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Jarrid Wilson Suicide: I’m Angry and Disappointed

October 29, 2019 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker Leave a Comment

In September, Harvest Christian Fellowship associate pastor, mental health advocate and author Jarrid Wilson made the forever decision to end his life by suicide at only 30 years old.

Before I go any further, I want to send my thoughts and prayers to his wife and sons – to his family, followers and fans. It is with a heavy heart that I write this, but it’s also my responsibility – as it was also Jarrid’s responsibility.

I hope you understand my intentions for sharing my feelings…

Jarrid was a passionate advocate for mental health and suicide prevention. He had the megachurch behind him where he was a pastor. I think of myself as a Christian, and I know that there are many pastors out there living with their share of darkness. I have been fortunate enough to work with a number of them, and they have shared their struggles with me. I have become much more aware of these struggles and in some cases, concerned.

As a suicide prevention and mental health advocate myself – primarily working in school communities with teens, teachers and staff, parents and community leaders – I’ve met and conversed at length with many leaders of churches, and they’ve all told me I’m right and to continue sharing the message when I talk about church and mental health.

Pastors are not perfect

Let me just tell you that 53% of pastors have an addiction to pornography and the occupation of being a pastor is one of the highest for suicidal ideation. I don’t need to go further.

This isn’t about bashing any pastor or any church. It’s about full transparency and not hiding behind a faith to heal your heart or emotions – or hiding behind a congregation for validation. We clearly need more truth, and I think our churches have an incredible responsibility in the mental health crisis we currently live in.

I’m angry and I have a right to be. Here is exactly why I feel as though I do. I’ve been speaking and advocating for mental health and suicide prevention for 28 years.

Jeff Yalden: A Man Who Proudly Lives with Mental Illness

I live with mental illness. I’m diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder [PTSD]. I travel nearly 180 days a year giving hope, educating, and inspiring many – as did Jarrid. I’m very protective of who is speaking and giving hope and educating those who need help and hope. This isn’t something we should take lightly, and I see too many people thinking that since they have a story, they can save lives. People struggling with mental illness require the help of professionals – not people that can trigger emotions and leave pieces to be picked up later.

Jarrid Wilson’s final act of suicide, in my opinion, sent more of a message than any of his work as an advocate. Any hope he’d given to anyone struggling and who trusted in him was negated by his forever decision in the end.

Because of things like this, I feel that my 28 years of working – speaking throughout the country on mental health and suicide prevention – has become more of a challenge, and this was a big slap in the face…

It’s not OK that Wilson, who was in a position of leadership and trust – serving people and doing kingdom work, ultimately decided to take his own life.

I WISH HE KEPT FIGHTING AND ASKING FOR HELP.

I believe there is always help available. Take the time to just breathe…

Maybe I’m wrong. Perhaps there is a depth of despair I can’t fathom. I’m learning and trying to understand.

I will not give up, but I am angry and really disappointed in Jarrid. As an advocate, you know the work you have to do because you know first-hand the importance of self-care.

Did Jarrid not live the truth he so proudly displayed in his speaking or the books he’d written? Did he not open up about his troubles to his wife or senior pastor? Did he forsake therapy because he thought turning to God would heal his mental illness? Was he even on medication?

I have questions, and I feel like I have the right to know because I fight the battle myself.

Jarrid’s high-pressure role at Harvest Christian Fellowship seemed to be too much, and one of his friends said that he had expressed an interest in stepping down. Did this sign go unnoticed by church leadership? Was there even a conversation as to why he wanted to step down? Was there support for him?

Is the church too big to include input from mental health professionals?

A person I’d like to have lunch with is Mr. Dale Partridge, a pastor and a friend of Wilson’s. What exactly does he know and what did they try and do for Jarrid? It could be possible that Jarrid himself wasn’t as truthful as he could have been about the depth of his pain.

Church Leadership

Before I get out of my car and go into a facility to make a presentation, I always ask God to use me as a vehicle to provide hope, to educate and to plant seeds. I feel strongly that God is with me – but I also feel strongly that God has blessed us with mental health professionals, who are crucial in helping people create a toolbox and resources to help them cope. This is the God I know.

Is it possible that we have churches that are reckless enough to put people with mental illness in positions of leadership? Do certain churches place people into leadership roles even when these people doubt their faith?

Don’t get me wrong. I know we have wonderful houses of worship with fantastic people who lead their congregations – but like anything else, we also have imperfection and unbiblical practices from people who are in positions of great responsibility.

Why are our churches putting these people in such positions? I’ve read that many church leaders have been open about their mental health struggles and their doubts of the Bible and doctrine.

As a man who lives with mental illness, I am the healthiest I’ve ever been, having more fun than ever and feel more present in my work. A huge part of this boils down to the fact that I am doing the work – counseling, therapy, medication and self-care. I wake up early enough to make sure I take care of myself first.

Self-care is not selfish.

I understand that we are busy. I can also understand the “second-hand trauma” associated with serving others who also struggle – listening to them and acutely aware of their pain. It can be very hard. After years in the trenches of mental illness, I have learned that you can empathize and be compassionate, but you can’t carry the darkness of others.

Anyone in the vocation of serving others – especially pastors – need privacy, not publicity. We need diligent prayer, not overwhelming pressure. We need to truly become servants and should refuse to be placed on pedestals. When a church officer falls, it becomes like a domino effect and causes others to fall. This causes ripples of confusion, fear and doubt among the congregation.

God has given clear instructions that offer protection to His church. Every time we decide to break His commands, we only break ourselves. A pastor is not simply someone who is willing. A pastor is not simply someone who is gifted. A pastor is not simply someone who is educated. He is a man who meets all God’s qualifications. This is safety for God’s church.

I don’t feel my words are coming from ignorance., nor, is my belief uneducated. I feel we need to wake up and see the responsibility we have to one another.

In the world we live in, almost half of all adults will experience mental illness in their lifetime. With being “overwhelmed” as a new clinical diagnosis of mental illness, I believe this to be even higher than half.

We do live in a broken world, but that isn’t an excuse. I’m not asking for perfection or perfect leaders, but I’m asking for accountability and leadership where we take care of one another. I’m very open to a pastor who isn’t perfect, but I want a pastor who is doing the work as in, “Do as I do and as I say. Let me lead you by influence. We do this together.”

