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3 Tips to Improve Teens Self-Esteem

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Hey my friends . . . This has been a rough year for everyone, but especially for teenagers. Many have missed out on experiences that define the teenage years – things like prom, homecoming, and even just defining who you are in a group of friends. Covid has caused more problems for teen mental health than we can care to think about. Here are 3 Tips to Boost Teens Self-Esteem.

I’m Jeff Yalden, teen mental health and suicide prevention expert with Here Tomorrow in Neptune Beach, I’ve been working with schools and school communities for the past thirty years.  Teens are my love and passion.

Listen, a teenager’s social-emotional development is also hinged on their brain development, hormones and neurotransmitters.

Erik Erikson’s theory of development says that it is during this time that an adolescent will begin to develop and question their own sense of self. In this day of social media, it is becoming more difficult to find who you are and where you belong. Teens are inundated with images that speak to their worth and comparison of others.

A pioneer in social media and the psychology of its impact on esteem and mental health is Jonathan Bertrand. Bertrand’s position is that social media use has a profound impact on the development of self and often interferes with mental health and esteem-related issues. Combine that with Erikson’s work and you have a bit of a potentially disastrous combination.

With that being said, I want to share with you 3 Tips to help teens boost their self-esteem.

Tip #1: Avoid excessive exposure to social media 

More than 4-5 hours a day . . . 70% more likely to have major depression and other mental health conditions.  So, when possible, eliminate or really reduce the use of social media.  Let me add emphasis to social media being recognized as part of one’s self-esteem issues.  

Here is the deal, If your teen struggles with body image, lifestyle comparison or feelings of inadequacy then social media may be a piece of that puzzle. 

Here is what I am suggesting . . . Setting some limits, like turning off all technology a couple of hours before bed and limited overall time on social media.  Trust me, this is a good place to start.

However, this might be difficult as you get resistance. You might then consider having some conversations about social media and its impact and invite your teen into the conversation rather than it being a lecture.  After 24 hours, you’ll think you have a new teenager.

Tip  #2: Use thought stopping

Another strategy is to use thought-stopping. Here is what that is.  We cannot control a thought when it comes into your head, but we can control what we do with the thought. Don’t hang on to a negative thought.  Instead, say ‘stop’ and think of something else. Over time this will help to create new neural connections in your brain instead of circling the negativity drain. 

Helping teens understand they can have control over how they handle thoughts is a powerful way to build self-esteem.  Think of it this way, situations become thoughts.  Thoughts become feelings.  Feelings become behaviors.  Stop the negative thoughts.  Another term for this is Behavioral Activation.  If it’s not right . . . Change the thought.

Tip #3: Build mastery

Find an activity that you enjoy and work toward building mastery. This will not only encourage you to find a group of people with similar interests, but it will also build your sense of worth within yourself and within the group. Start by sampling some things that you have a a little of interest in and explore them. If it is a sport, commit to the season. If it is a new hobby or club, give it at least 3 months of your time. Building mastery is a great way to solidify your confidence. 

Put down the devices and get more involved.

Contact Jeff today. (CLICK HERE)

Why Teens Need a Mental Health Life Coach

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Teen Life Coach Jeff Yalden

Jeff Yalden speaks to teens one on one everywhere he goes.

Your teen needs a Teen Life Coach and a Mental Health Life Coach for support and encouragement. Consider Jeff Yalden. He’s been that trusted teen life coach for many years.
Growing up teen today is harder than it has ever been.
Parenting is harder than it’s ever been too, and that is why teens need a Mental Health Life Coach. Parents can use a coach that understands teens as well.

As a Youth Motivational Speaker & Coach, Jeff Hears Their Cries

Pressures of being a teen today are overwhelming. The mental well-being of our teens is seriously being compromised.
Jeff sees it everyday in his talks with teens and school communities. High School Assemblies with youth motivational speaker Jeff Yalden are 15 hours and in that time he meets one on one with many teens requesting to speak to him personally.
After his high school assemblies students line up to talk about life, their family struggles, abuse, brokenness, loss, fear, anxiety, stress, feelings of being overwhelmed and more.
A personal conversation with Jeff and teens feel they can trust in him to share their heart.

Why Teens want to speak to Jeff Yalden

For so many reasons, teens are afraid to talk, including but not limited to:
  • They’re afraid you’re going to try and fix it
  • They’re afraid you’re going to judge them
  • You’re going to tell them they’re overreacting
  • You don’t understand the pressure of being a teen
  • You’re not going to take them seriously
  • They’re afraid of being a burden
  • They can’t figure out how they’re feeling themselves
  • They feel you won’t value their feelings, thoughts, and emotions
So what do teens do? They isolate themselves trying to figure it all out and it becomes too overwhelming.

Teens don’t trust adults

Sounds crazy, but it’s true and that is why they’re not reaching out to their trusted adults. Ask many teens who their trusted adult is and they’ll tell you they don’t have one. Scared, isolated, and teens feel alone and a disappointment. They’re not speaking because they are afraid to burden their closest adults with their problems. They know how stressful life is for you that they don’t want to overwhelm you with their problems.
“I wanted to say “Thank You” for letting me thing that I do belong here and I am special. I am loved and that I don’t need to end it all to get what I want.I will never forget everything you said to everyone.” – Student, OH

Two Questions Teens Need Answered

VbSzbvllRIy7GyUtwkeYhgIf you’re going to connect and be able to get the trust and respect from your teens you have to answer these two questions:
  • Can I trust you?
  • Do you care about me?
You can’t just say, “I’m the parent. Of course they know they can trust me.” Not so fast. How do you show it? How do they know?
Teens don’t walk in the house from school and say, “Mom and dad, I’ve had a bad day. Can we talk?“
They go to their room just wishing you would come through the door and listen to their heart without saying a word. Just listen.
In isolation their minds are left thinking the worst.
You spell LOVE: T-I-M-E. TIME and being non-judgmental when you’re listening.

