The COVID-19 fatalities extend beyond the virus itself.
When I woke up yesterday, I found out that an ER doctor in New York City ended her life by suicide. Dr. Lorna Breen was 49 and was the medical director of the emergency department at New York Presbyterian-Allen Hospital. This brave woman contracted COVID-19 on the job, and when the hospital ultimately sent her home, her family brought her home to Charlottesville, Virginia.
It was there that she made her forever decision.
Her grieving father told the New York Times that she tried to do her job, and it killed her.
Think about that. It’s unbelievably sad.
To all of the front-line workers – doctors, nurses, first-responders, food service workers, truckers – everybody: It’s tough being considered a hero today because being a hero comes with a great deal of responsibility. As anxiety increases with the coronavirus pandemic, you want to continue serving people and saving lives…
But one of the things that we most often forget in our desire and our compassion and empathy to want to help and serve people – is that we forget to take care of ourselves.
Listen: You matter.
The situation that we are all in is traumatic. It is filled with a lot of anxiety and stress and the uncertainty of the world – but especially if you are one of these front-line workers that has to serve in the face of COVID-19.
You are still fortunate to have a job, but having this job can be extremely stressful
Remember: You can’t pour from an empty pitcher. It’s crucial that you have a daily routine in place, a structured lifestyle. The first order of business must be self-care. This could be anything from healthy eating, exercise, meditation, yoga or time in prayer. Whatever self-care looks like for you, now is the time to make sure you are setting time aside for this.
If you are not taking care of yourself, how can you take care of others? The best you isn’t showing up.
I have a niece who is a front-line worker in New York City. She sees the heartbreak of COVID-19 on a daily basis. I have friends here in the Myrtle Beach area who are nurses – and I applaud you all. I am so thankful to have people like you in my life, but one of the things that really sends up red flags is when you negate your thoughts and feelings with a statement like, “I’ll take care of me later. I’ve got to show up and do this now.”
NO! You have got to take care of yourself more now while you are taking care of others.
My intention is to be careful here, and I do not want to come across as insensitive.
You can be compassionate. You can be empathetic. But you cannot carry the darkness. Love people and serve others, absolutely – but you have got to take care of yourself first. This is so important.
God bless each and every one of you. I love you, and I hope you are well and staying safe.
About Jeff Yalden
Jeff Yalden is renowned for his work as a youth motivational speaker and teen mental health and suicide prevention expert. For three decades, Jeff has given his life to students, teachers, counselors, parents, and the mental health community.
For more about Jeff Yalden, click HERE.
Check out Jeff’s book: Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic
Yalden said that leads to a persistent form of depression called dysthymia, which could lead to the desire for suicide.
“Teens need relationships. They need trusted adults that are patient, giving of their time, understanding, supportive, and love them unconditionally,” he said, adding that it is imperative that we teach them coping skills and problem-solving skills and instill in them the importance of balance and boundaries, especially when it comes to social media, the Internet and YouTube.
Too much exposure to social media, as Yalden explains in this video, can also cause depression and other mental health issues in our teens.
Mental illness threatens to become the biggest public health crisis in America, and this is no longer a family issue, according to Yalden. This is an economic issue.
He said that mental illness and depression factor into 90 percent of suicides – and many suicides are preceded by factors that we don’t even notice.
“Why should we notice it when we weren’t even looking for it,” he said. “The individuals that are on the schools’ radars aren’t necessarily the ones we need to look out for. A lot of school communities have said to me, ‘Jeff, we didn’t even know there was a problem. There were no signs. This is the last person we would have suspected.’”
As a man who proudly lives with mental illness every day, Yalden is all about crushing the stigma attached to it.
“It’s OK to ask for help!”
Yalden can’t overemphasize the importance of a healthy self-esteem.
“I promise – on the other side of fear is self-esteem. Don’t let anyone take that from you. You have to do the work, though,” he said.
He said that this very sad time affects us all – and this is a time that will shape us.
“This will either expose wounds or build muscles. It’s your choice how you respond. Allow yourself to grieve on your terms. I am so sorry and thinking of you all,” he said.
For more information, go 
Many know me as a 
The reality is that 90 percent of teen suicides go back to mental illness – and if you think about today’s teens – two of the biggest challenges that we have are coping skills and problem-solving skills.
In my work, I find that that teenagers have a really tough time communicating – sharing their feelings – trusting in the circle of adults in their life – and so – when you ask me, “Hey Jeff – what is the greatest thing that you can give teenagers today,” I don’t even hesitate. I say, “self-esteem.”
But where does self-esteem come from?