For anyone living with mental illness I need you to know it’s OK to not be OK. But if you don’t do something about it, then it’s not OK. A true leader should know they lead best by their influence and not by spoken words.

It is not shameful to live with mental illness. It is contagious to seek help and want to get better. You can live a very healthy life when learning about mental illness and not ignoring it.

I do not want to come across as judgmental or shaming, I’m just angry for the work we all do and sad for Jarrid’s family and all those that listened to him.

Please forgive me if I offended anyone with how I feel. Mental health is an epidemic and I will continue to work hard – on myself and in service to others. I will always pray for people like Jarrid that hurt so much and ultimately felt the struggle was too much. For Jarrid’s family, his fans, and the love of my work I will always advocate strongly for self-care and complete transparency.

Let’s all learn and grow together.

Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as the number one Teen Mental Health Speaker in all of North America. Jeff is a Suicide Crisis Intervention Expert and Suicide Prevention Trainer working with hundreds of school communities every year.

He’s an Amazon Best Selling Author of four books, including Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic and BOOM: One Word to Instantly Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day! His podcast, Mental Health & Motivation: The Unlikely Life Coach continues to attract thousands of new subscribers every month for his direct talk and influence on families and teens.

Since 1992, Jeff Yalden has traveled to 50 states and 48 countries delivering his message, “About Life.”

From 2005-2011, Jeff was a celebrity teen and family life coach on MTV’s hit realty show MADE.

As a celebrity teen & family life coach, Jeff gets the heart of the matter helping teens, young adults, families, and communities in their struggles together.

He’s a Gulf War Veteran and a two- time Marine-of-the-year recipient 1991-1992. He was Mr. New Hampshire Male America, 1990.

Every year over 1 million people are left inspired by Jeff Yalden’s inexhaustible energy that permeates after he speaks.

Jeff has an online suicide prevention course for school communities, parents, teachers, staff, and teens. Check it out HERE.

For more information, please visit www.jeffyalden.com and www.thejyf.org

PURCHASE Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic Link to Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/jeffyaldenfoundation

JEFF YALDEN REACHES OUT TO THE BROOKFIELD, MISSOURI SCHOOL COMMUNITY

May 18, 2018 by Roger Yale

Jeff Yalden’s heart sank when he heard the news of two completed suicides and one suicide attempt last month in Brookfield, Missouri. Two more young lives cut short by what he calls the “forever decision” in an area that has suffered too much loss already. Yalden is a teen mental health and youth motivational speaker. He is also a teen suicide and crisis intervention expert. For more than 25 years, he has worked in the trenches of communities hit hard by suicide contagion, and has proven to be effective in preventing further suicides and bringing hope to communities that have lost hope. Yalden visited the Brookfield school community a year ago, and remains friends with Angie Smith Wallace, a STUCO advisor and teacher at Brookfield High School. Wallace also founded the Taylor Gilpin Wallace Foundation for Suicide Prevention on behalf of her son after her son made the forever decision to take his own life. In the above video, Yalden reached out because several people in the community reached out to him. “Words can’t adequately describe the pain I feel in my heart when I hear of the death of a young person, or in your case the many losses your community has felt over the past year,” he said. “I can tell you now that you might not be done, but you have to do something immediately.” In the video, Yalden laid out the two questions that young people need to have answered by the trusted adults in their lives: Can I trust you? Do you care about me? He also talked about the fact that most young people don’t want adults to fix their problems. “They want to feel validated that what they are thinking and feeling is normal. Growing up and understanding is on their terms, and today’s teens are growing up differently than their parents did.” For more about this, check out Yalden’s TEDx talk HERE. The factors contributing to suicide, put forth by Dr. Thomas Joiner at Florida State University, are three-fold: “I am alone.” “I am a burden.” “I have the desire for suicide.” “Teens don’t want to die,” said Yalden. “They live in the here-and-now, and see solutions to their problems as so far out there that they can’t solve in the now, so the pain of ‘I am alone’ and ‘I am a burden’ carries on day after day, week after week – and they get discouraged with never being happy.”

Yalden said that leads to a persistent form of depression called dysthymia, which could lead to the desire for suicide. “Teens need relationships. They need trusted adults that are patient, giving of their time, understanding, supportive, and love them unconditionally,” he said, adding that it is imperative that we teach them coping skills and problem-solving skills and instill in them the importance of balance and boundaries, especially when it comes to social media, the Internet and YouTube. Too much exposure to social media, as Yalden explains in this video, can also cause depression and other mental health issues in our teens. Mental illness threatens to become the biggest public health crisis in America, and this is no longer a family issue, according to Yalden. This is an economic issue. He said that mental illness and depression factor into 90 percent of suicides – and many suicides are preceded by factors that we don’t even notice. “Why should we notice it when we weren’t even looking for it,” he said. “The individuals that are on the schools’ radars aren’t necessarily the ones we need to look out for. A lot of school communities have said to me, ‘Jeff, we didn’t even know there was a problem. There were no signs. This is the last person we would have suspected.’” As a man who proudly lives with mental illness every day, Yalden is all about crushing the stigma attached to it. “It’s OK to ask for help!” Yalden can’t overemphasize the importance of a healthy self-esteem. “I promise – on the other side of fear is self-esteem. Don’t let anyone take that from you. You have to do the work, though,” he said. He said that this very sad time affects us all – and this is a time that will shape us. “This will either expose wounds or build muscles. It’s your choice how you respond. Allow yourself to grieve on your terms. I am so sorry and thinking of you all,” he said. For more information, go HERE. Check out Jeff’s new nonprofit HERE. To book Jeff now, call (800) 948-9289.

TEEN SUICIDE: THE “WHY” BEHIND THE EPIDEMIC

March 7, 2018 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

My name is Jeff Yalden.

