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Teen Suicide Behaviors and Responding in a Crisis

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Teen suicide behaviors and responding in a crisis is written by Jeff Yalden and provided for school communities to help save lives and teach mental health in our schools. Teen Suicide is an epidemic today concerning school communities. Know the behaviors and warning signs of suicidal ideation and how to respond in the event of a crisis.

Jeff Yalden is a teen suicide prevention expert and works with school communities helping to create policies and procedures for school staff. Jeff speaks with students, teachers, counselors, administration, parents, and communities on teen mental health and building school culture to create a winning environment that helps students succeed and improve the morale and retainership of school staff.

“Jeff is an amazing speaker and his message is powerful. I heard him for the first time in Atchison,KS after our community suffered from some very tragic losses. Jeff was amazing and helped with the healing process. My high school son heard Jeff speak and his comment to me was “that was powerful mom.” I brought Jeff to my district this past fall. Again, his message was powerful and he touched the lives of many. Jeff you are amazing!!!  Keep fighting the fight!” – Julie Crum, Principal

Addressing Teen Suicide & Prevention in Schools

Teen Suicide Prevention Course for School Communities

Addressing teen suicide in schools is becoming more of a concern everyday. Our school administrators are understanding that they need to bring this more attention, but the concern is how to do it in a safe and non-triggering manner that is educational, informative, and provides help for those in need. Without the proper community resources understand the schools are lacking the correct resources to address students in need of third party professional care. Nonetheless, at the onset, it’s about relationships and getting our youth to talk.

It’s important that our students learn about mental health from the same trusted adults they learn everyday from.

Full applause to every administrator, teacher, coach, student, and parent that supports this and is willing to address the topic of teen mental health. Bravo! We have a lot of work to do, but let’s not shy away from the topic of Teen Mental Health.

When the Conversation Happens

Let’s get acquainted with a few things regarding the conversation about teen mental health, teen suicide, or mental wellness. First, the conversation don’t need to be in crisis moments. The conversations don’t need to be depressing either.  It’s really important that we all get educated and know what to do when the conversation happens in real time. Even before the conversation starts, we need to notice the red flags that will lead us to have the conversation. Listen, nothing to be worried about. Nothing to want to shy away from.

We are adults and we have experience and wisdom. Talk to your teens, students, youth in the same manner you talk about your subject or a current event. You are the trusted and significant adult. They’re going to listen to you. With everything, approach this conversation with compassion, empathy, and be really present with your heart to theirs. This moment is a moment that can shape their life forever and you are that light the individual needs.

Give yourself permission to know you can and will say the right thing. Know that you listening and being present is what matters most in this moment.

You Might Not Be Qualified

Stop right there. You might not be trained in mental health as a counselor or therapist, but you are trusted as a teacher or you’ve been given the honor of being a mom or dad, coach, aunt, uncle, youth pastor, or some other significant adult. You are qualified in these moments of crisis where a young person trusts in you. What you do in these moments matter most. Your number one job is to cherish this relationship right here and right now. Listen. Care. Be the source that bridges this individual with the person they need to be with to get the help they need.

Think parents. Think school counselor. Think professional mental health care. Put this in order. First, get in touch with your school counselor or school administration. You’ve done your job. They will contact parents and let’s hope the parents do the right thing. In the meantime, you’ve done more than what a qualified person can do. A qualified person wasn’t there when the individual needed that trusting and significant adult. Believe in you.

However, do remember you are not the therapist and your job isn’t to fix the individual. You being present, compassionate, and giving your attention to the situation is saving the person’s life and giving them hope, permission, and the right advise of what is next.

Warning Signs of Teen Suicide

The warning signs associated with teen suicide should be learned by every adult and student. This should be common place in today’s schools. Just knowing the warning signs alone can make the conversation happen before the individual reaches out. You will know when to intervene.

Active listening skills should be a staff development workshop as well as a class for students. This way, anyone hearing or seeing warning signs can intervene when they witness those signs that are a “Cry for help.”

Jeff’s new booklet for Parents and Teens

The more education we receive on teen suicide behaviors and how to respond the greater chances we have of saving lives and getting people the help they need.

Outside Resources

All teachers and school personnel should be given the outside resources that are available within your community. Make it available to all teachers in a booklet and also add it to your school website resources page. Having this information on hand and readily accessible shows genuine concern for your students and also offers a sense of hope in facing life’s challenges.

