Part one in a series from Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic
For more than two decades, I have worked in the trenches of teen life as a youth motivator and mental health advocate. I am also a suicide prevention and crisis intervention expert.
I can’t count the number of teen suicides I have been through with parents and families who have lost a child to what I call “the forever decision.” I have met students who wished they didn’t have to bear the unspeakable anguish of losing a friend to suicide. It’s staggering.
I am also a man who proudly lives with mental illness. I am diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Because of my work and my mental health challenges, I feel that I am in the unique position to help others by telling my story and utilizing my strengths as a public speaker and motivator to break the stigma attached to mental illness and teen suicide.
Some of you might know me from my Amazon bestseller, BOOM: One Word to Instantly Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day! That book was a joy to write, and it’s packed with principles to motivate and inspire readers of all ages. I am happy that folks find it helpful, and I am grateful.
But because mental health is forefront in my life and work, I recently put together a nonprofit, The Jeff Yalden Foundation. Our mission is simple and direct: to prevent suicide, improve community mental health, and shatter the stigma of mental health by initiating a positive movement to speak up and reach out.
No man is an island. I don’t want to be a “voice crying out in the wilderness.” We are all about expanding the conversation about mental health and teen suicide. I believe it is imperative that we all get comfortable with being uncomfortable and talking about these things.
Because teen suicide has reached epidemic proportions in recent years, it weighed on my heart to get to work on my latest book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic. It was a tough book to write, but I felt that it would serve as an ideal starting point for folks to get a grasp of the severity and scope of teen suicide in this country. It also lays out the signs and red flags, and what to do if you know a young person is at risk.
This blog post is the first in a series distilled from my book – yet another way to keep the conversation going.
WHAT IS MENTAL ILLNESS?
The National Institute of Mental Health [NIMH] states that nearly one in five U.S. adults lives with a mental illness.
In a room full of people, you can count on the fact that all of them are going through some type of challenge, and some of them are struggling with a mental health issue.
But mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a medical problem, like diabetes or heart disease – and it’s high time that everybody realizes this. The short explanation is that mental illnesses are health conditions involving changes in thinking, emotion, or behavior.
Mental illness is common. In most cases, it’s treatable. The vast majority of individuals with mental illness continue to function in their daily lives.
You might find this definition from the NIMH useful: “Serious mental illness is defined as a mental, behavioral, or emotional disorder [excluding developmental and substance use disorders] resulting in serious functional impairment, which substantially interferes with or limits one or more major life disorders.”
TEENS DON’T WANT TO DIE
Most teens that attempt suicide because they may have depression, bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder. These disorders amplify the pain a teen may feel. It is because of this that every suicidal teen should be seen by a medical professional immediately and that all threats and/or red flags be taken very seriously.
It is my position that teens don’t want to die. They attempt or succeed in suicide in order to escape bad situations and/or painful, overwhelming, and emotionally-charged thoughts and feelings. Remember: Our young people live in the here-and-the-now and lack the coping and problem-solving skills they need to see a situation clearly. To them, perhaps a temporary situation in their lives is seen as the end of the world.
I am a huge advocate for therapy and counseling with a trusted adult – a professional who specializes in mental health and can guide a young person through suicidal thoughts and teach them how to process and respond to their thoughts and feelings.
YOUNG PEOPLE: If you are finding ways to justify taking your life, a simply switch in thought patterns can reduce the negativity and help you build better coping skills.
If you are afraid of going to see a counselor, let me ask you this: What’s the downside?
You may say the stigma is the downside – but this is your life and you want to be healthy and successful. Do not be ashamed about seeking and asking for help. A tough person is one who has the courage to ask for help.
It’s OK to ask for help. It’s ALWAYS OK to ask for help.
The more we talk about mental illness and teen suicide, the greater the awareness, acceptance, and resources become for our communities.
To find out more about The Jeff Yalden Foundation, go HERE.
ORDER your copy of Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic.
To book Jeff for your school, event or conference, 1-800-948-9289
You can learn more about Jeff Yalden by visiting his website – www.JeffYalden.com. You can also learn more about Jeff’s Suicide Prevention Online Course for School Communities and Parents, Jeff Yalden University, and follow Jeff on YouTube and Social Media by clicking on the links below: Online Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities Facebook Page School Resources Join Mailing List: Text YALDEN to 66866
Yalden said that leads to a persistent form of depression called dysthymia, which could lead to the desire for suicide.
