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You are here: Home / Archives for Mental Health in Schools

Teen Suicide Behaviors and Responding in a Crisis

January 23, 2020 by Jeff Yalden

“Teen Suicide Behaviors and Responding in a Crisis” is written by Jeff Yalden and provided for school communities to help save lives and teach mental health in our schools. Teen Suicide is an epidemic today concerning school communities. Know suicidal behavior and warning signs of suicidal ideation and how to respond in the event of a crisis. Jeff Yalden is a teen suicide prevention expert and works with school communities helping to create policies and procedures for school staff. Jeff speaks with students, teachers, counselors, administration, parents, and communities on teen mental health and building school culture to create a winning environment that helps students succeed and improve the morale and retainership of school staff.
“Jeff is an amazing speaker and his message is powerful. I heard him for the first time in Atchison,KS after our community suffered from some very tragic losses. Jeff was amazing and helped with the healing process. My high school son heard Jeff speak and his comment to me was “that was powerful mom.” I brought Jeff to my district this past fall. Again, his message was powerful and he touched the lives of many. Jeff you are amazing!!!  Keep fighting the fight!” – Julie Crum, Principal

Addressing Teen Suicide & Prevention in Schools

Teen Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities

Addressing teen suicide in schools is becoming more of a concern everyday. Our school administrators are understanding that they need to bring this more attention, but the concern is how to do it in a safe and non-triggering manner that is educational, informative, and provides help for those in need. Without the proper community resources, understand the schools are lacking the correct resources to address students in need of third party professional care. Nonetheless, at the onset, it’s about relationships and getting our youth to talk. It’s important that our students learn about mental health from the same trusted adults they learn everyday from. Full applause to every administrator, teacher, coach, student, and parent that supports this and is willing to address the topic of teen mental health. Bravo! We have a lot of work to do, but let’s not shy away from the topic of Teen Mental Health.

When the Conversation Happens

Let’s get acquainted with a few things regarding the conversation about teen mental health, teen suicide, suicidal behavior or mental wellness. First, the conversation don’t need to be in crisis moments. The conversations don’t need to be depressing either.  It’s really important that we all get educated and know what to do when the conversation happens in real time. Even before the conversation starts, we need to notice the red flags and potential suicidal behavior that will lead us to have the conversation. Listen, nothing to be worried about. Nothing to want to shy away from. We are adults and we have experience and wisdom. Talk to your teens, students, youth in the same manner you talk about your subject or a current event. You are the trusted and significant adult. They’re going to listen to you. With everything, approach this conversation with compassion, empathy, and be really present with your heart to theirs. This moment is a moment that can shape their life forever and you are that light the individual needs. Give yourself permission to know you can and will say the right thing. Know that you listening and being present is what matters most in this moment.

You Might Not Be Qualified

Stop right there. You might not be trained in mental health as a counselor or therapist, but you are trusted as a teacher or you’ve been given the honor of being a mom or dad, coach, aunt, uncle, youth pastor, or some other significant adult. You are qualified in these moments of crisis where a young person trusts in you. What you do in these moments matter most. Your number one job is to cherish this relationship right here and right now. Listen. Care. Be the source that bridges this individual with the person they need to be with to get the help they need. Think parents. Think school counselor. Think professional mental health care. Put this in order. First, get in touch with your school counselor or school administration. You’ve done your job. They will contact parents and let’s hope the parents do the right thing. In the meantime, you’ve done more than what a qualified person can do. A qualified person wasn’t there when the individual needed that trusting and significant adult. Believe in you. However, do remember you are not the therapist and your job isn’t to fix the individual. You being present, compassionate, and giving your attention to the situation is saving the person’s life and giving them hope, permission, and the right advise of what is next.

Warning Signs of Teen Suicide

The warning signs associated with teen suicide should be learned by every adult and student. This should be common place in today’s schools. Just knowing the warning signs alone can make the conversation happen before the individual reaches out. You will know when to intervene. Active listening skills should be a staff development workshop as well as a class for students. This way, anyone hearing or seeing warning signs can intervene when they witness those signs that are a “Cry for help.”

