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Bucks County Technical High School

November 12, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker Leave a Comment

Youth Motivational Speaker and Teen Mental Health Speaker Plants Seeds at Bucks County Technical High School.

November 12, 2019 – The seniors are arriving into the auditorium. It’s 9 a.m. and I’m back. This auditorium is familiar. I’ve been coming to this school for more than 10 years.

Arrived Bucks County Technical High School

Kevin Gentilcore, Director of Pupil Services is my point of contact. BCTHS was once another client but seeing Mr. Gentilcore annually has become inspirational and what I look forward to now. He’s like my coach – my mentor. I love this man.

I’m out in the hallway watching the seniors come in. I hear words like, “This assembly better not be a waste of time,” which is typical from seniors with fixed mindsets. Nonetheless, I always get inspired when I hear these words from high school students.

In the hallway awaiting the seniors to arrive for the high school motivational assembly…

As a youth motivational speaker, my job is to plant seeds. I’ve learned in 28 years that planting seeds is really all I do. It’s all I have control over.

The younger, egotistical Jeff Yalden used to think he was changing the world. I’m not. I’m planting seeds. It’s more fun thinking this way too.

At 48, you’d think I was too old and can’t relate to young people anymore. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. I relate more now than ever before. I’m more present and having more fun. I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. I don’t need validation anymore. I care more about the teachable moment.

The seniors take their seats. Mr. Gentilcore is sitting in the back. He knows me, no introduction needed. The students don’t care about introductions. If they want to know me, they can google Jeff Yalden or find me on social media @Jeff Yalden.

Youth Motivational Speaker Needs No Introduction

Introductions make me anxious. This isn’t about me. It’s about the students in front of me.

“Let’s go!”, I think to myself. I’m ready to speak and plant seeds. I’m excited.

From the moment I start, I calculate that roughly 90 percent of the students are giving me their undivided attention. The outlying 10 percent take a minute but quickly become glued and focused.

As I am speaking and I have the attention of 350 seniors, I’m feeling seeds being planted. Words are being heard. I’m getting comfortable in front of my audience. Yes, after 28 years as a youth motivational and teen mental health speaker, I still get nervous speaking in high school assemblies.

An hour and a half later the high school assembly is over.

As the seniors exit the auditorium, I’m standing outside in the hallway in case any student wants to shake my hand and say, “Thank you!” or wants to thank me for my service as a Marine.

Students line up one by one thanking me and telling me how much my words meant to them. With each hand I shake I’m very careful to look each senior or staff member in the eyes, acknowledging that I’m appreciative that they listened. I never want a student or anybody else to walk away thinking, “Jeff Yalden doesn’t care about me.” I’m present and try hard to make sure every handshake includes eye contact, and I say, “Thank you for listening.”

They listened (growth mindset). I did what I love. I spoke to high school students in a student high school assembly. I planted seeds. I love this. It’s what I do, but they chose to listen.

Students Want To talk

It always happens that a few students want to talk privately.

Today, it was five seniors who weren’t expecting to have their emotions moved or shaken. That’s good. A lot of seniors walked out, shaking my hand saying, “Dude, you made me think today!” Good.

Two young ladies I talked to dealing with some heavy stuff. Emotions, thoughts, feelings, their future – lonely, disappointed and dealing with burdensome thoughts. These are typical conversations I have with teens.

Two Things I believe about Teens and their Upbringing

Don’t put teens in positions where they have no control.
Don’t ask teens to have to make adult decisions or to assume adult responsibilities.

I spend about 30 minutes addressing these issues before turning them over to Mr. Gentilcore, knowing he will do the right thing and bring this to the attention of the school counselor.

I am proud of these seniors for sharing. You can’t keep it in forever. It’s okay to talk and what I do is give them permission to address what they’re feeling in their heart. It’s part of planting the seeds I’m talking about.

I also quickly met with three boys who wanted to thank me. They told me how impactful my words were. Pretty awesome, if you ask me.

Why Teens Don’t Open Up

Teens need a trusted and significant adult in their lives, but very few actually have one in place to help guide them through life’s sometimes choppy waters. This is alarming, it’s very common today. This should be concerning to adults who have teens in their lives.

Teens don’t trust adults – even their teachers, counselors or parents. They’re afraid to talk and don’t know how. They’re afraid to be judged and they have built up walls.

Teens are also afraid that their thoughts and feelings will not be validated – and that the adults will only try to fix what they are going through, when they know deep down that they need to face these issues themselves.

What can our teachers, coaches and parents do to show the kids in their lives that they care? Be present. Be real. Share your story so they know you understand what they might be feeling or what they’re going through.