Teen Pressures are Overwhelming

With all the pressures: social media, school, friends, their future, and the expectations, teens are overwhelmed. Their mental health is being compromised and teens don’t know how to cope.
Teen Life Coach Jeff Yalden

Mental Health Teen Life Coach Jeff Yalden reaches students.

Major concerns such as self-harm, depression, and maybe even suicidal ideation if teens don’t ask for help or parents don’t advocate for their child.
A teen mental health life coach helps your teen navigate the process of life by listening and offering practical tips and advice. Having this teen life coach will lead to self-value, self-respect, and a confidant they can talk to without judgement.
It’s extremely important to have a mental health life coach to help deal with everyday challenges for teens.
Someone that understands them and can help them navigate the process of life in a calm, non-reactionary, balanced journey; giving them practical tips and advice.

Teen Suicide: Is your Teen Next?

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After a suicide, Jeff meets with students and friends and gives them permission to talk and feel while leading them in on a healthy and positive path to closure and acceptance.

Jeff Yalden is an expert on teen mental health and teen suicide.
Teen Suicide has been and continues to be an epidemic in school communities everywhere.
You may have heard about the show “13 Reasons Why” that tells the story of how a teen girl takes her own life after experiencing many traumatic experiences.
Many mixed views about the show.  Some feel like the show provides a valuable opportunity for discussion about bullying and teen suicide.
On the other side of the spectrum are those that feel the show glorifies suicide and shows that it is an easy option.
Regardless of what you think, Jeff says the show is popular because it is a conversation teens are having.  Suicide is a thought and that is why teens are paying attention.  For this reason, Jeff says as a parent you should be watching the show because your teen is probably watching it themselves.
The show triggers with teens and their emotions.  Pay attention and do something.

Two Reasons Teens Want to End Their Lives

There are two specific reasons teens start thinking about wanting to end their lives.
  1. They feel alone
  2. They feel they’re a disappointment
What comes next if they’re not asking for help is self-harm. Heed the warning signs and take all signs seriously.

Teens are in a Vulnerable and Emotional State

Teen Mental Health Life Coach Jeff YaldenThe years of being a teen are very stressful and although as parents you’ve been through it, it just isn’t the same.
This is one of the reasons why teens need a mental health life coach they can talk to weekly or bi-monthly.
A teen life coach that can teach them skills that will help them deal with everyday life stressors. A teen life coach that gives them tools o they can add to their toolbox.
As a teen life coach, Jeff spends a lot of time teaching coping skills and problem solving skills.

Teens in Therapy

Jeff feels strongly that professional counseling is a great place for teens.
Teens don’t trust in adults, especially counselors and don’t feel they need therapy. A teen life coach having been through the journey of mental health counseling can really help your teen with understanding what counseling is.
You can’t just say to a teen, “You need therapy.“
Therapy is a process and Jeff works with his clients to help them understand the benefits of therapy and perhaps medication, if that is needed.
Teens trust in Jeff because he stays on their side and explains how it all works. Jeff validates their feelings and thoughts but shows the benefits of giving professional counseling a try and sticking to it.
In the process of working with a teen life coach make sure that this teen life coach knows enough about mental health in teens.  Also, this teen life coach understands their boundaries between a teen life coach and professional therapist.
The two can easily work together. Jeff specializes in working with the client and another therapist. Jeff says, “We both have our strengths and I don’t interfere with the therapist at all.” Working together it’s a win-win situation.

13 Reasons why a Teen Mental Health Life Coach is Right for Your Teen

1. Social Media and Teens:

The overwhelming amount of time being on Social Media. More time on social media is more time isolating yourself from the world. Isolation is toxic.
18If your teen is spending 4-5 or more hours on social media platforms they’re 70% more likely to have major depression in their life.
Jeff Yalden can assist you as a parent with explaining what social media and the dopamine effect are doing to teens.

2.Mandated Testing in Schools:

The anxiety and pressure teens are facing with tests is overwhelming and causing a lot of stress.  Teens think today that if they’re not perfect what is the point.
The expectations teens feel they’re not reaching are coming from school, parents, themselves, and keeping up with their friends.
Your teen needs help managing the anxiety that comes with this overwhelming pressure. A teen life coach teaches helpful tools to manage this anxiety in order to be more successful in school and in life.

3. Bullying and Cyberbullying

Youth Motivational Speaker Jeff YaldenTeen suicide is rarely the cause of one thing such as bullying. Bullying can be the straw that breaks the camels back, but today, Jeff will tell you that bullying or cyberbullying can certainly be the cause of a teen suicide completion or attempt.
Absolutely!
Kids are mean and this occurs in school, on social media, and a lot of the time at home.
It’s very rare for a teen to never experience being bullied by the time they have graduated from high school.
Having a teen life coach can teach skills to help your teen handle the bullying and even prevent bullying from happening to them.  Teens also need these skills to help them realize when they are being the bully and how not to get in that situation.
While most schools have anti-bullying programs in place the students don’t take them seriously and sometimes these programs give new opportunities for bullying to occur.

4. Divorce and Family Issues

Family issues and blended families is more normal amongst teens and their friends. Too many of our teens have these feelings they are the cause of the tension in the family or the reason for the divorce.
Family issues are very emotional for the teen. Maybe more so than for the parents.
Having a teen life coach can help your teen find emotional resilience and manage the big picture, the change, and how to take this one day at a time without getting caught up in the brokenness.
If your child doesn’t talk to someone and express their thoughts and feelings the pain will manifest into behavior that leads to further problems, anxiety, depression, and maybe suicidal ideation.

