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You are here: Home / Archives for Teen Suicide Prevention

Teen Suicide Prevention & Suicide Assessments by Unqualified Mental Health Professionals

May 19, 2020 by Jeff Yalden Leave a Comment

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Why You’re More Qualified in Suicide Prevention Than Most Mental Health Professionals

Jeff Yalden Virtually Connecting with High School Students and School CommunitiesYes, you just read that correctly.  I’m Jeff Yalden and I’ve been working in Teen Suicide Prevention and Suicide Prevention – Teen Mental Health for nearly 30 years.

You’re about to read the lack of suicide prevention training our mental health professionals receive that is mandated or suicide prevention training our professionals are taking that is on their own time and money.

You’re about to understand how within minutes you, whether you’re a mental health professional, a parent, an educator, coach, pastor, or a friend can save the life of someone showing suicidal ideation.

Suicide Prevention in teens and adults isn’t rocket science when saving a life of an individual who is showing signs of suicidal ideation.  In suicide prevention, what you do in the very early moments of crisis can save a life and prevent a forever decision.

For more suicide prevention training for your school community, click here!

Unqualified in America for Suicide Prevention, Yet Trusted with Suicidal Ideation Crisis Care 

In February 2015, I spoke two days in a community that had 9 suicides in one year, including four in six weeks.  Since my visit, they haven’t had a suicide.

“The Jeff Yalden legacy will live on in our community for years to come.” – Brett Boggs, Retired Superintendent, Akron, IN

We need more school based suicide prevention training for staff and students. (Click Here for more training).

Jeff Yalden on Teen Suicide

Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic

Another day in a school community addressing students, staff, administration and meeting with counselors and having to do a suicide assessment of a teen only to send them to the emergency room to be evaluated by a medical professional who isn’t qualified. Another day where I am left disappointed, discouraged, but still hopeful.  I will not give up on the broken system. I will not allow myself to cave into a system of professionals where I hear, “Jeff, I don’t know what to do!” If I do allow myself to accept this than I am as much a part of the problem as I am the solution and I can’t live with myself knowing that I gave up on people when for the past 30 years this has been my work and love.

Our Mental Health Professionals are overwhelmed and Receive Little Training in Suicide Prevention

Time and time again, I am working in a school as a youth mental health motivational speaker. After my talk, I work with the counselors to visit with students and sometimes staff members that want to talk. Sometimes (more often than you can imagine), a person comes with some serious suicidal ideation and sometimes homicidal ideation. The checklist is checked off and I’ve confirmed with the individual they are clearly at-risk of making the forever decision and knows they need help. I always want the individual person to take ownership and want help rather than forcing the need for help.

Most schools have a policy that if an individual is suicidal the parents or

Why Teens Want to Die

Mental Health in our Schools and College Campuses: A Crisis!

guardians are called and asked to go to the emergency room or a 3rd party mental health professional and have a suicide assessment done before returning to school with a safety plan. I don’t like the word safety plan either.  I prefer to call it a success plan.

This is not suicide prevention sending a student to the emergency room.

The issue with this is that when an individual leaves the hospital they’re not required to share with the school counselors or administration what the mental health professional (the person doing the assessment might not be trained in suicidal behaviors or risk of suicide), has given as far as a safety plan for the individual returning back to school.

If you’re a parent or individual and you are more concerned with your reputation than your wellbeing shame on you. This is nothing to be ashamed of and you being safe and a plan of action to follow is in your best interest and will be supported by those that really matter.  Your school counselors, teachers, coaches, and administration are trusted and significant adults who can give you hope, support, and encouragement. They deserve to be trusted in what you need and together we can find resources that can help the person in need of care.

At the onset of the issue, remember, a person in crisis needs someone to listen to them without being overwhelmed, judgmental, and/or trying to solve the individual’s situation or emotions in that moment. Just deescalate the situation and give hope.

We can all do that by showing we care and because you know the individual and you intervened or they have come to you I believe you’re more qualified than a person with no mental health suicide prevention training. 58% of suicidal people have had no record of mental health care treatment or been given a diagnosis. So, it’s concerning to me to send the individual who is already scared to someone they don’t know who isn’t even qualified to make an assessment many schools or workplaces require.

 

Therapy: Why are Therapists rarely Trained in the Prevention of Suicide?

Teen SuicideWe are constantly telling parents that if your child is suicidal take them to a therapist and yet outside of psychiatrists, the majority of mental health professionals have very little to no formal training in how to effectively treat suicidal individuals.

Why is Suicide Prevention so Complicated?

If a parent or school counselor doesn’t have the answers we say, “See a therapist,” but our therapists (too many of them) don’t have the answers either and this isn’t fair when it comes to the well-being of the person we send off for an evaluation.

Every campaign around suicide prevention and mental health awareness says the same thing, “See a therapist.” Or, “Reach out and ask for help.”

While I don’t disagree with saying, “Talk to someone” and getting people struggling with mental health related emotions or suicidal ideation to speak up and ask for help, my greatest concern is comes with some basic questions that need to be answered in our communities:

Are we sending these individuals (now with more anxiety and fear) to people who aren’t qualified and are overwhelmed now depending on the depth of the situation of the person in front of them?

Are we providing the adequate care and support in our responsibility to refer to person to the right professionals?

Why don’t we have more training available?

Are we helping or hurting the individual?

Specific suicide prevention training is not commonly offered as part of college curriculums, optional post-graduate training on suicide is limited as well.  This training is costly and time-consuming and really interested to people who’ve had experiences with suicidal ideation in their pasts or have been traumatized themselves. Furthermore, I’d say as much as many therapists aren’t aware that they themselves even need the education.

I was speaking on teen mental health and suicide prevention in West Fargo, North Dakota in December of 2019. Very tough audience and I ended up asking a question and one of the counselors said, “We already know this, why do we need to be here?” My audience was the school counselors, school psychologists, administrators, and school resource officers. I was dumbfounded by the question from a school counselor. More education to understand teen mental health is not something we should shy away from or be so ignorant to think we already know.

More concerning, after I left the community, I got a message from the local mortician who had attended my evening talk. At some point, during the evening after my talk, a local young man who had recently graduated made a forever decision.  The next morning the mortician came to work having to deal with the reality of the conversation the night before and the reality of a school counselor saying, “We already know this . . .”

We Already Know This . . .  Why Do We Need to Know More?

Suicide PreventionIf we already know this we don’t know it well enough and we need to know more. We need to want to talk more about mental health awareness and getting people to feel more comfortable speaking up and talking about their feelings. We need to educate people on being okay not being okay, but not being okay and not talking about it isn’t okay.

You are not alone and shouldn’t be ashamed. You matter and what you are feeling right now is most likely temporary, but nobody can help if they don’t know you need it.

 

Don’t Treat Problems You Don’t Know

This is an ethical standard in any profession but also should be common sense to any person who cares and is compassionate towards others. You don’t treat problems you don’t know anything about. You ask for help and do your research, but ultimately find the answer and do the right thing.

But, what is the right thing when it comes to the lack of resources and trained professionals for people who are showing signs of being suicidal?

One of my mentors and trusted clinical psychologists I’ve learned and continue to learn from says, “Everyday thousands of untrained service providers see thousands of suicidal patients and perform uniformed interventions.”

Youth Motivational SpeakerIf your son or daughter needed individual and personalized coaching for their chosen sport you wouldn’t trust in a random person opening a storefront that says, “Individualized Coaching for Your Students Athlete.” No, you’d probably want to read some reviews, references, make a few phone calls, etc.

Then why is it okay that we are not qualifying our service providers with their care for others?

Is it training? Is it insurance? Is it the stigma? What is it and why are we allowing this when teen suicide and teen mental health is an epidemic that needs attention and the right resources to help our communities?

Stop thinking that you are sending (someone who shows suicidal ideation) you care about to a therapist and because they’re a therapist, they’re skilled in how to address the risk of suicide. Nothing is farther from the truth and we could be making matters worse. Essentially, not helping but hurting the individual further.

In 2019, numbers of completed suicide had risen just slightly from the year before, but still statistics aren’t accurate because drug overdoses and accidental deaths; who says they weren’t suicide attempts. Nonetheless, since 1999, the suicide rate has climbed to a little more than 35%. This continues to be very concerning and deeply troubling especially to me when I work in consulting with school communities and mental health every day.

 

Finding a Therapist if you’re Suicidal

The training for mental health practitioners who treat suicidal patients – psychologists, social workers, marriage and family therapists, and others – is dangerously inadequate.

Combating suicide requires a holistic approach that includes the community, families, educators and our religious leaders all working together. The challenge is in society who has placed the burden of caring on suicidal people on a mental health workforce who is underprepared to help those in suicidal distress.

Mental health professionals have no national standards that require them to be trained in how to treat suicidal people. Whether it’s during their undergraduate work or during their career they are not required to get training or to be trained in suicide prevention. For the most part, they have to want to pursue training on their own or if they do get training it is limited and not consistent on a regular basis with more information and continued education credits.

Currently, only a handful of states mandate training in suicide assessment, treatment and management for health professionals, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Having someone on your side that gets what you’re going through, that can advocate for your needs, and that gives you the space to talk through your thoughts is a game-changer.