“Teens need relationships. They need trusted adults that are patient, giving of their time, understanding, supportive, and love them unconditionally,” he said, adding that it is imperative that we teach them coping skills and problem-solving skills and instill in them the importance of balance and boundaries, especially when it comes to social media, the Internet and YouTube.
Too much exposure to social media, as Yalden explains in this video, can also cause depression and other mental health issues in our teens.
Mental illness threatens to become the biggest public health crisis in America, and this is no longer a family issue, according to Yalden. This is an economic issue.
He said that mental illness and depression factor into 90 percent of suicides – and many suicides are preceded by factors that we don’t even notice.
“Why should we notice it when we weren’t even looking for it,” he said. “The individuals that are on the schools’ radars aren’t necessarily the ones we need to look out for. A lot of school communities have said to me, ‘Jeff, we didn’t even know there was a problem. There were no signs. This is the last person we would have suspected.’”
As a man who proudly lives with mental illness every day, Yalden is all about crushing the stigma attached to it.
“It’s OK to ask for help!”
Yalden can’t overemphasize the importance of a healthy self-esteem.
“I promise – on the other side of fear is self-esteem. Don’t let anyone take that from you. You have to do the work, though,” he said.
He said that this very sad time affects us all – and this is a time that will shape us.
“This will either expose wounds or build muscles. It’s your choice how you respond. Allow yourself to grieve on your terms. I am so sorry and thinking of you all,” he said.
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If your parents aren’t going to say no and teach you balance and boundaries – it’s hard for you to put that balance and those boundaries in your life – but that’s something that you have to start working on.
Social and emotional learning does not come as a result of being on the screen all of the time. Online time can affect mental health in a negative way. Social engagement social interaction can help your mental health.
Think about it.
Two of the biggest things that we are concerned about with teenagers today are coping skills and problem-solving skills. We live in the here and the now. We think that we go to the bank and an ATM spits out cash. We send a text and get an immediate reply…
Again – Atchison, Kansas – I don’t know the details on this young man. But I will tell you this: It’s going to be OK.
My friends, it’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to want to talk to somebody. I meet young people all the time and they say, “Yo – I don’t want to talk to anybody because every time I talk to someone, it’s like they are telling me my emotions don’t matter. I shouldn’t feel like this, and it’s like they aren’t validating how I feel.”
Part of being young is about having crazy emotions and feelings – and not understanding them.
And it’s OK to have that trusted adult to go talk to.
I spoke at a school in Indiana today, and a girl wanted to talk afterwards. The girl has been in counseling for two years. Do you know that today she told me more than her two counselors knew about her? I asked her why she felt comfortable telling me what she did.
“I don’t know,” she said. “You seem like you get it.”
Don’t you think you have trusted adults in your life that – if you gave them the chance – they would get it too?
Folks – we can’t help you if we don’t know.
“Well Jeff – I don’t know how to talk to someone…”
When you didn’t know how to ride a bike, that didn’t stop you, did it?
When you didn’t know how to ask a girl out – you still found a way, right?
When trusted adults in your life sit down with you and something is wrong, they know what to say. You just have to be willing to just go up to them and say, “I don’t know what to say but I am kind of really struggling.”
When I spoke to that child today, I can’t tell you how many times she said, “I don’t know” in tears – and you know what I did? I just kept asking her if she felt safe and if she knew she wasn’t in trouble.
As long as she knew those two things – little by little, she opened up. It was a beautiful day.
My point is simply this: Suicide is a permanent action to a temporary problem.
If you are afraid to talk to a trusted adult and you don’t open up to anybody – and living in the here and the now – all of this pressure is so much that you start to think that the desire is there – but it doesn’t ever need to get to the point where you have that desire.
But you have to have the courage to realize that it’s OK to go talk to somebody.
I am praying for you. I’m sorry, and I love you guys.
Don’t be afraid to open your heart and find a trusted adult. And they are going to support you and encourage you – but you have to open up.
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Many know me as a 
The reality is that 90 percent of teen suicides go back to mental illness – and if you think about today’s teens – two of the biggest challenges that we have are coping skills and problem-solving skills.
In my work, I find that that teenagers have a really tough time communicating – sharing their feelings – trusting in the circle of adults in their life – and so – when you ask me, “Hey Jeff – what is the greatest thing that you can give teenagers today,” I don’t even hesitate. I say, “self-esteem.”
But where does self-esteem come from?
Self-esteem comes from being challenged and overcoming those challenges.