Self-esteem comes from being challenged and overcoming those challenges.
I think self-esteem comes from social interaction. It comes from involvement with your friends and family – relationships. Self-esteem comes from being outside – coping through life – problem-solving through your challenges. Self-esteem is something we build every day as a result of being more active.
I think three things are really important to a teen’s mental health:
Again – going back to self-esteem – it’s safe to say that a teen spending time online interrupts time for activities where they could be building their self-esteem – (what I just mentioned: coping skills, problem-solving, communication) – life skills that are essential to their growth as a young adult.
I hope you are following me here.
Teens spend much less time today interacting with friends and family. Without interaction, our moods start to suffer, and depression follows.
Going back to Dr. Joiner – “I am alone – I am a burden.” Those two things lead to sadness. They lead to depression – and the “I am alone – I am a burden” – isolation is also a big factor in suicide ideation – better known as suicidal thoughts.
Let’s look at the amount of time being alone – the amount of time where you feel you are a burden. That brings the desire for suicide – Dr. Joiner’s theory is making sense – more so today – and the capability for suicide grows out of repeated exposure to painful or fearsome experiences
Now – this is starting to make a lot more sense when we look at time online – teens are more likely to be depressed, while making friends and engaging socially and in-person builds their self-esteem.
In 2012, this is what started to happen: Online versus in-person social engagement. Online harms mental health. In-person social engagement benefits mental health.
Remember: 90 percent of suicides. At the core, at the foundation are mental health issues.
I already mentioned that proper sleep and nutrition are a huge benefit to the mental well-being of our young people. They also need to get more involved. This is good for their self-esteem.
Is this research definitive enough? Maybe not. Is it too soon to recommend less screen time? The solution seems to be clear:
If less screen time can help lessen your child’s chances of falling into depression, then the danger of doing nothing can be high. Think about the possible consequences. If we do nothing, then we’re taking a huge risk.
A couple more things before I wrap this up:
Going back to Dr. Joiner’s theory:
“I am alone” is like, “I don’t have meaningful relationships.
“I am a burden.” This is about expectations.
Today’s teens have greater stress. They have the expectations that might not be realistic. They have the fear of not knowing who they are or what they want to do. That’s the “I am a burden.” And the desire for suicide – that’s the pain lasting and building up.
Also – the Dopamine effect from the social media, the Internet and YouTube – it’s like – “I want more, I want more, I want more…”
When you are spending four, five hours a day on your smartphone, the Dopamine effect is more and more and more – versus one-to-two-hours – you have less of the “I want more, I want more.”
So what does all of this lead to?
Our teens are on 24/7 – 365. This is leading to depression, isolation – a feeling that they are not worthy. They want to be validated with “likes” on social media – and social isolation is arguably the strongest and most reliable predictor of suicidal thoughts.
Social isolation leads to loneliness, social withdrawal, living alone with little social support – living in non-intact families. All of this really isn’t helping.
I think it comes down to vigilant parenting, less time online, more social and emotional learning – mindfulness practice – meditation – reducing the stigma of mental health, and letting people know that it is OK to ask for help.
To wrap this up:
Self-esteem: Again, social interaction, sleep, health, exercise, nutrition, activity.
Self-esteem: Involvement, communication, coping skills, problem-solving skills.
Self-esteem: You’re not afraid to ask for help.
Social Isolation: “I am alone. I am a burden.”
When our young people are interacting, they are learning. They’ve got friends. They are figuring themselves out – their identities – they are growing – they have trust – companionship – problem-solving and coping skills – laughter and better communication.
A couple of things, lastly –
Smartphone. Addiction. Isolation. Sadness. Loneliness. Lack of growth, The Dopamine effect. Diminished life skills.
It makes sense that Joiner’s “I am alone” / “I am a burden” is a problem. You see where social media is really adding to that. And then the desire for suicide that emerges from suicidal thoughts stemming from repeated exposure to painful or fear-inducing experiences that these kids go through.
Again – I don’t think students want to die. I think they live in the here and the now – and so they feel like they can never reach solutions to their problems and move on with their lives.
And with the here and the now – everything is just so readily available to them. I mean, you text somebody and you get an immediate response. You pick up your smartphone and someone is automatically there. You go to the bank – and an ATM spits out cash.
I think the biggest problems with our youth today are the lack of coping skills and problem-solving skills.
If we could focus more on social and emotional learning in our schools, I think we would do an awesome job of getting our kids to spend less time on their smartphones and more time interacting – I think that would make a huge life-changing difference.
For more information about Jeff Yalden, go 
