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Jeff Yalden: 7 Rules of Life

October 30, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Mental Health Motivational Speaker Jeff Yalden
The more we get to know ourselves through counseling, wisdom, experience and daily self-care, the more comfortable we are with who we are, what life means and how we live. Enjoy my seven Rules of Life and it is my hope that you find peace, love and joy in your mental and physical well-being, just as I continue to do every day:

1. Let It Go

You are only one person. You can only do so much. If you can change a situation for the better, do so. If you can’t, let it go. Show up every day and do the best you can.

2. Ignore Gracefully

Don’t participate in drama or outside noise. Don’t listen to other people who put you down or don’t believe in you or your dreams.  Ignore those who fail to validate you or are just plain rude. Live a life that is empowering to you. Be graceful in how you respond, act, speak and do. Remember, it’s their issue. Not yours. And if people walk out on you, LET THEM GO!

3. Give It Time

We’re connected 24/7, 365 days a year. Time is at a premium and there never seems to be enough of it. Choose to bring back time by being mindful and present. Choose to bring back time by being mindful and present. Although life is about being in the moment, we must also have patience in the process of living. Perfection doesn’t exist. You matter. Perfection doesn’t matter.

4. Don’t Compare

We live in a world where everyone is trying to live a life compared to what they see on social media, and it can become an addiction. What you are accustomed to is embellished, filtered and photoshopped, depicting an image of a lifestyle that isn’t real. People are making it look like their lives are perfect and yours doesn’t measure up. Don’t get caught up in other people’s fake lives. Put the phone down and connect with people your heart to theirs.

5. Breathe & Stay Calm

It will be OK. Just breathe. Stay calm and don’t act on emotions. You don’t need to answer that email or text right now. Take time for yourself. Have balance and boundaries. Have a trusted friend that you can talk to and vent and know they’re supportive and nonjudgmental. Don’t ever be afraid to seek a counselor or therapist to learn tools for coping, communicating or problem solving. Remember, they work for you. Just breathe. It will be OK.

6. You Are Responsible

The most powerful two-letter-ten -words in the English language: “If it’s going to be, then it’s up to me.” Tough times happen. It might be your fault, or it might not – but understand this: How you move forward from anything is always your responsibility. What are you going to do? Don’t be a victim. Choose to be a victor. Don’t be bitter or angry. It does no good. Choose to be better every day. Be responsible in your behavior, your attitude and the choices you make.

7. Smile

Love will always be stronger than hate. A smile will always be better than a frown. You’ll feel the smile yourself and your smile will brighten someone else’s day. It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. If you can’t find a reason to smile, try this: Choose three things you are grateful for and reflect on being appreciative. Replace expectations with appreciation and gratitude.

Life Isn’t Easy

Life isn’t all rollercoasters, unicorns and rainbows. Expectations leave us disappointed. We live in an imperfect world. Things aren’t always fair nor are they black and white. Don’t get caught up in the complications of life. You can only do or be in control of so much. This can be overwhelming when you see it all in front of you. Relax. Breathe. Simplify. At the end of the day, you can’t change people, places or things. You can control you and how you live, act, and respond to people, places, and things. Live with grace, forgiveness, and acceptance. Learn self-care and advocate for your own best mental, physical and spiritual health. Be influential. Be the light for others. As Gandhi said, “Be the change.” Live in a way you wish others can live their lives. Thanks for letting me share my 7 Rules for Life.

Teen Mental Health Motivational & Educational Consultant: Jeff Yalden

Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as the number one Teen Mental Health Speaker in all of North America. Jeff is a Suicide Crisis Intervention Expert and Suicide Prevention Trainer working with hundreds of school communities every year. He’s an Amazon Best Selling Author of four books, including Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic and BOOM: One Word to Instantly Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day!  His podcast, Mental Health & Motivation: The Unlikely Life Coach continues to attract thousands of new subscribers every month for his direct talk and influence on families and teens. Since 1992, Jeff Yalden has traveled to 50 states and 48 countries delivering his message, “About Life.” From 2005-2011, Jeff was a celebrity teen and family life coach on MTV’s hit realty show MADE. As a celebrity teen & family life coach, Jeff gets the heart of the matter helping teens, young adults, families, and communities in their struggles together. He’s a Gulf War Veteran and a two- time Marine-of-the-year recipient 1991-1992. He was Mr. New Hampshire Male America, 1990. Every year over 1 million people are left inspired by Jeff Yalden’s inexhaustible energy that permeates after he speaks. Jeff has an online suicide prevention course for school communities, parents, teachers, staff, and teens. Check it out HERE. For more information, please visit www.jeffyalden.com and www.thejyf.org PURCHASE Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic Link to Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/jeffyaldenfoundation Click HERE for school resources. Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866