5.  Peer Pressure

Imagine the pressure you feel as an adult trying to keep up with family, friends, and co-workers.
Teens need to learn how to follow their own personal course and to enjoy getting to know who they are and not trying to live in other people shoes.
Having a teen life coach can help your teen make decisions for themselves where they take pride in who they are and the course of their own life.

6. Sexual abuse

Being abused sexually is more common than you’d imagine.  According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), teens account for 51% of all reported sexual abuse and female victims of teen sexual abuse while in grades 9-12 are more likely than others to experience eating disorders, suicidal ideation, pregnancy, and risky sexual behaviors.
A teen life coach will give your teen the consistent coaching that can help your teen know the difference between being where they should be and where they should not be, but more importantly having the confidence to say, “NO.”
Your teen needs to understand how and where sexual abuse occurs and if it’s happened a teen life coach can help them process and be comfortable talking to their parents and professional help as it’s the right thing to do.

7.  Alcohol and Drugs: Self-Medicating

Too many of our teens are vaping, drinking, and experiencing with pills. It’s become a Teen Life Coach says every teen needs a trust adult in their life.norm for too many teens today and they’re not taking it seriously.
George Mason University says this culture of alcohol drinking can lead to higher rates of teen sex, teen pregnancy, date rape, violence, and illegal activity.
Teens believe it is not a big deal to drink alcohol, because everyone does it, even their parents.
Alcohol becomes a go-to for stress and anxiety.  Self-medicating.
A teen life coach can help with coping skills and problem solving skills on how to deal with anxiety, stress, and everyday problems.

8. The Maturity of a Teen’s Brain

The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain where emotional control, impulse restraint and rational decision-making take place.  According to Dr. David Walsh, this part of the brain does not fully mature until around the age of 25 and this is why many teenagers do not practice “good judgment” in difficult situations.

9.  Teens Don’t Like Talking to Adults

Again, Jeff says you have to earn their respect and trust and it takes time.
Teen Life Coach, Jeff Yalden saves a teen and visits her a year later.

One of the most memorable moments of Jeff’s career as a teen life coach was this young lady and the two years of saving her life.

Teens withdraw from parents and spend more time alone or with their friends. Isolation is toxic and our teens are spending too much time alone or with their friends asking the questions they should be asking an adult.
Having a teen life coach in your teens life can help them make good decisions and guide them through the tough times they don’t feel comfortable talking to their parents or counselors about.

10. Drama . . . Drama . . . Drama

Drama causes a lot of ups and downs and happens daily in a teens life.
One day your teen is best friends with someone and the next day she is not.
Hateful are said to each other and rumors can be spread.  This can lead to bullying and depression.
Your teen needs to have a mentor to show them the bigger picture.  When it comes to friends a teen life coach can help your teen use their inner judgement in making good decisions when it comes to the friends that matter and to the friends that are acquaintances.

11. The Future Decisions

Life Coach for TeensThe future is a huge stress factor for high school students in junior and senior year of high school.
If your teen is in a competitive high school environment it’s even worse.  If your teen doesn’t get into a good school they’ll feel a disappointment to themselves and their parents.
Teens feel the pressure to know what they want to do as a career as early a 9th grade.
They get confused from all of the pressure from parents, friends, teachers, and media.
A teen life coach can help teen your teen make these decisions by asking questions that make the most sense to them and what they want in their life.

12. The feelings of being Alone and a Disappointment

Most teens feel alone and a disappointment.  Teens are becoming more independent and trying to figure out what their purpose in life is, who their friends are, and what they are good at.
As they are learning more about themselves they may have moments of feeling left out or like they are different than everyone else.
Teen Life Coaches can help a teens understand that we are all connected and here for different reasons.  Teens are wondering what their purpose is and a teen life coach can help guide them in the right direction while supporting and encouraging them in their journey.

13.  They’re Influences such as Television and the Internet

Teens are influenced everyday and everything is influential to a teen who is easily impressionable.
Suicide contagion is real.  Television shows like “13 Reasons Why” was very impressionable on millions of teens.
Teens need a life coach to know that suicide is a permanent action to a situation that is temporary.
By you giving your teen a life coach, someone to talk to and trust in on a consistent basis you are giving your teen a trusted mentor to teach important life-saving tools that will help your teen gain a healthy mind in order to live a happy and successful life with meaning and purpose.
Consider a teen life coach for your teen today, by visiting Jeff Yalden: Teen Life Coach and Teen Mental Health Expert.

Inspiring Conversations: Ep.1 – Bobby Petrocelli

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You Matter . . . IT Doesn’t

I got on ZOOM about five minutes before our time of 12:00pm, April 1, 2020. No, this is not an April Fools’ Day joke. By the way, I don’t like April Fools’ jokes. I was excited to speak with fellow author, speaker and educator Bobby Petrocelli. I asked him to tell me a couple of things on his heart that he might want to talk about that day.

Bobby Petrocelli is passionate and wise, and I knew I’d have questions.

Right away, Bobby mentioned his book, YOU MATTER . . . IT DOESN’T. He told me he wanted to talk about the WHY behind the IT. I knew where he was going with this because it’s right up my alley. I composed myself and started with a prayer…

A Talk Show is BORN!

During my interview with Petrocelli, it dawned on me that I needed to do a YouTube channel dedicated to inspiring conversations, and here we are. Just like that, the show is created. Now I just need to figure out how to make a YouTube talk show.

This is a good time to figure it out, because nothing much is happening, and I have time. The COVID-19 pandemic has us all struggling with social isolation. Schools are closed, many people are out of work and obviously my speaking schedule is on hold.