Many know me as a youth motivational speaker. For 26 years now, this has been my passion. Since 1992, I have presented to more than 4000 live audiences at schools, colleges and mental health organizations in this country and around the world – and it is an absolute joy to inspire young people – to see their faces light up when they experience an A-HA! moment – and to help guide them on their lives’ journeys. That being said, I am also a teen suicide prevention and crisis intervention expert. This is the tough part. I have grieved with so many families over the years, and with each devastating loss, the heartache and pain – the very idea of trying to be a source of hope and comfort only compounds the sobering realization that the teen suicide epidemic continues to grow. Mental health is not just a family issue anymore. I think it’s quickly becoming an economic issue that could become the biggest public health crisis of our time. The biggest problem I have is that schools today are afraid to talk about suicide. I get it. I understand, but we need to reach a point where we get comfortable about being uncomfortable. But I’m here today to talk about the WHY behind the teen suicide epidemic. Back in 2005, a professor at Florida State University, Dr. Thomas Joiner, published his theory on suicide – specifically his “Interpersonal Theory of Suicidal Behavior.” His theory points to two factors that contribute to suicide:

“I am alone,” and “I am a burden.”

And what this means is…

The “I am alone” – which is, as Joiner says, a “thwarted belongingness” – represents a belief on the part of the individual that she or she does not have any meaningful relationships.

“I am a burden” – which is a “perceived burdensomeness” represents a belief on the part of the individual that he or she does not make any notable contributions to the world. They think that they serve as a liability.

So, when you have the “I am alone” and the “I am a burden,” – that kind of creates the DESIRE FOR SUICIDE – which becomes the capability for suicide over a period of time, and Joiner here again – the “capability for suicide is acquired largely through repeated exposure to painful or fearsome experiences. This results in habituation and, in turn, a higher tolerance for pain and a sense of fearlessness in the face of death.” Habituation is a fancy term for getting used to something. I became a fan of Dr. Joiner as I got into researching the topic of suicide – but more specifically Teen Suicide. When you get to the “I am alone” part, you are like, WHY? Why do teens feel alone today? Why do teens feel like they are a burden – and that they serve as a liability? And then – why do they just feel so hopeless? In all my work in the trenches with teens and talking to teens, I have come to believe that even the most troubled teens don’t want to die. I think it’s that they can’t find a solution to their problems – that the solution is so far out there that they can’t solve it and move forward. Remember: Today’s teens live in the here and the now. Teens don’t know what they don’t know – and there is no way for them to know what the future can hold. And today’s teenagers – the Generation Z kids born from the mid-1990s to the early 2000s – are the first teenagers to not know what’s it like to grow up without a smartphone. Let’s look at this: As much as we say suicide is because of this or suicide is because of that – it’s bullying, it’s cyber-bullying, it’s this, it’s that – suicide is never the result of one thing – but one thing can certainly be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

The reality is that 90 percent of teen suicides go back to mental illness – and if you think about today’s teens – two of the biggest challenges that we have are coping skills and problem-solving skills. In my work, I find that that teenagers have a really tough time communicating – sharing their feelings – trusting in the circle of adults in their life – and so – when you ask me, “Hey Jeff – what is the greatest thing that you can give teenagers today,” I don’t even hesitate. I say, “self-esteem.” But where does self-esteem come from? Self-esteem comes from being challenged and overcoming those challenges. I think self-esteem comes from social interaction. It comes from involvement with your friends and family – relationships. Self-esteem comes from being outside – coping through life – problem-solving through your challenges. Self-esteem is something we build every day as a result of being more active. I think three things are really important to a teen’s mental health:

1) SLEEP 2) NUTRITION – Today’s teenagers are consuming over 200 grams more sugar a day than they should be consuming in a 24-hour period – and sugar is directly related to depression. 3) MORE ACTIVITY/MORE SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT

These three things play a significant role in one’s mental health. Some say that Generation Z – the young people born after 1995 – are more likely to experience mental health issues than their Millennial predecessors. Today’s adolescents are at even greater risk of mental health problems – and so you keep asking the questions “Why are today’s teens worse off than the Millennials?” And then, “Why are today’s adolescents in worse shape than Generation Z?” Why… Let’s look at 2012. That is the time when smartphones surged into the lives of our teens – and with that, in 2012 – over 50 percent of our teens had smartphones, so they started to get more invested in social media, YouTube, the Internet, group texting – In 2015 – they say over 73 percent of our teens had access to a smartphone. Today – 2018 – over 90 percent of our kids have access to a smartphone. From 2012-2018 – in those six years, the smartphone became something that was very much more common in the lives of our teens. Not just more common, but more widely-used for longer periods of time. From 2010-2015, surveys said that 35 percent of teens felt alone and a burden. Feeling alone and a burden, going back to Thomas Joiner’s theory from 2005 – well, those are symptoms of suicide – and they are symptoms of suicide today. They even said that suicide surged 23 percent – and teen suicide surged 31 percent – and that’s where we are at. These are alarming numbers causing great concern – and we are asking why. Let’s not just jump to the conclusion that, “Whoa – Jeff is blaming this on smartphones.” Hold on. I just want to continue asking why. Why is this? Moving forward – 2012-2018 – that’s six years. More teens were depressed. Greater anxiety. Trouble communicating. Withdrawal. Social isolation – hopelessness – and seeing suicide as the solution to their problems. Again – why? All signs point to the sudden ascendance of the smartphone. As more and more teens gained access to a smartphone, more and more teens were feeling depressed – and suicide kept increasing in great numbers. It’s important to note here that these same surveys say that from 2010-2015 – the time doing homework barely budged. Why is this important? It’s important because it rules out academic pressure as the cause of teen suicide. So – here’s my theory: Smartphone? If you are on your smartphone four to five hours a day or more, you are 70 percent more likely to have mental health issues. Mental health professionals say that one to two hours a day is the safe zone. Going by these numbers – I think it’s pretty safe to say that time spent online affects a teen’s overall mental health. Right. OK. Now – could it be that instead of time online causing depression – maybe depression causes more time online, one might ask. And so – these studies show that this is unlikely. My theory: Depression might cause people to spend more time online – but why did depression increase so much after 2012? More teens became depressed for an unknown reason, and then started buying smartphones, which doesn’t seem too logical.

WHAT’S MISSING

You might say that online time doesn’t affect mental health directly – but it still adversely affects mental health in indirect ways – especially if time online interrupts time for other activities. That’s that social engagement – that’s the other activities with friends and family – less smartphones, social media – more time problem-solving, coping, and one-on-one communication.

