mental health struggles and their doubts of the Bible and doctrine.

As a man who lives with mental illness, I am the healthiest I’ve ever been, having more fun than ever and feel more present in my work. A huge part of this boils down to the fact that I am doing the work – counseling, therapy, medication and self-care. I wake up early enough to make sure I take care of myself first.

Self-care is not selfish.

I understand that we are busy. I can also understand the “second-hand trauma” associated with serving others who also struggle – listening to them and acutely aware of their pain. It can be very hard. After years in the trenches of mental illness, I have learned that you can empathize and be compassionate, but you can’t carry the darkness of others.

Anyone in the vocation of serving others – especially pastors – need privacy, not publicity. We need diligent prayer, not overwhelming pressure. We need to truly become servants and should refuse to be placed on pedestals. When a church officer falls, it becomes like a domino effect and causes others to fall. This causes ripples of confusion, fear and doubt among the congregation.

God has given clear instructions that offer protection to His church. Every time we decide to break His commands, we only break ourselves. A pastor is not simply someone who is willing. A pastor is not simply someone who is gifted. A pastor is not simply someone who is educated. He is a man who meets all God’s qualifications. This is safety for God’s church.

I don’t feel my words are coming from ignorance., nor, is my belief uneducated. I feel we need to wake up and see the responsibility we have to one another.

In the world we live in, almost half of all adults will experience mental illness in their lifetime. With being “overwhelmed” as a new clinical diagnosis of mental illness, I believe this to be even higher than half.

We do live in a broken world, but that isn’t an excuse. I’m not asking for perfection or perfect leaders, but I’m asking for accountability and leadership where we take care of one another. I’m very open to a pastor who isn’t perfect, but I want a pastor who is doing the work as in, “Do as I do and as I say. Let me lead you by influence. We do this together.”

For anyone living with mental illness I need you to know it’s OK to not be OK. But if you don’t do something about it, then it’s not OK. A true leader should know they lead best by their influence and not by spoken words.

It is not shameful to live with mental illness. It is contagious to seek help and want to get better. You can live a very healthy life when learning about mental illness and not ignoring it.

I do not want to come across as judgmental or shaming, I’m just angry for the work we all do and sad for Jarrid’s family and all those that listened to him.

Please forgive me if I offended anyone with how I feel. Mental health is an epidemic and I will continue to work hard – on myself and in service to others. I will always pray for people like Jarrid that hurt so much and ultimately felt the struggle was too much. For Jarrid’s family, his fans, and the love of my work I will always advocate strongly for self-care and complete transparency.

Let’s all learn and grow together.

He’s an Amazon Best Selling Author of four books, including Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic and BOOM: One Word to Instantly Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day! His podcast, Mental Health & Motivation: The Unlikely Life Coach continues to attract thousands of new subscribers every month for his direct talk and influence on families and teens.

Since 1992, Jeff Yalden has traveled to 50 states and 48 countries delivering his message, “About Life.”

From 2005-2011, Jeff was a celebrity teen and family life coach on MTV’s hit realty show MADE.

As a celebrity teen & family life coach, Jeff gets the heart of the matter helping teens, young adults, families, and communities in their struggles together.

He’s a Gulf War Veteran and a two- time Marine-of-the-year recipient 1991-1992. He was Mr. New Hampshire Male America, 1990.

Every year over 1 million people are left inspired by Jeff Yalden’s inexhaustible energy that permeates after he speaks.

Jeff has an online suicide prevention course for school communities, parents, teachers, staff, and teens. Check it out HERE.

For more information, please visit www.jeffyalden.com and www.thejyf.org

PURCHASE Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic Link to Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/jeffyaldenfoundation

Life Changing Conversation with Teens

October 18, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Jeff Yalden Inspired by Conversation with Teens