I think self-esteem comes from social interaction. It comes from involvement with your friends and family – relationships. Self-esteem comes from being outside – coping through life – problem-solving through your challenges. Self-esteem is something we build every day as a result of being more active.
I think three things are really important to a teen’s mental health:
Again – going back to self-esteem – it’s safe to say that a teen spending time online interrupts time for activities where they could be building their self-esteem – (what I just mentioned: coping skills, problem-solving, communication) – life skills that are essential to their growth as a young adult.
I hope you are following me here.
Teens spend much less time today interacting with friends and family. Without interaction, our moods start to suffer, and depression follows.
Going back to Dr. Joiner – “I am alone – I am a burden.” Those two things lead to sadness. They lead to depression – and the “I am alone – I am a burden” – isolation is also a big factor in suicide ideation – better known as suicidal thoughts.
Let’s look at the amount of time being alone – the amount of time where you feel you are a burden. That brings the desire for suicide – Dr. Joiner’s theory is making sense – more so today – and the capability for suicide grows out of repeated exposure to painful or fearsome experiences
Now – this is starting to make a lot more sense when we look at time online – teens are more likely to be depressed, while making friends and engaging socially and in-person builds their self-esteem.
In 2012, this is what started to happen: Online versus in-person social engagement. Online harms mental health. In-person social engagement benefits mental health.
Remember: 90 percent of suicides. At the core, at the foundation are mental health issues.
I already mentioned that proper sleep and nutrition are a huge benefit to the mental well-being of our young people. They also need to get more involved. This is good for their self-esteem.
Is this research definitive enough? Maybe not. Is it too soon to recommend less screen time? The solution seems to be clear:
If less screen time can help lessen your child’s chances of falling into depression, then the danger of doing nothing can be high. Think about the possible consequences. If we do nothing, then we’re taking a huge risk.
A couple more things before I wrap this up:
Going back to Dr. Joiner’s theory:
“I am alone” is like, “I don’t have meaningful relationships.
“I am a burden.” This is about expectations.
Today’s teens have greater stress. They have the expectations that might not be realistic. They have the fear of not knowing who they are or what they want to do. That’s the “I am a burden.” And the desire for suicide – that’s the pain lasting and building up.
Also – the Dopamine effect from the social media, the Internet and YouTube – it’s like – “I want more, I want more, I want more…”
When you are spending four, five hours a day on your smartphone, the Dopamine effect is more and more and more – versus one-to-two-hours – you have less of the “I want more, I want more.”
So what does all of this lead to?
Our teens are on 24/7 – 365. This is leading to depression, isolation – a feeling that they are not worthy. They want to be validated with “likes” on social media – and social isolation is arguably the strongest and most reliable predictor of suicidal thoughts.
Social isolation leads to loneliness, social withdrawal, living alone with little social support – living in non-intact families. All of this really isn’t helping.
I think it comes down to vigilant parenting, less time online, more social and emotional learning – mindfulness practice – meditation – reducing the stigma of mental health, and letting people know that it is OK to ask for help.
To wrap this up:
Self-esteem: Again, social interaction, sleep, health, exercise, nutrition, activity.
Self-esteem: Involvement, communication, coping skills, problem-solving skills.
Self-esteem: You’re not afraid to ask for help.
Social Isolation: “I am alone. I am a burden.”
When our young people are interacting, they are learning. They’ve got friends. They are figuring themselves out – their identities – they are growing – they have trust – companionship – problem-solving and coping skills – laughter and better communication.
A couple of things, lastly –
Smartphone. Addiction. Isolation. Sadness. Loneliness. Lack of growth, The Dopamine effect. Diminished life skills.
It makes sense that Joiner’s “I am alone” / “I am a burden” is a problem. You see where social media is really adding to that. And then the desire for suicide that emerges from suicidal thoughts stemming from repeated exposure to painful or fear-inducing experiences that these kids go through.
Again – I don’t think students want to die. I think they live in the here and the now – and so they feel like they can never reach solutions to their problems and move on with their lives.
And with the here and the now – everything is just so readily available to them. I mean, you text somebody and you get an immediate response. You pick up your smartphone and someone is automatically there. You go to the bank – and an ATM spits out cash.
I think the biggest problems with our youth today are the lack of coping skills and problem-solving skills.
If we could focus more on social and emotional learning in our schools, I think we would do an awesome job of getting our kids to spend less time on their smartphones and more time interacting – I think that would make a huge life-changing difference.
For more information about Jeff Yalden, go 