Again – going back to self-esteem – it’s safe to say that a teen spending time online interrupts time for activities where they could be building their self-esteem – (what I just mentioned: coping skills, problem-solving, communication) – life skills that are essential to their growth as a young adult. I hope you are following me here. Teens spend much less time today interacting with friends and family. Without interaction, our moods start to suffer, and depression follows. Going back to Dr. Joiner – “I am alone – I am a burden.” Those two things lead to sadness. They lead to depression – and the “I am alone – I am a burden” – isolation is also a big factor in suicide ideation – better known as suicidal thoughts. Let’s look at the amount of time being alone – the amount of time where you feel you are a burden. That brings the desire for suicide – Dr. Joiner’s theory is making sense – more so today – and the capability for suicide grows out of repeated exposure to painful or fearsome experiences Now – this is starting to make a lot more sense when we look at time online – teens are more likely to be depressed, while making friends and engaging socially and in-person builds their self-esteem. In 2012, this is what started to happen: Online versus in-person social engagement. Online harms mental health. In-person social engagement benefits mental health. Remember: 90 percent of suicides. At the core, at the foundation are mental health issues. I already mentioned that proper sleep and nutrition are a huge benefit to the mental well-being of our young people. They also need to get more involved. This is good for their self-esteem. Is this research definitive enough? Maybe not. Is it too soon to recommend less screen time? The solution seems to be clear: If less screen time can help lessen your child’s chances of falling into depression, then the danger of doing nothing can be high. Think about the possible consequences. If we do nothing, then we’re taking a huge risk. A couple more things before I wrap this up: Going back to Dr. Joiner’s theory: “I am alone” is like, “I don’t have meaningful relationships. “I am a burden.” This is about expectations. Today’s teens have greater stress. They have the expectations that might not be realistic. They have the fear of not knowing who they are or what they want to do. That’s the “I am a burden.” And the desire for suicide – that’s the pain lasting and building up. Also – the Dopamine effect from the social media, the Internet and YouTube – it’s like – “I want more, I want more, I want more…”

When you are spending four, five hours a day on your smartphone, the Dopamine effect is more and more and more – versus one-to-two-hours – you have less of the “I want more, I want more.” So what does all of this lead to? Our teens are on 24/7 – 365. This is leading to depression, isolation – a feeling that they are not worthy. They want to be validated with “likes” on social media – and social isolation is arguably the strongest and most reliable predictor of suicidal thoughts. Social isolation leads to loneliness, social withdrawal, living alone with little social support – living in non-intact families. All of this really isn’t helping. I think it comes down to vigilant parenting, less time online, more social and emotional learning – mindfulness practice – meditation – reducing the stigma of mental health, and letting people know that it is OK to ask for help. To wrap this up: Self-esteem: Again, social interaction, sleep, health, exercise, nutrition, activity. Self-esteem: Involvement, communication, coping skills, problem-solving skills. Self-esteem: You’re not afraid to ask for help. Social Isolation: “I am alone. I am a burden.” When our young people are interacting, they are learning. They’ve got friends. They are figuring themselves out – their identities – they are growing – they have trust – companionship – problem-solving and coping skills – laughter and better communication. A couple of things, lastly – Smartphone. Addiction. Isolation. Sadness. Loneliness. Lack of growth, The Dopamine effect. Diminished life skills. It makes sense that Joiner’s “I am alone” / “I am a burden” is a problem. You see where social media is really adding to that. And then the desire for suicide that emerges from suicidal thoughts stemming from repeated exposure to painful or fear-inducing experiences that these kids go through. Again – I don’t think students want to die. I think they live in the here and the now – and so they feel like they can never reach solutions to their problems and move on with their lives. And with the here and the now – everything is just so readily available to them. I mean, you text somebody and you get an immediate response. You pick up your smartphone and someone is automatically there. You go to the bank – and an ATM spits out cash. I think the biggest problems with our youth today are the lack of coping skills and problem-solving skills. If we could focus more on social and emotional learning in our schools, I think we would do an awesome job of getting our kids to spend less time on their smartphones and more time interacting – I think that would make a huge life-changing difference. For more information about Jeff Yalden, go HERE. Find out about Jeff’s new nonprofit, THE JEFF YALDEN FOUNDATION To book Jeff now, call (800) 948-9289

Jeff Yalden on the Loss of Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington

August 13, 2017 by Roger Yale

Just a week before American alt-rockers Linkin Park were to embark on a 29-date North American tour, the tragic news spread like wildfire: Chester Bennington – the band’s 41-year-old lead singer and whom Rolling Stone called “an honest voice of pain and anger for a generation” – was found dead of suicide by hanging in his California home on July 20.

Chester Bennington, Photo: Rolling Stone

Barely two months before, Bennington sang a poignant rendition of the Leonard Cohen classic, “Hallelujah,” at the memorial service for his close friend Chris Cornell of Soundgarden, who also took his own life by hanging. Motivational speaker and author Jeff Yalden is also a suicide prevention expert. He has grieved with enough families to know that the issue is worsening. He spoke at length about Chris Cornell in a previous blog post, and sadly, in this episode of The BOOM Podcast, he spoke from the heart about Chad Bennington and suicide.