Jeff’s new booklet for Parents and Teens

The more education we receive on teen suicide behaviors and how to respond the greater chances we have of saving lives and getting people the help they need.

Outside Resources

All teachers and school personnel should be given the outside resources that are available within your community. Make it available to all teachers in a booklet and also add it to your school website resources page. Having this information on hand and readily accessible shows genuine concern for your students and also offers a sense of hope in facing life’s challenges.

School Policy on Teen Suicide

Every school should have their policy on teen suicide available along with the resources. This policy should cover the basics of what to look for such as the warning signs, symptoms, myths and facts, clues, and more. This should be written with the help of school counselors, mental health professionals, and should be talked about with all staff present so they’re comfortable in the policies and procedures if and when they find themselves in a conversation or a crisis. Know the policies and procedures and have them written down and provided to all staff. Knowing what to do and how to respond appropriately to suicidal behavior and a crisis or a threat in school or out of school is important to saving a life before an individual reacts emotionally. This knowledge will not only help students and staff members, but it will also possibly avoid lawsuits.

Renowned youth mental health and suicide prevention speaker has a theory about teen suicide

Teen Suicide Behaviors: Clues

All teachers and staff members should be aware of clues that will show the warning signs. Take all signs seriously. If you see something you should say something. If you know something you should do something. You generally have four different types clues that something is wrong:
  • Direct Verbal Clues
  • Indirect Verbal Clues
  • Behavioral Clues
  • Situational Clues
Within these types of clues there are warning signs of suicidal behavior to look for and know about. They include but are not limited to:
  • Talking about suicide, hurting themselves, death, or dying
  • Seeking access to firearms or pills
  • Withdrawing from friends, family, and society
  • Having severe mood swings
  • Feeling hopeless or trapped
  • Increased use of alcohol or drugs
  • Sleeping all the time or having issues with sleep
  • Uncontrolled rage or agitation
  • Self-destructive and risky behavior
  • Giving away personal belongings
  • Telling people goodbye for seemingly no reason
For more information about teen suicide, please visit Jeff’s Teen Suicide section on his website.

Don’t let this happen to one of your students.

Remember people at any age can experience suicidal thoughts. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among teenagers.

Other Factors to Consider

  • Gender: Men commit suicide successfully 4.5 times more often than women, but women attempt suicide 2-4 times more than men.
  • Ethnicity: African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, and Asian-Americans have lower rates than Euro-Americans.
    • However, Native Americans have rates 1.6-4.2 times the national average.
  • Sexual orientation: Homosexual teens are three times more likely to attempts suicide than heterosexual teens.
  • Previous suicide attempts: Of all completed suicides, 10-40% have previously attempted suicide.

Ways to Intervene

Knowing the policies and procedures will help immensely.  Follow the guidelines accordingly and be confident to step into action. Be prepared to drop everything to take time to deal with the situation. Take every complaint and feeling the individual expresses seriously. Do not try to minimize the problem by telling the person everything they have to live for. This will only increase feelings of guilt and hopelessness and could result in suicidal behavior. Be calm, supportive, and nonjudgmental. Listen actively and encourage self-disclosure. It is okay to acknowledge the reality of suicide as a choice, but do not “normalize” suicide as a choice. Assure the individual they’re doing the right thing by confiding in you. Do not express discomfort with the situation. Your willingness to discuss it will show the person you care and you want to help.  Stay with the person. Never leave him/her alone until further action has been taken. You have done everything you can by just being in the moment, listening and being non-judgemental.

Suicidal Ideation on Phone

If you are talking to someone via phone, do not hang up; get someone else to call for help on another line. Be on speaker and be texting someone immediately. Don’t overreact until you know the severity, but take all signs seriously. Get someone to the person in distress immediately. Recognize that talking about suicide will not plant the idea! In reality, talking about suicide reduces their anxiety.

Show You Care and Want To Help

Listen and ask questions. Show that you are paying attention and that you care. Ask direct, straightforward questions. (“Are you thinking of suicide?”) Be aware that students will usually respond “no.” This is not your place to challenge them or wonder if they’re being truthful. Remember, you are the person that got them talking and the next step will be with the mental health professionals or third party psychiatric care and evaluation. Without you intervening here they may not get the help they need.

