In Episode 40 of The BOOM Podcast, youth motivational speaker and author Jeff Yalden said that we all have a story that we keep to ourselves. Our family and close friends have stories too, and we might only know parts of their stories – often the parts they want us to know.
“Within our stories, there are people that have trespassed against us, and maybe we haven’t learned to forgive them yet,” said Yalden. “I think there are also people that we have hurt – and maybe we have lost many of our relationships as a result of that, and yet we haven’t forgiven ourselves either.”
In this blog, Yalden has been laying out the principles from his new workbook, The BOOM 28 Day Boot Camp: Creating a Life of Success. Find Motivation. Crush Goals. Overcome Obstacles. Live with Purpose.
If you have been putting in consistent work on these BOOM action steps, you are now ready for Day 25:
According to Yalden. forgiveness is not about forgetting what may have taken place.
“We don’t forgive people for them. When we forgive people, we choose to forgive people for ourselves,” he said.
Coming from his experience with mental health, Yalden said that one of the greatest things we need to learn with anybody that may have done us wrong is that it doesn’t matter if they think they wronged us or not.
“What does matter is that we forgive so that in our heart, we move forward.
Remember that none of us are perfect. We have all hurt other people.
Yalden suffers from bipolar II disorder, and something he learned a long time ago was that he might react badly to a situation in the moment, and then regret sets in. Reacting badly in an interpersonal situation might include hurtful language.
“In those moments, we don’t care – and then in 24 hours, we hate ourselves for treating someone like that, and the pain just lingers,” he said.
Yalden said that the two things we can’t take back are time and words.
“If you have hurt someone, I want to challenge you to reach out to those people – and I want you to apologize and ask for their forgiveness.”
Make sure you understand that a person will either forgive you or they won’t. Sometimes they won’t even acknowledge you. Be prepared for either outcome.
“You are reaching out to them and you are apologizing. If they choose to accept your apology, that’s great. If they choose not to accept your apology – that is their prerogative. But at this point, it’s not about you anymore. That’s about them, and you need to walk away and move forward in your life,” Yalden said.
Who do you need to forgive? What did they do? Why do you need to forgive them – and if you are able to forgive them, how is that going to make you now feel?
“We need to learn to live [in our heads] rent-free. So many of us are so congested with this or that – congested with family issues, work issues – with our professional and personal lives. I understand, but I think one thing: Whether it’s our fault or it’s not our fault, we are responsible”
Yalden realizes that there are certain things when we might not have been at fault, but we are still responsible for how we handle things – how we react.
“We can choose to be angry and bitter. What does that do? Or we can choose to become better. Obviously, that’s the better choice. If you choose to be a victim, what does that do? We are not victims. We are victors. We rise up through everything, so no matter what we go through in life – bad or good – we have something to do with it, and we have the responsibility to respond appropriately.”
“Remember: It’s not for them. You are forgiving people for yourself.”
Find out why Jeff Yalden is North America’s Number One Youth Motivational Speaker. Go HERE.
Jeff’s speaking calendar fills up fast. To book him now for your event, organization or school now, call 800-948-9289.
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