Filed Under: Life, Mental Health, Motivation, Personal Development, Purpose, Self-Care, Success Tagged With: Anxiety, best youth speakers, Depression, High School Motivational Speakers, Inspiration, Jeff Yalden, Mental Health, Mental Health Speakers, Motivation, rules to live by

Life Changing Conversation with Teens

October 18, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Jeff Yalden Inspired by Conversation with Teens

Recently, I visited Sequim High School in Washington State. Sequim is a beautiful place along the Dungeness River near the Olympic Mountains – and whenever I am in a spot like this, I feel grateful for the opportunity to take it all in. The Sequim school community was amazing. One of the things I truly love about my full-day school programs is that I get to meet and really get to know the students. They are so open when we talk, and that’s inspiring. Because I have more time, I learn more about them – what they think, how they feel – and I am able to get an understanding of their emotions by engaging with them. By listening. The students are enthusiastic, and I could tell that they had so many questions they didn’t seem to know how to ask – but once you gain their trust (and their respect), they are eager to talk. What happens next is absolutely amazing… During one conversation in this VIDEO, a young lady asked me a great question: “What makes you valuable?” I thought about it and told her that what makes me valuable is that I’ve been able to take my life experiences and choose to be a victor through my circumstances instead of a victim. It hasn’t been easy – but in getting to know myself, it’s an honor to share what I have learned in order to plant seeds of wisdom, hope and knowledge in our youth. Her next question was incredibly thought-provoking, deep and intense: “If you lost all of what makes you valuable, would you still be valuable?” Holy Cow! What really makes us valuable?  It’s different for everyone, but what hit me with this question is that I don’t need my life’s experiences or even my career as a youth and mental health speaker to feel valuable. I get it, but I don’t think I always understood that. It’s my passion to inspire our school communities, talking about mental health and life and helping to make sense of it all for young people and families – but I don’t need the applause to feel valuable or worthy. What makes me valuable is how I feel about who I am – my heart – being a kind, respectful man of influence and dignity. I was amazed by this exchange and could go on and on about it and what it meant to me as well as to the young people involved. It was remarkable getting to know these teens and speaking heart-to-heart with them. I was inspired. I hope you enjoy this video and share it. The next time you engage in conversation with teens, remember this: Teens don’t care about titles, research or statistics. They care about the answers to two questions…
  • Do you care about me?
  • Can I trust you?
If you have a teen in your life, be sure to give them time. Be patient. Don’t judge. Speak to them and not at them. When you do that, I promise you that you’ll have an amazing conversation that will inspire you as much as you might inspire them. Be the trusted adult. Be a significant influence in the life of a child and you’ll be making a difference in the world.

Who is Jeff Yalden?

Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as one of the top teen mental health and suicide prevention experts in the world.  He works with teens and adults, school communities and mental health professionals.  He’s a four-time bestselling author, radio show host, podcast host, online course creator, non-profit foundation founder, and advocate for mental health. Teen Suicide Prevention Online Course for Schools and Communities: CLICK HERE For more information about Jeff Yalden, CLICK HERE. BUY Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “WHY” behind America’s Suicide Epidemic. Check out Jeff’s Facebook page HERE.

Filed Under: Depression, High Schools, Life, Mental Health, Motivation, Personal Development, Teen Depression / Suicide Tagged With: Conversation with Teens, Conversations with Teens, High School Motivational Speaker, Mental Health, Mental Health Speakers, Sequim High School, teen depression, Teen Mental Health, Teen Motivational Speaker, Teen Speakers, Washington State, Youth Motivational Speaker, Youth Speakers

What Difference Are You Making in the World?

October 14, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Yalden - Do Your Paer meme.jpg

Recently, I was in Baudette, Minnesota – near the Canadian border and not too far from Winnipeg.

I was so far north that I saw cars with amphibious tracks on them as they drove through the snow. No kidding – and one of them was a Smart Car.

While I was about to get ready for my day, I came across a VIDEO that a nonprofit called Sandy Hook Promise put together by several family members of victims of the Sandy Hook shootings. These folks have gone on a crusade and are making an incredible difference in the world. I applaud them.

Trigger warning: Here’s the video – but it could be tough to watch:

The video is powerful, and I am still trying to process it – but because of this, I started thinking: What difference are we making in the world?