We have these trusted professionals within our communities. We have them within our schools.  They’re called teachers, school counselors, coaches, parents, and friends. Peer to peer relationships matter. Relationships between adults and our children matter. Here is where it can be deescalated and hope given in the here and the now which puts time between a situation that triggers emotion and the possibility of a reaction on emotion that could be a suicide attempt or a suicide succeeding.

Within our schools, our trusted teachers, coaches, and counselors are more than qualified to listen and be a source of hope to the person who may be suicidal. But, if we quickly send the individual off to someone they don’t know we are making matters worse as anxiety increases and their unhealthy thoughts continue to think, “Nobody cares about me.” We can’t allow this to happen.

Teen Mental Health is Different Today Than Ever Before

Two questions need to be answered:

  • Can I trust you?
  • Do you care about me?

Teen Mental Health SpeakerWhether it is a child, young person, or adult I believe these questions prove to the person in crisis they matter and there is hope. Remember this next time you are talking with someone.

The American Psychological Association and the Council on Social Work Education, which accredit graduate programs in psychology and social work, have standards to prepare graduates to treat patients in crisis but do not require specific competencies regarding suicide. This needs to change and perhaps be more of a requirement, but then again, who is qualified to teach such a course if very few of our professionals are even qualified themselves?

A report from 2014 on guidelines to improve training among the clinical workforce, the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention assessed the state of education by sending surveys to 443 academic institutions. Of those, 69 responded, and 70% said no specific training for suicide was provided.

Why out of 443 educational institutions did only 69 respond? Of the 69 that responded did 70% say they have no specific suicide prevention training is provided?  Why is this acceptable? Who is stepping up to the plate in our schools across the country to say, this needs to change? This needs to be addressed and on my watch I am going to make sure our students, staff members, and families know we care about them all.

I am blaming it on us all because we are either part of the problem or we are part of the solution to a better world where we are safe and bringing up great leaders.

I work as a mental health motivational speaker and educator providing education and hope to school communities all over the world. I don’t get applause.  In 30 years, I haven’t received a medal or a trophy for my work. Occasionally, I get the, “Oh, your work is so needed.” Or, “You must be so fulfilled knowing how much a difference you make.” Yeah, that is nice, but why can’t we all not be afraid to talk about our stories and to speak more openly about mental health? Why are we living with shame knowing that if people know we might be looked at differently and judged?

This is a conversation that needs to happen in every household in every community and every school district, but it shouldn’t have to be the full responsibility of our schools and the great adults that inspire our youth every day.

We need more parents parenting and being involved and invested in their kid’s lives and the family unit. We need less parents wanting to be friends with their kids. We have responsibilities as parents to raise our kids in a family that loves and unconditionally is supportive and caring for their needs.

Suicide Prevention: Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

The American Association of Suicidology paper written in 2012 cited decades of studies that underscored the training gap in suicide prevention, and many experts say not much has changed in the last several years since this paper. Another concern not addressed and given more attention.

Teenager SuicideThis paper stated that about half of psychology students receive formal classroom training on suicide during their graduate education. Only 25% of social workers receive any suicide prevention training.  Marriage and family therapists had even less training. Most psychiatrists receive some instruction, but many experts agree it’s insufficient.

Talking about suicide shouldn’t be a difficult conversation and make a professional feel overwhelmed in the moment. Actually, this conversation is reducing the anxiety of the individual in distress because they’re talking and you the professional, you’re present and giving hope as you allow them to share what they’re feeling.

How you proceed from here is what concerns me and I am very concerned about how our schools have written policies and procedures for a student showing strong suicidal ideation.

Yesterday, I’m speaking at a school in Indiana. I’m with a school counselor counseling a senior who was 18 years old. This individual had every reason to be concerned including blacking out and being bloody, even from the night before. Scared to be alone. Every method of self-harm present on the daily including self-medicating, reckless behavior, banging head against the wall, cutting, and so much more.

As we called the parent after giving the student a choice; I said, “Either I have to call your father or the police, what do you want?”

Dad came in and we suggested what he should do, but no insurance.

At the end, I deferred it to the counselor because this was now a school policy issue. Can the student return to school with or without an assessment at this point?  That was my question.

The counselor allowed the student to go with dad and nothing was going to prevent this student from returning tomorrow to school. No written note. No safety or success plan. Conversation had and off to go home to dad who this person stated was part of the problem they were having – abusive.

I had a talk with administration, head of guidance, and school resource officer after school. I had mentioned this is a gray area in school districts throughout the country. I said, “What do you think about this? What do you think you should do?” The head of guidance looked at me and said, “Jeff, I don’t know what to do.”

I am sorry, but you’re the head of guidance and you don’t know what to do is not acceptable and in my opinion if you’re over your head then you need to ask for help and put together a committee to assess the situation, rewrite the policies and procedures, and have a plan of action including what to do in the event of a student or staff suicide.

If you don’t do anything than nothing is going to change. Be the change and help give resources and support to your students and staff in need. That is our responsibility along with being mandated reporters.

School Safety Plans and Written Policies and Procedures for Suicide and Mental Health

Staff Development SpeakerThere is a lot of talk about school shootings and what to do in the case of a shooting on campus. We have great security now with doors locked, visitors signing into our schools and providing their license, metal detectors, and more. We’ve done a great job protecting our schools, but we are failing on protecting our students and staff with mental illness.

If you are a school superintendent or building principal you have a responsibility to visit your students success manual and make sure you have written resources, policies and procedures that show your schools policy for mental health and suicide prevention. Not only the students and staff need to know what to do in the event of care or crisis, but also the parents need to be able to access this information.

This information needs to be accessible and easily found. It should be on the school website under resources, it should be given out in newsletters, and resources should be accessible in the main office, the counselors offices, the school resource officer, and the school nurse should all have copies they can share or email at moments notice.

Do not wait till after the fact where you end up having to do it out of necessity.  Do it now and be proactive so that in the event, you can say you’ve done your best and continue to learn how to serve the wellbeing of your students.

This is a great responsibility to school administration and our elementary, middle schools, and high schools. This is also information that our colleges and universities should adhere to as well.  As a matter of fact, I strongly believe that our state department of education in all 50 states around the country should mandate revised policies and procedures for all our schools with required mental health and suicide prevention training available for all staff and students annually.

Check out Jeff Yalden’s Suicide Prevention Course On-Demand for School Communities (Click Here).

Psychiatry and Suicide Prevention for Suicide Ideation

If you ask me, “Jeff, what should I say to a student, friend, family member in crisis?” My first response is to get this person to a trusted adult that they have a relationship with.  Someone they trust and respect immediately. From here, let’s talk about professional help with your family doctor, therapist, counselor.  Definitely take immediate action and take all signs seriously.”

You don’t want this person alone. In the moment of crisis you want to de-escalate the situation immediately.  Put time between the thought and an action based on emotion.

Then, I’m concerned because I want to say, “Get to a psychiatrist as soon as you can.” But, I know that is usually a 4-6 month wait. We only have about 3700 psychiatrists in the country.  Not nearly enough to address the mental health crisis our country is facing.

We only have about 3700 psychiatrists in the country. Not nearly enough to address the mental health crisis our country is facing.

I say a psychiatrist because they’re the only ones that are supposed to cover the topic of suicide during their training and course work.

Sending a person to a psychiatrist gives you some assurance that they know something about it, but you can’t say that for any other mental health professional and that is concerning to me when I am seeing the seriousness of mental health in our schools.

The burden that mental illness is placing on our educational system and our educators is too much and without proper training they’re over-whelmed and burnt out.

Advocating for a Person who is Suicidal

If you choose to wait the 4-6 months to get into a psychiatrist you are taking a calculated risk and are not putting the need for immediate attention to the matter. I highly recommend you don’t wait. Get on the list, call your family doctor, social worker, therapist, or whomever immediately and start the process. It’s the best thing to do in the moment and it’s working towards the care needed. Do everything you can to advocate for yourself, your child, your students, friends, family member, or neighbor.

Know this though, many of suicidal people have great experiences with therapy. Some of the therapy didn’t go well for one reason or another. While some therapy may have been lifesaving.

For those living with mental illness, therapy is like bathing, it should be routine and consistent. Maybe not as consistent as bathing, but depending on where the individual is it could be weekly, bi-monthly, and every two to three months when we know the once suicidal person is doing better and we trust they can do the work they’re required to do for their self-care and wellbeing.

“Having someone on your side that gets what you’re going through: feelings and thoughts, that can advocate for your needs, listen to your heart, and advise you without being judgmental and validating your feelings; someone that gives you the time and space to talk through what you are feeling and thinking is a total game-changer to the person in crisis.” This half-an-hour or hour can be what saves the life of a person that is suicidal.

Who is capable of giving a suicidal person this is any trusted adult, friend, teacher, counselor, school administrator, coach, or parents.  As Doctor Phil says, “The most trusted adult in a child’s life is that same sex parent.” I agree, but to those young bloods that don’t feel comfortable talking to their parents, I believe any trusted adult in the child’s life can be that source of hope and support.

All these trusted adults that work in our schools need to know how to talk to a student in crisis or a student showing signs of suicide.  Our teachers and any person hired by the school to work with students should also feel comfortable and capable in these moments of crisis.