He said that speaking about suicide is never easy, and he always wants to be very careful about his words. “I don’t want to add more pain, and I don’t want to sensationalize anything,” he said, adding that he wanted to send his thoughts and prayers and pay incredible respect to Bennington’s ex-wives – the mothers of his six children. He also said that he is very concerned about Bennington’s millions of fans and what the possible fallout could be. This message is about mental health, as it was in the post about Chris Cornell. Many people think they can deal with their issues by throwing themselves into their work – compartmentalizing emotions and bottling things up along the way – dealing with these issues by not dealing with them. Yalden is a huge advocate of mental health and cognitive behavioral therapy. “It’s about being honest with yourself – with the man in the mirror – talking to your doctor, getting on the right prescription and just being your own best advocate,” he said. But Yalden also believes that a struggling person’s close network of friends and family need to support and encourage them as well. In many cases, the person dealing with mental health issues is not right in their thinking enough to be able to make the appropriate decisions. It is always a better plan for a friend or family member to make sure that this person gets professional help. “If you are a spouse, coach or friend, you have an incredible responsibility to go to the mental health professionals – to call 911 – to call the police. Sometimes you need to think clearly for this person.” Bennington was an amazing talent, to be sure, and he dove into his career like many people do, but Yalden warned that not dealing with core issues and instead putting yourself out there for your audience can be a slippery slope. “All of a sudden, it’s the applause – it’s the music – it’s the putting those emotions into your work that kind of releases you from having to deal with real life. When you are a celebrity, a professional athlete, an actor, a rock star – all that fame and all of that money kind of fulfills your heart. In a way, I kind of understand. I am not a celebrity like any of these guys by all means. I have been a motivational speaker for 25 years. You get standing ovations, you get applause, you get hugs – ‘sign this, Jeff. Sign that’ – and people love you.” But the audience isn’t there when you go home.

Chester Bennington, Photo: Rolling Stone

“You’ve got to put the kids to bed, mow the lawn – take out the trash. You have to feed the dogs, empty the dishwasher, vacuum the carpet – so the bottom line is this: You are getting all of this applause. You are put on a pedestal. Then you go home and you have to deal with life, and you begin to have this big void.” Yalden said many celebrities – and for that matter many other people – look to fill this void with gratuitous sex, drinking and doing drugs. The casualties from these behaviors continue to grow daily. “You can look at many of the celebrities whose lives ended because they were not taking care of what’s important – and they all have one thing in common: They weren’t taking care of themselves first,” he said. Yalden himself struggles with mental illness, and is diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II disorder and PTSD. He talked about behavioral and situational clues that were red flags long before Bennington made what Yalden calls the forever decision. The debut of Hybrid Theory in 2000 put Linkin Park on the map, and was the start that brought in millions of fans that adored Chester Bennington. “If you listen to the album and you know a little bit about them, Chester Bennington helped many young people with their struggles – with being alienated, bullied – or struggles with mental illness. In a way, he gave people permission to understand and so say to themselves, ‘it’s OK,’ because he talked about his own struggles. This resonated with his audience because ‘he gets it. He understands because he is going through it.” Yalden said he is really concerned about the aftermath. “As great of a man as Chester Bennington was to his millions of adoring fans and how he helped so many people with their struggles with mental health – I am sad that he didn’t see the responsibility that he had to the millions of people. He should have taken care of himself while taking care of those fans. From a mental health standpoint, that breaks my heart. So many people looked up to him – so many people struggling mental illness. They needed someone to go to. And millions of people are afraid to go to a mental health professional. They are afraid to go to the doctor, so they seek the answers and they seek the respect from someone that they trusted. This was Chester Bennington – but many knew that he was a man who struggled with mental illness himself, and people should have been somewhat concerned for him.” For more information about Jeff Yalden, click HERE.

Teen Suicide: Jeff Yalden on the Forever Decision

June 6, 2017 by Roger Yale

Weighing on the heart of youth motivational speaker and author Jeff Yalden is the issue of teen suicide. He has grieved with so many families over more than two decades, yet with each devastating loss, the heartache and pain – the very idea of trying to be a source of hope and comfort – only compounds the sobering realization that teen suicide epidemic continues to grow. He recently recalled visiting South Nodaway High School in Barnard, Mo., just weeks after 16-year-old Baylee Hilsabeck made the forever decision to end her own life. “The first thing you notice walking through a school this size in a community this small is that you are not walking into a school – you are walking into a home. This is family,” he said. The fact that there were only 84 kids in the building made it painfully obvious to Yalden how much a tragic loss like this could rock the students and the general community. He remembered coming in for a day of counseling, humbled by the privilege and opportunity to be a source of hope to the community. “Let’s be honest: We are all a mess – and that is common ground. We must come together and pick each other up,” he said. “We come from different backgrounds – raised in different homes – but over the past 25 years of doing this, it doesn’t change that we need each other.” The problem is not going away. “More and more teenagers and adults are making momentary decisions that have a lasting impact. The forever decision is often made without thought.” The fact that many teachers and counselors said that Baylee was probably the most popular junior in her class proves that suicide does not discriminate. Her grandfather also committed suicide, and the two were very close. Nobody will ever know what prompted her to take her life, but there is some speculation that part of this might have had to do with health issues. “Baylee had a disease that was a little bit debilitating, but she learned how to deal with it. She had a great personality – vibrant and ornery,” Yalden said. “You couldn’t help but to love her, they say.” Yalden sat down with her mom and dad, read the suicide letter and saw Baylee’s bedroom. He also saw Baylee’s scrapbook at school, and helped her fellow students clean out her locker – a poignant moment, but one which gave these young people a sense of closure. At the family home, Yalden was hit with a realization. “For the first time in my life, I think I’d come to realize that not all suicides are a selfish individual act, and there’s so much more to explain how I feel about this situation – but Baylee knew what she was doing. It was a combination of many things, and I think Baylee was just really, really tired.” Yalden’s takeaway from visiting Barnard was moving. “My team and I got to witness laughter and joy as we shared the hope and knowledge to make this event a catalyst for change in the future,” he said. “Baylee was a very special young lady that touched a lot of hearts and changed a lot of lives.” To find out more about Jeff’s youth programs and suicide prevention workshops, click HERE. To order a copy of Jeff’s new book, BOOM! One Word to Instantly Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day, go HERE. Book Jeff now for your school, event or organization by calling 800-948-9289.