Listen, maybe you haven’t gone through a gut-wrenching tragedy like Sandy Hook or Parkland, Columbine or any of these mass school shootings.  Maybe you’re a mom, a teacher, a coach, a businessperson – a dad, a friend – a youth speaker – a pastor – I don’t know. Maybe you just wake up, go to work and do your thing every day – and the next day and the day after that. That’s beside the point.

It doesn’t matter what you do. My question is simply this: What difference are you making in the world to make it a better place?

You might be thinking, “Well – I really don’t have a platform to do much.”  OK. Or, “Well Jeff – I’m really not in that position. Well, Jeff – I’m really focused on my family…”

Good. I understand.

I am a big believer in the “think globally, act locally” course of action. We can make a huge difference right in our own little corners of the world. Think about what you can do – right here, right now.

Maybe you are a parent. It’s important to put your family first. Let’s say you go to your child’s sports events. I think you can make a difference in the type of parent and fan you are by being supportive of everybody else’s kids too. And stop screaming at the referees if you think they made a bad call. You can choose to be objective and understand that the refs have a tough job to make calls on the spot and they are not always perfect.

But the bottom line is that we should support and applaud our refs and our coaches – and we honor the work that they are doing every single day. I think that’s making a difference in the world.

What about if you work with other people every day in your job? I think your attitude and your behavior make a difference.  For those in education, you’ve got young people under your watch every single day. You are making a difference by being supportive and encouraging, knowing that your words and actions make a huge impact in the life of a child.

Everybody has an opportunity to make a difference in the world – and this means you. It doesn’t have to me a monumental thing, either. Think about your sphere of influence – your words, your actions, your attitude and your kindness – being a person of selfless service and acting with grace.

I don’t know what this looks like for you – but you don’t need to overthink the issue. When you walk into a restaurant, hold the door open for somebody. When a car stops to allow you to cross the street – wave at the driver. Say “thank you.”

When I was in Baudette, I was standing in line in a convenience store, getting an Arnold Palmer (half iced tea and half lemonade). I was the fifth person in line, so I watched the four people in front of me as they got rung up. As the cashier said, “can I help you” and “have a nice day,” not one of these people so much as said “hi” or “thank you.”

Not one of these people – grownups who should know better – said anything.

Wow.

If we’re looking to make a difference in the world, my friends, it’s sometimes a simple nod, a smile, a “thank you” or “have a great day.” That’s it.

These simple gestures have a ripple effect – radiating outward from you and into the lives of others.

Now go out there and make a difference.

This blog post has been adapted from an upcoming episode of Jeff’s podcast, Mental Health and Motivation: The Unlikely Life Coach. Click HERE to subscribe.

To find out more about The Jeff Yalden Foundation, go HERE.

ORDER your copy of Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.

To book Jeff for your school, event or conference, call Betty at 800-948-9289.

Filed Under: Life, Mental Health, Motivation, Personal Development, Purpose Tagged With: Baudette, Contribution, Jeff Yalden, Jeff Yalden Foundation, Mental Health, Mental Health Speakers, Motivation, Purpose, Sandy Hook, Sandy Hook Promise