Teens Ask Two Questions

The two questions all teens need answers to are…

Can I trust you?
Do you care about me?

When you show up in a child’s life every day, you answer these questions whether you realize it or not – by your gestures, the way you walk and talk – by your presence and your smile. These things speak louder than words. Be mindful of the message you are sending.

So, the high school assembly at BCTHS is over. Jeff Yalden leaves the building after a hug and a THANK YOU to Mr. Kevin Gentilcore.

High School Assembly Ends

Another great visit. Another great school assembly. Another day speaking to students and PLANTING SEEDS.

Now it’s up to the seniors to do something with the seeds that were planted.

Thanks again, BCTHS. See you next year.

Who is Youth Mental Health Motivational Speaker Jeff Yalden

Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as one of the top mental health experts in the world primarily focused on education and school communities working with teens, school administration, counselors, teachers, staff, parents and community leaders.

He’s a four-time best-selling author including his latest book, TEEN SUICIDE: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic.

His Podcast: Mental Health and Motivation continues to attract thousands of new subscribers every month for his direct talk and influence on today’s mental health conversations for teens and adults.

You can learn more about Jeff Yalden by visiting his website – www.JeffYalden.com. You can also learn more about Jeff’s Suicide Prevention Online Course for School Communities and Parents, Jeff Yalden University, and follow Jeff on YouTube and Social Media by clicking on the links below:

For more information, please visit www.JeffYalden.com or click on any link below:

Online Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities

Book: Teen Suicide: They WHY Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic

Facebook Page

School Resources

Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866

How to Raise Self-Esteem in 30 Seconds a Day

July 22, 2015 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

I want to help you raise your self-esteem in only 30 seconds a day. “You’re not good enough!” Have you ever heard that? “You’re fat!” Have you ever heard that? Have you ever started to believe in what others are saying? Let me help you believe what you are saying, not what others are saying. Hi!, I am Jeff Yalden and I make a career out of helping teens in middle school and high school find self-esteem and value themselves. I work with parents and communities to encourage them to understand their teens and inspire teens to understand their parents. I have an awesome career as a Youth Motivational Speaker. In life, you have to accept that people will tear you down and their words will pierce into your heart. I know that the speed of a hurt for a teen today is as fast as turning on and off a light bulb. You don’t have to be left feeling self-doubt, sadness, low self-esteem, and unworthiness as a result of others words in person or what you might hear or read on social media. These are the words of others. These don’t have to be the words that you speak to yourself. “Tigers don’t lose sleep to the opinion of sheep and lions don’t turn around to the bark of small dogs.” is what I tell my teens when I speak at middle schools and high schools. My question is, “Are you a tiger or a sheep? Are you a lion or a small dog?” How you feel about yourself is what matters. How others feel about you or what they might say is not what matters, but we can use their words to empower our self-respect and our belief in ourselves. I am asking for 30 seconds a day and a commitment throughout the day to make changes you feel are necessary. Let’s do this! You can do this. You should do this.

30 Seconds a Day to Self-Esteem

This is a daily assignment and a 24 hour commitment you make with yourself. You do it first thing in the morning after your morning mirror routine in the bathroom – brushing your teeth, getting your hair did by self, and making sure you look good in those expensive clothes you want to wear because you’re thinking about acceptance of others. Listen, my first suggestion is this: As you look in the mirror are you more concerned about how you look because others will judge you or are you more concerned about who you are? How you look is what others see. Who you are is what you see. How you look is cause for being judged by others. Regardless, people will judge you and you have to accept that. Who you are is the choice you make for yourself and nobody can take that away from you. You choose you and when you pay attention to who you are, how you look will take care of itself. I ask this question in every speaking engagement and the response will astound you. “Are you as beautiful on the inside as I see you on the outside?”, is the question I ask. Everyone that is being honest with me and themselves says, “No.” or “I don’t know.” or, they look at me with a stare and they’re embarrassed to answer. Every middle school assembly and high school assembly, every school assembly or conference I speak at, I ask this question and always get the same response. Why? Because when we are young we want to be accepted more than we want to accept ourselves. We all live with a mask trying to be who others want us to be. Look in the mirror and start to be comfortable with who you are. Then, how you look will take care of itself.

STEP 1 – Self Esteem

So, in your daily routine I want you to address yourself in the mirror after you’ve brushed your teeth and checked how you look – hair and clothes. Empty handed and a couple of deep breaths, I want you to look into your eyes and say this:

“I am smart. I am strong. I am pretty/handsome (if you’re a guy). I can do anything I put my mind to.”

