Self-Esteem Archives - Mental Health Motivational Speaker Teen Mental Health Speaker

3 Tips to Improve Teens Self-Esteem

May 27, 2021 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Hey my friends . . . This has been a rough year for everyone, but especially for teenagers. Many have missed out on experiences that define the teenage years – things like prom, homecoming, and even just defining who you are in a group of friends. Covid has caused more problems for teen mental health than we can care to think about. Here are 3 Tips to Boost Teens Self-Esteem.

I’m Jeff Yalden, teen mental health and suicide prevention expert with Here Tomorrow in Neptune Beach, I’ve been working with schools and school communities for the past thirty years. Teens are my love and passion.

Listen, a teenager’s social-emotional development is also hinged on their brain development, hormones and neurotransmitters.

Erik Erikson’s theory of development says that it is during this time that an adolescent will begin to develop and question their own sense of self. In this day of social media, it is becoming more difficult to find who you are and where you belong. Teens are inundated with images that speak to their worth and comparison of others.

A pioneer in social media and the psychology of its impact on esteem and mental health is Jonathan Bertrand. Bertrand’s position is that social media use has a profound impact on the development of self and often interferes with mental health and esteem-related issues. Combine that with Erikson’s work and you have a bit of a potentially disastrous combination.

With that being said, I want to share with you 3 Tips to help teens boost their self-esteem.

More than 4-5 hours a day . . . 70% more likely to have major depression and other mental health conditions. So, when possible, eliminate or really reduce the use of social media. Let me add emphasis to social media being recognized as part of one’s self-esteem issues.

Here is the deal, If your teen struggles with body image, lifestyle comparison or feelings of inadequacy then social media may be a piece of that puzzle.

Here is what I am suggesting . . . Setting some limits, like turning off all technology a couple of hours before bed and limited overall time on social media. Trust me, this is a good place to start.

However, this might be difficult as you get resistance. You might then consider having some conversations about social media and its impact and invite your teen into the conversation rather than it being a lecture. After 24 hours, you’ll think you have a new teenager.

Tip #2: Use thought stopping

Another strategy is to use thought-stopping. Here is what that is. We cannot control a thought when it comes into your head, but we can control what we do with the thought. Don’t hang on to a negative thought. Instead, say ‘stop’ and think of something else. Over time this will help to create new neural connections in your brain instead of circling the negativity drain.

Helping teens understand they can have control over how they handle thoughts is a powerful way to build self-esteem. Think of it this way, situations become thoughts. Thoughts become feelings. Feelings become behaviors. Stop the negative thoughts. Another term for this is Behavioral Activation. If it’s not right . . . Change the thought.

Tip #3: Build mastery

Find an activity that you enjoy and work toward building mastery. This will not only encourage you to find a group of people with similar interests, but it will also build your sense of worth within yourself and within the group. Start by sampling some things that you have a a little of interest in and explore them. If it is a sport, commit to the season. If it is a new hobby or club, give it at least 3 months of your time. Building mastery is a great way to solidify your confidence.

Put down the devices and get more involved.

Contact Jeff today. (CLICK HERE)

The Speed of Hurt

May 11, 2020 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

Teens experience pain as fast as the flip of a switch – and the speed of hurt hits them as swiftly as turning on a light.

Often, terrible situations can lead to teen suicide – but we need to be vigilant when observing changes – even small changes – in the behavior of the young people in our circles. Sometimes, events that an adult might brush off as part of the process of daily life might be viewed as catastrophic by a teen – simply because they do not yet have the coping skills in place to deal with them.

The inability to cope with life’s challenges can be a major stumbling block for today’s youth – particularly because they do not yet possess the life skills necessary to deal with the obstacles and challenges they might face.

As a society, we have hit critical mass – and we need to start talking about it. We need to get comfortable being uncomfortable and give voice to the issues facing us; teen suicide, the opiate crisis and substance abuse in general, including alcohol.

The above issues factor into what is quickly becoming the biggest public health crisis of our time. While many factors contribute to teen suicide, often the underlying issue is mental illness.

It is rare that only a single event leads to suicide – bullying or cyberbullying, for instance. But a single event can be the final straw.

As a parent, teacher, or coach, be sure to focus on building strong coping and problem-solving skills in your young people. Nurture a healthy self-esteem, and they will flourish.

If your children value themselves from a place of certainty, they will be much less likely to allow others to have power over them, including bullies.

Life is not a race. It’s about being patient in the process.

Slow down. Breathe.

Perfection doesn’t exist, but I’d still like to think I can make a perfect rack of ribs.

NOTE: The above content is Part Seven in a series based on Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic. Click on link to order.