Learning how to be this significant adult in a child’s life isn’t hard, but it’s not being mandated and the fear of addressing it because of the lack of training and knowledge makes today’s school administrators avoid rather than want to learn.

Be the voice and presence that shows a suicidal person they matter and you care.

Take Jeff’s Course on Teen Suicide Prevention . . . Available for all Staff, Teens, Coaches, and Support Personnel (Click Here)

How to Make a Suicidal Person Feel Less Suicidal

Contrary to what you might believe, most people living with suicidal thoughts say that when they found the right person or therapist, clinician or doctor, coach or teacher, someone who didn’t overreact and who made an honest effort to understand their pain, they felt less suicidal.

Less suicidal and the situation in the moment was de-escalated because this person sat down judgement free and listened in the space that made the person feel safe and heard. Before anything else matters, this is a moment that a suicidal person needs.

Whomever this person is, understand that they have their best interest at heart and cares more than just keeping you alive. This person, who probably knows the suicidal person whereas a therapist or emergency room doctor doesn’t, wants to help the person in crisis find a life worth living and to be there while they’re having trouble in the here and the now coping or problem solving though something they might think is the end of the world.

Be present. Be the light in the moment they feel so much darkness. Deescalate and listen with an open heart that shows you care and you want the best for this person.

I love working in education. I love our teachers, counselors, coaches, administrators and parents. I love speaking on mental health in schools and want every adult to know that you don’t need to be scared because you think you don’t know how to help. Know that the student in front of you doesn’t want to die either. They want a reason to live. They want to know they’re not alone and that someone cares as they share the burden or disappointment they feel.

Today’s youth especially, I strongly believe they don’t want to die.  One of the issues I see is that today’s youth live so in the here and the now that when they have a problem they think it’s the end of the world. They see that the solution to their problem can’t be handled in the here and the now, but it might take time; days, weeks, months, or maybe this has ruined their life.

Life is not in the here and the now. Mistakes happen. It’s how we grow. Our youth need to know that perfection doesn’t exist and it takes courage to make a mistake and regroup. We grow from our mistakes and what we go through. Nothing is the end of the world.

Parents, teachers, educators, counselors, coaches and youth pastors are more than capable and qualified to help a person who may be suicidal, but know that you still have a responsibility not to leave the person alone, but to know what you should do now. It’s not over and you don’t want to leave the person alone.

A Suicidal Situation De-Escalated What Now

Breathe and know you did a great job and possibly saved a life. Also, let the individual know you are proud of them because it took a lot of courage to share and talk.

If it’s a child the parents need to be contacted and suggest resources of mental health professional care from this point forward. Work with your school counselors to have a success plan and get this student on the school radar where they’ll have support and care.

If it’s an adult contact the immediate family or significant other. Same thing, have resources available and encourage them to follow through for the best interest of the person in distress.

90% of the underlying factors to someone who is suicidal and showing suicidal behavior is mental illness. This mental illness comes in the form of anxiety, stress, overwhelmed, too high of expectations, coping, problem solving skills, depression, bi-polar, or something else that may have or even has been diagnosed.

You can always go to the emergency room or call 911.  You can always call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-248-2781 or Text 741741. These are definitely places to turn to, but know that in the moment, YOU knowing the person eases their anxiety and calms them down and the sacrifice on you is just time and patience. You have a better chance in the initial moments and if you’re feeling over-whelmed contact someone immediately for help and/or you can call the Suicide Prevention Hotline with the person. Just don’t react. Don’t leave the person. You being there and showing you care and your calming presence does more than you can imagine. I believe in you and the value you can bring to this moment.

Therapists are Lost when it comes to Suicide and Prevention

Imagine this for a moment, a suicidal person meets a therapist and what do you think they’re expecting? They’re expecting the person sitting across from them wants to understand their suffering. That is not the case, at all.

A more common feeling amongst therapists, counselors, and trusted adults is the moment they realize their sitting with a suicidal person is panic and they go from fight to flight themselves.

Now the panic is that the individual might try to kill themselves and could succeed and would they get sued or as a therapist maybe lose their license. The go-to all too often is to send the suicidal person to the emergency room.

You have this person who has come to you, but more than likely doesn’t want to die, but they don’t know what else to do and they’re desperate for help. Perhaps it’s taken days, weeks, months, or even years to have the courage to ask for help from a professional or someone and now this professional is saying, “I can’t help you. You have to go somewhere else. Like the emergency room.”

That can be very harmful and discourage the suicidal person further and give up.

Mental Health: Emergency Rooms and Involuntary Hospitalizations

Research shows that sending the individual to the emergency room or involuntary hospitalizations – triggered when a mental health professional believes someone is at imminent risk of killing themselves – can increase a person’s risk of suicide.

Here is where I want to encourage you to hold off and prioritize time and patience first. Then, focus on de-escalating the feelings and thoughts, and be able to get to a comfortable conversation where you can listen and offer support.

Here is where I am always successful depending on the severity of the situation. In the case of where I know the person needs a mental health assessment and probably a time out and a psychiatrist, I follow protocol, and I hate this because I know what happens. However, the point I want to stress is that I always communicate openly and honestly with the individual because if I am expecting them to trust me I need to be very open and honest in what is going to happen. I explain that this is what is right and in their best interest and I talk to them until they are on board and agree with what I am suggesting.

I do all of this after I have deescalated the situation and calmed them down a lot.

When the individual can have ownership and agree to the professional and mental health care they will take it more seriously, be honest, and be more willing to do the work. I never fail when I go this route. During this process, I am with them and sit with the person while parents are called and explain it through. If it’s a student who has a boyfriend or girlfriend or a really close friend, I will sometimes (with permission) bring the friend down so the person has their supportive friend with them. They never want to be alone. Remember, being alone feels to them they don’t have meaningful relationships and this support can be of incredible importance in their success through their care and afterwards.

Any person sent to the emergency room against their will and has psychiatric disabilities or mental illness, having had trauma, or is in crisis, this can be a trigger that could be the straw that breaks the camels back.

The emergency room can be the worst place for a person who is suicidal.

The emergency room is loud, patients are hurried in and pushed out with little to zero emotional support and maybe care.

There is no training, for the most part, for the emergency doctors, or the nurses to help a person showing suicidal ideation and having a plan.

Can you imagine?

But this is where we are sending our people in great distress.

It’s like, “I don’t know what to do so let’s send them to the hospital where it’s better than my help, because I don’t know what to do and I’m panicking.”

No.

You don’t send your car to someone who isn’t a mechanic. You don’t get a manicure or pedicure from a foot doctor who knows how to measure your feet for orthotics. We don’t bring our dogs to people who specialize in cats. We don’t make fancy dinner reservations at a breakfast joint, right? Come on, man.

The Suicidal Person Needs Two Questions Answered

Do you care and are you showing it? Great. Don’t panic and react. You are meeting the individual where they expect you to be even if you are not qualified.

Can I trust you and are you giving the time the individual needs to calm down and get help?

Great job. Breathe. You’ve done good. Now, we can move forward in a calm manner.

Look, even if the therapist doesn’t panic or over-react, that doesn’t mean they know what to do next or how to help.

I remember once, I was working with a school therapist hired by the school at $500 a day – four days a week.  Yes, you read that correctly.

While working with a student who had suicidal ideation this therapist made the student “promise” that he/she would never do anything to hurt herself.

What? Really?!?!?!

That in principle is great, but if it were that easy the person wouldn’t be coming forward asking for help.

As the very last resort, the very last resort, you can make the person sign a document that you both create, like a contract, that says, “I will be here tomorrow. I will not make any decisions based on emotions. I will make the phone call (lists phone numbers) if I feel unsafe.”

At the very last resort you can do this. Exhaust everything before this becomes the go-to.

Remember, you are de-escalating the situation with someone you know more than any mental health professional who isn’t trained in suicide prevention who will probably do something that is worse than your kind heart and caring soul.

Don’t Kill Yourself, but WHY does the Individual Want to Die in the First Place

Don’t react to them wanting to kill themselves. Try finding out why they might want to die first.

In all my suicide prevention training in schools, I find our educators avoid the conversation and question of suicide all together. I also find with therapists and counselors the same thing.

Ever notice that when suicide is mentioned or mental health is being talked about the conversation gets really quiet? Yeah, because of the stigma and shame associated with the topic of mental health or suicide.  Let’s change it and change it immediately. These conversations can be uplifting and doesn’t need to be talked about with shame.

I ask in my suicide prevention training programs in schools what the fear is about asking a student if they’re thinking about suicide. I come straight out and ask everyone. The most common answer is, “I’m not qualified to help them.” Or, they say, “If I ask them and they say, ‘Yes. What do I do then?”

Imagine this, many therapists have dropped clients who’ve been suicidal in the past because they’ve felt they were unable to tolerate the intensity of their pain and desire to want to die. Pretty concerning.  Again, the time it had taken to reach out and ask for help and then they’re being dropped.

Some advice after 30 years of working with students and schools and addressing mental health and suicide in teens is that you can be compassionate and empathetic, but you can’t carry their darkness. Be present and engaged and show your love and support, but at the end of the day, you have to not carry the burden of this all being on you and you being responsible for them staying alive.

