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You are here: Home / Archives for Grieving

South Carolina High School Hosts Teen Mental Health Speaker Jeff Yalden

January 31, 2018 by Roger Yale

Photo: Jamin Ortiz/JDO Designs

In early November, a young man in Myrtle Beach, SC, made the final decision to end his life, no doubt leaving a void of unspeakable loss in the hearts of his family, friends and the Carolina Forest High School community, where he was a ninth grader. Through the grapevine, word about this heartbreaking incident made its way to youth motivational speaker, author and mental health advocate Jeff Yalden, who was then in Minnesota for a college presentation. Yalden, who lives in Murrells Inlet, speaks more than 200 times a year at high schools, colleges and other venues across the country. Over 25 years, he has presented to more than 4000 live audiences across the globe. But when tragedy strikes so close to home, the ripples through the community are palpable. Yalden reached out to Carolina Forest High School, offering to help in any way he could with the counselors and crisis intervention experts. Instead, Carolina Forest High School invited him to do one of his signature presentations. On Wednesday, November 21, Yalden delivered a hard-hitting and uplifting youth motivational talk in the school auditorium – a variation of his renowned “about life” presentations – covering such subjects as attitude, choices, self-respect and more.

Photo: Jamin Ortiz/JDO Designs

“This was not an assembly reflecting on the loss of the student who took his life. This assembly was about who we are, where we are and where we are going,” Yalden said. Yalden said he proudly lives with mental illness every day. Diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II disorder, and PTSD [he served as a U.S. Marine during the Gulf War], he is transparent and authentic in his personal journey with self-care, therapy, and medication. He was featured as a celebrity teen and family life coach on MTV’s long-running reality show, MADE. Yalden is also a suicide prevention expert and crisis intervention specialist. A priority in his messages is to assure young people that it’s OK to ask for help. His presentation Tuesday was meant to inspire and encourage the students – most of whom were ninth graders – as they prepared to leave for Thanksgiving break. “They lost a ninth grader. They didn’t want me to focus on that, which I understand,” he said. “Every school community is different and handles it in their own way.” Yalden covered three points in his presentation that he feels are very important: Self-value, attitude and choices – a trifecta that plays into his “take time to think” mantra. “In the end, I think the kids appreciated the truth and the humor in a message that they were not really expecting,” he said. Yalden said that mental illness is quickly becoming the biggest public health crisis in this country. “Mental illness is becoming just so prevalent in schools, and teen suicide is a national epidemic. I am honored to have been able to speak in our community. I feel good that schools are opening their hearts and saying that we need to address this with our kids.” Carolina Forest High School counselor Tammy Goodman said that although she wasn’t sure a lot of the students knew what to expect, she felt a different energy from the students following Yalden’s presentation. “They were very excited about the books that he had to offer, and I do think the students received it positively.”

Photo: Jamin Ortiz/JDO Designs

Yalden handed out copies of his Amazon bestseller, BOOM! One Word to Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day – as well as motivational t-shirts. Students rushed to the front of the stage to snap them up. Goodman noted that the auditorium was full of students from all walks of life and from different grade levels. She explained the motivation behind Yalden’s talk. “I think the main thing was to kind of let students know that regardless of what they are dealing with – whether it’s at home, academics here at school, or socially – we can pick up where we are and go from here,” she said. “The message for them really is that there is always hope – that no matter what they are dealing with, there is always somebody that they can go to for help.” For more about Jeff Yalden, visit www.jeffyalden.com. Check out Yalden’s new nonprofit at www.jeffyaldenfoundation.com.

Filed Under: Depression, For Parents, High Schools, Loss, Mental Health, Teen Depression / Suicide Tagged With: Grieving, Jeff Yalden, Loss, Loss of a Child, Teen Mental Health Awareness, Teen Suicide

A Message to the Perry Township Community – Stark County, Ohio

January 6, 2018 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

[The Perry Township community is struggling with the losses of four teens to suicide within six months.] Hey, Stark County – Perry High School and Edison Middle School community. My name is Jeff Yalden. I’m a mental health and suicide prevention /crisis intervention expert for teens and young people. Over the past few months, I have received a lot of cries for help from people in your community, so after this last loss, I decided to make the above video for you – hoping that you that you can do a little to help with all of you trying to move forward. Parents and students, teachers, administrators and community – I hope you are listening. I can’t do anything unless I am invited by the schools or the community, but first I want to be very careful in the words I use and how I say what I want to say. Please understand that my intentions are pure, and my heart hurts for you all. Most importantly, I want to send my prayers and thoughts to every family that is directly impacted. Their lives will never be the same. For the rest of their lives, they have to spend time picking up the pieces and asking why. I’m truly sorry. I want to acknowledge each and every one of you – whether it be families, friends, classmates, students – teachers, staff members, administrators – the whole community and the surrounding communities as well. Not one person isn’t affected by these losses. And if my understanding is correct (I’m going off emails, social media messages and I’m reading online), you have all experienced significant loss in the past five or six months. Four losses since August. One this past New Year’s Day. In my work, I deal with teen suicide and loss every day – and words can’t adequately describe the pain I feel in my heart when I hear of the death of a young person. But I get it, though. I was once there. I understand. After a suicide – or multiple suicides like you are dealing with – we’re left asking why a young person with so much to live for makes a forever decision to end his or her own life. Why or how would a teenager get so hopeless or feel that suicide is the only option? My friends – our system is broken. It’s flawed. Our teenagers are growing up in a broken system in America, and America has a responsibility. The responsibility is simple: If we’re going to have Internet, cell phones and social media platforms –then our government needs to provide the adequate care for what this brings. Simply put: We’re giving our young people rights and privileges that they are not emotionally capable of handling, and this can bring consequences like mental health issues and depression – and in many cases, this can lead to suicide.