Say it again . . . .

“I am smart. I am strong. I am pretty/handsome (if you’re a guy). I can do anything I put my mind to.”

You have to look at yourself and believe it. You can’t just say it and go through the motions of speaking words. You have to believe the words you speak. You are all alone. I need you to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself what you need to say. Be strong and positive. At first, this will be hard, but keep on doing it.

STEP 2 – Answer the Questions

After you’ve said, “I am smart. I am strong. I am pretty/handsome (if you’re a guy). I can do anything I put my mind to.”, I want you to look at yourself and ask if what people might be saying is true.

For example:

If someone says you dress funny. Can that be true? Do you dress differently than others? Does it cause unwanted attention? How about someone says you’re fat. Are you fat? Can you lose weight? Are you unhealthy? Do you have unhealthy habits?

What else are people saying? Do they make fun of you because of your grades? Could it be true that you don’t apply yourself, do your homework, come to school late or don’t care?

You get the point here, right?

STEP 3 – Choose To Change

You spent a few seconds looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, “I am smart. I am strong. I am pretty/handsome (if you’re a guy). I can do anything I put my mind to.”

You’ve then addressed some negative things that people might say to you and you’ve found somethings to be true. Now you choose to make changes in your behavior.

Behavioral Change means taking Action. Taking Action requires Motivation. Motivation and Action means RESULTS which means CHANGES because of your Behavior!

You can do this.

Step 4 – Take Action!

You write down some truths of what others might say. Only is you can agree with the facts and truths of what is said. Don’t change for anyone. Choose to change for yourself. Now you’ve addressed the truths and you choose to take action.

You’ve addressed yourself in the mirror.

You’ve made positive comments and self talk. You believe yourself.

You’ve asked the questions you’ve needed to ask. You’ve addressed the truth and sometimes the truth hurts.

Now you are choosing to take action and committing to yourself to make changes for you only.

Throughout the day, you work on what needs to be addressed.

Examples:

Weight – Choose healthy behaviors. Exercise. Log your food intake in MyFitnessPal or write it down. Speak to a nutritionist. Ask questions about protein, sugars, carbs, fat, exercise, and health. Choose to change.
Appearance – Are you wearing glasses that are out of date? Are you wearing clothes too small or too big? What is it about your appearance? Your hair? Your hygiene? What is it? Choose to address these issues one at a time. Get new clothes. Wash and fold your clothes. Change how you wear your hair? Bathe regularly (That’s a great idea!) Remember to do this for yourself.
Choices – Sometimes we act out to be accepted. We want to get a laugh from others. Choose to live in the present and choose your words and actions carefully. Don’t act out for attention. Think before you speak. Think before you do something. Think! TAKE TIME TO THINK is a motto I use everyday.

In short, my message is quite simple. You get up and take care of your hygiene and prepare for the day. This process you are going to add 30 Seconds of Self Talk in a positive frame. You’ll also address what others might say. Write it down. Address it everyday and take positive action towards your own self respect. Like yourself. Love yourself. Being different is ok. You don’t have to be “Normal” to fit it. You have to like yourself and accept yourself to live a fulfilling life that has fulfillment, meaning, and a life that is rewarding. I hope you choose to do this today and start a new daily routine. * Jeff Yalden is a top youth motivational speaker and teen suicide prevention specialist in education. Jeff works with middle schools, high schools, educators, teachers, and communities addressing teen issues and teen life. For more information about Jeff Yalden, please visit www.JeffYalden.com.

Suicide: Tips for Coping With The Loss of a Loved One

February 12, 2015 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Death by suicide not only affects the person who died, but also others – “Suicide Survivors” – who loved and cared deeply about the person. If you are a student survivor, this experience may be one of the most challenging experiences that you’ve ever faced. While there is no easy way to grieve, it is often helpful to understand what you might experience through the grieving process.