Ask Questions to Assess the Severity of the Situation

  • What has happened to make life so difficult?
  • What has been keeping you alive so far?
  • Are you thinking of suicide?
  • Do you have a suicide plan?
  • Do you use alcohol or drugs?
  • When you think about yourself and the future, what do you visualize?
  • Is the means available to you? Remove the means if possible.
  • What do you think the odds are that you will kill yourself?
Don’t ask the questions back to back. Ask and listen. Let them talk. The more you listen the more the individual will know you care.

The SLAP Method

Determining the severity of the risk isn’t your call to make. The situation needs to be addressed with the parents, the school counselors, or a third party mental health professional from your conversation. That includes you calling 911, school administration, school counselor, parents, family members, etc. It’s important that you have this information though because it needs to be documented and shared when you make the call. S = How (S) pecific are the details of the plan? L = What is the (L) evel of lethality of the plan? (Gun vs. aspirin) A = What is the (A) vailability of the proposed method? P = What is the (P) roximity to helping resources? Be positive and supportive in your approach. Help the individual student see that what they’re feeling in this moment is temporary and that the crisis will pass. Just get the individual to breathe. Let the individual know they’re okay and they will be okay. Validate them for sharing and coming forward. Share about that situations we deal with are temporary, but suicide is forever. It’s okay to say this in the conversation.  Just remember, you are not a trained therapist and you can’t fix their heart. Just care and be there. In the here and the now, your job is to understand, be compassionate, empathetic, and lead the individual to the right person in the moment of crisis. I can’t repeat that enough.

Support Groups and People to Help

Often an individual contemplating suicide is unaware of the different support groups such as (e.g., counselors, family, friends) that are available. Or, they feel they can’t talk to them or they don’t know how to talk to them. Mention the individual’s family as a source of strength, but if they reject the idea, back away quickly. For teens, the source of pain is usually either the family or the peer group. When you know which it is, you are in a better position to help or refer for help. Use constructive questions to help separate and define the person’s problems and remove some of their confusion. To help the person understand their situation, use active listening and respond empathically. (“It sounds like you feel…”). Allow them to talk and you listen.

Being Prepared in Moments of Crisis

If it’s a crisis situation and you need to make crisis management decisions in the moment. Be decisive. Rapid decision making on the part of the intervener is extremely important. If you need someone to help find out who the individual’s trusted and significant adult is and call for help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Example: “So, I know you’re really close with your math teacher, Ms. __________. Would you like me to call and see if she is available?”

Moving Forward in the Moment of Crisis

Report the incident or any potential teen suicide behavior to the appropriate school personnel. Again, this is school counselor(s) or school administration. Here again, know the the proper protocol. Know policy and procedure so you move forward according to your school districts guidelines.

Never Leave a Suicidal Person Alone

Before leaving the individual make sure they verbally promise they will be safe and won’t make a forever decision – Commit Suicide. If you can, get the student to sign something that you had written up. Make sure this is the last resort before leaving a student alone in this situation. Teen Suicide and acting on impulse is like what butter is to bread. Know that their behavior and the crisis situation they’re feeling time is of the utmost importance. Do not leave the person alone . . . UNLESS, and this is a big UNLESS, you absolutely have no other choice and you’ve agreed with the person in writing they’ll be okay for the night. If you can’t get hold of school personnel such as counselor or school administration, call the students parents or guardians. Please make a decisive decision for what is in the best interest of the student and their well-being. Save a life first. Depending on the time of day and the whereabouts of this moment, you have to act and do accordingly. Do not keep the person’s threat a secret, but do respect their privacy. Be confident and think through the situation in what is the best, safest, outcome for the individual.