Jeff Yalden on Mental Health, Suicide and Chris Cornell

May 25, 2017 by Roger Yale

Nobody will ever really know what prompted rock icon Chris Cornell to make the tragic final decision to end his own life on May 17. What we do know is that Cornell had just performed a sold-out Soundgarden concert in Detroit. The Daily Mail reported that he posed for photographs after the show and told fans that he would see them at the band’s next scheduled performance in Columbus, Ohio a few days later. Cornell was found dead later that night in the bathroom of his suite at the MGM Grand Detroit, and medical examiners ruled that he died of suicide by hanging – but as soon as that news came out, his wife, Vicky Karayiannis, took exception to this – stating that side-effects of the prescription drug Ativan might have led him to suicidal thoughts. Cornell, a recovering addict, was prescribed Ativan to combat his anxiety. His wife said in a statement that when she spoke to him by telephone after the show, she noticed that he was slurring his words. He told her that he may have taken “an extra Ativan or two.” According to family lawyer Kirk Pasich, the family will wait for toxicology results to see whether Ativan may have impaired Cornell’s judgement before his death. Karayiannis said that she knew he loved their children and would not hurt them by intentionally taking his own life. We also know that Cornell suffered from bouts of depression and agoraphobia, which is defined by Merriam-Webster as “abnormal fear of being helpless in a situation from which escape may be difficult or embarrassing that is characterized initially often by panic or anticipatory anxiety and finally by the avoidance of open or public places.” To the outside world, Chris Cornell had it all – a loving wife and children, a music career that helped change the face of rock ‘n’ roll – think Soundgarden, Audioslave and Temple of the Dog – and a reported net worth of $60 million. Does his death prove that money and fame are not buffers against mental illness and that suicide can creep into all lives and socioeconomic situations? Suicide prevention expert and mental health speaker Jeff Yalden said that mental illness is not prejudiced toward any specific group and can plague anybody, rich or poor. “For many of these people, work and careers can be a challenge, but mental illness is something that you can learn to live with and function properly – but you have to address it. For Chris Cornell, I don’t know whether he addressed it. I’d be speculating,” he said. Yalden said that, from watching Cornell’s last performance, he appeared to be a shell. “He looked like had already checked out. It’s very sad,” he said. When somebody famous takes his or her life, the issue of suicide is brought into the spotlight – and Yalden has grieved with enough families to know that the issue is worsening. “I think suicides in general have been on the rise,” he said. “When it’s a rock star or a celebrity, I think the media sensationalizes it – and sometimes when you are a celebrity, your ego can get in the way of seeking help.” In the case of Cornell, Yalden feels that there should have been people in his life that could have seen the signs. “Somebody could have worked with him to have balance and boundaries so we wouldn’t be talking about this as we are now. His wife knew that he wasn’t doing well. His bandmates have had to know that he wasn’t himself. The problem is – if you are not looking for this, why would you see it. That’s the problem with all suicides,” he said. When the signs become obvious, that’s the time for family and friends to take action. But sometimes the loss from suicide is indeed unexpected and seemingly inexplicable. Yalden said that the symptoms for suicide are very similar to that of depression, and he has a three-point theory about teen suicide:

I am alone.
I am a burden and a liability to other people.
I have the desire for suicide.

Put these symptoms together and you have a lethal or near-lethal attempt to take one’s life. “Again, I am speculating – but I think the three-point theory is shown in all suicides,” he said. “Obviously, Cornell was alone in his hotel room that night. Maybe he had been on the road a lot and was missing his family. He may have felt alone.” As far as the burden component, in this case it might have felt like a burden to Cornell to continue to be the frontrunner for so many people – the lynchpin. “And there were so many people that idolized this guy and thought he was a legend – but the thing is, what good does that do if you don’t think you are that good yourself,” he said. Maybe he reached a point where he didn’t think he was as good as he was.” Another point of speculation is whether the Ativan caused him to think about self-harm. Side effects of the drug can include confusion, depression, thoughts of self-harm and suicidal ideation. There is also a disturbing trend recently reported on by NBC News about the upswing in middle-aged suicides. “Middle-aged suicide is becoming more and more problematic,” said Yalden. “Many people ignore that they are struggling with mental illness and don’t think they need help. Then they reach the point where – had they asked for help many years ago – they wouldn’t be suicidal. It’s just very sad.” Yalden said the warning signs for adults are very similar to those of teens. “Listen. If you have five or more symptoms of depression that last more than two weeks without it going away, that right there means you have red flags that you need to have addressed.” And it’s OK to ask for help. “I got a new pair of eyeglasses. I don’t know if the prescription is really working, so I have to go back and get my eyes rechecked. I’m not afraid to ask for that help. This is the same with mental illness. If we address mental illness, we could drastically cut down on our suicides.” Yalden called Cornell’s suicide very sad and unfortunate. “The bottom line is that if people saw the signs, they could have intervened and said something. They could have gotten him the help that he needed, even if that meant canceling some shows and taking a break.” To discover more about Jeff, visit: www.jeffyalden.com. Jeff is stoked about his new book, BOOM! One Word to Instantly Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day! Preorder it here. To book Jeff for your school or event now, call 800-948-9289.

Teen Suicide Prevention Expert Jeff Yalden Weighs In on “13 Reasons Why”