Understanding Grief

The shock and grief that consumes you after you lose someone to suicide is overwhelming. It can feel like you have fallen into a deep hole and will never be able to get out. These are natural feelings which will likely change as you move through the grieving process. No two people experience loss in the same way. Some may experience physical symptoms such as headaches or changes in appetite and/or sleeping patterns. A person in grief may also experience some or all of the following feelings:

SHOCK: “I feel numb.” Feelings of being dazed or detached are a common response to trauma. Shock can protect the mind from becoming completely overwhelmed, allowing the person to function.
DENIAL: “I feel fine.” Sometimes people can consciously or unconsciously refuse to accept the facts and information about another’s death. This process can be even more challenging when there is little information or explanation about a loved one’s suicide. Eventually, as you gather information and accept that you may not be able to know everything, you can begin to process the reality of this tragic event and all the emotions that come with it. In time, however, our minds become more able to analyze the tragic event, and this allows the denial to give way to less troubling emotions.
GUILT: “I think it was my fault.” Feelings of guilt following a suicide are very common. Guilt comes from the mistaken belief that we should have, or could have, prevented the death from happening. Guilt can also arise if there are un-reconciled issues with the deceased or regret about things said or not said. In truth, no person can predict the future, nor can they know all the reasons for another person’s actions. It is human nature to blame oneself when experiencing a loss, rather than accepting the truth that some things were out of our control.
SADNESS: “Why bother with anything?” Once the initial reactions to the death by suicide have lessened in intensity, feelings of sadness and depression can move to the forefront. These feelings can be present for some time and can, at times, be triggered by memories and reminders of the loved one who was lost. Feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, and self-pity are all common when dealing with a loss of a loved one. Typically, you gradually learn to accept the loss and embrace both your happy and sad memories.
ANGER: “How could they do this to me?” Feelings of anger towards the person you have lost can arise. Many who mourn feel a sense of abandonment. Others feel anger towards a real or perceived culprit. These feelings can be complex and distressing when they are directed at the person who died. It is important to know that it is possible to both be angry with someone, and to still hold them dear in your heart. Sometimes anger is needed before you can accept the reality of the loss.
ACCEPTANCE: “I can miss them and still continue living.” The ultimate goal of healing is to accept the tragic event as something that could not have been prevented and cannot be changed. Acceptance is not the same as forgetting. Instead, acceptance is learning to live again and to be able to reopen your heart, while still remembering the person who has passed away.

What Makes Suicide Different

Losing a friend or loved one is never easy. However, when you lose someone to suicide, it can feel different from other types of loss. Several circumstances can make death by suicide different, making the healing process more challenging. STIGMA AND ISOLATION: Talking about suicide can be difficult for those who have experienced the loss. Different cultures view suicide in different ways, and sometimes discussing it can be a challenge. This can also be made more difficult when the act of suicide conflicts with religious views. Suicide can be isolating as communities of friends each struggle differently to make sense of the loss they all experienced. Finding the right people in your support network who are able to help you experience your loss is important. Sometimes, this may mean seeking professional help in order to help you cope with your loss. In those situations it is recommended that you contact a counselor, mental health professional, or find a trusted therapist in the community. MIXED EMOTIONS: After a death by illness or natural causes, the bereaved’ s feelings may be less complicated than when the death is by suicide. When a death is by suicide, you might both mourn the person’s passing while also hold intense feelings about the circumstances of their death. Feelings such as anger, abandonment, and rejection can all occur after a suicide as well as positive feelings about the deceased. Sorting through all of these diverse feelings can make the healing process more challenging. NEEDING TO UNDERSTAND WHY: Understanding the circumstances of a death by suicide can sometimes lead us to asking “Why?” You may second guess actions, wish that you had noticed signs earlier, or wonder how you could have acted differently. This need to understand “why” may be a difficult path, as the circumstances surrounding the loved one’s death could be unclear or not easily known. Some questions may never be answered, while you may find other answers that make sense. Sometimes you will find answers to your questions, while other times, you must learn to accept the fact that there are some things no one can know. RISK FOR SURVIVORS: People who have recently experienced a loss by suicide are at increased risk for having suicidal thoughts themselves. After experiencing the loss of a loved one, it’s not uncommon to wish you were dead or to feel like the pain is unbearable. Remember that having suicidal thoughts does not mean that you will act on them. These feelings and thoughts will likely decrease over time, but if you find them too intense, or if you’re considering putting your thoughts into action, seek support from a mental health professional, counselor, trusted adult, or call 911 immediately. The Suicide Prevention Hotline – 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Healthy Ways to Cope with Grief and Loss