Recently, I visited Sequim High School in Washington State. Sequim is a beautiful place along the Dungeness River near the Olympic Mountains – and whenever I am in a spot like this, I feel grateful for the opportunity to take it all in. The Sequim school community was amazing. One of the things I truly love about my full-day school programs is that I get to meet and really get to know the students. They are so open when we talk, and that’s inspiring. Because I have more time, I learn more about them – what they think, how they feel – and I am able to get an understanding of their emotions by engaging with them. By listening. The students are enthusiastic, and I could tell that they had so many questions they didn’t seem to know how to ask – but once you gain their trust (and their respect), they are eager to talk. What happens next is absolutely amazing… During one conversation in this VIDEO, a young lady asked me a great question: “What makes you valuable?” I thought about it and told her that what makes me valuable is that I’ve been able to take my life experiences and choose to be a victor through my circumstances instead of a victim. It hasn’t been easy – but in getting to know myself, it’s an honor to share what I have learned in order to plant seeds of wisdom, hope and knowledge in our youth. Her next question was incredibly thought-provoking, deep and intense: “If you lost all of what makes you valuable, would you still be valuable?” Holy Cow! What really makes us valuable? It’s different for everyone, but what hit me with this question is that I don’t need my life’s experiences or even my career as a youth and mental health speaker to feel valuable. I get it, but I don’t think I always understood that. It’s my passion to inspire our school communities, talking about mental health and life and helping to make sense of it all for young people and families – but I don’t need the applause to feel valuable or worthy. What makes me valuable is how I feel about who I am – my heart – being a kind, respectful man of influence and dignity. I was amazed by this exchange and could go on and on about it and what it meant to me as well as to the young people involved. It was remarkable getting to know these teens and speaking heart-to-heart with them. I was inspired. I hope you enjoy this video and share it. The next time you engage in conversation with teens, remember this: Teens don’t care about titles, research or statistics. They care about the answers to two questions…

Do you care about me?
Can I trust you?

If you have a teen in your life, be sure to give them time. Be patient. Don’t judge. Speak to them and not at them. When you do that, I promise you that you’ll have an amazing conversation that will inspire you as much as you might inspire them. Be the trusted adult. Be a significant influence in the life of a child and you’ll be making a difference in the world.

Who is Jeff Yalden?

Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as one of the top teen mental health and suicide prevention experts in the world. He works with teens and adults, school communities and mental health professionals. He’s a four-time bestselling author, radio show host, podcast host, online course creator, non-profit foundation founder, and advocate for mental health. Teen Suicide Prevention Online Course for Schools and Communities: CLICK HERE For more information about Jeff Yalden, CLICK HERE. BUY Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “WHY” behind America’s Suicide Epidemic. Check out Jeff’s Facebook page HERE.

Armed with Hope Conference

October 18, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Armed with Hope Conference – Omaha, Nebraska

Teen Mental Health & Teen Suicide Prevention Expert Jeff Yalden keynotes two years in a row…

On October 5, 2019 Teen Mental Health and Teen Suicide Prevention expert Jeff Yalden was invited back as keynote speaker for the Armed with Hope Conference, the second such event for teens impacted by depression and other mental health struggles – and presented by an awesome nonprofit called Teens Finding Hope. Teens Finding Hope was formed in 2010 by mothers Kristi Barth and Sherry Krueger, who were looking for resources and support for their children, both of whom struggled with depression. This year, the event took place in Omaha, Nebraska. Last year’s conference was in Portland, Oregon – co-founder Barth’s hometown. “This was another great year talking mental health and suicide prevention with families, teens, local mental health professionals and the community,” said Yalden. The Barth family is passionate about making a difference and giving hope to those suffering from mental illness or who have lost a loved one to suicide. They have had their own experiences within their family, but the difference is that they are not afraid to talk about it – because they know that this is the only way to break the stigma once and for all. Yalden said it was a pleasure to work with the Barth family. “They’re all involved and have such big hearts – giving back and working tirelessly to make a difference. I’m truly honored that they brought me back for a second year.” This year, Yalden focused his keynote address on mental health and his theory on why teen suicide is an epidemic. He talked about what teens tell him when they come to him for one-on-one conversations. They’re feeling lonely, and loneliness means they don’t have meaningful relationships. Often, a lonely teen doesn’t want to burden anybody with their problems – and that leads to a feeling that they are a disappointment to their parents and others. Yalden also laid out his thoughts about smartphones, and especially how social media can become the antithesis of “social” – leading instead to isolation in our young people and the fallout from “the dopamine effect…” “Every time a notification goes off on their phone, the chemical dopamine is released – and this sense of temporary euphoria leaves them wanting more and more,” he said, adding that the brain typically doesn’t mature until 24 or 25 years of age – but technology is so advanced that our young people are not capable of moderate use. For them, it’s all or nothing. “Our youth are given the phones and expected to know better and be more responsible as if they are adults and should know better, but they don’t,” says Yalden. When Yalden hears teens tell him they feel alone and a disappointment to others, the next question he asks the individual is about self-harm. When he describes the timeline of a teen in crisis, self-harm typically comes into play, especially if they don’t know how to ask for help. Why do teens self-harm? Teens turn to self-harm when they want to feel like they are in control. Self-harm is not just about cutting, but Yalden says cutting is more often than not the go-to method. Other methods would be self-medicating, reckless behavior, pulling their hair, banging their heads against the wall, punching themselves, scratching, picking skin, rubbing so deeply that it causes a rash – and more. Most at-risk teens tell Yalden that they self-harm because it makes them feel better in the moment, but in the long run it only makes matters worse. In cases like these, Yalden asks the young person is they are looking to feel better without the pain of self-harm. He is all about building the relationship and gaining their trust – and is successful because of this and that the fact that respect is given and reciprocated. This one-on-one is crucial. Today’s teens want answers to the following questions.