It’s during times like this where you have time to create new ideas that might take off. We can choose victim or victor, right? I love Bobby Petrocelli. He’s a great man and an amazing speaker. We’ve known each other for many years.  When I get a chance to interview him, I get excited. He’s inspiring and knowledgeable. He’s a man of God and cares about youth and families. He cares about people.

Find out more about Bobby HERE.

IT HAPPENED . . .

What is IT?

The IT represents the result of something. Bobby talked about his wife being killed by a drunk driver when he was 24 years old. The IT is his wife was killed by a drunk driver. The WHY is what we don’t often talk about. Among other things, the IT leaves us angry, hurt, resentful, and broken. We end up going through life carrying this feeling because we don’t move past IT.

WHY did IT Happen?

The WHY is behind the IT and gives us the answers we are looking for so we can move forward and cope with whatever happened. The WHY takes us on a journey to understand what needs to be understood. If we don’t ask questions, we are never healed through whatever pain we are going through. IT happened and we can’t change it, but we can change how we grow, cope, and move forward in a healthy way. For Bobby, he was prepared as much as anyone can prepare for something tragic like this. He said, “If we don’t ask the WHY then IT will dominate your life,” and he wasn’t going to let that happen. Bobby is a man of faith – a strong man of God. Right away he right away talked about forgiveness…

He didn’t say that he condones wrongdoing.

Forgiveness is for the person doing the forgiving. He knew that he had to forgive this man who was two times the legal limit, driving while intoxicated when his wife was killed. Forgiveness was his first step in recovery. Amazing! He was 24 years old and he knew he had to forgive, when most people would have been angry at the world.

Bobby wasn’t.

I asked him about this.

“I had been prepared for something like this,” he said.  I’m not exactly sure what Bobby meant, because who can prepare for something so tragic – but I knew it was his faith in God. It was also his ability to have a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset – even at 24. I’m telling you; Bobby Petrocelli is an inspirational man.

Is What You’re Being Asked to do IMPOSSIBLE?

The above question is something Bobby asks his audiences.

“You have it, whatever it is, so let’s build on it,” he said.

Bobby talked about how we have what it takes so let’s learn. Let’s be open to learning and engage in the process every day. I was thinking, don’t be the victim, be the victor. We have a lot in common, but he’s so much better at speaking about it.

You’re never asked to do anything impossible. You can choose to walk away, or you can choose to saddle up and figure it out.

Petrocelli: 10 Seconds

IT happened, but Bobby was not going to fold.

10 Seconds got him through this.

“It’s not one day at a time, like so many people say. For me, I couldn’t think of the next five minutes. I had to break it down to 10 Seconds. For me it was 10 Seconds at a time.”

I was at my worst at 16 and again at 22. I can still remember those days.

At 16, I wasn’t listening to anyone. I had a fixed mindset. At 22, I knew a little better and was very close to my grandparents. My grandmother used to say to me, “Jeff, take it one meal at a time. After dinner, go to bed, and just wake up for breakfast.”

That was my 10 Seconds at a time. The thing here that I want to make clear is that it’s not that things get better with time, but it’s what you do with that time where things get better. Sometimes, it’s just putting space between a thought and an action. It’s being grounded, present in the moment, breathing and just knowing that it will be okay.

Success: Patterns, Habits, and Routines

Nobody is better than anyone else, but some people have a routine and they’re driven. They wake up on time because they go to bed at a set time. They don’t waste hours on their smartphones, doing things that don’t matter. Successful people have a purpose. Their IT is their success. They’ve created patterns, habits and a routine to accomplish the goals they’ve set for themselves.

What is the WHY? That differs from person to person, but one thing is certain: Everyone has been knocked down in life. You have a choice at this point. You can stay knocked down or you can get back up.

Bobby got back up. He knew he needed some things in his life to be right in order for him to cope through his loss.

You are a result of your patterns, habits and routines – your attitude, friends, and commitment to a GROWTH MINDSET.

Your Friends are The ROOTS, LEAVES, or the BRANCHES

I got chills when Bobby started talking about Tyler Perry’s Madea – Let Them Go.

I love this skit and it is so right. Your friends are either the roots, the leaves, or the branches. Watch the video and understand this analogy. So true.

What Works For You

The first thing to do is to engage in the process. Choose a growth mindset. Don’t be a victim. Go from IT happened to understanding WHY it happened. Then, it’s HOW CAN I . . .? How can I be better at this or that? What can I do to be can I be a better person? How can I move forward with love, compassion, forgiveness, and be healthier? It’s about being present in moments. Now. Not yesterday or tomorrow. Not even in five minutes, but here and now.  Within these moments, what productive thing are you doing that works best for you?

Bobby puts it this way: “Is what I am doing making me better or hurting me?”

For Petrocelli, that question made all the difference, and helped him toward a healthy outcome. it was the moments where he would ask if what he was doing was helping or hurting him towards a healthy outcome. He set a growth mindset.

Here are the very simple and true bullets I took from this part of my conversation with Petrocelli:

  • Be still
  • You’re One of a Kind
  • Don’t Rob Yourself
  • Find Those Roots on a Tree as a Friends

Very simple and true.

Be Still

Be present and know that in stillness great things will happen.

You’re One of a Kind

Self-Esteem. Stop focusing on being beautiful on the outside and look within yourself and know you are one of a kind. There is nothing or nobody else like you.

Don’t Rob Yourself

You have a gift and you need to use it. Don’t let what is so special about you be robbed because you’re not seeing what is special. Self-esteem again. Know you are capable and beautiful and have a growth mindset.

Find the ROOTS on a TREE as your Friends

You want friends that aren’t there for a season. You want friends in your life that are invested. Surround yourself with people who are there to plant seeds rather than pick the fruit. Let them go if they’re not in your life for the right reasons.