You will never “get over” the loss you’ve experienced, but you can “get through” it. You have been changed by this loss, but you can learn how to survive, even grow, from this challenge. The following are suggestions for healing in healthy ways: SEEK SUPPORT: It’s very important to find people in your life who are good listeners, so you can turn to someone when you need extra support. You may find it helpful to talk to a friend, family member, mental health professional or spiritual advisor. Some find joining a support group helpful since each person will be able to relate in different ways to your experience. Whatever support looks like for you, it’s important to reach out for help when you feel like you need it. BE PATIENT: Just as you may be feeling a range of emotions, people around you may also be sorting through their feelings. Be patient with yourself and others: those who are supportive of you as well as those who do not seem to understand. Limit your contact with those who tell you how to feel and what to think. Take time to heal. Set limits for yourself, and give yourself permission to say “no” to things that may come your way. It’s difficult to make decisions when you’re feeling overwhelmed; you may decide it’s best to put off important decisions until you feel ready to make them. STAY PRESENT: Take each moment as it comes. That way, you can better accept whatever you’re feeling and be able to respond in the way that is most helpful to you. Maybe you would benefit from calling your best friend. Maybe journaling would help you let go of your thoughts for now. Learning mindfulness or relaxation techniques like deep breathing can help you stay present and experience your emotions without feeling overwhelmed. Your local community may have a Mindfulness Training Program where you can learn to be present and meditate. EXPRESS YOURSELF: You can choose to tell others how you’re feeling or acknowledge your feelings privately. If you don’t feel like talking, you can set aside time each day to grieve. Just make sure you leave enough time to do something pleasantly distracting before bed. Either way, acknowledging your experiences helps. ALLOW YOURSELF TO HAVE FUN: Social events or pleasant activities can provide relaxation and distraction. Laughter heals, and it’s also OK if you cry. Get back to things you enjoyed and make it a priority. ESTABLISH ROUTINE: Even getting dressed may seem challenging, but it’s important to reestablish routine as soon as you can. Building in some structure can help you manage your grief and provide a sense of normalcy and hope. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: Eat as well as you can, exercise when you can, and avoid alcohol and other drugs that will make it harder for you to work through your feelings. ** Jeff Yalden is a suicide prevention specialist who works with education, high schools, middle schools, parents, and communities to deal with a loss and the grieving process. For more information on Jeff and his inspirational motivational school assemblies, please visit www.JeffYalden.com.

Texting Acronyms for Parents of Teens

January 2, 2015 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Warning: Can be shocking to some! Your kid has something to hide CD9: Short for “Code 9,” which means parents are around. KPC: Keeping Parents Clueless MOS: Mom Over Shoulder P911: Parent Alert PAL: Parents Are Listening PAW: Parents Are Watching PIR: Parent In Room POS: Parent Over Shoulder Your kid’s personal information or safety is at risk ASL: Age/Sex/Location F2F: Face to Face. Asking for a meeting or video chat LMIRL: Let’s Meet In Real Life NAZ: Name/Address/ZIP MOOS: Member of the Opposite Sex MOSS: Member of the Same Sex MORF or RUMORF: Male or Female, or Are Your Male or Female? RU/18: Are You Over 18? WUF: Where You From? WYCM: Will You Call Me? WYRN: What’s Your Real Name? Your kid shouldn’t be involved in this 143, 459 or ILU: I love you 1174: Invited to a wild party 420: Marijuana GNOC: Get Naked On Cam GYPO: Get Your Pants Off AMEZRU: I Am Easy, Are You? IWSN: I Want Sex Now KFY or K4Y: Kiss For You KOTL: Kiss On The Lips NIFOC: Nude In Front Of The Computer RUH: Are You Horny? TDTM: Talk Dirty To Me Not every acronym is bad BRB: Be Right Back CWYL: Chat With You Later CYT: See You Tomorrow IMHO: In My Humble Opinion IMNSHO: In My Not So Humble Opinion L8R: Later LMK: Let Me Know NM: Never Mind ROTFL: Rolling On The Floor Laughing SOHF: Sense Of Humor Failure If you’re curious about another acronym that you’ve stumbled across in your kids’ texts or chat, look it up on NetLingo. It has a continually updating list of online acronyms, along with their various meanings and origins. As any parent will tell you, dealing with teenagers and preteens is a fine balancing act. You want to give them freedom to explore, but you also need to keep tabs on what they’re doing. Click here for 5 dangerous apps you don’t know your kid is using. I recommend friending or following your kids on any sites they use. If they know you’re watching, they’re less likely to do something they shouldn’t. Plus, you can keep an eye to make sure they aren’t revealing information they shouldn’t or talking to people who aren’t safe. Of course, you never know what sites they might be using that you don’t know about. That’s where monitoring and tracking apps and software come in handy. You can keep tabs on everything they do online. Just be sure to communicate with your kids about why certain sites are bad so they can grow into responsible digital citizens. In fact, you should start before they’re teens with my 10 Commandments for Kids Online. It’s a contract between you and your child about the do’s and don’ts of our digital life. Jeff Yalden is a youth motivational speaker and celebrity teen and family life coach. Visit Jeff at www.JeffYalden.com.

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