Do you care about me?
Can I trust you?

Yalden is also successful in his work with teens because they can see that he understands them and knows how to speak their language. He works with teens and school communities nearly 175 days a year – and deeply understands what is causing teens to be in crisis mode. Another point Yalden makes is the fact that thoughts are simply thoughts – but feelings have to be shared and discussed. If not, many young people (and adults too) wind up acting out. He says that every teen needs a trusted adult that they can talk to. They can talk to friends too, of course, but these friends need to be taught what to do if the other young person is in crisis. If you see something, you must say something. If you know something, you must do something. It should be as simple as that. When talking about teen mental health and suicide prevention, we must be keenly aware that saying something can save someone’s life. Ultimately, the young person in crisis needs to be guided to a mental health professional – but if you don’t say something, we can’t help. We can’t help if we don’t know. If the RED FLAGS are present – their feelings having come to the surface coupled with self-harm – the last questions Yalden asks are whether or not the teen wants to die and whether or not they have a plan to act on that impulse. Yalden doesn’t believe that teens want to die. It’s more like they don’t see a solution to their problems in the here-and-now – and they don’t yet have the foresight to see that the problems facing them are temporary. They see no point in going on, and some make a forever decision based on the emotional pain they are experiencing in the moment. Yalden teaches that our youth are struggling with coping skills and problem-solving skills. The solution? Teens need to be taught that life isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress, and the skills needed to cope and solve problems can be learned. One way to correct this is to make sure your kids spend less time on their devices and more time in the real world – interacting with their peers and others. In his book, Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic, Yalden says that if you spend more than four to five hours a day on your smartphone, you are 70 percent more likely to have major depression in your life. Put the phone down and get involved. Make sure you are getting eight hours of sleep per night. Lastly, nutrition plays a role. Less sugar and more protein. Less processed foods. Jeff’s keynote was limited to 30 minutes. He was simple and direct in his explanation of complex issues – and went on to do a workshop for adults and later, teens. Each workshop was roughly 50 minutes long, where he expanded on talking points and answered questions. Yalden has prepared an online course for teachers, staff, administrators, counselors – but also for parents and community members. Another online course on teen mental health and teen suicide prevention highlights the “WHY” behind this troubling phenomenon. CLICK HERE for more information. If you would like Jeff Yalden to visit your school community, please visit www.JeffYalden.com. Jeff is one of the most sought-after mental health speakers in America – not only in school environments, but he also speaks at many national mental health conferences for adults and mental health professionals. Contact Yalden today by emailing Betty at Betty@JeffYalden.com. Link to Course: https://jeffyaldenuniversity.clickfunnels.com/optin2ig2k8zw Link to Jeff Yalden’s Website: https://jeffyalden.com Link to book, “Teen Suicide: They WHY . . .” https://www.amazon.com/Teen-Suicide-Behind-Americas-Epidemic/dp/198656777X/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=Teen+Suicide+Jeff+Yalden+Book&qid=1571417850&sr=8-2 Link to Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/jeffyaldenfoundation

What Difference Are You Making in the World?

October 14, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Recently, I was in Baudette, Minnesota – near the Canadian border and not too far from Winnipeg.

I was so far north that I saw cars with amphibious tracks on them as they drove through the snow. No kidding – and one of them was a Smart Car.

While I was about to get ready for my day, I came across a VIDEO that a nonprofit called Sandy Hook Promise put together by several family members of victims of the Sandy Hook shootings. These folks have gone on a crusade and are making an incredible difference in the world. I applaud them.

Trigger warning: Here’s the video – but it could be tough to watch:

The video is powerful, and I am still trying to process it – but because of this, I started thinking: What difference are we making in the world?