Actions to Avoid

Responding in Crisis Situations isn’t easy, but know that in the moment you need to breathe and relax. It’s going to be okay, but here are some things to avoid. Make no promises. This is a situation where it is never appropriate to promise confidentiality. Do not ignore or lessen the suicidal threat. Avoid sounding shocked at the suicidal thoughts. Do not stress the shock or pain that the suicide may cause their family before you are certain that is not exactly what the student hopes to accomplish. Don’t moralize. Do not argue with a student who may be suicidal. You may not only lose the debate, but also the person. Don’t criticize, ridicule, or infer that the person is crazy. Don’t be concerned by long periods of silence. Allow the student time to think. Do not ignore your own intuitions about a student’s suicidal behavior or changes. Do not try to handle the situation alone. Do not attempt in-depth counseling. Be present. Be patient. Listen.

Teen Suicide: Additional Information

If a suicide does occur, it is essential that the students be provided with accurate facts about the suicide as soon as possible. This information should be given to all students simultaneously. It is necessary to provide sufficient time for discussion and also support for the students. Be careful here, because you need to know what the family/parents are saying. This is also a moment where the school administration may not have had time to brief the school staff. If this is the case, the teachers are already in class and will have to address the situation with their classes.  Another reason why it’s important to address teen suicide: behaviors and responding in moments of crisis. Staff members want to know what to say and how to support their students. Give them permission that they’re capable of having this conversation and that it’s okay to speak from their heart. Be gentle, listen, it’s okay to show your emotions. This is real and the kids want real. They want their teachers to be real and not to sugarcoat situation or events. The students will look to you for guidance and support. It’s okay to just say, “I don’t know right now. I’m shocked. I have to process this and breathe. Right now, that’s all we can all do.” It’s okay to say, “I’m sorry. This really sucks!” Allow them to talk and express their feelings. Getting them to talk openly and together is the best and safest thing as they’re all together. Keep the students in school. School is the safest place for everyone to be. Together.

Teen Suicide Statistics

  • Of the people that commit the act of suicide, 90% have showed signs that indicated they needed help. Most have told someone within the previous couple weeks that they were thinking about hurting themselves.
  • In the past 30 years, teen suicide has increased 300%.
  • Among children between the ages of 10-14, suicide has gone up 112%.
  • For every completed suicide, there are between 300 attempts.
  • Suicidal adolescents are a diverse group. Be aware of the ripple effect.
  • Research shows an increase in adolescent suicide following media coverage of a high profile suicide.
For more information about Jeff Yalden and his work in school communities, please visit www.JeffYalden.com.

Jeff Yalden: Teen Mental Health and High School Assemblies

  • Guide for Parents
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  • Superintendent Reference Letter
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Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, For Parents, High Schools, Loss, Mental Health, Teachers and Staff, Teen Depression / Suicide Tagged With: Addressing Teen Suicide in High School, Behaviors of Suicide Ideation, Books on Teen Suicide, How to deal with a teen suicide, How to respond to Teen Suicidal Ideation, How to teach Teen Mental Health, Jeff Yalden, Jeff Yalden Controversy, Mental Health in Schools, Self-Harm Teens, Speakers on Mental Health, Suicidal Ideation in Schools, Suicide Prevention in Schools, Teen Speaker, Teen Suicide, Youth Motivational Speaker Teen Mental Health, Youth Speaker