3 Ways to Accept Others for Who They Are

July 26, 2016 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Hey friends, Jeff Yalden here. You know, for many years I always thought my way was the right way. Tell me I’m not the only one, right? I had a moment a month ago or so – where I learned to live and let live and that I need to accept things for the way they are rather than the way we think they should be. Likewise, we need to accept others for who they are rather than who we want them to be. Make sense? Summertime brings family and friends together for BBQ’s, parties, and great times. During these times of celebration, we sometimes find ourselves not being fully present. When we are not fully present we don’t allow ourselves to truly be ourselves and love openly and enjoy the time we have together because we get sidetracked in our minds or in reality, because:
  • We spend time worrying about whether we have others’ approval or how we can get it
  • We spend time trying to convince others that our way is right and their way is wrong
  • We get caught up in thinking and behavior patterns of an older version of ourselves
  • We see others according to our labels and judgements of them, rather than who they really are
When we feel any of these patterns bubbling up inside us, we can bring ourselves back to what is truly important, by remembering:
  1. Everyone has their own path that is right and true for them. We all have a way of living and approaching each day that works for us. And it’s natural for us to want others, especially those we love, to follow our path too. It’s important to recognize though, that trying to convince others that our way is best, will usually lead to disappointment. On the contrary, change can surprisingly and naturally occur in others when we stay true to our own path, without trying to change a thing about theirs. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay too.
  1. We can still show love to others when we disagree with their way. Just because we don’t agree with how someone else lives their life, it doesn’t mean we have to change how we interact with them and whether or not we extend love and care towards them. Rather than being threatened, dismayed or frustrated by our differences, we can celebrate them.
What is it that you can learn from their way? What has it brought to your attention, and how does it illuminate changes you’d love to make within yourself? When we honor others for who they are (and even see parts of ourselves in them), we can love them more. When we accept others, we also become more accepting of ourselves.
  1. Rather than trying to change others, focus on yourself. We empower ourselves when we shift attention away from how others live, and place our awareness on our own lives.
So, let me ask you . . . where, in your own life, could you be more accepting towards yourself? Are you honoring your own path and being true to yourself? Could you let go of wanting to change others, and….could you let go of wanting to change yourself? What would happen if you were at peace with how things are right now? When we take the time to look within, it becomes easier to stay centered in who we are and accept, no matter what the path, that we are all essentially the same. Think for a moment. If you were free of your past, worries, judgements and labels in relation to others, how might your relationships shift? I’d love to hear about your experience of holding this intention, and whether it helps you celebrate with others and your journey with more love, presence, and whole-heartedness.   I’m Jeff Yalden . . . I hope you enjoyed this message. God Bless You and God Bless America.   Jeff Yalden is an award winning mental health speaker and youth motivational speaker.  He’s the author of several books.  You can learn more about Jeff by visiting his website at www.JeffYalden.com.

Filed Under: For Parents, Motivational Minutes Tagged With: Acceptance, Bullying, Corporate Wellness, Counseling, Family, Jeff Yalden, Leadership Speaker, Love, Mental Health, Mental Health Speaker, Mental Health Speakers, Relationships, Teens, Therapy, Youth, Youth Motivational Speaker

Helping Teens Cope with a Traumatic Death: A Message to Parents

June 10, 2016 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Teen Suicide . . . A Message to Parents!

Teen Suicide Expert - Jeff Yalden

Teen Suicide Expert – Jeff Yalden

Teen Suicide seems to be happening more and more in communities all over the country.  Teens want answers, Parents are overreacting, Schools are getting blamed, and everyone wants action and a plan now.  The greatest influence on our teens at the time of a teen suicide is the role a parent plays in their lives and especially at this very moment under these tragic circumstances.  Parents, with their greater life experiences and wisdom, can place the events in a child’s life in its proper context or perspective.  Teens look to adults for an interpretation of events, and measure the meaning of it, including the degree of danger they are in, by the reaction of their parents and other adults around them.  It is critical that our teens are able to maintain a positive view of the world and a positive opinion of themselves in spite of the circumstances.

The Grieving Process:

Grieving is a natural and temporary response to an important loss.  People do not respond to a death related loss in any particular stage, progression, or pace.  Some believe that the process is more like a roller-coaster type pattern in which waves of various emotions are experienced.  It is important to encourage children to cry if they feel sad.  It can be said that when we feel really sad, letting ourselves cry is as important to our mental health as is eating when we are hungry, drinking when we are thirsty, and sleeping when we are tired. Most individuals return to their regular routines within one to three days.  Yet a sustained period of bereavement may last four to six weeks.  An intermittent patters of bereavement continues in the form of painful thoughts and feelings which often resurface in the future more intensely at birth and death dates, holidays and special events, places or other experiences that are reminders of the deceased.  Memories of the deceased may change or diminish over time but the deceased friend will not be forgotten.

Common Reactions to the Death of a Friend:

In addition to sadness, it is common for people to feel confusion, fear, anger, self-blame and guilt.  Other common reactions include feelings of loneliness, a sense of responsibility or regret, reminders and dreams of the deceased, concentration difficulties, minor sleeping difficulties and mild somatic complaints.
Suicide Prevention in Schools

Suicide Prevention in Schools

What Can Parents Do?

A parent’s emotional response to a grieving teen can reduce the emotional effect or make it worse for the teen.
  • Here are suggested parental responses:  Be physically present, show warmth and compassion, be patient, allow the teen to talk about it, listen carefully, acknowledge feelings, show an understanding of what happened, give reasonable reassurance and follow through on promises and agreements made.  Teens will try to make some sense of what happened and it is important for them to come to a resolution about the event.  Carefully challenge any negative conclusions and reinforce the positive ones.
  • The following parental behaviors can be harmful:  Focus on self instead of the teen, deny the seriousness of the event, shrug off the teen’s feelings, tell the teen not to think or talk about it, make assumptions, overreact with anxiety or anger, withdraw from the teen, or make major changes in the normal household activities and routines.