School Policy on Teen Suicide

Every school should have their policy on teen suicide available along with the resources. This policy should cover the basics of what to look for such as the warning signs, symptoms, myths and facts, clues, and more. This should be written with the help of school counselors, mental health professionals, and should be talked about with all staff present so they’re comfortable in the policies and procedures if and when they find themselves in a conversation or a crisis.

Know the policies and procedures and have them written down and provided to all staff. Knowing what to do and how to respond appropriately to suicidal behavior and a crisis or a threat in school or out of school is important to saving a life before an individual reacts emotionally. This knowledge will not only help students and staff members, but it will also possibly avoid lawsuits.

Renowned youth mental health and suicide prevention speaker has a theory about teen suicide

Teen Suicide Clues

All teachers and staff members should be aware of clues that will show the warning signs. Take all signs seriously. If you see something you should say something. If you know something you should do something.

You generally have four different types clues that something is wrong:

  • Direct Verbal Clues
  • Indirect Verbal Clues
  • Behavioral Clues
  • Situational Clues

Within these types of clues there are warning signs to look for and know about. They include but are not limited to:

  • Talking about suicide, hurting themselves, death, or dying
  • Seeking access to firearms or pills
  • Withdrawing from friends, family, and society
  • Having severe mood swings
  • Feeling hopeless or trapped
  • Increased use of alcohol or drugs
  • Sleeping all the time or having issues with sleep
  • Uncontrolled rage or agitation
  • Self-destructive and risky behavior
  • Giving away personal belongings
  • Telling people goodbye for seemingly no reason

For more information about teen suicide, please visit Jeff’s Teen Suicide section on his website.

Don’t let this happen to one of your students.

Remember people at any age can experience suicidal thoughts. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among teenagers.

Other Factors to Consider

  • Gender: Men commit suicide successfully 4.5 times more often than women, but women attempt suicide 2-4 times more than men.
  • Ethnicity: African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, and Asian-Americans have lower rates than Euro-Americans.
    • However, Native Americans have rates 1.6-4.2 times the national average.
  • Sexual orientation: Homosexual teens are three times more likely to attempts suicide than heterosexual teens.
  • Previous suicide attempts: Of all completed suicides, 10-40% have previously attempted suicide.

Ways to Intervene

Knowing the policies and procedures will help immensely.  Follow the guidelines accordingly and be confident to step into action. Be prepared to drop everything to take time to deal with the situation. Take every complaint and feeling the individual expresses seriously.

Do not try to minimize the problem by telling the person everything they have to live for. This will only increase feelings of guilt and hopelessness.

Be calm, supportive, and nonjudgmental. Listen actively and encourage self-disclosure.

It is okay to acknowledge the reality of suicide as a choice, but do not “normalize” suicide as a choice. Assure the individual they’re doing the right thing by confiding in you.

Do not express discomfort with the situation. Your willingness to discuss it will show the person you care and you want to help.  Stay with the person. Never leave him/her alone until further action has been taken. You have done everything you can by just being in the moment, listening and being non-judgemental.

Suicidal Ideation on Phone

If you are talking to someone via phone, do not hang up; get someone else to call for help on another line. Be on speaker and be texting someone immediately. Don’t overreact until you know the severity, but take all signs seriously. Get someone to the person in distress immediately.

Recognize that talking about suicide will not plant the idea! In reality, talking about suicide reduces their anxiety.

Show You Care and Want To Help

Listen and ask questions. Show that you are paying attention and that you care. Ask direct, straightforward questions. (“Are you thinking of suicide?”)

Be aware that students will usually respond “no.” This is not your place to challenge them or wonder if they’re being truthful.

Remember, you are the person that got them talking and the next step will be with the mental health professionals or third party psychiatric care and evaluation. Without you intervening here they may not get the help they need.

Ask Questions to Assess the Severity of the Situation

  • What has happened to make life so difficult?
  • What has been keeping you alive so far?
  • Are you thinking of suicide?
  • Do you have a suicide plan?
  • Do you use alcohol or drugs?
  • When you think about yourself and the future, what do you visualize?
  • Is the means available to you? Remove the means if possible.
  • What do you think the odds are that you will kill yourself?

Don’t ask the questions back to back. Ask and listen. Let them talk. The more you listen the more the individual will know you care.