It’s Never Too Early to Talk Mental Health and Suicide Prevention

December 28, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

    https://i0.wp.com/www.eastquogue.k12.ny.us/NewsImages/Homepage-1.jpg In my career as a youth motivational speaker, it’s not often that an elementary school brings me in to speak – especially in the areas of mental health and suicide prevention. But this was exactly where I found myself early this month in East Quouge, New York – a community on Long Island. This was part of a comprehensive three-day program for fifth and sixth graders, teachers, school staff and parents. I don’t normally address this age group for a number of reasons. They say we want to talk about suicide and mental health, but to what degree? This is a tough age, and I was conflicted with what I know to say and how it would be received by teachers and parents. But when we had our initial phone call, we agreed that I would be a good fit. These young kids were amazing. The administration was amazing. I asked the kids questions, and many of them raised their hands in full understanding of what I was talking about. To be frank, I toned things down to their level, but I didn’t sugarcoat anything either. After that assembly, I was approached by a teacher with a student who wanted to chat. It didn’t take long to realize that this child was in crisis and asking for help. An hour later, this child was receiving much-needed help, and I couldn’t be prouder of this vulnerable student’s courage to speak up. I was impressed with the administration. Some admitted that my message was a little deep and at times uncomfortable – and a couple of teachers were a bit shocked by my content. They didn’t realize how many of these young people related to the message. It’s a strange feeling to have been aware of what these kids were thinking and feeling, while also knowing that their significant and trusted adults might have preferred to avoid the truth and shelter them because they were so young. I was also conflicted because I wanted to be sure of my place. I was just a visitor planting seeds and explaining what I deal with every day. I have a couple of questions… Do you think having the truth spoken is more important than avoiding the subject because we think it’s too heavy? Do you think we should remain quiet because we don’t think a fifth grader doesn’t think about suicide? Do we think sixth graders are too young to be overwhelmed, anxious or stressful? My three days in East Quogue were meaningful. I met with parents, individual students, and got to visit classrooms. I spent a day with the school psychologist. We had a substantially positive reaction to the message for this age group. My heart is full. I am very thankful to have been invited to East Quogue. The lows and highs were a little too much for me, but we advanced the conversation about self-harm and teen mental health. We opened eyes and brought people together. This is what matters.

#1 Best Seller in Two Categories: School Safety and Psychology

Teen Mental Health Speaker: Jeff Yalden

Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as one of the top mental health experts in the world primarily focused on education and school communities working with teens, school administration, counselors, teachers, staff, parents and community leaders. He’s a four-time best-selling author including his latest book, TEEN SUICIDE: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic. His Podcast: Mental Health and Motivation continues to attract thousands of new subscribers every month for his direct talk and influence on today’s mental health conversations for teens and adults. You can learn more about Jeff Yalden by visiting his website – www.JeffYalden.com. You can also learn more about Jeff’s Suicide Prevention Online Course for School Communities and Parents, Jeff Yalden University, and follow Jeff on YouTube and Social Media by clicking on the links below: Online Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities Book: Teen Suicide: They WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic   Facebook Page School Resources Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866

Filed Under: Depression, High Schools, Life, Mental Health, Self-Care, Teen Depression / Suicide

Filed Under: For Parents, Teachers and Staff, Teen Depression / Suicide, Youth Programs Tagged With: Anxiety, Depression, East Quogue School District, Jeff Yalden, Mental Health in Schools, Mental Health Speaker, Suicide Prevention

Bucks County Technical High School

November 12, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Youth Motivational Speaker and Teen Mental Health Speaker Plants Seeds at Bucks County Technical High School.

November 12, 2019 – The seniors are arriving into the auditorium. It’s 9 a.m. and I’m back. This auditorium is familiar. I’ve been coming to this school for more than 10 years.

Arrived Bucks County Technical High School

Kevin Gentilcore, Director of Pupil Services is my point of contact. BCTHS was once another client but seeing Mr. Gentilcore annually has become inspirational and what I look forward to now. He’s like my coach – my mentor. I love this man.

I’m out in the hallway watching the seniors come in. I hear words like, “This assembly better not be a waste of time,” which is typical from seniors with fixed mindsets. Nonetheless, I always get inspired when I hear these words from high school students.

In the hallway awaiting the seniors to arrive for the high school motivational assembly…

As a youth motivational speaker, my job is to plant seeds. I’ve learned in 28 years that planting seeds is really all I do. It’s all I have control over.

The younger, egotistical Jeff Yalden used to think he was changing the world. I’m not. I’m planting seeds. It’s more fun thinking this way too.

At 48, you’d think I was too old and can’t relate to young people anymore. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. I relate more now than ever before. I’m more present and having more fun. I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. I don’t need validation anymore. I care more about the teachable moment.

The seniors take their seats. Mr. Gentilcore is sitting in the back. He knows me, no introduction needed. The students don’t care about introductions. If they want to know me, they can google Jeff Yalden or find me on social media @Jeff Yalden.

Youth Motivational Speaker Needs No Introduction

Introductions make me anxious. This isn’t about me. It’s about the students in front of me.

“Let’s go!”, I think to myself. I’m ready to speak and plant seeds. I’m excited.

