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“Say Something: Teen Suicide and a Friend’s Responsibility

February 19, 2017 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Top Teen Motivational Speaker on Suicide Prevention

By Roger Yale for Jeff Yalden, Teen Motivational Speaker


What if we knew we could have prevented a friend’s suicide but didn’t do or say anything?

Meet Jeff Yalden – Teen Suicide Prevention Crisis Intervention Expert. This video shows Jeff in a community that had 12 teen suicides in one year, including four in six weeks. Jeff is today’s leading authority on suicide prevention and teen mental health awareness. That heartbreaking question is one that has been weighing on the heart of teen motivational speaker Jeff Yalden after the suicide of Lincoln High School senior Quai Horton in Des Moines, Iowa on February 7, just a week after Jeff spoke at the school. Another question can be asked in tandem with the first one.

What is the cost of losing a teenager to suicide?

As far as Jeff is concerned, the true cost can’t be measured – and tragedies like these tend to have a ripple effect, sending waves of despair, anger, grief and helplessness farther afield than anybody can imagine at the time. But Yalden has long been a proponent of living in the now, and clearly now is all we have. And now is enough. “Be proactive today and do what you can to prevent a suicide from happening, or you will end up reacting and wishing you had done something,” he said. Obviously, this is easier said than done – especially if a person takes their life without any warning or without any signs pointing to his or her intentions. “Many people who commit suicide do so without letting on they are thinking about it or planning it,” said Dr. Michael Miller, assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School in a 2012 Harvard Health Blog article by Patrick J. Skerrett, former Executive Editor of Harvard Health. At that time, Skerrett wrote that “more than 100 Americans commit suicide every day. It’s the tenth leading cause of death overall; third among 15- to 24-year-olds and fourth among 25-to 44-year-olds.” For teens, suicide is right behind accidents/unintentional injuries and homicides, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, or CDC. But most people will at least drop a clue. Suicide is not the answer.  Watch Jeff’s video here: In a list of youth suicide facts and myths, the Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network said that “people who are thinking about suicide usually find some way of communicating their pain to others – often by speaking indirectly about their intentions. Most suicidal people will admit to their feelings if questioned directly.” For teens, social media is often the preferred platform for this pain. This was true in the case of Quai Horton – and this was summed up in Jeff’s blog post on February 9: “What Yalden found the most disturbing about this young man’s suicide was that there were very direct verbal clues on his Facebook page indicating his intentions – and yet nobody said a word about it.” But make no mistake. Somebody saw these clues. Shortly after Jeff posted a video to YouTube about Horton and how sorry he was about the tragedy, the comments started to come in. One person told Yalden to kill himself. Another said he knew Quai was hurting and told adults about it. The veracity of the latter cannot be proven because yet another individual alluded that this was not the case. “We got help for the kid who told me to kill myself,” Yalden said. We will likely never know if anybody really stepped up, but the takeaway here is that at least a handful of Horton’s fellow students knew that he was in a bad place. But if anything, Yalden doesn’t believe anybody went far enough to bring any of this to light. “Your friend is hurting. You are 15 or 16 years old and you might call your friend every day, but you cannot break through the struggles that people are feeling mentally and emotionally. You don’t know how. An assessment needs to be done to find out if we need to treat this person. It’s really as simple as that,” he said. An administrator at Lincoln High School told Yalden recently that Horton would sit alone every day at lunch – and he would usually go up to him to see how he was doing. “Quai was a quiet dude, and there is nothing really wrong with sitting alone, but where sitting alone raises a red flag is that we don’t know the child’s mental state,” Yalden said, adding that sometimes a student might sit alone because they might simply be having a bad day or getting ready for an exam. “I think we should visit with them. If a child is consistently sitting alone, I would say to students and educators to just go and sit with that person and draw them out on any topic that might interest them.” Yalden said that the symptoms for suicide are very similar to that of depression, and he has a three-point theory about teen suicide:
  • I am alone.
  • I am a burden and a liability to other people.
  • I have the desire for suicide.
Put these symptoms together and you have a lethal or near-lethal attempt to take one’s life. The point is to make sure a child never feels alone or they are a burden to other people. “If a child has the desire for suicide, that’s a major red flag. We need to get that child help – and saying something to a responsible adult can save a life.” Even though speaking up may be difficult in some cases, sometimes you must choose the difficult right over the easy wrong.  This is a responsibility that everyone has.  Ultimately, saying something can save a life. “If that means going against a relationship of friendship – going against trust – it’s the right thing to do because, in the end, you could be saving a person’s life.” Yalden believes that mental health is something that is not just a family issue anymore. “I think it is rapidly becoming an economic issue,” he said. “The biggest problem I have is that schools today are afraid to talk about suicide. I get it. I understand, but we need to reach a point where we get comfortable about being uncomfortable – and know that suicide prevention is something that we need to start bringing into schools.”  Furthermore Yalden says, “How can this be addressed on an economic issue if at the family issue we are unwilling to talk about this?  We have to make this a priority in our families and communities for our government to start to step up and address the issue of Mental Health in our communities.” He also recommends that all middle schools and high schools do suicide prevention in-service training once a year for students, teachers and administrators. “Educators: Don’t tell me you don’t have a budget for suicide prevention. What you don’t want is to have to find a budget to bring back the morale and spirit of your school after a suicide. If we are proactive, we can prevent some of these suicides from happening.” For more information about North America’s top teen motivational speaker Jeff Yalden, visit www.jeffyalden.com. To book Jeff for your school, organization of event now, call 800-948-9289. TAGS: Suicide, Teen Suicide, Copycat Suicide, Anxiety, Attitude, Choices, Depression, Des Moines, Educational Speaker, Suicide Prevention Speaker, High School Assemblies, Harvard Health, CDC, Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network, High School Motivational Speaker, High School Speaker, Iowa, Leadership, Lincoln High School Des Moines, Mental Health, Middle School Motivational Speaker, Middle School Speaker, Motivational Speaker for Schools, Teen Mental Health Speaker, Teen Motivational Speaker, Teen Speaker, Youth Motivational Speaker