The SLAP Method

Determining the severity of the risk isn’t your call to make. The situation needs to be addressed with the parents, the school counselors, or a third party mental health professional from your conversation. That includes you calling 911, school administration, school counselor, parents, family members, etc. It’s important that you have this information though because it needs to be documented and shared when you make the call.

S = How (S) pecific are the details of the plan?

L = What is the (L) evel of lethality of the plan? (Gun vs. aspirin)

A = What is the (A) vailability of the proposed method?

P = What is the (P) roximity to helping resources?

Be positive and supportive in your approach. Help the individual student see that what they’re feeling in this moment is temporary and that the crisis will pass. Just get the individual to breathe.

Let the individual know they’re okay and they will be okay. Validate them for sharing and coming forward.

Share about that situations we deal with are temporary, but suicide is forever. It’s okay to say this in the conversation.  Just remember, you are not a trained therapist and you can’t fix their heart. Just care and be there.

In the here and the now, your job is to understand, be compassionate, empathetic, and lead the individual to the right person in the moment of crisis. I can’t repeat that enough.

Support Groups and People to Help

Often an individual contemplating suicide is unaware of the different support groups such as (e.g., counselors, family, friends) that are available. Or, they feel they can’t talk to them or they don’t know how to talk to them. Mention the individual’s family as a source of strength, but if they reject the idea, back away quickly. For teens, the source of pain is usually either the family or the peer group. When you know which it is, you are in a better position to help or refer for help.

Use constructive questions to help separate and define the person’s problems and remove some of their confusion. To help the person understand their situation, use active listening and respond empathically. (“It sounds like you feel…”). Allow them to talk and you listen.

Being Prepared in Moments of Crisis

If it’s a crisis situation and you need to make crisis management decisions in the moment. Be decisive. Rapid decision making on the part of the intervener is extremely important. If you need someone to help find out who the individual’s trusted and significant adult is and call for help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Example: “So, I know you’re really close with your math teacher, Ms. __________. Would you like me to call and see if she is available?”

Moving Forward in the Moment of Crisis

Report the incident to the appropriate school personnel. Again, this is school counselor(s) or school administration.

Here again, know the the proper protocol. Know policy and procedure so you move forward according to your school districts guidelines.

 

Never Leave a Suicidal Person Alone

Before leaving the individual make sure they verbally promise they will be safe and won’t make a forever decision – Commit Suicide. If you can, get the student to sign something that you had written up. Make sure this is the last resort before leaving a student alone in this situation. Teen Suicide and acting on impulse is like what butter is to bread. Know that their behavior and the crisis situation they’re feeling time is of the utmost importance. Do not leave the person alone . . . UNLESS, and this is a big UNLESS, you absolutely have no other choice and you’ve agreed with the person in writing they’ll be okay for the night.

If you can’t get hold of school personnel such as counselor or school administration, call the students parents or guardians. Please make a decisive decision for what is in the best interest of the student and their well-being. Save a life first.

Depending on the time of day and the whereabouts of this moment, you have to act and do accordingly. Do not keep the person’s threat a secret, but do respect their privacy. Be confident and think through the situation in what is the best, safest, outcome for the individual.

Actions to Avoid

Responding in Crisis Situations isn’t easy, but know that in the moment you need to breathe and relax. It’s going to be okay, but here are some things to avoid.

Make no promises. This is a situation where it is never appropriate to promise confidentiality. Do not ignore or lessen the suicidal threat. Avoid sounding shocked at the suicidal thoughts. Do not stress the shock or pain that the suicide may cause their family before you are certain that is not exactly what the student hopes to accomplish. Don’t moralize. Do not argue with a student who may be suicidal. You may not only lose the debate, but also the person. Don’t criticize, ridicule, or infer that the person is crazy. Don’t be concerned by long periods of silence. Allow the student time to think. Do not ignore your own intuitions about a student’s behavior or changes. Do not try to handle the situation alone. Do not attempt in-depth counseling. Be present. Be patient. Listen.

Teen Suicide: Additional Information

If a suicide does occur, it is essential that the students be provided with accurate facts about the suicide as soon as possible. This information should be given to all students simultaneously. It is necessary to provide sufficient time for discussion and also support for the students. Be careful here, because you need to know what the family/parents are saying.