IT’S OK TO ASK FOR HELP

We need to teach our young people coping skills and problem-solving skills. My friends, this is a parenting issue, but I think education needs to change. We need to focus more on social and emotional learning. We need to focus on and really build the self-esteem of our children and prepare them for life’s challenges, obstacles and situations. We need to give them the tools to be successful in life. In the meantime, we need adequate mental health care and counseling. We also need more involved parents. We need to teach our young people that it is OK to ask for help without feeling intimidated or wrong for asking. But here’s what I am seeing all too much: When suicide happens, we’re left reacting. We are emotionally reacting. Parents and community are looking to place blame on the school, the administration, or the teachers. “It’s bullying,” it’s that reason, this happened or that happened. “You’re not doing this…” STOP! Suicide is never the result of one thing. I will say that one thing can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, but suicide is never the result of one thing. Also, no administrator is ever given a certificate on how to handle a suicide – whether that suicide is on campus or off campus – whether it happens in the building, outside the building – whether it is an incoming student that is relatively new to the school community or it’s a popular student athlete, adored by everyone. No student loss or suicide is ever the same. They are all different, and how they are handled isn’t really anyone’s business because the school administrator and his or her team has to think about two things – what is in the best interest of the students, and what is in the best interest of the teachers and staff members. Our job as parents is to support their decisions and accept them – especially now. Our job is to rally together and support the school, the teachers, and the administration – not just when we have loss, but every day. Our kids ask two questions, and whether you are a teacher, a coach, a parent or anyone that works with youth – we need to answer these two questions: 1) Can I trust you? 2) Do you care about me? These two questions are the cornerstone of every trusted relationship. Parents – if your if your child needs a trusted adult immediately because they are distraught and emotionally suffering more so than ever before – are you that trusted adult they would go to first? You are either saying “I don’t know,” or “probably not.”

BE THAT TRUSTED ADULT

This is a problem. Parenting today’s young people is a different game than it ever was before. Today, I would never tell a child that I am disappointed in them. The point I am trying to make here is that kids are a parent’s responsibility. Parents need to support the schools, the teachers and the staff – and our teachers and staff need to support our parents. We all need to do what is best to teach, to educate, to inspire and to encourage our youth. We all need to be trusted adults where our kids feel safe, so that they can open up to us without fear of being lectured, judged or even disappointing us. Let me tell you about teen suicide today. There are three reasons why teens choose to end their lives: 1) They feel alone. 2) They feel that they are a burden. 3) They have the desire to end it all. Let me tell you something else: The students that are on the school’s radar get help and they are taken care of. The students that aren’t asking for help are not on the school’s radar. They are the ones we find out about – and as counselors and teachers, we say, “I didn’t know.” How do we help those that aren’t asking for help? We need to do a better job to teach our kids that speaking up and saying something is the right thing to do, because our kids are on the front lines, and they find out first. Our teens want to talk to someone that understands them – someone that understands what they are going through today. They don’t want to be lectured. They want to be listened to and validated that their feelings and emotions are normal. We all need to do a better job, from our government, to our teachers and coaches, and most importantly, our parents. Our teens need to also do a much better job of asking for help when they need help. I can’t emphasize enough, my friends: It’s OK to ask for help.