Filed Under: Teen Depression / Suicide Tagged With: Anxiety, Attitude, CDC, Choices, Copycat Suicide, Depression, Des Moines, Educational Speaker, Harvard Health, High School Assemblies, High School Motivational Speaker, High School Speaker, Iowa, Leadership, Lincoln High School Des Moines, Mental Health, Middle School Motivational Speaker, Middle School Speaker, Motivational Speaker for Schools, Suicide, Suicide Prevention Speaker, Teen Mental Health Speaker, Teen Motivational Speaker, Teen Speaker, Teen Suicide, Tennessee Suicide Prevention Network, Youth Motivational Speaker

Des Moines, Iowa: Lincoln High School Loses One of its Own

February 9, 2017 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Suicide: The Forever Decision By Roger Yale for Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker On February 7, 2017 – not even a week after Jeff spoke at Lincoln High School in Des Moines, Iowa – he got the news that high school senior Quai Horton had taken his life. “I have a picture of him about five feet away from where I was speaking,” he said, adding that he also conducted an in-service training for teachers at the high school about mental health and teen suicide. Days later, it became a reality when Horton made his “forever decision.” “I want to offer my prayers, thoughts and condolences to all of the classmates, students, staff members and teachers – the Des Moines community – and most of all to the parents and close friends of our friend, ‘Q,” he said in a video message about Horton. What Yalden found the most disturbing about this young man’s suicide was that there were very direct verbal clues on his Facebook page indicating his intentions – and yet nobody said a word about it. “I want to tell you something: I spent some time on Q’s Facebook page – and from January 26 to Monday [February 6] – what breaks my heart are that the signs were very direct and very clear,” he said. There was more than a week for someone to come forward, and yet nobody said anything. This must stop. “When you have a friend or you know someone is hurting and the signs are real clear like they were – my friends, you’ve got to say something. You’ve got to tell a trusted adult in your life. If worse comes to worst and you don’t know who to call – you call 911 – you call the police.” Because there is a concern about “copycat suicides” – it is of utmost importance for the community to remain vigilant for the telltale signs. Jeff has long believed that suicide is a permanent action to a temporary problem, and his theory on teen suicide has three components:
  • They feel like they are alone.
  • They feel like they’re are a burden to someone.
  • They have a desire for suicide.
When these components intersect, there is the lethal or potentially lethal attempt to take one’s own life – and Jeff offers very specific advice to counteract these components: If you feel alone, do not underestimate the value of a confidante. “Everybody has confidants in life. If you grow up and you have three people that you trust and respect – and whose opinions you value, then you are a very successful person,” he said. If you feel like you are a burden to anybody, ask yourself the three questions Jeff asks himself every day: Is your life meaningful? Is your life fulfilling? Is your life rewarding? “If you can’t say yes to these questions, make a change so that you can say yes.” One of Jeff’s favorite maxims is – Take time to think. “You might be dealing with some pain. You might not see light at the end of the tunnel right now – but I promise you that this will change. Breathe. Go talk so someone. Give it some time.” The pain of the loss of Quai Horton crosses generational lines. “We are all hurting together,” he said. “I think what’s important right now is that we take the time to really come together and understand that mental illness – thoughts of suicide, anxiety, stress, depression – is real. It is important that we open our hearts and talk to people about it.” A simple “hello” while walking through the halls can make a big difference to somebody. For teachers, Jeff stressed the importance of acknowledging each and every child that walks into the classroom. “School is the safest place for our kids – and I think school is one of the best places where we get our self-esteem and our value – because we all know that when we go home, sometimes it’s not a pretty thing.” Jeff closed his emotional video message by letting everyone know how sorry he was for the tragic news. “I am thinking about you. I had a great two days at Lincoln High School. My heart is hurting, my friends. My heart is deeply hurting. I wish I could reach out to you and give you a great big hug.” TAGS: Suicide, Teen Suicide, Copycat Suicide, Anxiety, Attitude, Choices, Depression, Des Moines, Educational Speaker, Suicide Prevention Speaker, High School Assemblies, High School Motivational Speaker, High School Speaker, Iowa, Leadership, Lincoln High School Des Moines, Mental Health, Middle School Motivational Speaker, Middle School Speaker, Motivational Speaker for Schools, Teen Mental Health Speaker, Teen Motivational Speaker, Teen Speaker, Youth Motivational Speaker                                                          