Another problem with mental health professionals and therapists is they’re so fixated on trying to predict how likely the individual is to kill themselves that they’re not present and listening as they should be. We’ve got to commit to spending the necessary time, patience, and listening to why they are hurt or feeling the way they’re feeling. Listen to what they’re asking. Listen to what they need.

A person who is suicidal is trying to share the depth of the pain in their heart – the depth of their despair.

This doesn’t necessarily mean they’re suicidal. It could mean they don’t see a way out or that they have to take this situation one day at a time. Let them know it will be okay and this is not the end of the world. Patience in the process.  Perfection doesn’t exist.

We waste too much time trying to stop the person from killing themselves instead of finding ways to understand why they might want to die in the first place.

Do You Want to DIE?

That’s the question that tells you what you need to know, but too many people aren’t just afraid to ask this question, THE DON’T KNOW HOW TO ASK THE QUESTION.

I’ve visited and worked with more schools than I can count that have hired me after a suicide or multiple suicides.

One of the first things I want to know from a teen suicide is what they’re doing at the school in terms of suicide prevention or mental health awareness for their students and staff. Most of the time, I hear, “Well, that’s why you’re here. We need to start having the conversation.”

What I know is that we are a society of people who don’t know how to treat people who are suicidal. We don’t know how to ask the suicide question and we are afraid to ask.

When I do my teacher suicide prevention training and talk teen mental health I’m very proud of not having had one suicide after my visits to these school communities.

I praise and validate the importance of teacher and student relationships, school culture and climate, and giving these adults the tools to address their students who might show signs of distress and how to intervene on their level and to answer the questions that their students are struggling to even understand themselves.

Remember, you’re a teacher, a coach, parent, aunt, uncle, school nurse, or whatever you do. You are a good person. You are good-hearted and you’d be crushed if one of your students ended their life and you’d look back saying, “If I only knew, I could have said something.”  Remember, you can’t carry the burden.  Also, how are you supposed to know the individual was hurting if they’re not willing to talk and share?

Start the conversation before the crisis happens.  It’s imperative our school communities start addressing teen mental health more openly and regularly.

Every day is an opportunity to say something meaningful and impactful. Let’s not wait to when we feel they need to hear our words.

Wouldn’t it be great if we were all kind and showed love to everyone each and every day?  It’s the smiles, gestures, and the kind words that make a difference.  It’s being compassionate, nonjudgmental, present, engaging, and seeing the best in others that makes a difference.

I’m not concerned with you assessing the situation and managing the risk in front of you. I just want you to know you are more than qualified to show your heart to someone else and let them know they matter while putting time between the now and what could be a forever decision.

Visit Jeff Yalden’s On-Demand Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities (Click Here)

This is a Teen Suicide Prevention On-Demand Course for all school staff and even teens that should be mandatory in every school. When we are not pro-active we become forced to be reactive and if you haven’t lost a student to suicide you don’t want to have to go through that.

The Big Picture of Suicide in America

Mental health professionals see suicidal patients throughout their careers and some very often, yet so few mental health professionals seek specialized training on suicide prevention.

If mental health professionals do want training it can be hard to come by especially if you live in rural North America, but I don’t agree that is the case. Some of the best therapies aren’t available for training in small groups, and those that are, require a lot of time and money. That prevents many from getting more education around suicide prevention.  Again, I think that is an excuse and the lazy way to look at it.

With the technology we have today, education is basically free. Let’s not confuse memory with intelligence.  You know what you know, but you don’t know what you don’t know.

If you really cared and wanted to educate yourself to be more of a source of help for your clients or students you can make a commitment to educate yourself by reading books, taking courses, google, and YouTube.  With a little motivation you can invest in learning more without paying for it and waiting for training to come around.

Suicide Prevention isn’t mandatory for our professionals and I find that very sad and disturbing.

One of the most effective approaches to treating suicidal patients, CAMS – Collaborative Assessment and Management of Suicidality, says that in the absence of training, many clinicians spend most of their time trying to treat a patient’s underlying mental illness, rather than asking the person, “What makes you want to kill yourself?”

A teenager for example, why are we diagnosing teens when their brain isn’t fully developed and given all the hormonal, emotional, psychological, and physical changes; and social media today with overwhelmed feelings, expectations, and so much more; don’t you think it’s better to treat the symptoms and not look for the causes right now?

Get to know the individual and listen to their heart.

The two questions our youth ask today is:

  1. Can I trust you?
  2. Do you care about me?

They don’t come home from a long day and say, “Mom and dad, can we talk?” No. They come in the house get to their room as fast as possible and continue to isolate themselves where they’re comfortable and they only wish you’d come through the doors asking, “Honey, how was your day?”, being nonjudgmental and present.

Suicide Prevention Data from Center Disease Control and Prevention

In 2018, Center Disease Control and Prevention published data stating 54% of people who died by suicide had no known mental health condition.

Too many people are living with mental illness but not doing anything about it. Is it the stigma? Is it the shame and embarrassment? Is it being stubborn? Could it be the lack of resources available or the length it takes to get an appointment? Or, it’s the lack of trust in mental health and the feeling that we’re over medicating people? It’s all this and more, but regardless if you are going to live a healthy life living with mental illness you have to be your best advocate.

It starts with acknowledging the fact that you have a mental health condition you have to accept and choose to educate yourself.  Don’t be the victim.  Choose to be the victor.  Don’t be bitter.  Choose to be better.

What I am saying is very few people are trained to understand the depth of people’s individual suffering and with lack of knowledge and the ability to reach people where they are with patience and non-judgement is a major problem we need addressed.

Mental Health Specialized Suicide Prevention Training Impacting your Well-Being

Most people don’t get that specialized training is important to your well-being as a practitioner and without specialized training helping your clients or students can significantly impact your own mental well-being crippling you and sending you on a leave of absence or a change of job profession.

I can’t begin to tell you how many teachers, counselors, school administrators, school psychologists are no longer in the educational field working with students anymore because of the second-hand trauma. Too many to tell and many of these people I am still in touch with today.

Counseling clients and students has to be done with compassion and empathy, but to not be carrying the burden of their feelings, thoughts, emotions.

You can’t own what they’re going through, but you can listen, support, and give hope by giving tools to cope and problem solve.  You can support them on the brokenness they’re living with and how one day at a time they’re willingness to do the work themselves will help them come from where they are to where they need to be.

Ultimately, they have to do the work with the help of you and more professional help.

How Therapists are Hurting Their Clients and our Youth

Every day I hear how therapists are frightened of treating clients with suicidal ideation. They’re screening patients who they think are highly at risk because they don’t want to treat them. They’re scared and don’t want to carry the burden or the liability themselves.

Clinicians are also afraid of the liability, but the concern is far less real than most mental health professionals think.

Personally, I think if you are more concerned about the liability than you’re probably not in the right profession and really concerned about the mental well-being of clients who are trusting in you and your profession. Only you can answer that question.

If a family who is grieving the loss of a family member or their child brings about a lawsuit, most cases bringing a lawsuit against you are not successful.  Facts are not always persuasive when the undesired outcome feels so catastrophic.

In the state of Colorado (which has one of the highest suicide rates in the nation) a mental health survey showed many do not think they need more training, but desire it, according to a 2018 article in the Journal of Public Health Policy.

It found providers reported being “generally pleased with their existing training and felt prepared to address suicide within their practice,” though 80% supported mandating suicide-related continuing education.

Continued Educational Training for Suicide Prevention Helps Therapists Care for Their Patients and Themselves

Too many therapists feel the overwhelming pressure when confronted with the immense amount of pain a suicidal person is feeling – wanting to help; but fearing they’re not capable.

In this moment between you the professional, teacher, parents, or clinician and the client think:

  1. The suicidal person is safe in this space and you are their light
  2. Breathe and be present
  3. Between their high emotions and taking action is time and what is important is you are putting space between them thinking and acting slowly reducing their anxiety and deescalating their emotions.
  4. Gain their trust and let them know and trust that you care.

You’ve just won and perhaps saved a life.

From here. Follow protocol and follow through.

With continued education you will constantly be taught new tools you can use, methods of deescalating the crisis situation, and gaining control of the situation.

Although you might think you know how to respond, continued training can always teach you more and reiterate what you already know validating your work.

Don’t discount the emotional pain this takes. No matter how professional and prepared you are with experience, remember, you’re a therapist because you’re emotionally sensitive and have a great ability to connect with people. Add the training to be even more of a sensitive person and now you’re put in a room with someone who has the kind of pain and despair and shows behaviors that put them at great risk of dying by suicide and it’s easy to lose your bearing.

Any training provided or training you get on your own only benefits you and your clients.

Suicide Prevention Training and Continued Education

Talking suicide and addressing suicide risk is not something that is a one and done kind of training.

This is such a difficult conversation emotionally with serious consequences that people are going to feel unprepared and ill-equipped if they are not engaged in an ongoing way.

Our schools are starting to do a great job of mandating suicide prevention in our schools, but they’re far from where they need to be. Once a year training isn’t going to solve and save lives. This conversation, training, and continued support should be at least once a quarter made mandatory for every person who works with teens.

Unless you yourself seek out your own specialized training and continued education, and most people do not get this or take it upon themselves, it will become painful for you and impact your well-being. I see it happening every day and it ends up ruining lives, careers, families, and takes time to come back from this trauma.