From the moment I start, I calculate that roughly 90 percent of the students are giving me their undivided attention. The outlying 10 percent take a minute but quickly become glued and focused.

As I am speaking and I have the attention of 350 seniors, I’m feeling seeds being planted. Words are being heard. I’m getting comfortable in front of my audience. Yes, after 28 years as a youth motivational and teen mental health speaker, I still get nervous speaking in high school assemblies.

An hour and a half later the high school assembly is over.

As the seniors exit the auditorium, I’m standing outside in the hallway in case any student wants to shake my hand and say, “Thank you!” or wants to thank me for my service as a Marine.

Students line up one by one thanking me and telling me how much my words meant to them. With each hand I shake I’m very careful to look each senior or staff member in the eyes, acknowledging that I’m appreciative that they listened. I never want a student or anybody else to walk away thinking, “Jeff Yalden doesn’t care about me.” I’m present and try hard to make sure every handshake includes eye contact, and I say, “Thank you for listening.”

They listened (growth mindset). I did what I love. I spoke to high school students in a student high school assembly. I planted seeds. I love this. It’s what I do, but they chose to listen.

Students Want To talk

It always happens that a few students want to talk privately.

Today, it was five seniors who weren’t expecting to have their emotions moved or shaken. That’s good. A lot of seniors walked out, shaking my hand saying, “Dude, you made me think today!” Good.

Two young ladies I talked to dealing with some heavy stuff. Emotions, thoughts, feelings, their future – lonely, disappointed and dealing with burdensome thoughts. These are typical conversations I have with teens.

Two Things I believe about Teens and their Upbringing

  • Don’t put teens in positions where they have no control.
  • Don’t ask teens to have to make adult decisions or to assume adult responsibilities.

I spend about 30 minutes addressing these issues before turning them over to Mr. Gentilcore, knowing he will do the right thing and bring this to the attention of the school counselor.

I am proud of these seniors for sharing. You can’t keep it in forever. It’s okay to talk and what I do is give them permission to address what they’re feeling in their heart. It’s part of planting the seeds I’m talking about.

I also quickly met with three boys who wanted to thank me. They told me how impactful my words were. Pretty awesome, if you ask me.

Why Teens Don’t Open Up

Teens need a trusted and significant adult in their lives, but very few actually have one in place to help guide them through life’s sometimes choppy waters. This is alarming, it’s very common today. This should be concerning to adults who have teens in their lives.

Teens don’t trust adults – even their teachers, counselors or parents. They’re afraid to talk and don’t know how. They’re afraid to be judged and they have built up walls.

Teens are also afraid that their thoughts and feelings will not be validated – and that the adults will only try to fix what they are going through, when they know deep down that they need to face these issues themselves.

What can our teachers, coaches and parents do to show the kids in their lives that they care? Be present. Be real. Share your story so they know you understand what they might be feeling or what they’re going through.

Teens Ask Two Questions

The two questions all teens need answers to are…

  • Can I trust you?
  • Do you care about me?

When you show up in a child’s life every day, you answer these questions whether you realize it or not – by your gestures, the way you walk and talk – by your presence and your smile. These things speak louder than words. Be mindful of the message you are sending.

So, the high school assembly at BCTHS is over. Jeff Yalden leaves the building after a hug and a THANK YOU to Mr. Kevin Gentilcore.

High School Assembly Ends

Another great visit. Another great school assembly. Another day speaking to students and PLANTING SEEDS.

Now it’s up to the seniors to do something with the seeds that were planted.

Thanks again, BCTHS. See you next year.

Who is Youth Mental Health Motivational Speaker Jeff Yalden

Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as one of the top mental health experts in the world primarily focused on education and school communities working with teens, school administration, counselors, teachers, staff, parents and community leaders.

He’s a four-time best-selling author including his latest book, TEEN SUICIDE: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic.

His Podcast: Mental Health and Motivation continues to attract thousands of new subscribers every month for his direct talk and influence on today’s mental health conversations for teens and adults.