Reactions to be concerned about:

Some teens, because of their emotional proximity to the death event, may be more prone to develop the psychological symptoms of Major Depression.  There are two causes for Major Depression.   One is the result of a neuro-chemical imbalance in the brain.  The other results from an experience such as a significant loss.  Your teen may have Major Depression if the following five (or more) symptoms have been present during the same two week period:
  • Feeling really unhappy, sad or empty inside most of the day, nearly every day
(-or-)
  • An obvious loss of interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, friends and activities most of the day, nearly every day
(Plus 4 or more of the following)
  • Weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (more than 5% of body weight in a month)
  • Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much nearly every day
  • Slowness of thought, speech and activity or extreme agitation/restlessness
  • Feelings of low energy or fatigue nearly every day
  • Feeling hopeless, worthless, shame or a lot of guilt nearly every day
  • Difficulty concentrating, making basic decisions and doing school work nearly every day
  • Frequent thoughts of death or suicide
Other undesirable reactions include denial, social alienation, escape from reminders of the deceased, numbing of feelings, ex. using drugs or alcohol, hostility or antisocial activities, a preoccupation or fascination with death and unnecessary risk taking behaviors.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

A teens response to a near death experience, witnessing a death or serious injury, hearing about the death of a friend, living through a natural or man made disaster, etc. usually involves intense fear and helplessness.  There may also be feelings of anger, horror, shame, or disgust. A near death experience, witnessing a death or witnessing a serious injury is often sudden, unexpected, shocking and overwhelming.  Teens and children may be less able than adults to cope with traumatic events because they have fewer skills to draw upon, are less experienced and are also less aware of the dangers in life.  Furthermore, when bad things happen to adults they are, because of their greater life experience and wisdom, usually more prepared  to place the event in its proper perspective or context. When traumatic things happen to a teen or child, a number of predictable reactions may occur.  These reactions are common responses to abnormally upsetting events.  Some affected children are able to effectively cope by thoroughly talking about the traumatic event and their reaction to it.  Those who do not are more likely to develop symptoms.  Symptoms are those changes which cause major distress in the person or badly interfere with his or her relationship with family or friends, performance at school, sports, their job or other activities.  Such symptoms may appear within 24 hours of the traumatic experience, or they may be delayed by several days, weeks or months. Traumatic events can produce intrusive experiences, avoidance behaviors and increased arousal that may affect both daily activities and dreaming.  Research shows that once they occur, there thoughts and behaviors will not just fade away.  In fact, they may grow worse as they are triggered repeatedly by cues similar to the original trauma.  According to the American Psychiatric Association (1994) the following are some examples of intrusive experiences, avoidance behaviors and increased arousal:
  • Visions, thoughts or other sensations of the traumatic incident that occur over and over again, against one’s will and at undesirable times
  • Nightmares or recurring dreams that may or may not seem related to the incident
  • Cold sweats, heart palpitations, dizziness, panic feelings, or extreme nervousness when reminded in some way of the event
  • Attempts to avoid certain people, conversations, places, activities, or any other thing associated with the event
  • Feeling emotionally detached or estranged from friends
  • Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
  • Amnesia or an inability to recall an important or obvious aspect of the event
  • Negative or empty thoughts about the future
  • Difficulty falling or staying asleep
  • Irritable moods or unusual outbursts of anger
  • Concentration problems
  • A fear of phobia not present before the traumatic event
  • Exaggerated reaction to; unexpected sounds, being touched without warning, certain smells and certain sights
These symptoms are the mind and body’s way of trying to avoid or protect the distressed person from the intrusive experiences and future traumas.  They are tolerable if they come and go shortly after the event and do not affect the person’s everyday functioning or routine.  If you believe your teen may have symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, especially if they have persisted for more than a month, you should seek help for your teen from a mental health professional who specializes in the treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. If you have other concerns about how your teen is adjusting to the event you may want to contact your family physician, a psychologist or social worker in your teen’s school, or a mental health professional in your community. If you are concerned about your teen you may want to contact your family physician, or a psychologist or social worker in your teen’s school or community.

Filed Under: For Parents, Teen Depression / Suicide Tagged With: Jeff Yalden, Mental Health for Teens, Mental Health in Schools, Mental Health Speakers, Mindfulness, Moving forward after a Traumatic Experience, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Suicide Prevention for our Military, Suicide Prevention Speakers, Teen Suicide

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