Listen, maybe you haven’t gone through a gut-wrenching tragedy like Sandy Hook or Parkland, Columbine or any of these mass school shootings. Maybe you’re a mom, a teacher, a coach, a businessperson – a dad, a friend – a youth speaker – a pastor – I don’t know. Maybe you just wake up, go to work and do your thing every day – and the next day and the day after that. That’s beside the point.

It doesn’t matter what you do. My question is simply this: What difference are you making in the world to make it a better place?

You might be thinking, “Well – I really don’t have a platform to do much.” OK. Or, “Well Jeff – I’m really not in that position. Well, Jeff – I’m really focused on my family…”

Good. I understand.

I am a big believer in the “think globally, act locally” course of action. We can make a huge difference right in our own little corners of the world. Think about what you can do – right here, right now.

Maybe you are a parent. It’s important to put your family first. Let’s say you go to your child’s sports events. I think you can make a difference in the type of parent and fan you are by being supportive of everybody else’s kids too. And stop screaming at the referees if you think they made a bad call. You can choose to be objective and understand that the refs have a tough job to make calls on the spot and they are not always perfect.

But the bottom line is that we should support and applaud our refs and our coaches – and we honor the work that they are doing every single day. I think that’s making a difference in the world.

What about if you work with other people every day in your job? I think your attitude and your behavior make a difference. For those in education, you’ve got young people under your watch every single day. You are making a difference by being supportive and encouraging, knowing that your words and actions make a huge impact in the life of a child.

Everybody has an opportunity to make a difference in the world – and this means you. It doesn’t have to me a monumental thing, either. Think about your sphere of influence – your words, your actions, your attitude and your kindness – being a person of selfless service and acting with grace.

I don’t know what this looks like for you – but you don’t need to overthink the issue. When you walk into a restaurant, hold the door open for somebody. When a car stops to allow you to cross the street – wave at the driver. Say “thank you.”

When I was in Baudette, I was standing in line in a convenience store, getting an Arnold Palmer (half iced tea and half lemonade). I was the fifth person in line, so I watched the four people in front of me as they got rung up. As the cashier said, “can I help you” and “have a nice day,” not one of these people so much as said “hi” or “thank you.”

Not one of these people – grownups who should know better – said anything.

Wow.

If we’re looking to make a difference in the world, my friends, it’s sometimes a simple nod, a smile, a “thank you” or “have a great day.” That’s it.

These simple gestures have a ripple effect – radiating outward from you and into the lives of others.

Now go out there and make a difference.

This blog post has been adapted from an upcoming episode of Jeff’s podcast, Mental Health and Motivation: The Unlikely Life Coach. Click HERE to subscribe.

To find out more about The Jeff Yalden Foundation, go HERE.

ORDER your copy of Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.

To book Jeff for your school, event or conference, call Betty at 800-948-9289.

A Memorable Day at The Meadows – A Psychiatric Hospital

October 4, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Teen Mental Health Speaker and Suicide Prevention Advocate

Jeff Yalden has been speaking in education and to school communities for the past 28 years. He started in 1992 while stationed at Cecil Field Naval Air Station Marine Barracks. One day, a phone call came into the office asking if a Marine would be available to come down to Apopka High School in Apopka, FL and speak to the Marine ROTC Cadets. Jeff, having just been meritoriously promoted to Corporal, said he’d be honored to drive two hours down on his day off and talk to the cadets. Little did he know that this opportunity would lead him into a career he was made for and the man he has become as a result of taking the initiative on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Perhaps it was fate. Maybe it was his as yet undiagnosed bipolar II disorder, which kept him running full-speed-ahead – keeping him active and always wanting more out of life. For Jeff, bipolar is a blessing and a curse. It’s crippling and painful, and has almost been the death of him – but it’s also been a blessing because Jeff is resilient, hard-working, and always striving to succeed in business and in life. Before therapy and medication, Jeff was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but after his diagnosis and being put on medication, he is a whole new person. “I am proud to be a man that lives with mental illness,” he said. Being proud hasn’t come easy, and his greatest regret is that he has hurt people in his journey toward getting to know who he is – the man he is slowly becoming. As a youth speaker in his early years Jeff didn’t talk much about mental illness. He talked a lot about resiliency, self-esteem, and life’s obstacles. Fast forward 28 years: Jeff spends his time focusing on and talking about mental health and suicide prevention. It’s like he’s come full circle – telling his story about where he was, what he has gone through, and now the going through and becoming part. Jeff wouldn’t want it any other way. Life is a journey. It’s not a race. He says this a lot, but he also says, “Get to know who you are and be comfortable with who you are not.” That is all part of the journey of life. Jeff just wrapped up a week speaking to high schools in the Clearfield-Jefferson County of Pennsylvania. What a week it had been speaking at four amazing schools and to parents and community each night. On this day, Friday, Jeff was spending the day at The Meadows. A psychiatric hospital just outside of Penn State University. They had invited Jeff to speak to their patients. Jeff was inspired by this and was excited to be a part of it. Not that it was more important than any other talk or visit, but this one was different because he spent time as a patient in psychiatric hospitals at 16 and again at 22.

Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic

Jeff doesn’t talk about these visits in his presentations – and it’s not that he is embarrassed or ashamed. Quite simply, the subject doesn’t fit with most of these. It’s part of his story, but not significant enough to add to his usual talks. On this day, though, he was proud to talk about it – especially to let the patients know that it was OK to be where they were. He made sure to tell them that they needed to be present in these moments and take in the support and guidance offered them before going back out into the real world where they are expected to live, reason and act accordingly. It was nearly two hours of talking and answering questions. The staff thought he’d have their attention for maybe 20-30 minutes. Everyone was in awe about how incredible the patients were -attentive, inspired and and eager to want more. Jeff is real. He’s not afraid to be brutally honest about his journey of living with mental illness. He is not skittish about being one with his audience and letting them know that it can be OK. You have to do the work, but paradoxically the work is so much easier than not doing the work. You can live a healthy life with mental illness, but you have to make your health a mindset and a priority each and every day. If you are interested in Jeff Yalden coming and speaking to your school community or mental health event, please visit www.JeffYalden.com or www.TheJYF.org today. You’ll be a HERO when you invite Jeff Yalden to speak at your next event. Check out Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.

Roseanne Barr: Was Mental Illness to Blame?

June 5, 2018 by Roger Yale

Jeff Yalden is a man who proudly lives with mental illness every day. Diagnosed with PTSD, bipolar type II and major depression, the mental health speaker and Amazon bestselling author is a staunch advocate for therapy and medication where appropriate. After celebrity Roseanne Barr crashed and burned as a result of her now infamous racist tweet last week about former Obama senior advisor Valerie Jarrett– resulting in the cancellation of what was to be her comeback Roseanne show on ABC – Yalden felt compelled to go on record with his thoughts in the above video. “Two months ago, from after having faded off the face of the earth, Roseanne Barr became a star again – but did the egotistical, multiple-personality, I-don’t-care comedian of her inner being come out too much,” he asked. If Barr was trying to be funny, Yalden noted that this was at the expense of others. This, he said, was going too far – so far that it cost not only her career, but seriously impacted the livelihoods of everybody working on the new show. “You were the star, and being the star comes with incredible responsibility for far more than being funny,” he said, adding that Barr apologized, but it was too late. ABC had to do the right thing, and it did.

And blaming this event on the sedative Ambien after this irresponsible and racist behavior is just not going to fly, according to Yalden. “You reacted when you should have owned it. I challenge you to own it right away and stay off social media.” Yalden noted that Barr has been on record about her mental health issues, and she revealed her multiple personality disorder as far back as 1994, but he was quick to point out that mental illness is not an excuse for behavior and actions. Barr’s decidedly irresponsible and inappropriate behavior is cause for concern. “Perhaps you should go back to your therapist and ask for help again,” Yalden said in a direct appeal to Roseanne Barr. “If the sitcom didn’t end from this, it was certainly to end because your behavior would have caused something else.” He suggested a media tour, with Barr owning up to her mistake and advocating for mental health and living with mental illness. “We who live with mental illness and are passionate about it would love someone like you – who also lives with it – to be a great advocate for mental health,” he said. But the issue of racism goes far beyond mental health issues – and Yalden said that Barr didn’t make an ape reference about Valerie Jarrett or do a photo shoot dressed like Hitler because of her mental health issues or Ambien.

“Mental illness does not give a person a free pass for bad behavior, and I speak for all of us that live every day with mental illnesses. The same is said for people that suffer daily because of racism.” Yalden cited a 2012 interview with Piers Morgan where Barr said she was in the “best place” that she had ever been in, when it came to mental health – and this was due in large part to the fact that she had done the work. “I think the work is every day,” Yalden said. “You need to go back and check in – and reassess where you are. Clearly, Ms. Roseanne, more work needs to be done.” For more information about Jeff Yalden, go HERE.