You can learn more about Jeff Yalden by visiting his website – www.JeffYalden.com. You can also learn more about Jeff’s Suicide Prevention Online Course for School Communities and Parents, Jeff Yalden University, and follow Jeff on YouTube and Social Media by clicking on the links below:

For more information, please visit www.JeffYalden.com or click on any link below:

Online Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities

Book: Teen Suicide: They WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic  

Facebook Page

School Resources

Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866

39.8761553-75.2422009

Filed Under: Gratitude, High Schools, Life, Mental Health, Motivation, Teen Depression / Suicide Tagged With: Amazon Bestselling Author, BCTHS, Best High School Motivational Speaker, Books on Teen Mental Health, Bucks County Technical High School, Campus Speakers, High School, High School Mental Health Assemblies, High School Mental Health Speaker, Jeff Yalden, Marine Veteran Motivational Speakers, Mental Health in Schools, Motivational Assembly, motivational mental health speakers, motivational speakers on mental health, school speakers, Student Government, Teen Mental Health, teen motivational speakers, youth speaker for high school students

Helping Teens Cope with a Traumatic Death: A Message to Parents

June 10, 2016 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Teen Suicide . . . A Message to Parents!

Teen Suicide Expert - Jeff Yalden

Teen Suicide Expert – Jeff Yalden

Teen Suicide seems to be happening more and more in communities all over the country.  Teens want answers, Parents are overreacting, Schools are getting blamed, and everyone wants action and a plan now.  The greatest influence on our teens at the time of a teen suicide is the role a parent plays in their lives and especially at this very moment under these tragic circumstances.  Parents, with their greater life experiences and wisdom, can place the events in a child’s life in its proper context or perspective.  Teens look to adults for an interpretation of events, and measure the meaning of it, including the degree of danger they are in, by the reaction of their parents and other adults around them.  It is critical that our teens are able to maintain a positive view of the world and a positive opinion of themselves in spite of the circumstances.

The Grieving Process:

Grieving is a natural and temporary response to an important loss.  People do not respond to a death related loss in any particular stage, progression, or pace.  Some believe that the process is more like a roller-coaster type pattern in which waves of various emotions are experienced.  It is important to encourage children to cry if they feel sad.  It can be said that when we feel really sad, letting ourselves cry is as important to our mental health as is eating when we are hungry, drinking when we are thirsty, and sleeping when we are tired. Most individuals return to their regular routines within one to three days.  Yet a sustained period of bereavement may last four to six weeks.  An intermittent patters of bereavement continues in the form of painful thoughts and feelings which often resurface in the future more intensely at birth and death dates, holidays and special events, places or other experiences that are reminders of the deceased.  Memories of the deceased may change or diminish over time but the deceased friend will not be forgotten.

Common Reactions to the Death of a Friend:

In addition to sadness, it is common for people to feel confusion, fear, anger, self-blame and guilt.  Other common reactions include feelings of loneliness, a sense of responsibility or regret, reminders and dreams of the deceased, concentration difficulties, minor sleeping difficulties and mild somatic complaints.
Suicide Prevention in Schools

Suicide Prevention in Schools

What Can Parents Do?

A parent’s emotional response to a grieving teen can reduce the emotional effect or make it worse for the teen.
  • Here are suggested parental responses:  Be physically present, show warmth and compassion, be patient, allow the teen to talk about it, listen carefully, acknowledge feelings, show an understanding of what happened, give reasonable reassurance and follow through on promises and agreements made.  Teens will try to make some sense of what happened and it is important for them to come to a resolution about the event.  Carefully challenge any negative conclusions and reinforce the positive ones.
  • The following parental behaviors can be harmful:  Focus on self instead of the teen, deny the seriousness of the event, shrug off the teen’s feelings, tell the teen not to think or talk about it, make assumptions, overreact with anxiety or anger, withdraw from the teen, or make major changes in the normal household activities and routines.