CLICK HERE for Jeff’s online suicide prevention course.

Jeff Yalden: Positivity in Coastal Virginia

June 26, 2018 by Roger Yale

On April 19, youth motivational speaker and Amazon bestselling author Jeff Yalden visited Mathews, Virginia – a community in the Chesapeake Bay region of the state. Yalden was invited by the Mathews County Sheriff’s Office to speak to high school and middle school students about life choices, mental health, behavior, and attitude. He also presented to more than 100 parents and community members that night. Investigator April Edwards from the Sheriff’s Office organized Yalden’s visit. It’s fitting that after some due diligence about Yalden himself, she knew that he would be the ideal candidate to instill a sense of purpose, hope and direction to kids who might otherwise be tempted to go down the rabbit hole of risky behaviors and compromise their self-respect. “Jeff Yalden came and took our schools by storm,” said Edwards. “He captured the attention of our students as well as the attention of faculty, administration, law enforcement, parents and many other vested adults from our community.” She added that the kids developed trust in Yalden within two hours and then poured their hearts out to him. “Jeff has a gift, and he has helped many of our children through a very difficult time in their young lives,” she said. “Many of these kids will never forget the day that a motivational speaker captured their attention, their hearts and their minds.” Yalden was grateful to Edwards for going to bat for him. “Thank you for organizing and fighting to make it happen. We made a difference today,” he said.

In his more than 25 years working with young people and school communities, he said he has met many awesome teachers, administrators, coaches and counselors, but he cited then-interim and now permanent Mathews High School principal Alexis Foster as one of a kind. “Today’s teens are growing up differently and need trusted adult who can find the perfect balance of understanding, discipline and encouragement, while providing inspiration and hope – an individual who shows beyond any doubt that they truly care about the students that walk through their doors,” Yalden said. “Mr. Foster is the embodiment of empathy and compassion, yet he held the kids accountable in a way that they felt empowered and hopeful – that their needs were being met and that they had solid futures to look forward to.” Foster himself was more than pleased with the result of Edwards’ work to bring Yalden in for the day. “As a school administrator, it’s very difficult to always find the time to say the right things or to do things to motivate your kids – but if you have the time and really care about kids, you need to invite Jeff Yalden to your school,” he said. “Just spending the day with him today, I saw lives changed, kids’ attitudes changed – and parents are now thinking about things that maybe they never thought about before.” What Yalden most wanted to instill in the young people in attendance was the fact that the world owes them nothing. “You get out of it what you put into it,” he said. For more information about Jeff Yalden, go HERE. Learn all about The Jeff Yalden Foundation HERE. To book Jeff now, call (800) 948-9289.

How to Raise Self-Esteem in 30 Seconds a Day

July 22, 2015 by Jeff Yalden, Youth Motivational Speaker

I want to help you raise your self-esteem in only 30 seconds a day. “You’re not good enough!” Have you ever heard that? “You’re fat!” Have you ever heard that? Have you ever started to believe in what others are saying? Let me help you believe what you are saying, not what others are saying. Hi!, I am Jeff Yalden and I make a career out of helping teens in middle school and high school find self-esteem and value themselves. I work with parents and communities to encourage them to understand their teens and inspire teens to understand their parents. I have an awesome career as a Youth Motivational Speaker. In life, you have to accept that people will tear you down and their words will pierce into your heart. I know that the speed of a hurt for a teen today is as fast as turning on and off a light bulb. You don’t have to be left feeling self-doubt, sadness, low self-esteem, and unworthiness as a result of others words in person or what you might hear or read on social media. These are the words of others. These don’t have to be the words that you speak to yourself. “Tigers don’t lose sleep to the opinion of sheep and lions don’t turn around to the bark of small dogs.” is what I tell my teens when I speak at middle schools and high schools. My question is, “Are you a tiger or a sheep? Are you a lion or a small dog?” How you feel about yourself is what matters. How others feel about you or what they might say is not what matters, but we can use their words to empower our self-respect and our belief in ourselves. I am asking for 30 seconds a day and a commitment throughout the day to make changes you feel are necessary. Let’s do this! You can do this. You should do this.