Remember: YOU MATTER . . . IT DOESN’T.

There is a WHY to why we are broken, rejected, abandoned, or hurt. Don’t choose to carry this pain with you through life. Develop a growth mindset. Figure out the WHY and ask the HOW questions.

Remember, forgiveness is for you. It’s not for them.

Choose love. Choose you. Choose Growth.

Check out Bobby Petrocelli at www.10Seconds.org. As always, I am at www.JeffYalden.com.

Jeff Yalden: 7 Rules of Life

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Mental Health Motivational Speaker Jeff Yalden
The more we get to know ourselves through counseling, wisdom, experience and daily self-care, the more comfortable we are with who we are, what life means and how we live. Enjoy my seven Rules of Life and it is my hope that you find peace, love and joy in your mental and physical well-being, just as I continue to do every day:

1. Let It Go

You are only one person. You can only do so much. If you can change a situation for the better, do so. If you can’t, let it go. Show up every day and do the best you can.

2. Ignore Gracefully

Don’t participate in drama or outside noise. Don’t listen to other people who put you down or don’t believe in you or your dreams.  Ignore those who fail to validate you or are just plain rude. Live a life that is empowering to you. Be graceful in how you respond, act, speak and do. Remember, it’s their issue. Not yours. And if people walk out on you, LET THEM GO!

3. Give It Time

We’re connected 24/7, 365 days a year. Time is at a premium and there never seems to be enough of it. Choose to bring back time by being mindful and present. Choose to bring back time by being mindful and present. Although life is about being in the moment, we must also have patience in the process of living. Perfection doesn’t exist. You matter. Perfection doesn’t matter.

4. Don’t Compare

We live in a world where everyone is trying to live a life compared to what they see on social media, and it can become an addiction. What you are accustomed to is embellished, filtered and photoshopped, depicting an image of a lifestyle that isn’t real. People are making it look like their lives are perfect and yours doesn’t measure up. Don’t get caught up in other people’s fake lives. Put the phone down and connect with people your heart to theirs.

5. Breathe & Stay Calm

It will be OK. Just breathe. Stay calm and don’t act on emotions. You don’t need to answer that email or text right now. Take time for yourself. Have balance and boundaries. Have a trusted friend that you can talk to and vent and know they’re supportive and nonjudgmental. Don’t ever be afraid to seek a counselor or therapist to learn tools for coping, communicating or problem solving. Remember, they work for you. Just breathe. It will be OK.

6. You Are Responsible

The most powerful two-letter-ten -words in the English language: “If it’s going to be, then it’s up to me.” Tough times happen. It might be your fault, or it might not – but understand this: How you move forward from anything is always your responsibility. What are you going to do? Don’t be a victim. Choose to be a victor. Don’t be bitter or angry. It does no good. Choose to be better every day. Be responsible in your behavior, your attitude and the choices you make.

7. Smile

Love will always be stronger than hate. A smile will always be better than a frown. You’ll feel the smile yourself and your smile will brighten someone else’s day. It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. If you can’t find a reason to smile, try this: Choose three things you are grateful for and reflect on being appreciative. Replace expectations with appreciation and gratitude.

Life Isn’t Easy

Life isn’t all rollercoasters, unicorns and rainbows. Expectations leave us disappointed. We live in an imperfect world. Things aren’t always fair nor are they black and white. Don’t get caught up in the complications of life. You can only do or be in control of so much. This can be overwhelming when you see it all in front of you. Relax. Breathe. Simplify. At the end of the day, you can’t change people, places or things. You can control you and how you live, act, and respond to people, places, and things. Live with grace, forgiveness, and acceptance. Learn self-care and advocate for your own best mental, physical and spiritual health. Be influential. Be the light for others. As Gandhi said, “Be the change.” Live in a way you wish others can live their lives. Thanks for letting me share my 7 Rules for Life.

Teen Mental Health Motivational & Educational Consultant: Jeff Yalden

Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as the number one Teen Mental Health Speaker in all of North America. Jeff is a Suicide Crisis Intervention Expert and Suicide Prevention Trainer working with hundreds of school communities every year. He’s an Amazon Best Selling Author of four books, including Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic and BOOM: One Word to Instantly Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day!  His podcast, Mental Health & Motivation: The Unlikely Life Coach continues to attract thousands of new subscribers every month for his direct talk and influence on families and teens. Since 1992, Jeff Yalden has traveled to 50 states and 48 countries delivering his message, “About Life.” From 2005-2011, Jeff was a celebrity teen and family life coach on MTV’s hit realty show MADE. As a celebrity teen & family life coach, Jeff gets the heart of the matter helping teens, young adults, families, and communities in their struggles together. He’s a Gulf War Veteran and a two- time Marine-of-the-year recipient 1991-1992. He was Mr. New Hampshire Male America, 1990. Every year over 1 million people are left inspired by Jeff Yalden’s inexhaustible energy that permeates after he speaks. Jeff has an online suicide prevention course for school communities, parents, teachers, staff, and teens. Check it out HERE. For more information, please visit www.jeffyalden.com and www.thejyf.org PURCHASE Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic Link to Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/jeffyaldenfoundation Click HERE for school resources. Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866

Drilling Down on The BOOM 28-Day Boot Camp: Day 28

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Right here on this blog, youth motivational speaker and Amazon bestselling author Jeff Yalden has been laying out the daily principles from his new workbook and planner, The BOOM 28 Day Boot Camp: Creating a Life of Success. Find Motivation. Crush Goals. Overcome Obstacles. Live with Purpose.
  If you have been thinking about getting serious with BOOM Boot Camp, there is no time like the present. Start HERE. If you have been putting in consistent work on the 27 previous days, congratulations! You are well on your way to creating your life of success – and you are ready to go to work on the final step – Day 28”