May 4, 2017 by Roger Yale

The media has been abuzz about the controversial Netflix series, “13 Reasons Why,” based on a young adult novel of the same name by author Jay Asher – the jarring tale of high school student who takes her own life, leaving behind a handful of cassette tapes detailing her reasons for doing so and implicating others in her final decision. The series has put many schools, parents and other groups in panic mode, with some calling for the show’s immediate withdrawal from Netflix – a knee-jerk reaction in anticipation of a possible rash of copycat suicides. One such reaction came from Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz, president of the Child Mind Institute, in a recent interview with Savannah Guthrie on The Today Show. “It’s only a matter of time when we will start seeing more suicide attempts among teenagers and more completions,” he said. “The responsible thing to do is to remove the program immediately, not to keep promoting it.” It should come as no surprise that youth motivational speaker Jeff Yalden’s email and social media accounts have been blowing up with requests for comments on the show. Yalden has spent 25 years in the trenches of teen mental health and suicide prevention. He has spoken to more than 4000 audiences in all 50 states, every province in Canada and 49 countries. Along the way, he has grieved with and counseled hundreds of families suffering from the losses of their beloved children and has presented suicide prevention workshops in communities across the country. This experience puts him in the unique position to offer a valuable perspective on this situation – one that has long weighed on his heart. “Mental health professionals are afraid of copycat suicides,” he said. “While I do agree about potentially losing more teens to suicide, I think the show is sharing truth and will force us to talk and bring more programs into schools and communities. With more education and help, we can lessen the stigma attached to mental health and reduce the number of completed suicides.” “13 Reasons Why” might just be the wake-up call society needs to bring teen suicide into the light of day. “It’s alarming to a lot of people, because a lot of people don’t realize that kids are doing this every day. The bottom line is that parents need to be more invested in who their kids are, what their surroundings are, what they say and what they are doing,” he said. According to Yalden, kids are growing up much faster today for many reasons including the media, music, targeted marketing and social media, which potentially keeps them connected to the lifestyles and opinions of their peers for extended periods of time. Social media opens many kids up to the possibility of cyberbullying, a very definite factor in many teen suicides. Yalden understands the reasons for the public outcry, but teen suicide has been a constant over the years. He also commends Netflix for including trigger warnings before the show’s two most graphic episodes and the fact that the company will be adding an additional viewer warning card before the first episode as an extra precaution for those about to start the series “As a nation, I think we are in denial about how serious this is. If we don’t talk about it, we’re not going to be able to make a change,” he said, adding that we need to get comfortable about being uncomfortable about mental health and teen suicide in America today. Yalden sees youth mental health as an economic issue that needs to be addressed, and perhaps “13 Reasons Why” can be a catalyst for change. “We need our mental health community and our government to really step up and really provide the right outlets and put the right people in place to be able to answer the cries of our youth.” He has already heard from counselors and mental health professionals who say that kids are opening up about mental health and teen suicide as a result of the show. “Let’s remember that, ultimately – this is what we want to do. We want to get kids to ask for help – and because now kids are asking for help, we’re putting blame on this TV show, when the reality is that this TV show is bringing people to ask for help,” he said. Yalden has said that the symptoms for suicide are very similar to that of depression, and he has a three-point theory about teen suicide:

I am alone.
I am a burden and a liability to other people.
I have the desire for suicide.

Put these symptoms together and you have a lethal or near-lethal attempt to take one’s life. The point is to make sure a child never feels alone or they are a burden to other people. “If a child has the desire for suicide, that’s a major red flag. We need to get that child help – and saying something to a responsible adult can save a life.” Even though speaking up may be difficult in some cases, sometimes you must choose the difficult right over the easy wrong. This is a responsibility that everyone has. Ultimately, saying something can save a life. “If that means going against a relationship of friendship – going against trust – it’s the right thing to do because, in the end, you could be saving a person’s life.” And “13 Reasons Why” is bringing a much-needed awareness to this heartbreaking situation. “A lot of schools are being forced to send out this emergency email to all of the parents because they are getting feedback from the community and parents that the kids have already watched the show,” Yalden said. From his perspective, the buzz is a good thing. “What I like about the show is that it’s ruffling feathers and making people uncomfortable. It is forcing people to now recognize and start talking about mental health and teen suicide.” Indeed, Yalden has been in the trenches of teen mental health and teen suicide for more than two decades. He has read too many letters and met with too many hurting families. He has removed guns from homes and has helped families, students and friends remove belongings from school lockers. “I might go against many people, but I think this is a great show. Of course, I see the cause for alarm, but I can also see the indirect situational and behavioral clues that we teach our young people to really look out for,” he said. Yalden wants middle schools and high schools to be required to watch and discuss this show in detail, with counselors and mental health professionals included in the discussion. “After all, our youth are the first line of defense in saving the lives of their peers,” he said.

Mental Health Awareness at Anoka Ramsey Community College

March 27, 2017 by Roger Yale

Jeff Yalden Electrifies Cambridge, MN By Roger Yale for Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker On Wednesday, March 22, Jeff Yalden brought his motivational and mental health expertise to Anoka Ramsey Community College in Cambridge, MN, where he spent a full day with the psychology club and the counseling department. Anoka Ramsey was a top-ten finalist for the 2017 Aspen Prize for Community College Excellence through the Aspen Institute, which is a nonpartisan organization dedicated to educational and policy studies. After breakfast, Yalden spoke with college staff about a message board out in the hallway which had been seen a spike in negative feedback about emotions. “The board usually inspires kids to come check it out, and they would post questions on it, but the school was becoming concerned about their mental health and mental awareness – so they decided to take action and brought me in,” he said. The first step was mindfulness training, which began with an exercise to chart anxiety levels on a scale from one to ten, with ten being the highest. “For us to be healthy, I think we should be operating between two and four,” he said, adding that celebrating little victories and small accomplishments is a good way step back and provide a needed mental break. He spent some time teaching a basic meditation practice of focusing only on breath – the inhale and the exhale – for two minutes. “This slows down your brain – slows the process down,” he said. “We are concerned with how many likes we have on Instagram or who is following us on Snapchat. I think the best thing for you guys is to work hard at finding out who you are – and who you are not.” He went on to talk about his battles with mental health and depression and then shifted to mental health awareness and suicide prevention – how to look out for your friends and not being afraid to say something. “Somebody that isn’t mentally healthy is not thinking in the right frame of mind,” he said. Yalden stressed the importance of getting back “in purpose” after a setback or crisis. “When there is something not right in my life, I go right to the mirror. Take responsibility and be your best advocate.” But sometimes the first and best thing a person can do is to ask for help. “Sometimes the down periods last longer than usual. This is usually the result of chemicals in the brain called neurotransmitters being out-of-balance.” Two contributing factors to suicide can be dysthymia [a persistent mild depression] and adjustment disorder [usually following a stressful life event like a death of a loved one, moving, divorce, changing schools]. “If you have any of these for more than two weeks, go talk to somebody,” he said. One student told him, “My tomorrow will be better, and I will not feel down about it. I don’t let myself down because I love myself.” Impressed, Yalden built on that: “You are doing the little things every day to make tomorrow better than today – and you are making today better than yesterday.” But this requires consistency. “That’s an incredible discipline that you have to do every day. The problem is, you can’t just do it once in a while. You do it every single day and your whole life will change,” he said. To find out why Jeff Yalden is North America’s Number One Youth Motivational Speaker, visit www.jeffyalden.com. Book Jeff now for your next event by calling 800-948-9289.