Consultation Team Managing Stress and Burnout

Another highly effective treatment approach for severe suicide risk is Dialectical Behavior Therapy and with this treatment approach there is a consultation team to help manage the stress and burnout of the therapists.

Why do we not have these consultation group meetings in all our professionals where people manage people having traumatic experiences or living with mental illness and suicidal ideation.

I believe this approach should be mandatory for all mental health professionals and mandated for law enforcement, our military, churches, first responders, firefighters, doctors and nurses, and school personnel.

We need to start talking and sharing our feelings so we can help one another with the traumatic experiences being dealt with day in and day out.  Until the stigma is silenced and people start talking we are going to continue to see no improvement in our communities.

Personally, having dealt with school communities and teaching suicide prevention, and watched suicides happen, having someone to talk to is invaluable to my continued success working with teen suicide and helping our school communities save lives and helping after a suicide.

Having someone to talk to is a crucial part of one’s self-care. As therapists we need to heed our own advice.  Take care of yourself first.  Self-care.  You can’t pour from an empty pitcher. Self-care is not selfish.  You matter and your mental health hydration matters.

This work can be very isolating and lonely. Being able to hear from others and relate with their experiences can be so helpful and so healing in ways that exercise or date night can’t give you.

A System Broken – Nobody Cares

For years and years the system is broken and inadequate training has long been documented but nobody is changing the system or putting efforts where efforts are most needed. 

We need to take teen suicide prevention and mental health more seriously in America and our schools.

Our government is putting millions of dollars towards the suicide prevention, mental health and the opioid epidemic, but who’s accounting for the money and making sure it is used effectively?

I believe that the money is giving a lot of people jobs with titles and cushy comfortable desks, chairs, and a nice corner office with a paycheck, but few people are on the ground doing the work.  Too much delegating and forming of committees, but nobody doing the work we talk about in the meetings. Very sad. I see that everyone has the answers, but nobody wants to do the work.

Let’s stop all the talking and meetings and start implementing plans, procedures, policies, and trainings.  Stepping up the suicide prevention game should be a priority for our government.

In my early days when I was just learning and starting my focus on mental health the National Strategy for Suicide Prevention said that it was critical that “mental health personnel receive appropriate graduate school training on the suicide while preparing for their professions.” This was back in 2001.

Twenty years later, experts say that not enough has changed. Not enough has changed and while we watch the suicide epidemic continue to grow we are still saying, “What are we doing?”

The answer is simple.

We are doing a lot of blaming and not enough talking and taking action.

Suicide Prevention Conversations Start at Home

It starts at home.  Parents should not be diagnosing their children.  Parents need to take all signs seriously and educate themselves on teen suicide prevention and mental health.  This includes the dopamine effect from screen time, social media, and too much time in isolation.

It’s also in our schools. We need more teen suicide prevention and mental health support in our schools and also improve the relationships between our schools and our families. We’ve got to work together for the best interest of one another.

Our family doctors are not mental health therapists or teen suicide prevention physicians and shouldn’t be diagnosing or prescribing medication (long – term) for their patients. A family doctor could treat the symptoms for seven to thirty days, but make it clear that a mental health therapist and/or psychiatrist is essential to the wellbeing of the child.  If you don’t believe in therapy or counseling, medication and such, also educate yourself on natural remedies such as exercise, nature, food, essential oils, meditation and being involved.

Therapy and medication is a game changer.  Taken together is best.  If it’s one or the other, therapy gives you tools to cope and problem solve while medication puts a band-aid on the illness.

Then, it’s the individual who does the work for themselves.  Continued education on Teen Mental Health and Suicide Prevention, exercise, daily practice of self-care, learning mindfulness, breathing, and relaxing techniques to help you through your own emotions.  Again, put time between the thought and the action is most crucial in the moment of crisis.

It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s not okay to not be okay and not do anything about it.

We can blame it on the system or we can take it upon ourselves. To blame it on the system solves nothing. To take responsibility and advocating for yourself, your family, your school is being responsible and you’re more likely to get something done and working. It takes a combined effort.

How We Can All Support Mental Health

Be open to talking more and engaging in conversation about suicide prevention and teen mental health.  Continued education for your school and community is very important and will save lives.

The American Association of Suicidology has a report on gaps in mental health training and suicide prevention. They’ve made several recommendations for improving care. This is good and must be followed through state by state.

The report states that accrediting organizations must include suicide-specific education as part of their requirements so graduate programs have the training in their curriculum.

Also, state licensing boards, must require clinicians be competent in suicide treatment.

And the report also says government has a role to play by requiring that health care systems receiving state or federal funds ensure their mental health professionals are trained in suicide risk detection, assessment, treatment and prevention.

Other experts also say clinicians have to overcome their fear of not knowing who may live or die. Who is going to live or die shouldn’t be the thought in the middle of the open room where you are being trusted by this person asking for help. Be present and focus on the individual in front on you.  Focus on deescalating the emotion and calming the situation. Create a plan of action and move forward. When this is our primary concern and before they leave your office you’ll know they’re feeling better and we can only pray they’ve been giving the tools, even if it’s only temporary, that they’ll take it one day at a time, but that they’ll also continue to seek help and receive treatment weekly.

As in all cases, if they’re in the middle of an emotional breakdown and considering suicide, make sure they have a Safety Plan such as 911 or go to the Emergency Room. They can call the National Suicide Hotline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online.

The Crisis Text Line also provides free 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741.

There is great responsibility and I understand. You’re worried about your livelihood and your family, your license, and more. However, we have a responsibility to protect the person and give them what they need and that is your professional experience and training. We have to be able to see past the risk to do what is right for our patients and students.

Finding a Therapist with Suicide Prevention Specific Training

Look for a therapist who specializes in evidence-based suicide prevention techniques such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Cognitive Behavior Therapy for Suicide Prevention or Collaborative Assessment and Management of Suicidality.

I know you’ll be have a tough time finding this person who is specialized, but if you do, it’s a good lead for you. Not everyone who is trained is listed and not everyone who is listed is currently trained and up to date.

In certain cases of suicidal risk, being informed versus uninformed therapy can be the difference maker in saving a life or a death by suicide for someone who cannot bear their suffering any further. Job specific training is critical.

A well-intended and competent therapist who does not know how to effectively treat a suicidal person can result in the most tragic mental treatment outcome possible.

Finding a Psychiatrist and Make an Appointment Quickly

The profession of psychiatry (depending on where they go to school) requires psychology students receive formal education training on suicide during their graduate education.

The actual research shows that only half of psychology students receive this training.

Only about 25% of social workers receive any suicide prevention training.

Marriage and family therapists get even less suicide prevention training.

The exception is psychiatrists, most of whom get some instruction on suicide prevention.

Think about this . . . Suicide Prevention ten years ago is very different than suicide prevention today and with our youth.

“I’m Suicidal!” What should I do?

If you’re a patient, and you are suicidal, consider not saying so right away.

Here is why. The word ‘suicide’ can scare off a therapist even if they hear the word ‘suicide.’ Especially if they haven’t had adequate training to properly assess for risk, so they rush to involuntary hospitalization which in some cases make matters worse.

Research shows involuntary hospitalizations — triggered when a mental health professional or counselor believes someone is at imminent risk of killing themselves — can increase suicide risk.

When seeking a therapist who specializes in suicide here is some advice that can help you.  When talking about suicidal thoughts always talk in the past tense, even if you’re currently living with them.

Here is an example:

  • I’ve had suicidal thoughts in the past and I want to know how you approach that?
  • What could I feel safe sharing?
  • When do I need to worry you’re going to involuntarily commit me?

Slowly ease into full disclosure when you trust that you are safe with this therapist or counselor.  I would also highly encourage these questions be asked during during a phone consultation or initial session.

Here is an example:

  • “How would you handle it if someone disclosed suicidal thoughts during a session?”
  • “What training have you had in working with self-harm?”
  • “What are your thoughts about someone who dies by suicide?”

Having an initial session is for the therapist and also the client. The therapist

if the work is within their competency, and for the client to decide if that therapist is a good fit for them.

Even if someone doesn’t have suicide-specific training, it could still be a good fit.

It’s about the quality of the relationship that matters. It about a connection of trust, nonjudgment, and rapport.

Find a Buddy

Looking for a qualified therapist (suicide prevention) during a time when you’re suffering can be a significant emotional burden. Experts say it’s best if someone who cares about you is also part of the process, so you don’t have to navigate it alone.

If you’ve ever had suicidal thoughts: Make a Safety Plan

Don’t Despair

Choosing a therapist is a privilege many suicidal people don’t have. Some suicidal people can’t afford help. Many live in rural communities where there’s a limited amount of practitioners, or long wait lists for care.

If you don’t have access to the care you want right now, there is still help available:

  • You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online.
  • The Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741.
  • The National Alliance on Mental Illness has support groups for people living with mental illness.

Mental Health Speaker & Suicide Prevention Expert,  Jeff Yalden

Virtual School PresentationsOn February 26, 1992 at 0738 in the morning, Jeff Yalden was witness to a Marine suicide while stationed at Cecil Field Naval Air Station, Jacksonville, FL.