This is also a moment where the school administration may not have had time to brief the school staff. If this is the case, the teachers are already in class and will have to address the situation with their classes.  Another reason why it’s important to address teen suicide: behaviors and responding in moments of crisis. Staff members want to know what to say and how to support their students. Give them permission that they’re capable of having this conversation and that it’s okay to speak from their heart.

Be gentle, listen, it’s okay to show your emotions. This is real and the kids want real. They want their teachers to be real and not to sugarcoat situation or events.

The students will look to you for guidance and support. It’s okay to just say, “I don’t know right now. I’m shocked. I have to process this and breathe. Right now, that’s all we can all do.” It’s okay to say, “I’m sorry. This really sucks!”

Allow them to talk and express their feelings. Getting them to talk openly and together is the best and safest thing as they’re all together. Keep the students in school. School is the safest place for everyone to be. Together.

Teen Suicide Statistics

  • Of the people that commit the act of suicide, 90% have showed signs that indicated they needed help. Most have told someone within the previous couple weeks that they were thinking about hurting themselves.
  • In the past 30 years, teen suicide has increased 300%.
  • Among children between the ages of 10-14, suicide has gone up 112%.
  • For every completed suicide, there are between 300 attempts.
  • Suicidal adolescents are a diverse group. Be aware of the ripple effect.
  • Research shows an increase in adolescent suicide following media coverage of a high profile suicide.

For more information about Jeff Yalden and his work in school communities, please visit www.JeffYalden.com.

Jeff Yalden: Teen Mental Health and High School Assemblies

Jarrid Wilson Suicide: I’m Angry and Disappointed

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In September, Harvest Christian Fellowship associate pastor, mental health advocate and author Jarrid Wilson made the forever decision to end his life by suicide at only 30 years old.

Before I go any further, I want to send my thoughts and prayers to his wife and sons – to his family, followers and fans. It is with a heavy heart that I write this, but it’s also my responsibility – as it was also Jarrid’s responsibility.

I hope you understand my intentions for sharing my feelings…

Jarrid was a passionate advocate for mental health and suicide prevention. He had the megachurch behind him where he was a pastor. I think of myself as a Christian, and I know that there are many pastors out there living with their share of darkness. I have been fortunate enough to work with a number of them, and they have shared their struggles with me. I have become much more aware of these struggles and in some cases, concerned.

As a suicide prevention and mental health advocate myself – primarily working in school communities with teens, teachers and staff, parents and community leaders – I’ve met and conversed at length with many leaders of churches, and they’ve all told me I’m right and to continue sharing the message when I talk about church and mental health.

Pastors are not perfect

Let me just tell you that 53% of pastors have an addiction to pornography and the occupation of being a pastor is one of the highest for suicidal ideation. I don’t need to go further.

This isn’t about bashing any pastor or any church. It’s about full transparency and not hiding behind a faith to heal your heart or emotions – or hiding behind a congregation for validation. We clearly need more truth, and I think our churches have an incredible responsibility in the mental health crisis we currently live in.

I’m angry and I have a right to be. Here is exactly why I feel as though I do. I’ve been speaking and advocating for mental health and suicide prevention for 28 years.

Jeff Yalden: A Man Who Proudly Lives with Mental Illness

I live with mental illness. I’m diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder [PTSD]. I travel nearly 180 days a year giving hope, educating, and inspiring many – as did Jarrid. I’m very protective of who is speaking and giving hope and educating those who need help and hope. This isn’t something we should take lightly, and I see too many people thinking that since they have a story, they can save lives. People struggling with mental illness require the help of professionals – not people that can trigger emotions and leave pieces to be picked up later.

Jarrid Wilson’s final act of suicide, in my opinion, sent more of a message than any of his work as an advocate. Any hope he’d given to anyone struggling and who trusted in him was negated by his forever decision in the end.

Because of things like this, I feel that my 28 years of working – speaking throughout the country on mental health and suicide prevention – has become more of a challenge, and this was a big slap in the face…

It’s not OK that Wilson, who was in a position of leadership and trust – serving people and doing kingdom work, ultimately decided to take his own life.

I WISH HE KEPT FIGHTING AND ASKING FOR HELP.

 I believe there is always help available. Take the time to just breathe…

Maybe I’m wrong. Perhaps there is a depth of despair I can’t fathom. I’m learning and trying to understand.

I will not give up, but I am angry and really disappointed in Jarrid. As an advocate, you know the work you have to do because you know first-hand the importance of self-care.

