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You are here: Home / Archives for Jeff Yalden. Mental Health Speaker

The Speed of Hurt

May 11, 2020 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker Leave a Comment

Teens experience pain as fast as the flip of a switch – and the speed of hurt hits them as swiftly as turning on a light.

Often, terrible situations can lead to teen suicide – but we need to be vigilant when observing changes – even small changes – in the behavior of the young people in our circles. Sometimes, events that an adult might brush off as part of the process of daily life might be viewed as catastrophic by a teen – simply because they do not yet have the coping skills in place to deal with them.

The inability to cope with life’s challenges can be a major stumbling block for today’s youth – particularly because they do not yet possess the life skills necessary to deal with the obstacles and challenges they might face.

As a society, we have hit critical mass – and we need to start talking about it. We need to get comfortable being uncomfortable and give voice to the issues facing us; teen suicide, the opiate crisis and substance abuse in general, including alcohol.

The above issues factor into what is quickly becoming the biggest public health crisis of our time. While many factors contribute to teen suicide, often the underlying issue is mental illness.

It is rare that only a single event leads to suicide – bullying or cyberbullying, for instance. But a single event can be the final straw.

As a parent, teacher, or coach, be sure to focus on building strong coping and problem-solving skills in your young people. Nurture a healthy self-esteem, and they will flourish.

If your children value themselves from a place of certainty, they will be much less likely to allow others to have power over them, including bullies.

Life is not a race. It’s about being patient in the process.

Slow down. Breathe.

Perfection doesn’t exist, but I’d still like to think I can make a perfect rack of ribs.

NOTE: The above content is Part Seven in a series based on Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic. Click on link to order.

CLICK HERE for Jeff’s online suicide prevention course.

Filed Under: Life, Mental Health, Teen Depression / Suicide Tagged With: Bullying, Coping Skills, Jeff Yalden. Mental Health Speaker, Self-Esteem, Teen Suicide Prevention, Yalden