This moment changed Jeff’s life. Thirty years later, Jeff Yalden is one of the leading experts on Teen Suicide, Suicide Prevention, and Suicide Prevention Training and Mental Health Speakers in the world.

He’s the author of Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic (Click Here). He is the creator of the OnDemand Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities: (Click Here).

Jeff is also the founder and executive director of The Jeff Yalden Foundation, Inc. (Click Here). The Jeff Yalden Foundation is a non-profit 501c3 organization that focuses on Teen Mental Health and Suicide Prevention in School Communities.

Jeff is also renowned as a teen mental health motivational speaker and mental health speaker.  He speaks to teens, teachers, parents, and mental health professionals on teen motivation and mental health and mental wellness.

Personally, Jeff lives in Myrtle Beach, SC and loves the beaches, boating, yoga, and being in his Wood Shop, Wood Times. He’s a 200YTT Certified Yoga Teacher.

Contact Jeff if you’re interested in Jeff visiting your school community and speaking or doing a Teacher Staff Development Talk.  Whether it is LIVE or on ZOOM, Jeff is always engaged and fun to listen to.

(CONTACT JEFF)

Visit: www.JeffYalden.com

Interested in Jeff speaking to your Staff? (click here)

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Filed Under: Mental Health Tagged With: High School Mental Health, High School Teens and Suicide, Jeff Yalden, Mental Health Awareness, Mental Health Speaker, Mental Health Speakers in Schools, Suicide Prevention, Suicide Prevention Speaker, Teen Mental Health, Teen Mental Health Speaker, Teen Suicide Prevention

The Speed of Hurt

May 11, 2020 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker Leave a Comment

Teens experience pain as fast as the flip of a switch – and the speed of hurt hits them as swiftly as turning on a light.

Often, terrible situations can lead to teen suicide – but we need to be vigilant when observing changes – even small changes – in the behavior of the young people in our circles. Sometimes, events that an adult might brush off as part of the process of daily life might be viewed as catastrophic by a teen – simply because they do not yet have the coping skills in place to deal with them.

The inability to cope with life’s challenges can be a major stumbling block for today’s youth – particularly because they do not yet possess the life skills necessary to deal with the obstacles and challenges they might face.

As a society, we have hit critical mass – and we need to start talking about it. We need to get comfortable being uncomfortable and give voice to the issues facing us; teen suicide, the opiate crisis and substance abuse in general, including alcohol.

The above issues factor into what is quickly becoming the biggest public health crisis of our time. While many factors contribute to teen suicide, often the underlying issue is mental illness.

It is rare that only a single event leads to suicide – bullying or cyberbullying, for instance. But a single event can be the final straw.

As a parent, teacher, or coach, be sure to focus on building strong coping and problem-solving skills in your young people. Nurture a healthy self-esteem, and they will flourish.

If your children value themselves from a place of certainty, they will be much less likely to allow others to have power over them, including bullies.

Life is not a race. It’s about being patient in the process.

Slow down. Breathe.

Perfection doesn’t exist, but I’d still like to think I can make a perfect rack of ribs.

NOTE: The above content is Part Seven in a series based on Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic. Click on link to order.

CLICK HERE for Jeff’s online suicide prevention course.

Filed Under: Life, Mental Health, Teen Depression / Suicide Tagged With: Bullying, Coping Skills, Jeff Yalden. Mental Health Speaker, Self-Esteem, Teen Suicide Prevention, Yalden

Teen Suicide Epidemic . . . Why Teens Commit Suicide

January 11, 2018 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

My name is Jeff Yalden. I’m a teen suicide prevention and crisis intervention expert and teen mental health speaker. If you are in crisis or experiencing an emergency, please call 911 immediately – and always remember that it’s OK to ask for help. When a teen makes that that “forever decision” to end his or her life, people want to know why. What drives a young person to suicide?

(Online Suicide Prevention Training for Teachers and Staff – Take the Course Now!)

Today, teens experience pain as fast as the flip of a switch – like turning a light bulb – and terrible situations can cause a teen suicide.  One of the things that hurts today’s teens is the inability to cope with life’s challenges and problem solving in the obstacles and situations they face.  What can be perceived as everyday life situations and challenges to adults can be insurmountable for a teenager today. We have an epidemic on our hands – and we need to start talking about it. The trend is that in the next decade we will have a 31 percent increase in teen suicides, drug addiction, and alcohol abuse. These issues factor in to what is quickly becoming the biggest public health crisis of our time. Here are the top reasons why teens make that forever decision:

MENTAL ILLNESS

While the factors I will be addressing here are all driving contributors to teen suicide, often the underlying issue is one of mental illness. Most teens who attempt suicide do so because of depression, bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder.  These disorders amplify the pain a teen may feel.  It is because of this that every suicidal teen should be treated by a medical professional. Remember this: Teens attempt or succeed in suicide not because of a desire to die, but, rather, in an attempt to escape a bad situation and/or painful feelings.  It is rare that only a single event leads to suicide.  A single event can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, but it is quite rare a single event prompts a suicide attempt. By helping a teen turn around a bad situation or by teaching her or him how better to deal with painful feelings, we can defeat the causes of teen suicide.  Most times, this requires professional help by a doctor or a psychotherapist and may also involve the teen’s school, such as in cases of teen bullying.

LONELINESS

Being a teenager is one of the most difficult phases of life. Many teenagers feel alone, isolated or somehow set apart – but they refuse to admit that they need help. They need help. They really do. Everybody needs help at times – whether it’s obvious or not, and whether we want it or not.  Most of the time, we have convinced ourselves that we can manage everything on our own, but in reality, we can’t. When they feel alone, what do teenagers do?  They open up their phones, computers, tablets – fire up the Internet and social media platforms or text a friend, hoping that someone does care about them – and the desire is strong that others will appreciate them for who they are. The reality is that some people appreciate you for who you are, but others simply fake it. How can you know the difference? Parents don’t understand teen problems even if they say they do. The Internet, social media, texting and YouTube is where they go to find something –  the passion that they lost or the happiness that they need. It’s not that our teens think happiness is available on the Internet, but it’s a distraction from what they’re feeling. This distraction is very useful when they are feeling lonely. Imagine that they go on the web and find someone their same age, dealing with the same issues that they are. It’s comforting for them to know that they are not the only one having that particular problem. You can see their point of view. Now they’ve made friends – virtual friends that they wish were real and were right beside them.  But they aren’t. Why is this? Teens say, “Why can’t we have long term and lasting friends? People talk behind our backs, especially the ones we thought were our friends.” It’s a sad world that teens say they’re living in. Adolescence is always an unsettling time, with many physical, emotional, psychological and social changes that accompany this stage of life.

SCREEN TIME

Research suggests hours upon hours of time in front of phones, on computer screens and tablets might worsen depression and increase thoughts of suicide.  Here is the deal: Depressive symptoms are more prominent in teens who spend too much time on their devices. But how much is too much?  More than four a day is alarming.  Ideally, we’d like to see a maximum of two hours a day of screen time for our teens. That is considered the safe zone. Nearly half of teens who got five or more hours of screen time each day had experienced thoughts of suicide or prolonged periods of hopelessness or sadness. That’s nearly double that of teens who spent fewer than an hour in front of a screen. Although we can’t blame smartphones for the increase in mental health issues in teens, I will tell you this: Smartphones and social media are by far the biggest changes in teens’ lives in the last five years.  Coincidentally, over the last five years, the number of teen suicides has spiked, and this is staggering.   What is further alarming is that very young children are spending triple the amount of time on phones and tablets than they did even four years ago.

APPEARANCES VERSUS REALITY

Teens don’t let change happen, because when something is different, they want to change it back to normal, but what is normal today? Young people struggle with having to look good for other people, and when they do it to make a positive change for themselves, they run the risk of being judged or ridiculed. They’re not accepted for who they really are. Why We Feel Alone:
  • Family problems (most of the pain comes from family issues)
  • No real friends (just faces that pretend to be)
  • No acceptance in society (as a whole or even in smaller groups like schools…)
  • Not satisfied with their life
  • Nobody understands them
  • Not accepted for their choices (music artists/genre, fashion style, personality, sexual orientation, etc.)
  • Prejudices (some people find it fun to criticize you)
  • Rumors (it’s difficult to stop them)
  • Being afraid to speak up (sharing of opinions becomes difficult, and you get trapped by your own self)
There are so many more reasons… the list is just too long …

HOPELESS & HELPLESS

Most teens interviewed after a suicide attempt say that feelings of hopelessness and helplessness prompted them to try to take their lives. Suicidal teens often feel like they are in situations that have no solutions. They see no way out but death.  Teens often feel they lack the power and control to change their situations. Other emotional causes come from trying to escape feelings of pain, rejection, hurt, being unloved, victimization or loss – that their feelings are unbearable and will never end. They think the only way of escape is suicide.