SUGGESTIONS FOR MOVING FORWARD

Young people: I’d like to invite you to open your heart that you have trusted adults wanting to be there to help you answer life’s toughest questions. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. You matter. Don’t ever think you’re alone. You matter. Don’t ever feel that you are a burden to your family or society. Parents: I need you to know that our youth today are hurting more than you can imagine – and starting earlier to feel emotions than we ever felt our own emotions when we were growing up. It’s almost like society is taking over. Parenting a child has become more difficult, with less parental influence and control. The speed of pain for a child is instant – almost as fast as turning on a light bulb. Bring the family and community priorities back. Remember things like values and morals, kindness and community pride. Love and support our schools and our youth. I challenge you to volunteer, sponsor, and donate. Give from your heart. And whatever rumors might be going around – let’s not participate. Again – suicide is never the result of one thing. Talk to your children honestly. Be careful about sugar-coating the truth, because they know so much more today than we ever did. For all adults, remember this: It takes a village to raise our children. And remember the two questions our children ask every adult in their lives: Can I trust you? Do you care about me? Be approachable so that our children know that they can safely come and talk to you, and that you are not going to judge them for their questions and thoughts. Also know that all our teachers and our school communities are hurting too. Reach out and show your support. A quick message to our teachers, staff and coaches: Thank you. Remember that you make a difference every single day. So many questions yet in many cases there are so few answers – but we are all responsible, and we need to move forward together for our youth and for each other. Think about what is in the best interest of our community. Let’s come together and respect how the school handles this on their end; the decisions need to be made, based on a comfortable balance – a comfortable balance compassionately meeting the needs of our students, their staff, their teachers and the community as a whole – while preserving the ability of the school to fulfill its primary purpose of education. This is a very sad time – a time that affects all of us. It doesn’t have to define our year, though. I’m so, so sorry and I wish I can say more. My friends, suicide and mental health are becoming an economic issue, and we need all of you to speak up. This is the greatest crisis of our time. In the words of a friend of mine: “Choose life. Choose love. Choose you.” I love you, my friends – and I am sorry for your losses. Stay beautiful, Perry Township – and I know you quite well, too. I’m sending prayers and thoughts to all of you. If you are interested in me visiting your school community, please go to www.jeffyalden.com or my nonprofit, www.jeffyaldenfoundation.com

Filed Under: For Parents, High Schools, Loss, Teen Depression / Suicide, Youth Programs Tagged With: Grieving, Jeff Yalden, Loss, Loss of a Child, Teen Mental Health Awareness, Teen Suicide, Teen Suicide Prevention

Tioga, North Dakota: A Community in Pain

September 20, 2017 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

[Tioga, N.D. is a rural community struggling with the recent losses of two young people.]


Let’s be honest. We are all a mess – and that is the common ground where we must come together and pick each other up.

Tioga High School Community.

To the friends and family of Trystan and Tanner – to all the teachers and staff members – and to the whole school community: My name is Jeff Yalden. On Thursday, September 21, I am coming to Tioga. I am looking forward to my visit, my friends. I get it. I am teen mental health expert. I have helped over 100 different communities to move forward after loss. Also –  I suffer from mental illness myself. I am diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II and PTSD. On Thursday, I want to invite you to come to school with an open heart. I understand what you are going through. I understand that many of us are feeling numb. We have questions – and, listen– I don’t want to be insensitive about this at all. But on Thursday, I promise you that my heart is going to be 100 percent with each and every one of you. I am sorry about your loss. We can’t let this define us. The pain is probably going to be forever. There is no other way of saying it. But I will tell you something that I have come to learn: We are not victims in life. We choose to rise up and be victors. We can’t let this define us. However, this is going to shape us – just like everything that we go through in life – and on Thursday, I promise you that we are going to laugh, we’re going to spend time in thought. We might even shed a tear or two. That’s OK – because in the end, what we need to do is go through the grieving process – and we need to come to a point where we accept what has happened, and we put this behind us. Family:  I don’t want to be insensitive. Please understand – but neither Trystan or Tanner are walking through the door again, and we need to accept that. And we need to move forward for ourselves. We need to more forward for each other. Young people: I am honored that I get to be a part of your life, and I promise you – on Thursday, life is going to change. Parents: I’ll be speaking to the parents at night. I know you have a lot going on, a lot you can be doing and a lot that you have to do. I hope you make time to come out. I am going to talk to you about our teens today and their struggles. We are going to talk about the speed of hurt for young people today. We are going to talk about suicide symptoms, signs – we are going to talk about what our teens are feeling today. So until we meet on Thursday – I want to invite you to just breathe – and know that it’s going to be OK. You might say, “Jeff – how do you know?” My friends, I get it. I’ve been there. And I know for you it’s like, “I don’t want a mental health professional to give me statistics and give me textbook definitions.” I’m not going to give you textbook definitions. I deal with this every single day. On Thursday, show up with an open heart. This is going to be a day that is going to change your life. I promise you that on Thursday, I will be fully present and engaged. I will be there early in the morning and I will stay as late as I have to. I am going to give you all of my heart. It’s going to be a good day. Teachers: Thank you for letting me be a part of your school community. I know you are hurting. Students: I am just honored and looking forward to being a part of your life. Parents: I know this is hard -and you wish you had the right words to say to your kids. This is probably one of the hardest things our kids will ever go through – and to try to get them to make sense of the loss of two of their classmates – this is why I am coming. I will see you guys on Thursday. For more information about Jeff Yalden, click HERE.

Filed Under: For Parents, High Schools, Loss, Teen Depression / Suicide, Youth Programs Tagged With: Grieving, Jeff Yalden, Loss, Loss of a Child, Teen Mental Health Awareness, Teen Suicide, Teen Suicide Prevention

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