Discipline Your Time

“If it’s important to you, you will make the time,” Yalden said. “That’s the bottom line.” Don’t even think about saying that you are going to wait until Monday or that you are going to start on January first. It doesn’t work that way, according to Yalden. “If you say those things, you’re not really committed.” If you are not committed, go back to Day One. If it’s important, you will make the time. It it’s important, you will make this a priority. Discipline yourself to make time to focus on you. “Every single day, I want you to create your to-do list. Every single morning, you look at your to-do list. At night, take another look at your to-do list. Cross out what you’ve completed and rewrite it, or wait until morning and rewrite things then, whatever you do. What is not completed, you move to the next day.” It’s not complicated. Everything that is not completed gets moved over to a new sheet of paper. If you want to go paperless, Yalden recommends the Evernote app. “I love Evernote. Download. Use it. Create notebooks and make all your notes there,” he said. “You just simply, ‘Yep, I did this – delete. What’s next,’ – and just keep a to-do list continually going.” Yalden can’t make the point strong enough when he says that if something is important to you, then you are going to make it a habit. “Listen, folks: Nothing changes if nothing changes. I want you to choose right now to make changes in your life. I gave you 28 Days for you to refocus, reengage and to make a plan. Let’s not complicate it. From the very beginning, I said to concentrate on just one thing.” If you spread yourself too thin with vague goals and halfhearted attempts at productivity, Yalden said you will come to the end of the year and realize you didn’t do anything. In one month – 28 Days – I challenged you to pick one thing. Use the 28 Days to focus on that task and complete that task. At the end of the 28 Days, you can go back and pick another thing. Just use the same method that I gave you from Day One to Day 28. Discipline Your Time with a set wake-up time and a set bedtime. “Discipline the time when you take a lunch break, and even what you do during your lunch break. We discipline time for things like our kids, our significant others and work – but when we have free time, we don’t ever really discipline that time.” Yalden wants you to discipline your free time to get the things done that you have to get done. “When you have ‘me time,’ discipline it. Make it prioritized and focus on your tasks,” he said, adding self-care is not selfish. On this final day of the BOOM Boot Camp, remember these points:
  • Get your sleep.
  • Work on your nutrition
  • Exercise
  • Be present. Be engaged.
“Put down your phone and get more involved,” he said. “The less time you are on your social media, you will come to realize that this consumes a lot of your time. So, discipline that time. If social media is important, then discipline certain parts certain parts of the day for that. But when you have other free time, discipline what’s important at that time.” That’s a wrap: 28 Days to Create a Life of Success. “I am honored you stayed with me,” said Yalden. “Next, I’m doing 28 Days of Gratitude. What are you grateful for, my friends?” Find out why Jeff Yalden is North America’s Number One Youth Motivational Speaker. Go HERE. Jeff’s speaking calendar fills up fast. To book him now for your event, organization or school now, call 800-948-9289. SUBSCRIBE to The BOOM Podcast. GRAB your copy of The BOOM 28-Day Boot Camp Workbook. ORDER Jeff’s Amazon Bestseller, BOOM! One Word to Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day. JOIN the BOOM Nation Facebook Group and share your BOOM moments with us!

Drilling Down on The BOOM 28-Day Boot Camp: Day 27

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Youth motivational speaker and suicide prevention expert Jeff Yalden has spent much of his career helping people deal with loss. It never gets any easier, and he said he woke up this morning at a loss for words once again – learning more about the victims of Sunday’s horrific massacre in Las Vegas.
  “Deep prayers, thoughts and my condolences to everybody involved,” he said, adding that his love goes out to all first responders and to our lawmakers – trusting that the right people are doing the best job that they can.” The question for Jeff is how to prevent this from ever happening again. “My friends, it’s going to happen. I don’t want to be insensitive about this, but we can’t stop living our lives. We have to focus on the good we can do. We need to keep living. There will be copycats. The news sensationalizes it and gives others permission to be famous for their five minutes.” Now more than ever, we can make a huge difference by being kind and encouraging, supportive, accepting and forgiving. “Diversity is like a quilt; one giant, big blanket made up of many colors, shapes, sizes and fabrics – all woven together to provide warmth and comfort to you and me. Diversity is a great thing,” he said.

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Yalden has been laying out the daily BOOM principles from his new workbook and planner, The BOOM 28 Day Boot Camp: Creating a Life of Success. Find Motivation. Crush Goals. Overcome Obstacles. Live with Purpose. We hope you have been doing the work every day. “Have you gone back and really done these exercises? If you have done the exercises – you should be feeling pretty good right about now,” he said. Here’s your action step for Day 27:

SLEEP, EAT, EXERCISE…REPEAT

Healthy sleep, proper nutrition, and 30 minutes of exercise every day! Make self-care a habit. “Self-care is something that many people think is selfish [because] you are putting yourself before others. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary. It’s completely necessary for all of us – for our families, for work, for our peers and our friends. Self-care is necessary for you and me to stay healthy every single day, to serve in the capacities in which we serve.” Yalden said it’s very important for young people to get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep per night -and the average adult needs between seven and eight hours. “Turn off your phone and your electronics. Turn off the television and the lights and go to bed. Get your uninterrupted sleep. BOOM! Wake up. Wash your face, brush your teeth, do your dance – and go out and be awesome.” If you can sneak in a nap during the day for 30 minutes or an hour, go for it. That’s a good thing. Close your eyes. Meditate. Breathe – and just allow yourself to get deep. Get proper nutrition. This isn’t rocket science. “They say that we consume 200-300 grams more of sugar a day more than the average person should be consuming, he said. “First thing in the morning, get your water. Water. Water. Water. Eight or 16 ounces. Re-hydrate yourself as much as you can from the night before.” Consume more protein and less carbs. Protein builds and repairs muscles. Look at the carbs you are eating. There are good carbs [whole grains, vegetables, fruits, beans] and bad carbs [white bread, white rice]. “Try and get your good carbs in early in the day. An apple a day is great, but again there are sugars in there. But an apple is better than Captain Crunch cereal and a banana is better than Pop-Tarts, so make good choices. Nutrition. Nutrition. Nutrition.” Get rid of sodas [even diet sodas] and fruit drinks and just go to water or maybe Crystal Light. “There is a chemical in diet sodas that makes you crave more food,” Yalden said. Get out there and exercise. “I know some of you don’t like to sweat, and some of you don’t exercise. Get out there and get some walking in. Get the body moving. Mobility. Flexibility. Get your heart rate up. When you exercise more than 30 minutes a day, your endorphins start kicking and you feel good. Go out there, and you are ready to own the day.” You are almost there. Tomorrow marks the final installment of this BOOM Boot Camp. Day 28. See you then. Find out why Jeff Yalden is North America’s Number One Youth Motivational Speaker. Go HERE. Jeff’s speaking calendar fills up fast. To book him now for your event, organization or school now, call 800-948-9289. SUBSCRIBE to The BOOM Podcast. GRAB your copy of The BOOM 28-Day Boot Camp Workbook. ORDER Jeff’s Amazon Bestseller, BOOM! One Word to Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day. JOIN the BOOM Nation Facebook Group and share your BOOM moments with us!

Drilling Down on The BOOM 28-Day Boot Camp: Day 26

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Youth motivational speaker and Amazon bestselling author Jeff Yalden did the following Facebook Live video the day after the horrendous massacre in Las Vegas.
  “I am at a loss for words over this,” he said. “God bless America. God bless all my friends in Vegas. My prayers and thoughts and condolences to all of the people that are suffering – the families that are hurt – and God bless all the first responders that were there last night and continue to be there now.” He had been flying all day: Myrtle Beach to Charlotte to Chicago and finally, Salt Lake City – taking in the news of the tragedy from local newspapers. He noticed something in the news – a question about whether public events are safe to attend anymore. “Ladies and gentlemen – we can’t stop living. we can’t let these people affect our lives every single day, so that we are just very cautious about [everything] we do. We have to go about our days – go about our lives, living the best lives we can. But we need to go out being part of the solution; not the problem. We need to go out and be more kind, helpful, selfless – and more serving,” he said. Yalden has been laying out the daily principles from his new workbook, The BOOM 28 Day Boot Camp: Creating a Life of Success. Find Motivation. Crush Goals. Overcome Obstacles. Live with Purpose. If you have been taking action on The BOOM Boot Camp and putting in the work every day, you are now ready to deploy Day 26:

CREATE AFFIRMATIONS

According to www.mindtools.com, affirmations are positive, specific statements that help you to overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. They help you visualize, and believe in, what you’re affirming to yourself, helping you to make positive changes. “You can’t be this person that is giving of yourself if you don’t feel good about who you are as a person,” he said. “Many of us have these doubts that plague us every single day: We think we’re not smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough – fast enough. We think don’t have the ability.” Do a Google search for Positive Affirmations and write down the ones that resonate with you. Write down as few or as many as you want. “What I challenge you to do is this: Every morning when you are taking that time for yourself [remember, we talked about setting up a time every day for you]. As you are meditating and breathing – in your zone – you are like, “I am smart. I am strong. I am capable. I deserve good things to come my way. Losing weight is easy. I deserve a job promotion.’ And you just repeat it. Keep repeating it until you believe it.” When you repeat an affirmation, Yalden said that you are building your confidence. “You are communicating with yourself in a positive way that is going to overcome or eliminate those self-sabotaging self-doubts – those beliefs where you sell yourself short – where you ‘can’t so this’ or you ‘can’t do that’ or you ‘are not capable.’ Let’s replace all of that with positive affirmations every single day when you look in the mirror.” It’s that simple. Create affirmations. Find out why Jeff Yalden is North America’s Number One Youth Motivational Speaker. Go HERE. Jeff’s speaking calendar fills up fast. To book him now for your event, organization or school now, call 800-948-9289. SUBSCRIBE to The BOOM Podcast. GRAB your copy of The BOOM 28-Day Boot Camp Workbook. ORDER Jeff’s Amazon Bestseller, BOOM! One Word to Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day. JOIN the BOOM Nation Facebook Group and share your BOOM moments with us!

Drilling Down on The BOOM 28-Day Boot Camp: Day 25

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In Episode 40 of The BOOM Podcast, youth motivational speaker and author Jeff Yalden said that we all have a story that we keep to ourselves. Our family and close friends have stories too, and we might only know parts of their stories – often the parts they want us to know.
  “Within our stories, there are people that have trespassed against us, and maybe we haven’t learned to forgive them yet,” said Yalden. “I think there are also people that we have hurt – and maybe we have lost many of our relationships as a result of that, and yet we haven’t forgiven ourselves either.” In this blog, Yalden has been laying out the principles from his new workbook, The BOOM 28 Day Boot Camp: Creating a Life of Success. Find Motivation. Crush Goals. Overcome Obstacles. Live with Purpose. If you have been putting in consistent work on these BOOM action steps, you are now ready for Day 25:

Choose Forgiveness

According to Yalden. forgiveness is not about forgetting what may have taken place. “We don’t forgive people for them. When we forgive people, we choose to forgive people for ourselves,” he said. Coming from his experience with mental health, Yalden said that one of the greatest things we need to learn with anybody that may have done us wrong is that it doesn’t matter if they think they wronged us or not. “What does matter is that we forgive so that in our heart, we move forward. Remember that none of us are perfect. We have all hurt other people. Yalden suffers from bipolar II disorder, and something he learned a long time ago was that he might react badly to a situation in the moment, and then regret sets in. Reacting badly in an interpersonal situation might include hurtful language. “In those moments, we don’t care – and then in 24 hours, we hate ourselves for treating someone like that, and the pain just lingers,” he said. Yalden said that the two things we can’t take back are time and words. “If you have hurt someone, I want to challenge you to reach out to those people – and I want you to apologize and ask for their forgiveness.” Make sure you understand that a person will either forgive you or they won’t. Sometimes they won’t even acknowledge you. Be prepared for either outcome. “You are reaching out to them and you are apologizing. If they choose to accept your apology, that’s great. If they choose not to accept your apology – that is their prerogative. But at this point, it’s not about you anymore. That’s about them, and you need to walk away and move forward in your life,” Yalden said. Who do you need to forgive? What did they do? Why do you need to forgive them – and if you are able to forgive them, how is that going to make you now feel? “We need to learn to live [in our heads] rent-free. So many of us are so congested with this or that – congested with family issues, work issues – with our professional and personal lives. I understand, but I think one thing: Whether it’s our fault or it’s not our fault, we are responsible” Yalden realizes that there are certain things when we might not have been at fault, but we are still responsible for how we handle things – how we react. “We can choose to be angry and bitter. What does that do? Or we can choose to become better. Obviously, that’s the better choice. If you choose to be a victim, what does that do? We are not victims. We are victors. We rise up through everything, so no matter what we go through in life – bad or good – we have something to do with it, and we have the responsibility to respond appropriately.” Choose forgiveness. “Remember: It’s not for them. You are forgiving people for yourself.” Find out why Jeff Yalden is North America’s Number One Youth Motivational Speaker. Go HERE. Jeff’s speaking calendar fills up fast. To book him now for your event, organization or school now, call 800-948-9289. LISTEN to this episode of The BOOM Podcast. SUBSCRIBE to The BOOM Podcast. GRAB your copy of The BOOM 28-Day Boot Camp Workbook. ORDER Jeff’s Amazon Bestseller, BOOM! One Word to Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day. JOIN the BOOM Nation Facebook Group and share your BOOM moments with us!

Drilling Down on the BOOM 28-Day Boot Camp: Day 24

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Youth motivational speaker and author Jeff Yalden said that sometimes we get so caught up in your days and what we need to get done that we never stop to think about we appreciate every day. Sometimes we take the little things for granted.
  In Episode 38 of The BOOM Podcast, Yalden continues to lay out the daily principles from his new workbook, The BOOM 28 Day Boot Camp: Creating a Life of Success. Find Motivation. Crush Goals. Overcome Obstacles. Live with Purpose. This workbook and planner is the perfect companion to Yalden’s Amazon bestseller, BOOM! One Word to Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day. If you have been taking action daily on the action steps in the BOOM Boot Camp, you already know that these principals can change your life because you have been putting in the work. If you have not yet started the BOOM Boot Camp, stop reading this post and go HERE. For those of you who are ready – here’s Day 24:

Create an Attitude of Gratitude

One way to ensure that you develop an Attitude of Gratitude is to start and keep a gratitude journal, or a journal of appreciation. As soon as you wake up each morning, write down the five things that you are most grateful for that day. “The challenge is that no day can ever be a repeat of the day before,” said Yalden. When he recorded this podcast episode, Yalden was in Charlotte, North Carolina, preparing for four speaking engagements over the course of two days. He has his video team with him. “One of the things that I am really grateful for is the fact that my video guys had the time to come and help me, and that I am in a position where I can start to bring a team together,” he said. “I am grateful for that, so that’s number one.” Gratitude point number two was the fact that he was speaking in the state of North Carolina. Although he lives in the in the Myrtle Beach area, he doesn’t speak in the South very often. Thirdly, Yalden was grateful that he gave himself plenty of time to prepare for these speaking engagements. “I was able to get up and rest and relax and get some things done. I am at the school early, I am prepared and I have got plenty of time to do my routine.” Point number four was an appreciation for the time of year. In September, it was still nice and warm, but Yalden said there was a little bit of coolness in the air, and the weather was absolutely beautiful. After undergoing weight loss surgery [he is down 85 pounds] and working out regularly, Yalden is feeling good. He has experienced a very definite upswing in his overall health as well as his energy levels. That was point number five in his gratitude journal for that day. “Sometimes part of your morning routine should be about reflection and what you are appreciative of,” he said. “Start your day every single day with five things that you are grateful for, and don’t let any one day be a repeat of the day before. I promise: If you do that for two weeks, you are going to start appreciating little things in life.” He cited author Rhonda Byrne in her mega-bestseller, The Secret, who suggested trying to say “thank you” at least 25 times a day for the little things. “If someone lets you walk past them as they open the door, say ‘thank you.’ If someone stops and lets you drive by, you wave and say, ‘thank you.’ Anybody that you come in contact with that does something for you – stop for a second, pay attention to that – and just say, ‘thank you.’” Create an Attitude of Gratitude. Find out why Jeff Yalden is North America’s Number One Youth Motivational Speaker. Go HERE. Jeff’s speaking calendar fills up fast. To book him now for your event, organization or school now, call 800-948-9289. LISTEN to this episode of The BOOM Podcast. SUBSCRIBE to The BOOM Podcast. GRAB your copy of The BOOM 28-Day Boot Camp Workbook. ORDER Jeff’s Amazon Bestseller, BOOM! One Word to Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day. JOIN the BOOM Nation Facebook Group and share your BOOM moments with us!

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