Jeff Yalden Inspired by Conversation with TeensRecently, I visited Sequim High School in Washington State. Sequim is a beautiful place along the Dungeness River near the Olympic Mountains – and whenever I am in a spot like this, I feel grateful for the opportunity to take it all in. The Sequim school community was amazing. One of the things I truly love about my full-day school programs is that I get to meet and really get to know the students. They are so open when we talk, and that’s inspiring. Because I have more time, I learn more about them – what they think, how they feel – and I am able to get an understanding of their emotions by engaging with them. By listening. The students are enthusiastic, and I could tell that they had so many questions they didn’t seem to know how to ask – but once you gain their trust (and their respect), they are eager to talk. What happens next is absolutely amazing… During one conversation in this VIDEO, a young lady asked me a great question: “What makes you valuable?” I thought about it and told her that what makes me valuable is that I’ve been able to take my life experiences and choose to be a victor through my circumstances instead of a victim. It hasn’t been easy – but in getting to know myself, it’s an honor to share what I have learned in order to plant seeds of wisdom, hope and knowledge in our youth. Her next question was incredibly thought-provoking, deep and intense: “If you lost all of what makes you valuable, would you still be valuable?” Holy Cow! What really makes us valuable? It’s different for everyone, but what hit me with this question is that I don’t need my life’s experiences or even my career as a youth and mental health speaker to feel valuable. I get it, but I don’t think I always understood that. It’s my passion to inspire our school communities, talking about mental health and life and helping to make sense of it all for young people and families – but I don’t need the applause to feel valuable or worthy. What makes me valuable is how I feel about who I am – my heart – being a kind, respectful man of influence and dignity. I was amazed by this exchange and could go on and on about it and what it meant to me as well as to the young people involved. It was remarkable getting to know these teens and speaking heart-to-heart with them. I was inspired. I hope you enjoy this video and share it. The next time you engage in conversation with teens, remember this: Teens don’t care about titles, research or statistics. They care about the answers to two questions…
- Do you care about me?
- Can I trust you?
Who is Jeff Yalden?Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as one of the top teen mental health and suicide prevention experts in the world. He works with teens and adults, school communities and mental health professionals. He’s a four-time bestselling author, radio show host, podcast host, online course creator, non-profit foundation founder, and advocate for mental health. Teen Suicide Prevention Online Course for Schools and Communities: CLICK HERE For more information about Jeff Yalden, CLICK HERE. BUY Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “WHY” behind America’s Suicide Epidemic. Check out Jeff’s Facebook page HERE.
Top Teen Motivational Speaker on Suicide Prevention
By Roger Yale for Jeff Yalden, Teen Motivational Speaker
What if we knew we could have prevented a friend’s suicide but didn’t do or say anything?Meet Jeff Yalden – Teen Suicide Prevention Crisis Intervention Expert. This video shows Jeff in a community that had 12 teen suicides in one year, including four in six weeks. Jeff is today’s leading authority on suicide prevention and teen mental health awareness. That heartbreaking question is one that has been weighing on the heart of teen motivational speaker Jeff Yalden after the suicide of Lincoln High School senior Quai Horton in Des Moines, Iowa on February 7, just a week after Jeff spoke at the school. Another question can be asked in tandem with the first one.
What is the cost of losing a teenager to suicide?As far as Jeff is concerned, the true cost can’t be measured – and tragedies like these tend to have a ripple effect, sending waves of despair, anger, grief and helplessness farther afield than anybody can imagine at the time. But Yalden has long been a proponent of living in the now, and clearly now is all we have. And now is enough. “Be proactive today and do what you can to prevent a suicide from happening, or you will end up reacting and wishing you had done something,” he said. Obviously, this is easier said than done – especially if a person takes their life without any warning or without any signs pointing to his or her intentions. “Many people who commit suicide do so without letting on they are thinking about it or planning it,” said Dr. Michael Miller, assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School in a 2012 Harvard Health Blog article by Patrick J. Skerrett, former Executive Editor of Harvard Health. At that time, Skerrett wrote that “more than 100 Americans commit suicide every day. It’s the tenth leading cause of death overall; third among 15- to 24-year-olds and fourth among 25-to 44-year-olds.” For teens, suicide is right behind accidents/unintentional injuries and homicides, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, or CDC. But most people will at least drop a clue. Suicide is not the answer. Watch Jeff’s video here: In a list of youth suicide facts and myths, the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network said that “people who are thinking about suicide usually find some way of communicating their pain to others – often by speaking indirectly about their intentions. Most suicidal people will admit to their feelings if questioned directly.” For teens, social media is often the preferred platform for this pain. This was true in the case of Quai Horton – and this was summed up in Jeff’s blog post on February 9: “What Yalden found the most disturbing about this young man’s suicide was that there were very direct verbal clues on his Facebook page indicating his intentions – and yet nobody said a word about it.” But make no mistake. Somebody saw these clues. Shortly after Jeff posted a video to YouTube about Horton and how sorry he was about the tragedy, the comments started to come in. One person told Yalden to kill himself. Another said he knew Quai was hurting and told adults about it. The veracity of the latter cannot be proven because yet another individual alluded that this was not the case. “We got help for the kid who told me to kill myself,” Yalden said. We will likely never know if anybody really stepped up, but the takeaway here is that at least a handful of Horton’s fellow students knew that he was in a bad place. But if anything, Yalden doesn’t believe anybody went far enough to bring any of this to light. “Your friend is hurting. You are 15 or 16 years old and you might call your friend every day, but you cannot break through the struggles that people are feeling mentally and emotionally. You don’t know how. An assessment needs to be done to find out if we need to treat this person. It’s really as simple as that,” he said. An administrator at Lincoln High School told Yalden recently that Horton would sit alone every day at lunch – and he would usually go up to him to see how he was doing. “Quai was a quiet dude, and there is nothing really wrong with sitting alone, but where sitting alone raises a red flag is that we don’t know the child’s mental state,” Yalden said, adding that sometimes a student might sit alone because they might simply be having a bad day or getting ready for an exam. “I think we should visit with them. If a child is consistently sitting alone, I would say to students and educators to just go and sit with that person and draw them out on any topic that might interest them.” Yalden said that the symptoms for suicide are very similar to that of depression, and he has a three-point theory about teen suicide:
- I am alone.
- I am a burden and a liability to other people.
- I have the desire for suicide.
- They feel like they are alone.
- They feel like they’re are a burden to someone.
- They have a desire for suicide.