Did Jarrid not live the truth he so proudly displayed in his speaking or the books he’d written? Did he not open up about his troubles to his wife or senior pastor? Did he forsake therapy because he thought turning to God would heal his mental illness? Was he even on medication?

I have questions, and I feel like I have the right to know because I fight the battle myself.

Jarrid’s high-pressure role at Harvest Christian Fellowship seemed to be too much, and one of his friends said that he had expressed an interest in stepping down. Did this sign go unnoticed by church leadership? Was there even a conversation as to why he wanted to step down? Was there support for him?

Is the church too big to include input from mental health professionals?

A person I’d like to have lunch with is Mr. Dale Partridge, a pastor and a friend of Wilson’s. What exactly does he know and what did they try and do for Jarrid? It could be possible that Jarrid himself wasn’t as truthful as he could have been about the depth of his pain.

Church Leadership

Before I get out of my car and go into a facility to make a presentation, I always ask God to use me as a vehicle to provide hope, to educate and to plant seeds. I feel strongly that God is with me – but I also feel strongly that God has blessed us with mental health professionals, who are crucial in helping people create a toolbox and resources to help them cope. This is the God I know.

Is it possible that we have churches that are reckless enough to put people with mental illness in positions of leadership? Do certain churches place people into leadership roles even when these people doubt their faith?

Don’t get me wrong. I know we have wonderful houses of worship with fantastic people who lead their congregations – but like anything else, we also have imperfection and unbiblical practices from people who are in positions of great responsibility.

Why are our churches putting these people in such positions? I’ve read that many church leaders have been open about their mental health struggles and their doubts of the Bible and doctrine.

As a man who lives with mental illness, I am the healthiest I’ve ever been, having more fun than ever and feel more present in my work. A huge part of this boils down to the fact that I am doing the work – counseling, therapy, medication and self-care.  I wake up early enough to make sure I take care of myself first.

Self-care is not selfish.

I understand that we are busy. I can also understand the “second-hand trauma” associated with serving others who also struggle – listening to them and acutely aware of their pain. It can be very hard. After years in the trenches of mental illness, I have learned that you can empathize and be compassionate, but you can’t carry the darkness of others.

Anyone in the vocation of serving others – especially pastors – need privacy, not publicity. We need diligent prayer, not overwhelming pressure. We need to truly become servants and should refuse to be placed on pedestals. When a church officer falls, it becomes like a domino effect and causes others to fall. This causes ripples of confusion, fear and doubt among the congregation.

God has given clear instructions that offer protection to His church. Every time we decide to break His commands, we only break ourselves. A pastor is not simply someone who is willing. A pastor is not simply someone who is gifted. A pastor is not simply someone who is educated. He is a man who meets all God’s qualifications. This is safety for God’s church.

I don’t feel my words are coming from ignorance., nor, is my belief uneducated. I feel we need to wake up and see the responsibility we have to one another.

In the world we live in, almost half of all adults will experience mental illness in their lifetime. With being “overwhelmed” as a new clinical diagnosis of mental illness, I believe this to be even higher than half.

We do live in a broken world, but that isn’t an excuse. I’m not asking for perfection or perfect leaders, but I’m asking for accountability and leadership where we take care of one another. I’m very open to a pastor who isn’t perfect, but I want a pastor who is doing the work as in, “Do as I do and as I say. Let me lead you by influence. We do this together.”

For anyone living with mental illness I need you to know it’s OK to not be OK. But if you don’t do something about it, then it’s not OK.  A true leader should know they lead best by their influence and not by spoken words.

It is not shameful to live with mental illness. It is contagious to seek help and want to get better. You can live a very healthy life when learning about mental illness and not ignoring it.

I do not want to come across as judgmental or shaming, I’m just angry for the work we all do and sad for Jarrid’s family and all those that listened to him.

Please forgive me if I offended anyone with how I feel. Mental health is an epidemic and I will continue to work hard – on myself and in service to others. I will always pray for people like Jarrid that hurt so much and ultimately felt the struggle was too much. For Jarrid’s family, his fans, and the love of my work I will always advocate strongly for self-care and complete transparency.

Let’s all learn and grow together.

Jeff Yalden is highly regarded as the number one Teen Mental Health Speaker in all of North America. Jeff is a Suicide Crisis Intervention Expert and Suicide Prevention Trainer working with hundreds of school communities every year.