One Community’s Cyber Attack on Jeff Yalden’s Reputation

January 15, 2020 by Jeff Yalden

Hello, my friends. Jeff Yalden here.  I’ve spent nearly four days writing this and it continues to rip my heart out reliving the situation from this one community. It’s been weighing heavily on my heart, and I appreciate the opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings in this forum. It’s my hope to alleviate any hesitation any community might have in bringing me in. I started speaking professionally in 1992, and what a ride it’s been. I am honored to work with hundreds of communities, thousands of people, and countless students. I am passionate and proud of my work, as challenging as it is, and I’ve had nearly three decades’ worth of positive feedback. I value my reputation, and what this one community has put me through is truly one of the worst experiences of my life. If you know anything about me, you know that I’m a very transparent kind of guy: I am diagnosed with depression, bi-polar type 2, and PTSD. I’ve always been honest and real because I know that earns trust and respect from my audiences. The reason I’ve been able to connect with so many directly relates to my personal understanding of how broken they feel, what they are going through, and where they’ve been emotionally and/or physically. What I do is delicate. There is no “one size fits all” rule book on how to help people release emotions, have a better understanding of mental health, or prevent suicide. Sometimes I’m called in to offer support to an existing system, but most often, the communities I visit recognize that something needs to change. I am commonly asked to “shake things up” in order to help families. In order to save lives. Over the years, I have been commissioned to address situations that most of you cannot comprehend. I am proud to say that I know I’ve helped people. I know I have saved lives. And every single life improved or saved is a blessing to me. This is my life’s calling. There is so much more that I want to do. There is so much more that I need to do. By accepting this challenging task, this career of speaking about mental health and suicide, I’ve ruffled some feathers. These are delicate topics. More than once, I have been the recipient of criticism. The topic of mental health alone can trigger feelings for anyone not ready to talk about it. For every disparaging remark, I’ve had hundreds of positive comments. Hundreds. Yet isn’t it human nature to focus on the negative? I want to share with you – I need to share with you – what happened after one of my talks. In May of 2019, I was called into a community in Wisconsin. In discussing the needs of the students and staff, a schedule was created for my visit. I always cater my presentations to the specific requests of the school or community, and this district visit was no different. The day started with a morning meeting with the school’s administration; several of them said (repeatedly) how excited they were to have me and how desperately their students needed to hear my message. This particular event took place in a high school gymnasium with approximately 2,000 students in attendance.  Considering the delicate nature of the topics I discuss, I deem it essential to have all students on one side of a venue, but unfortunately this gymnasium did not provide this. I am an animated, confident speaker; I am passionate about my message. I am not someone who stands in front of a lectern to convey a message or present a canned, fabricated talk to teens. I prefer to make eye contact; I prefer not to have my back to anyone in my audience; I prefer to face my audience, the entire audience, so that I can gauge their reactions and determine how I can best make a meaningful connection with them. However, on this particular day, I had 1,000 students in bleachers on either side of me. Still, I considered it to be an excellent talk.  I was with those kids for nearly two hours, and during those two hours I had no idea that a firestorm was brewing. I learned hours later that one of the students texted her mother during the assembly. She reported that they were locked in the gymnasium for two hours and were not permitted to leave. The result? Her mother called 911 and the first match was lit. The second match was lit unintentionally by a young man with autism. This particular student was in the gymnasium that day, even though he had just been released from a psychiatric hospital. The nature of my talk was clearly communicated to the school community and attendance was certainly not mandatory, yet this fragile young man was in my audience. It was too much for him mentally; he found the school psychologist right there in the bleachers and he was concerned about his stability. He called 911. I had no idea; I moved on to the next part of my day which was working with the counselors and meeting individual students. Even though every school provides counselors for their students, sometimes it takes the stories from a stranger to bring a student’s walls down. I don’t know their families. I don’t know where they live, what church they attend (or don’t attend) – I am Switzerland. A completely neutral party… but I am someone who gets it. This happens at every school I visit and that’s the point – to get students comfortable enough to share their personal challenges or tragedies. This school was no different. After the assembly, students lined up in droves to talk to me. I had several incredible talks with students; changes were made and I’m confident that lives were saved. You know how things tend to happen in groups of three? While I sat with the school counselors listening to stories of abuse, rape, depression, and hopelessness, a third match ignited. In their classes, two teachers shared their disapproval of the assembly, openly criticizing me; one even called me a “douchebag” in class. Several students shared that they had loved the speaker, and they didn’t understand how their teachers could be so disparaging. The school administrators quickly became aware and the teachers were reprimanded, but it was too late. That third match was lit and the fire spread unchecked. The reaction to my talk in Wisconsin escalated out of control. A cyber campaign began which attacked not only my reputation, but also my personal life, my family, and my assistant. I received ugly tweets, condemning reviews, and threatening emails (many from people who weren’t even present during the event). This relentless assault via Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, voicemails, webform submissions, and text messaging caught the attention of the local media and the school administrative team was forced to make a public statement. You know what’s interesting? I also received several messages detailing similar situations to mine: Scrutiny from this particular community that snowballed into fiery persecution. These letters shared a common theme – they were sent privately as the senders feared retaliation; many were anonymous for the same reason. I assure you, I acted no differently in Wisconsin than I do anywhere else.  Going into the assembly, a school administrator said, “Jeff, we need this conversation here.” The morning meeting was nothing but positive and I considered the day an incredible success. However, I learned a long time ago that certain triggers can cause teens to overreact; they might hear the words you say, but don’t understand (or don’t care to figure out) what you mean. More recently, I learned that a couple of teens who create fake Twitter accounts can cause a lot of damage. I speak to an average of 100 school communities a year and I’ve never experienced such backlash. Was it the intensity of my speech that kindled disapproval? Was I overly confident in my delivery? Did I speak too quickly or too loudly? In my attempt to address both sides of the gym evenly, did I miss clues that could have helped me avoid condemnation? Not that I can think of. It was a school assembly like any other; I found all 2,000 students to be an amazing audience. If you’re going to research me, if you’re going to base your decision on my ability to help your community on a negative Internet posting, I implore you to do your due diligence. The Internet is a great tool that provides facts; one of those facts is that there are more lies than truths on the Internet. In 2018, researchers led by Sinan Aral of MIT published a study entitled “The Spread of True and False News Online” in the journal Science. They analyzed tweets between Twitter’s inception in 2006 through 2017 and concluded that “it took the truth about six times as long as falsehood to reach 1,500 people.” Six times! The study also revealed that people find lies more intriguing and therefore more share worthy. So, when you review passionate criticism (against anyone!), consider the source. Weigh the pros and the cons. What price can you put on saving even just one life? I thank you for giving me this opportunity to say something on my own behalf. My heart aches to know that my intentions were so grossly misunderstood, and my heart aches for the souls I am unable to help as a result. I also know that I strive to provide what my clients need to the best of my ability. I cannot control what other people do; I can only direct my own course. I have hundreds of videos, thousands of clients, and countless testimonials supporting my work and my reputation. And to those Wisconsin students and parents who were brave enough to message me kind words, I can’t thank you enough.