Filed Under: For Parents, High Schools, Teen Depression / Suicide Tagged With: Anxiety, Attitude, Choices, Copycat Suicide, Depression, Des Moines, Educational Speaker, High School Assemblies, High School Motivational Speaker, High School Speaker, Iowa, Leadership, Lincoln High School Des Moines, Mental Health, Middle School Motivational Speaker, Middle School Speaker, Motivational Speaker for Schools, Suicide, Suicide Prevention Speaker, Teen Mental Health Speaker, Teen Motivational Speaker, Teen Speaker, Teen Suicide, Youth Motivational Speaker

Jeff Yalden visits the (Haunted) Largest HS in Iowa – Lincoln High School

February 4, 2017 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Top Teen Motivation Speaker: Expect the Unexpected

High School Motivational Speaker, Jeff Yalden in Des Moines, Iowa: Believe in Yourself and Engage! Jeff Yalden began his two-day stint in Des Moines, Iowa by speaking with student leaders in the ninth-grade building at Lincoln High School on February 1, 2017 – meeting them “at their level” and talking about leadership and influence. “Whether you are the president or a high school student, leadership is about your influence on your peers,” he said. FUN FACT: Speaking of presidents, did you know that former president Ronald Reagan called Chicago Cubs baseball games for WHO radio in Des Moines? This was one of his first jobs in the entertainment industry. Jeff’s first assembly was for 600 ninth graders. “Once we got rolling, the students were awesome,” he said. “We had an incredible talk about life choices, attitude and believing in yourself.” Lincoln High School is the largest high school in Iowa, and houses the 10th, 11th and 12th grade classes on a separate property two and a half miles away. This is where Jeff spent the remainder of his first day, discussing mental health with teachers and administrative staff. Because Jeff continues to battle with depression and anxiety, he brings a world of experience to the table – giving him a credibility that transcends mere research and positions him to be of real help to others. Day two included three assemblies for sophomores, juniors and seniors separately. Administrators and teachers told Jeff that the sophomore class would likely be the rowdiest class, but sometimes it pays to expect the unexpected. “It’s funny. From the moment I picked up the microphone, these kids were amazing – respectful, kind and attentive. You could have heard a pin drop,” he said. This vibe of attentiveness continued with the seniors too – and Jeff talked about being present and engaged in life – being a player in the game of life instead of just a spectator. And as usual, Jeff’s in-your-face style coupled with his compassion struck a chord with these young people. “I was intense. I was loud. Man, I had fun!” During a two-hour break, Jeff toured the building and said he got to meet with kids and teachers until it was time to speak to the junior class, which he said could have been the toughest audience. “It was right after lunch and there were a lot of juniors. I thought they would rather be on their cell phones than anything else – but you know what? It was still a great assembly. What’s funny is that what we perceived to be the worst assembly brought the most kids up afterwards to say thank you or to buy wristbands.” Since 2004, Jeff Yalden has sold over 100,000 TAKE TIME TO THINK bracelets. Get yours HERE. Jeff’s visit to Lincoln High School is not one he will soon forget. “In the end, it’s a great school with some really caring, endearing and wonderful teachers that love their kids. I was very impressed with the administration, including India Morrow, who was my point of contact that brought me in. I am a big fan of this school, and I will always remember how special of a visit we had.” Discover why Jeff Yalden is the top teen motivational speaker in North America by visiting www.jeffyalden.com. To book Jeff for your school or organization now, call 800-948-9289.                    

Filed Under: High Schools, Leadership Tagged With: Anxiety, Attitude, Choices, Depression, Des Moines, Educational Speaker, High School Assemblies, High School Motivational Speaker, High School Speaker, Influence, Iowa, Leadership, Lincoln High School Des Moines, Mental Health, Middle School Motivational Speaker, Middle School Speaker, Motivational Speaker for Schools, Teen Mental Health Speaker, Teen Motivational Speaker, Teen Speaker, Youth Motivational Speaker

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