BEING A BURDEN & FAILED EXPECTATIONS

Unrealistic academic, social, or family expectations can create a strong sense of rejection and can lead to deep disappointment.  When things go wrong at school or at home, teens often overreact. Many young people feel that life is not fair or that things “never go their way.” They feel stressed out and confused. To make matters worse, teens are bombarded by conflicting messages from parents, friends and society at large. Today’s teens see more of what life has to offer — both good and bad — on television, at school, in magazines and on the Internet. Dealing with Adolescent Pressures When teens feel down, there are ways they can cope with these feelings to avoid serious depression. All of these suggestions help develop a sense of acceptance and belonging that is so important to adolescents.
  • Try to make new friends.Healthy relationships with peers are central to a teen’s self-esteem and provide an important social outlet.
  • Participate in sports, job, school activities or hobbies.Staying busy helps teens focus on positive activities rather than negative feelings, behaviors or peer pressure.
  • Join organizations that offer programs for young people.There are myriad social programs geared to the needs of teens to help develop additional interests.
  • Ask a trusted adult for help.When problems are too much to handle alone, teens should not be afraid to ask for help, but adults need to be present for teens without lecturing or making them feel that their feelings aren’t valued.
But sometimes, despite everyone’s best efforts, teens become depressed. Many factors can contribute to depression. Studies show that some depressed people have too much or too little of certain brain chemicals. Also, a family history of depression may increase the risk for developing depression. Other factors that can contribute to depression are difficult life events (such as death or divorce), side-effects from some medications and negative thought patterns.

SITUATIONS

Situations often drive the emotional causes of suicide. Bullying, cyber bullying, abuse, a detrimental home life, loss of a loved one or even a severe breakup can be contributing causes of teen suicide. Often, many of these situations occur together to cause suicidal feelings and behaviors. Suicide is rarely the result of one factor.

GRAPHIC MEDIA

It’s amazing how much information our teens have access to on the Internet – some of which can be traumatizing. In addition to cyber bullying which is a major problem today, kids can now easily access information about how to hurt themselves or how to harm others. Today’s media continues to become more sophisticated and graphic, exposing our teens to many potentially negative and dangerous influences than their parents could ever have encountered a generation ago.

BULLYING AND CYBER-BULLYING

Any form of bullying, whether face to face or online is known to be connected to depression and suicidal behaviors in our teens.

THE DESIRE TO DIE

While I don’t think teens want to die, I think they don’t know how to ask for help, which could lead them to the only other option they believe is available to them – Death by suicide! This saddens me the most because I think asking for help should be as easy as asking any other question. Also, I receive quite a few messages saying, “Jeff, I’m not afraid to die, but give me a reason to live that is greater than my desire to not want to live.” WOW!  Today’s young people think deep. Let me leave you with this: Many parents don’t acknowledge that their child is struggling. Mental Health isn’t an option for many families, and this makes it harder for our schools to help.  Many school counselors then don’t have those teens on their radar, because they don’t know what they are going through. How do you expect our schools to help when they’re not aware, and we’re dealing with parents who say they will take care of their problem at home?

THE STIGMA

A large part of the work we are all responsible for is challenging the stigma that surrounds teen mental health – AND ELIMINATING IT ONCE AND FOR ALL.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Teens need adult guidance more than ever to understand all the emotional and physical changes they are experiencing. When teens’ moods disrupt their ability to function on a day-to-day basis, it may indicate a serious emotional or mental disorder that needs attention — adolescent depression. Take action immediately.  Do something.  Getting help is OK! Mental illness is an economic issue that is quickly becoming the greatest public health crisis of our time. We must take responsibility, and a large part of that responsibility lies in getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and talking about teen suicide. This is an epidemic that is alarming and getting worse. Thank you for watching this video! If you are interested in me visiting your school community, please visit www.JeffYalden.com or my non-profit foundation www.JeffYaldenFoundation.com.

Filed Under: Loss, Teen Depression / Suicide Tagged With: For Parents, High Schools, Jeff Yalden, Loss, Loss of a Child, Teen Depression / Suicide, Teen Mental Health Awareness, Teen Suicide, Teen Suicide Prevention, Youth Programs Tagged With: Grieving

A Message to the Perry Township Community – Stark County, Ohio

January 6, 2018 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

[The Perry Township community is struggling with the losses of four teens to suicide within six months.] Hey, Stark County – Perry High School and Edison Middle School community. My name is Jeff Yalden. I’m a mental health and suicide prevention /crisis intervention expert for teens and young people. Over the past few months, I have received a lot of cries for help from people in your community, so after this last loss, I decided to make the above video for you – hoping that you that you can do a little to help with all of you trying to move forward. Parents and students, teachers, administrators and community – I hope you are listening. I can’t do anything unless I am invited by the schools or the community, but first I want to be very careful in the words I use and how I say what I want to say. Please understand that my intentions are pure, and my heart hurts for you all. Most importantly, I want to send my prayers and thoughts to every family that is directly impacted. Their lives will never be the same. For the rest of their lives, they have to spend time picking up the pieces and asking why. I’m truly sorry. I want to acknowledge each and every one of you – whether it be families, friends, classmates, students – teachers, staff members, administrators – the whole community and the surrounding communities as well. Not one person isn’t affected by these losses. And if my understanding is correct (I’m going off emails, social media messages and I’m reading online), you have all experienced significant loss in the past five or six months. Four losses since August. One this past New Year’s Day. In my work, I deal with teen suicide and loss every day – and words can’t adequately describe the pain I feel in my heart when I hear of the death of a young person. But I get it, though. I was once there. I understand. After a suicide – or multiple suicides like you are dealing with – we’re left asking why a young person with so much to live for makes a forever decision to end his or her own life. Why or how would a teenager get so hopeless or feel that suicide is the only option? My friends – our system is broken. It’s flawed. Our teenagers are growing up in a broken system in America, and America has a responsibility. The responsibility is simple: If we’re going to have Internet, cell phones and social media platforms –then our government needs to provide the adequate care for what this brings. Simply put: We’re giving our young people rights and privileges that they are not emotionally capable of handling, and this can bring consequences like mental health issues and depression – and in many cases, this can lead to suicide.

IT’S OK TO ASK FOR HELP

We need to teach our young people coping skills and problem-solving skills. My friends, this is a parenting issue, but I think education needs to change. We need to focus more on social and emotional learning. We need to focus on and really build the self-esteem of our children and prepare them for life’s challenges, obstacles and situations. We need to give them the tools to be successful in life. In the meantime, we need adequate mental health care and counseling. We also need more involved parents. We need to teach our young people that it is OK to ask for help without feeling intimidated or wrong for asking. But here’s what I am seeing all too much: When suicide happens, we’re left reacting. We are emotionally reacting. Parents and community are looking to place blame on the school, the administration, or the teachers. “It’s bullying,” it’s that reason, this happened or that happened. “You’re not doing this…” STOP! Suicide is never the result of one thing. I will say that one thing can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, but suicide is never the result of one thing. Also, no administrator is ever given a certificate on how to handle a suicide – whether that suicide is on campus or off campus – whether it happens in the building, outside the building – whether it is an incoming student that is relatively new to the school community or it’s a popular student athlete, adored by everyone. No student loss or suicide is ever the same. They are all different, and how they are handled isn’t really anyone’s business because the school administrator and his or her team has to think about two things – what is in the best interest of the students, and what is in the best interest of the teachers and staff members. Our job as parents is to support their decisions and accept them – especially now. Our job is to rally together and support the school, the teachers, and the administration – not just when we have loss, but every day. Our kids ask two questions, and whether you are a teacher, a coach, a parent or anyone that works with youth – we need to answer these two questions: 1) Can I trust you? 2) Do you care about me? These two questions are the cornerstone of every trusted relationship. Parents – if your if your child needs a trusted adult immediately because they are distraught and emotionally suffering more so than ever before – are you that trusted adult they would go to first? You are either saying “I don’t know,” or “probably not.”

BE THAT TRUSTED ADULT

This is a problem. Parenting today’s young people is a different game than it ever was before. Today, I would never tell a child that I am disappointed in them. The point I am trying to make here is that kids are a parent’s responsibility. Parents need to support the schools, the teachers and the staff – and our teachers and staff need to support our parents. We all need to do what is best to teach, to educate, to inspire and to encourage our youth. We all need to be trusted adults where our kids feel safe, so that they can open up to us without fear of being lectured, judged or even disappointing us. Let me tell you about teen suicide today. There are three reasons why teens choose to end their lives: 1) They feel alone. 2) They feel that they are a burden. 3) They have the desire to end it all. Let me tell you something else: The students that are on the school’s radar get help and they are taken care of. The students that aren’t asking for help are not on the school’s radar. They are the ones we find out about – and as counselors and teachers, we say, “I didn’t know.” How do we help those that aren’t asking for help? We need to do a better job to teach our kids that speaking up and saying something is the right thing to do, because our kids are on the front lines, and they find out first. Our teens want to talk to someone that understands them – someone that understands what they are going through today. They don’t want to be lectured. They want to be listened to and validated that their feelings and emotions are normal. We all need to do a better job, from our government, to our teachers and coaches, and most importantly, our parents. Our teens need to also do a much better job of asking for help when they need help. I can’t emphasize enough, my friends: It’s OK to ask for help.