Sincerely, Jeff Yalden PS – I welcome your feedback regarding this posting or my visit to your community. Email Jeff Reference Letter Brett Boggs Reference Letter for Potential Clients Brochure Teen Suicide Book BOOM Motivational Book

Videos of Recent Teen Mental Health & Suicide Prevention Speaking Engagements:

Suicides at Morrisville HS – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk2ulDBhGME
Teen Suicide and Mental Health High School – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWNBKc_BB_U&t=9s
Barnard, MO – https://youtu.be/KAKnjeFyRR0
Teen Mental Health –  https://youtu.be/YkZCFb8uX4A
Teen Suicide: It’s Okay To Ask for Help – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDaWdcJf1ss&t=83s
TEDx Talk – https://youtu.be/nP_xXPvJctI
It’s OK to ask for HELP –  https://youtu.be/aDaWdcJf1ss
Allies in Mental Health – https://youtu.be/r9CwNEHIkSA
Mental Health Teen Speaker – https://youtu.be/BpUuSF2zFyg
Tippicanoe Valley High School – https://youtu.be/rpfVjoYAgik
Brookfield High School – https://youtu.be/iNOFgRiGOM4
Hannibal – Prevention – https://youtu.be/SQYhZcYwWkQ
Killingly High School – https://youtu.be/6ZPki3tBe0M
Cresco, IA –  https://youtu.be/k5VgH9cxPjY

Filed Under: High Schools, Mental Health, Motivation Tagged With: Cyber Attack, cyber bullying, Cyberattack, cyberbullying, High School Motivational Speaker, Jeff Yalden, Jeff Yalden Controversy, Jeff Yalden Reputation, Jeff Yalden. Mental Health Speaker, Mental Health Speaker, School Motivational Speaker, Wrongfully Accused, Wrongfully Convicted

