Choose Forgiveness
According to Yalden. forgiveness is not about forgetting what may have taken place. “We don’t forgive people for them. When we forgive people, we choose to forgive people for ourselves,” he said. Coming from his experience with mental health, Yalden said that one of the greatest things we need to learn with anybody that may have done us wrong is that it doesn’t matter if they think they wronged us or not. “What does matter is that we forgive so that in our heart, we move forward. Remember that none of us are perfect. We have all hurt other people. Yalden suffers from bipolar II disorder, and something he learned a long time ago was that he might react badly to a situation in the moment, and then regret sets in. Reacting badly in an interpersonal situation might include hurtful language. “In those moments, we don’t care – and then in 24 hours, we hate ourselves for treating someone like that, and the pain just lingers,” he said. Yalden said that the two things we can’t take back are time and words. “If you have hurt someone, I want to challenge you to reach out to those people – and I want you to apologize and ask for their forgiveness.” Make sure you understand that a person will either forgive you or they won’t. Sometimes they won’t even acknowledge you. Be prepared for either outcome. “You are reaching out to them and you are apologizing. If they choose to accept your apology, that’s great. If they choose not to accept your apology – that is their prerogative. But at this point, it’s not about you anymore. That’s about them, and you need to walk away and move forward in your life,” Yalden said.