Jeff Yalden Inspires Lindenwood University

March 25, 2017 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

By Roger Yale for Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker After he was already booked to speak at Lindenwood University in St. Charles, MO, North America’s Number One Youth Motivational Speaker Jeff Yalden got an email that there had been a student suicide on campus. “The young man was a sophomore and part of the men’s lacrosse team, and as you can imagine – this rattled the community and the school,” he said, adding that the athletic director asked Yalden if he could come in a day early to speak with the athletes, because they would be out of town competing on March 21, the day he was to speak. This would have involved changing his existing flights, resulting in additional fees that would be passed on to the school. “They said they didn’t have that in their budget, and this weighed on my heart. I told them I would come in on my dime and do it for free. I’d spend an extra day and then come back on the second night,” he said. Ultimately, the school decided to go a different route, and Yalden spoke on the day he was scheduled. “We had a great turnout. About 150 people showed up to the mental health/suicide prevention talk – and we didn’t really talk about the suicide too much, but we addressed it.” Yalden did, however, talk heavily about his three-point theory about teen suicide: 1) I am alone. 2) I am a burden and a liability to other people. 3) I have the desire for suicide. He talked about major depression, which is short but severe – causing young people to feel as if it will never end and prompt a suicide attempt. He mentioned dysthymia, which is a lower-level but constant depression that can also lead to suicide if left undiagnosed. “Suicide is the culmination of a lot of things, and one thing can be the straw that broke the camel’s back,” he said, and addressed the stigma attached to mental health. “None of you are laughing at me because I have glasses – and if I put my glasses on, life gets a little better. Same thing with therapy or maybe going to the doctor and taking medication. You [should] be your best advocate.” Yalden spent some time talking about cell phones and social media, and the effect these things are having on young people today, and said video will soon overtake all other types of content by 2020. Indeed, a recent Cisco study predicted that video will account for 75 percent of web traffic by 2020 [Source: Tubularinsights.com]. “That tells us that if young people are having trouble with social media today, it’s only going to get worse,” he said. Other hot topics that night were boundaries and balance. “I talked a bit about mental health, asking for help, learning how to put priorities and boundaries into their lives – learning to say know and learning to close their circle. It was a well-rounded program. To find out more about Jeff Yalden’s impactful speaking programs, visit www.jeffyalden.com. Jeff’s schedule fills up fast. To book him now for your event or school, call 800-948-9289.

Missouri Communities Rocked by Teen Suicide

March 20, 2017 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Jeff Yalden Shares Messages of Hope and Comfort to Missouri Communities Rocked by Teen Suicides By Roger Yale for Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker According to teen suicide prevention expert Jeff Yalden, the state of Missouri is going through a really tough time right now when it comes to teen suicide. Three weeks ago, Yalden delivered a comprehensive presentation about teen suicide and mental health in Hannibal, MO, and returned this week to Brookfield and Barnard, MO, two communities that are still reeling from the losses of two irreplaceable young people. BROOKFIELD On Tuesday, March 7, students from five schools in Linn County converged on Brookfield High School to hear Jeff Yalden speak to them on their level, and planting seeds of hope, enthusiasm and perseverance – and what he calls a drive for success in their journey of life. He captivated middle and high-schoolers, urging them to live in the now and what that might mean – the ups and downs, the challenges and the victories wrapped up in the everyday moments that, strung together, make up a life. The assembly was only the beginning for Yalden. He was booked by Angie Wallace, who founded the Taylor Gilpin Wallace Foundation for Suicide Prevention on behalf of her son after her son made the forever decision to take his own life. “Angie brought me in for an all-day event – high school kids, middle school kids, a luncheon with the community and a parent program – very similar to Hannibal,” he said, adding that Wallace and her son Tanner attended the program in Hannibal. The luncheon was attended by student council kids, physicians, the CEO of the local hospital, prominent community members and the executive director of the Missouri Association of Student Councils, Terri Johnson. A young man stood up and shared his story from when he was contemplating suicide. “Really, what this day was about was inviting the community to open their hearts and minds and understand mental health and teen suicide and how real it is,” he said. Following a dinner with the Wallace family, which Jeff cites as amazing, warm and generous, it was off to the parent program – which was set up at Park Baptist Church in Brookfield. The program was live on Wallace’s foundation page, garnering appreciative comments from as far afield as Texas. “We had about 200 community members come out to my parent program,” he said. “We had clear eyes and full hearts. We shed tears. We also laughed and did some reflecting. It was a beautiful day.” BARNARD That night, Yalden drove more than two hours to Barnard, MO, where just four weeks ago, a young lady named Baylee ended her own at just 16. “A lot of teachers and counselors said that Baylee was probably the most popular junior in her class and that she was an old soul,” he said, adding that Baylee’s grandfather also committed suicide, and that they were very close. “Baylee had a disease that was a little bit debilitating, but she learned how to deal with it. She had a great personality – vibrant and ornery. You couldn’t help but to love her, they say.” She took her life on February 5 – Super Bowl Sunday. He spoke at South Nodaway High School and noted that the principal, Darbi Bauman, was actually Baylee’s aunt. Guidance counselor Nick Wray coordinated the event, and Yalden met with all the classes individually before delivering a speech at the full assembly. The school serves grades 7-12 with total enrollment of 84 students. Students from nearby Jefferson High School attended the assembly as well. After a brief visit with faculty and staff, Yalden visited Baylee’s family’s house. “I sat down with mom, dad and her sister and heard the story. I read the suicide letter and saw Baylee’s bedroom,” he said. Yalden also saw Baylee’s scrapbook at school, and helped her fellow students clean out her locker – a poignant moment, but one which gave these young people a sense of closure. At the family home, Yalden was hit with a realization. “For the first time in my life, I think I’d come to realize that not all suicides are a selfish individual act, and there’s so much more to explain how I feel about this situation – but Baylee knew what she was doing. It was a combination of many things, and I think Baylee was just really, really tired.” However, Yalden said this left the community rocked to the core. “There is heartache. Everybody is hurting. They were very concerned with the kids and them moving forward. This is a very tight community,” he said. He closed out the night with a family/community program attended by more than 200 family members. “After leaving that community and hearing the hearts of everybody and the pain in those hearts, I’ll tell you – Baylee was definitely the one girl you would want to meet. To discover more about North America’s Number One Youth Motivational Speaker – visit www.jeffyalden.com. Book Jeff now by calling 800-948-9289.

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