Reactions to be concerned about:

Some teens, because of their emotional proximity to the death event, may be more prone to develop the psychological symptoms of Major Depression.  There are two causes for Major Depression.   One is the result of a neuro-chemical imbalance in the brain.  The other results from an experience such as a significant loss.  Your teen may have Major Depression if the following five (or more) symptoms have been present during the same two week period:
  • Feeling really unhappy, sad or empty inside most of the day, nearly every day
(-or-)
  • An obvious loss of interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, friends and activities most of the day, nearly every day
(Plus 4 or more of the following)
  • Weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (more than 5% of body weight in a month)
  • Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much nearly every day
  • Slowness of thought, speech and activity or extreme agitation/restlessness
  • Feelings of low energy or fatigue nearly every day
  • Feeling hopeless, worthless, shame or a lot of guilt nearly every day
  • Difficulty concentrating, making basic decisions and doing school work nearly every day
  • Frequent thoughts of death or suicide
Other undesirable reactions include denial, social alienation, escape from reminders of the deceased, numbing of feelings, ex. using drugs or alcohol, hostility or antisocial activities, a preoccupation or fascination with death and unnecessary risk taking behaviors.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

A teens response to a near death experience, witnessing a death or serious injury, hearing about the death of a friend, living through a natural or man made disaster, etc. usually involves intense fear and helplessness.  There may also be feelings of anger, horror, shame, or disgust. A near death experience, witnessing a death or witnessing a serious injury is often sudden, unexpected, shocking and overwhelming.  Teens and children may be less able than adults to cope with traumatic events because they have fewer skills to draw upon, are less experienced and are also less aware of the dangers in life.  Furthermore, when bad things happen to adults they are, because of their greater life experience and wisdom, usually more prepared  to place the event in its proper perspective or context. When traumatic things happen to a teen or child, a number of predictable reactions may occur.  These reactions are common responses to abnormally upsetting events.  Some affected children are able to effectively cope by thoroughly talking about the traumatic event and their reaction to it.  Those who do not are more likely to develop symptoms.  Symptoms are those changes which cause major distress in the person or badly interfere with his or her relationship with family or friends, performance at school, sports, their job or other activities.  Such symptoms may appear within 24 hours of the traumatic experience, or they may be delayed by several days, weeks or months. Traumatic events can produce intrusive experiences, avoidance behaviors and increased arousal that may affect both daily activities and dreaming.  Research shows that once they occur, there thoughts and behaviors will not just fade away.  In fact, they may grow worse as they are triggered repeatedly by cues similar to the original trauma.  According to the American Psychiatric Association (1994) the following are some examples of intrusive experiences, avoidance behaviors and increased arousal:
  • Visions, thoughts or other sensations of the traumatic incident that occur over and over again, against one’s will and at undesirable times
  • Nightmares or recurring dreams that may or may not seem related to the incident
  • Cold sweats, heart palpitations, dizziness, panic feelings, or extreme nervousness when reminded in some way of the event
  • Attempts to avoid certain people, conversations, places, activities, or any other thing associated with the event
  • Feeling emotionally detached or estranged from friends
  • Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
  • Amnesia or an inability to recall an important or obvious aspect of the event
  • Negative or empty thoughts about the future
  • Difficulty falling or staying asleep
  • Irritable moods or unusual outbursts of anger
  • Concentration problems
  • A fear of phobia not present before the traumatic event
  • Exaggerated reaction to; unexpected sounds, being touched without warning, certain smells and certain sights
These symptoms are the mind and body’s way of trying to avoid or protect the distressed person from the intrusive experiences and future traumas.  They are tolerable if they come and go shortly after the event and do not affect the person’s everyday functioning or routine.  If you believe your teen may have symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, especially if they have persisted for more than a month, you should seek help for your teen from a mental health professional who specializes in the treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. If you have other concerns about how your teen is adjusting to the event you may want to contact your family physician, a psychologist or social worker in your teen’s school, or a mental health professional in your community. If you are concerned about your teen you may want to contact your family physician, or a psychologist or social worker in your teen’s school or community.

Filed Under: For Parents, Teen Depression / Suicide Tagged With: Jeff Yalden, Mental Health for Teens, Mental Health in Schools, Mental Health Speakers, Mindfulness, Moving forward after a Traumatic Experience, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Suicide Prevention for our Military, Suicide Prevention Speakers, Teen Suicide

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