JEFF YALDEN RETURNS TO ATCHISON, KANSAS

April 3, 2018 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

EDITOR’S NOTE: Jeff will be on hand all day tomorrow, April 3, for students, parents, community members, and recent graduates. For details, contact Atchison High School at (913) 367-4162.
Hey Atchison Community – A lot of people in the community and parents have reached out to me and shared with me the latest loss. First and foremost, I want to share my thoughts and prayers to the young man’s family, friends and the people that know the young man and the family. I am sorry. I was just in your community. I love your community. I wanted to come by and offer you a couple of thoughts. My friends, I don’t think suicide is ever the right decision. I think suicide is a permanent action to a temporary problem – but I get it. I understand where young people are. I want to share with you again two reasons why young people end up with the thought for the desire for suicide: 1) Young people feel alone – basically it feels like you don’t have meaningful relationships. I get it. We live in a world today where we spend so much time on smartphones and social media, and it’s about balance and boundaries. I don’t really want to go there, but if you spend more than four or five hours a day on screen time, you are 70 percent more likely to have depression in your life. So – I want to encourage you – less screen time and more social engagement. And when you have social engagement – whether it’s a trusted adult, whether it is your friends – where you are problem solving, communicating and you are together – listen, that takes care of the “I am alone.” That makes sense, right? 2) The other reason is that you feel like you are a burden. This basically means that you feel that you don’t make any notable contributions to the world and that you serve as a liability – and that you are disappointing your parents, teachers or coaches because maybe their expectations are so high – and you are spending so much time on your smartphones that you are not focusing on things that are really important: Your motivation. Your school, your future – your direction. Here’s what happens: When emotionally you feel like you are alone and that you are a burden – and it lasts so long – suddenly you end up with that desire. I don’t think young people want to die. I think one of the problems is that young people live in the here and the now. Young people – you don’t know what you don’t know. Like, you don’t know what it was like at one time to not have smartphones, Internet, social media or YouTube – so you are the first generation growing up with this. I think we have done a disservice to our young people as a society. We have given young people these rights and these privileges where this frontal lobe, or frontal development has not matured and come into focus – so the emotions that come with smartphones, the Internet and social media – we’re not mature enough to emotionally handle the result of this. If your parents aren’t going to say no and teach you balance and boundaries – it’s hard for you to put that balance and those boundaries in your life – but that’s something that you have to start working on. Social and emotional learning does not come as a result of being on the screen all of the time. Online time can affect mental health in a negative way. Social engagement social interaction can help your mental health. Think about it. Two of the biggest things that we are concerned about with teenagers today are coping skills and problem-solving skills. We live in the here and the now. We think that we go to the bank and an ATM spits out cash. We send a text and get an immediate reply… Again – Atchison, Kansas – I don’t know the details on this young man. But I will tell you this: It’s going to be OK. My friends, it’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to want to talk to somebody. I meet young people all the time and they say, “Yo – I don’t want to talk to anybody because every time I talk to someone, it’s like they are telling me my emotions don’t matter. I shouldn’t feel like this, and it’s like they aren’t validating how I feel.” Part of being young is about having crazy emotions and feelings – and not understanding them. And it’s OK to have that trusted adult to go talk to. I spoke at a school in Indiana today, and a girl wanted to talk afterwards. The girl has been in counseling for two years. Do you know that today she told me more than her two counselors knew about her? I asked her why she felt comfortable telling me what she did. “I don’t know,” she said. “You seem like you get it.” Don’t you think you have trusted adults in your life that – if you gave them the chance – they would get it too? Folks – we can’t help you if we don’t know. “Well Jeff – I don’t know how to talk to someone…” When you didn’t know how to ride a bike, that didn’t stop you, did it? When you didn’t know how to ask a girl out – you still found a way, right? When trusted adults in your life sit down with you and something is wrong, they know what to say. You just have to be willing to just go up to them and say, “I don’t know what to say but I am kind of really struggling.” When I spoke to that child today, I can’t tell you how many times she said, “I don’t know” in tears – and you know what I did? I just kept asking her if she felt safe and if she knew she wasn’t in trouble. As long as she knew those two things – little by little, she opened up. It was a beautiful day. My point is simply this: Suicide is a permanent action to a temporary problem. If you are afraid to talk to a trusted adult and you don’t open up to anybody – and living in the here and the now – all of this pressure is so much that you start to think that the desire is there – but it doesn’t ever need to get to the point where you have that desire. But you have to have the courage to realize that it’s OK to go talk to somebody. I am praying for you. I’m sorry, and I love you guys. Don’t be afraid to open your heart and find a trusted adult. And they are going to support you and encourage you – but you have to open up. For more information, visit www.jeffyalden.com To book Jeff now, call (800)948-9289 Check out Jeff’s new nonprofit: www.jeffyaldenfoundation.com

Filed Under: Anxiety, Depression, High Schools, Loss, Mental Health, Self-Care, Teen Depression / Suicide, Youth Programs Tagged With: Atchison, Atchison High School, Crisis Intervention, Jeff Yalden. Mental Health Speaker, Kansas, School Assemblies, Suicide Prevention, teen depression, Teen Suicide

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