SUGGESTIONS FOR MOVING FORWARD

Young people: I’d like to invite you to open your heart that you have trusted adults wanting to be there to help you answer life’s toughest questions. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. You matter. Don’t ever think you’re alone. You matter. Don’t ever feel that you are a burden to your family or society. Parents: I need you to know that our youth today are hurting more than you can imagine – and starting earlier to feel emotions than we ever felt our own emotions when we were growing up. It’s almost like society is taking over. Parenting a child has become more difficult, with less parental influence and control. The speed of pain for a child is instant – almost as fast as turning on a light bulb. Bring the family and community priorities back. Remember things like values and morals, kindness and community pride. Love and support our schools and our youth. I challenge you to volunteer, sponsor, and donate. Give from your heart. And whatever rumors might be going around – let’s not participate. Again – suicide is never the result of one thing. Talk to your children honestly. Be careful about sugar-coating the truth, because they know so much more today than we ever did. For all adults, remember this: It takes a village to raise our children. And remember the two questions our children ask every adult in their lives: Can I trust you? Do you care about me? Be approachable so that our children know that they can safely come and talk to you, and that you are not going to judge them for their questions and thoughts. Also know that all our teachers and our school communities are hurting too. Reach out and show your support. A quick message to our teachers, staff and coaches: Thank you. Remember that you make a difference every single day. So many questions yet in many cases there are so few answers – but we are all responsible, and we need to move forward together for our youth and for each other. Think about what is in the best interest of our community. Let’s come together and respect how the school handles this on their end; the decisions need to be made, based on a comfortable balance – a comfortable balance compassionately meeting the needs of our students, their staff, their teachers and the community as a whole – while preserving the ability of the school to fulfill its primary purpose of education. This is a very sad time – a time that affects all of us. It doesn’t have to define our year, though. I’m so, so sorry and I wish I can say more. My friends, suicide and mental health are becoming an economic issue, and we need all of you to speak up. This is the greatest crisis of our time. In the words of a friend of mine: “Choose life. Choose love. Choose you.” I love you, my friends – and I am sorry for your losses. Stay beautiful, Perry Township – and I know you quite well, too. I’m sending prayers and thoughts to all of you. If you are interested in me visiting your school community, please go to www.jeffyalden.com or my nonprofit, www.jeffyaldenfoundation.com

Filed Under: For Parents, High Schools, Loss, Teen Depression / Suicide, Youth Programs Tagged With: Grieving, Jeff Yalden, Loss, Loss of a Child, Teen Mental Health Awareness, Teen Suicide, Teen Suicide Prevention

Tioga, North Dakota: A Community in Pain

September 20, 2017 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

[Tioga, N.D. is a rural community struggling with the recent losses of two young people.]


Let’s be honest. We are all a mess – and that is the common ground where we must come together and pick each other up.

Tioga High School Community.

To the friends and family of Trystan and Tanner – to all the teachers and staff members – and to the whole school community: My name is Jeff Yalden. On Thursday, September 21, I am coming to Tioga. I am looking forward to my visit, my friends. I get it. I am teen mental health expert. I have helped over 100 different communities to move forward after loss. Also –  I suffer from mental illness myself. I am diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II and PTSD. On Thursday, I want to invite you to come to school with an open heart. I understand what you are going through. I understand that many of us are feeling numb. We have questions – and, listen– I don’t want to be insensitive about this at all. But on Thursday, I promise you that my heart is going to be 100 percent with each and every one of you. I am sorry about your loss. We can’t let this define us. The pain is probably going to be forever. There is no other way of saying it. But I will tell you something that I have come to learn: We are not victims in life. We choose to rise up and be victors. We can’t let this define us. However, this is going to shape us – just like everything that we go through in life – and on Thursday, I promise you that we are going to laugh, we’re going to spend time in thought. We might even shed a tear or two. That’s OK – because in the end, what we need to do is go through the grieving process – and we need to come to a point where we accept what has happened, and we put this behind us. Family:  I don’t want to be insensitive. Please understand – but neither Trystan or Tanner are walking through the door again, and we need to accept that. And we need to move forward for ourselves. We need to more forward for each other. Young people: I am honored that I get to be a part of your life, and I promise you – on Thursday, life is going to change. Parents: I’ll be speaking to the parents at night. I know you have a lot going on, a lot you can be doing and a lot that you have to do. I hope you make time to come out. I am going to talk to you about our teens today and their struggles. We are going to talk about the speed of hurt for young people today. We are going to talk about suicide symptoms, signs – we are going to talk about what our teens are feeling today. So until we meet on Thursday – I want to invite you to just breathe – and know that it’s going to be OK. You might say, “Jeff – how do you know?” My friends, I get it. I’ve been there. And I know for you it’s like, “I don’t want a mental health professional to give me statistics and give me textbook definitions.” I’m not going to give you textbook definitions. I deal with this every single day. On Thursday, show up with an open heart. This is going to be a day that is going to change your life. I promise you that on Thursday, I will be fully present and engaged. I will be there early in the morning and I will stay as late as I have to. I am going to give you all of my heart. It’s going to be a good day. Teachers: Thank you for letting me be a part of your school community. I know you are hurting. Students: I am just honored and looking forward to being a part of your life. Parents: I know this is hard -and you wish you had the right words to say to your kids. This is probably one of the hardest things our kids will ever go through – and to try to get them to make sense of the loss of two of their classmates – this is why I am coming. I will see you guys on Thursday. For more information about Jeff Yalden, click HERE.

Filed Under: For Parents, High Schools, Loss, Teen Depression / Suicide, Youth Programs Tagged With: Grieving, Jeff Yalden, Loss, Loss of a Child, Teen Mental Health Awareness, Teen Suicide, Teen Suicide Prevention

Top Teen Suicide Prevention Expert visits Vanderhoof, BC

February 26, 2017 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Top Teen Suicide Prevention Speaker Visits Vanderhoof, British Columbia Jeff Yalden Galvanizes Nechako Valley Secondary School By Roger Yale for Jeff Yalden, Teen Motivational Speaker Vanderhoof, British Columbia, is a small Canadian municipality nearly a thousand miles north of Seattle. It was the first stop on a two-day speaking trip for North America’s top teen motivational speaker, Jeff Yalden. “The one thing I notice that is really different about being up in Canada is the people,” he said. Canadians are real nice and instantly they become like family.” Yalden was booked for a full day at Nechako Valley Secondary School on February 22, which included a school assembly, visits with at-risk kids and a Parent/Community program focusing on teen mental health and suicide prevention. Nechako Valley Secondary School serves grades 7-12, boasts more than 600 students and has been in place since 1955. Yalden said he spent a lot of time visiting with all the seventh and eighth graders in individual classrooms after meeting his contact, local government employee Debra Sewell and school principal Ken Young. “One of the things I love about coming into a community and getting ready to speak early is that you get to speak to the principal and the people who brought you in and ask them, ‘if you were speaking to these kids, what would you want to say.’” He also had the opportunity to meet a young lady named Ashley, 19, who is part of a Local Action Team in Vanderhoof. “Ashley is doing great things with the local government – trying to reduce the stigma of mental health, encouraging people to step up and do and say something,” he said. Many of the kids told Yalden that he was hilarious and the assembly was funny. “Well, I’m not really brought in to be funny, but sometimes you’ve got to deliver the content through humor – and that was great.” During the assembly, he stressed the importance of personal responsibility and living in the now. “If we can’t appreciate now, then we will never be grateful for what that can be about. If life knocks you down, you get back up and strive to get back ‘in purpose,’” he said. Yalden spoke about recent suicides in the United States, including the suicide of high school senior Quai Horton in Des Moines, Iowa. Horton left many direct verbal clues on social media prior to making what Yalden calls the forever decision to take his own life. “One of the things we want to teach our young people is – the right thing to do is when you know something is going on with one of your friends and to be able to say something – and to get your friend the help that they need. That’s what a good friend does,” he said. Later, Yalden met with a small group of at-risk kids, meeting them on their level. “At first, they didn’t want anything to do with it, but once I started using a little bit of the language that they were very used to using – that turned into just an absolutely incredible hour-long conversation.” He was also happy with the turnout at the evening’s Parent/Community program. “I was impressed with the enthusiastic and caring team of staff/teachers and school administration, and very, very impressed with the local mental health community that is rallying to bring all of this to their communities up here in British Columbia.” Find out why Jeff is the perfect choice for your school, organization or event by visiting www.jeffyalden.com. Why wait? Book Jeff now by calling 800-948-9289. TAGS: British Columbia, Jeff Yalden, Teen Suicide, Vanderhoof, Nechako Valley Secondary School., Suicide Prevention, Teen Suicide Prevention, Parenting, Responsibility, Youth Motivational Speaker, Vanderhoof Local Action Team, Canada, Mental Health Awareness, Secondary School Speaker, School Assembly Speaker, Canadian Mental Health, Teen Mental Health Speaker      

Filed Under: High Schools, Teen Depression / Suicide, Uncategorized Tagged With: Army Suicide, Army Suicide Prevention, British Columbia, Canada, Canadian Mental Health, Canadian Mental Health Association, CMHA, Jeff Yalden, Mental Health Awareness, Nechako Valley Secondary School., Parenting, Responsibility, School Assembly Speaker, Secondary School Speaker, Suicide Contagion, Suicide Prevention, Teen Mental Health Speaker, Teen Suicide, Teen Suicide Prevention, Vanderhoof, Vanderhoof Local Action Team, Youth Motivational Speaker

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