30 Seconds a Day to Self-Esteem

This is a daily assignment and a 24 hour commitment you make with yourself. You do it first thing in the morning after your morning mirror routine in the bathroom – brushing your teeth, getting your hair did by self, and making sure you look good in those expensive clothes you want to wear because you’re thinking about acceptance of others. Listen, my first suggestion is this: As you look in the mirror are you more concerned about how you look because others will judge you or are you more concerned about who you are? How you look is what others see. Who you are is what you see. How you look is cause for being judged by others. Regardless, people will judge you and you have to accept that. Who you are is the choice you make for yourself and nobody can take that away from you. You choose you and when you pay attention to who you are, how you look will take care of itself. I ask this question in every speaking engagement and the response will astound you. “Are you as beautiful on the inside as I see you on the outside?”, is the question I ask. Everyone that is being honest with me and themselves says, “No.” or “I don’t know.” or, they look at me with a stare and they’re embarrassed to answer. Every middle school assembly and high school assembly, every school assembly or conference I speak at, I ask this question and always get the same response. Why? Because when we are young we want to be accepted more than we want to accept ourselves. We all live with a mask trying to be who others want us to be. Look in the mirror and start to be comfortable with who you are. Then, how you look will take care of itself.

STEP 1 – Self Esteem

So, in your daily routine I want you to address yourself in the mirror after you’ve brushed your teeth and checked how you look – hair and clothes. Empty handed and a couple of deep breaths, I want you to look into your eyes and say this:

“I am smart. I am strong. I am pretty/handsome (if you’re a guy). I can do anything I put my mind to.”

Say it again . . . .

“I am smart. I am strong. I am pretty/handsome (if you’re a guy). I can do anything I put my mind to.”

You have to look at yourself and believe it. You can’t just say it and go through the motions of speaking words. You have to believe the words you speak. You are all alone. I need you to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself what you need to say. Be strong and positive. At first, this will be hard, but keep on doing it.

STEP 2 – Answer the Questions

After you’ve said, “I am smart. I am strong. I am pretty/handsome (if you’re a guy). I can do anything I put my mind to.”, I want you to look at yourself and ask if what people might be saying is true.

For example:

If someone says you dress funny. Can that be true? Do you dress differently than others? Does it cause unwanted attention? How about someone says you’re fat. Are you fat? Can you lose weight? Are you unhealthy? Do you have unhealthy habits?

What else are people saying? Do they make fun of you because of your grades? Could it be true that you don’t apply yourself, do your homework, come to school late or don’t care?

You get the point here, right?

STEP 3 – Choose To Change

You spent a few seconds looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, “I am smart. I am strong. I am pretty/handsome (if you’re a guy). I can do anything I put my mind to.”

You’ve then addressed some negative things that people might say to you and you’ve found somethings to be true. Now you choose to make changes in your behavior.

Behavioral Change means taking Action. Taking Action requires Motivation. Motivation and Action means RESULTS which means CHANGES because of your Behavior!

You can do this.

Step 4 – Take Action!

You write down some truths of what others might say. Only is you can agree with the facts and truths of what is said. Don’t change for anyone. Choose to change for yourself. Now you’ve addressed the truths and you choose to take action.

You’ve addressed yourself in the mirror.

You’ve made positive comments and self talk. You believe yourself.

You’ve asked the questions you’ve needed to ask. You’ve addressed the truth and sometimes the truth hurts.

Now you are choosing to take action and committing to yourself to make changes for you only.

Throughout the day, you work on what needs to be addressed.

Examples:

Weight – Choose healthy behaviors. Exercise. Log your food intake in MyFitnessPal or write it down. Speak to a nutritionist. Ask questions about protein, sugars, carbs, fat, exercise, and health. Choose to change.
Appearance – Are you wearing glasses that are out of date? Are you wearing clothes too small or too big? What is it about your appearance? Your hair? Your hygiene? What is it? Choose to address these issues one at a time. Get new clothes. Wash and fold your clothes. Change how you wear your hair? Bathe regularly (That’s a great idea!) Remember to do this for yourself.
Choices – Sometimes we act out to be accepted. We want to get a laugh from others. Choose to live in the present and choose your words and actions carefully. Don’t act out for attention. Think before you speak. Think before you do something. Think! TAKE TIME TO THINK is a motto I use everyday.

In short, my message is quite simple. You get up and take care of your hygiene and prepare for the day. This process you are going to add 30 Seconds of Self Talk in a positive frame. You’ll also address what others might say. Write it down. Address it everyday and take positive action towards your own self respect. Like yourself. Love yourself. Being different is ok. You don’t have to be “Normal” to fit it. You have to like yourself and accept yourself to live a fulfilling life that has fulfillment, meaning, and a life that is rewarding. I hope you choose to do this today and start a new daily routine. * Jeff Yalden is a top youth motivational speaker and teen suicide prevention specialist in education. Jeff works with middle schools, high schools, educators, teachers, and communities addressing teen issues and teen life. For more information about Jeff Yalden, please visit www.JeffYalden.com.