He’s an Amazon Best Selling Author of four books, including Teen Suicide: The WHY Behind Today’s Suicide Epidemic and BOOM: One Word to Instantly Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day!  His podcast, Mental Health & Motivation: The Unlikely Life Coach continues to attract thousands of new subscribers every month for his direct talk and influence on families and teens.

Since 1992, Jeff Yalden has traveled to 50 states and 48 countries delivering his message, “About Life.”

From 2005-2011, Jeff was a celebrity teen and family life coach on MTV’s hit realty show MADE.

As a celebrity teen & family life coach, Jeff gets the heart of the matter helping teens, young adults, families, and communities in their struggles together.

He’s a Gulf War Veteran and a two- time Marine-of-the-year recipient 1991-1992. He was Mr. New Hampshire Male America, 1990.

Every year over 1 million people are left inspired by Jeff Yalden’s inexhaustible energy that permeates after he speaks.

Jeff has an online suicide prevention course for school communities, parents, teachers, staff, and teens. Check it out HERE.

For more information, please visit www.jeffyalden.com and www.thejyf.org

PURCHASE Jeff’s new book, Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic Link to Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/jeffyaldenfoundation

JEFF YALDEN REACHES OUT TO THE BROOKFIELD, MISSOURI SCHOOL COMMUNITY

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Jeff Yalden’s heart sank when he heard the news of two completed suicides and one suicide attempt last month in Brookfield, Missouri.

Two more young lives cut short by what he calls the “forever decision” in an area that has suffered too much loss already.

Yalden is a teen mental health and youth motivational speaker. He is also a teen suicide and crisis intervention expert. For more than 25 years, he has worked in the trenches of communities hit hard by suicide contagion, and has proven to be effective in preventing further suicides and bringing hope to communities that have lost hope.

Yalden visited the Brookfield school community a year ago, and remains friends with Angie Smith Wallace, a STUCO advisor and teacher at Brookfield High School. Wallace also founded the Taylor Gilpin Wallace Foundation for Suicide Prevention on behalf of her son after her son made the forever decision to take his own life.

In the above video, Yalden reached out because several people in the community reached out to him.

“Words can’t adequately describe the pain I feel in my heart when I hear of the death of a young person, or in your case the many losses your community has felt over the past year,” he said. “I can tell you now that you might not be done, but you have to do something immediately.”

In the video, Yalden laid out the two questions that young people need to have answered by the trusted adults in their lives: Can I trust you? Do you care about me?

He also talked about the fact that most young people don’t want adults to fix their problems.

“They want to feel validated that what they are thinking and feeling is normal. Growing up and understanding is on their terms, and today’s teens are growing up differently than their parents did.”

For more about this, check out Yalden’s TEDx talk HERE.

The factors contributing to suicide, put forth by Dr. Thomas Joiner at Florida State University, are three-fold: “I am alone.” “I am a burden.” “I have the desire for suicide.”

“Teens don’t want to die,” said Yalden. “They live in the here-and-now, and see solutions to their problems as so far out there that they can’t solve in the now, so the pain of ‘I am alone’ and ‘I am a burden’ carries on day after day, week after week – and they get discouraged with never being happy.”

Yalden said that leads to a persistent form of depression called dysthymia, which could lead to the desire for suicide.

“Teens need relationships. They need trusted adults that are patient, giving of their time, understanding, supportive, and love them unconditionally,” he said, adding that it is imperative that we teach them coping skills and problem-solving skills and instill in them the importance of balance and boundaries, especially when it comes to social media, the Internet and YouTube.

Too much exposure to social media, as Yalden explains in this video, can also cause depression and other mental health issues in our teens.

Mental illness threatens to become the biggest public health crisis in America, and this is no longer a family issue, according to Yalden. This is an economic issue.

He said that mental illness and depression factor into 90 percent of suicides – and many suicides are preceded by factors that we don’t even notice.

“Why should we notice it when we weren’t even looking for it,” he said. “The individuals that are on the schools’ radars aren’t necessarily the ones we need to look out for. A lot of school communities have said to me, ‘Jeff, we didn’t even know there was a problem. There were no signs. This is the last person we would have suspected.’”

As a man who proudly lives with mental illness every day, Yalden is all about crushing the stigma attached to it.

“It’s OK to ask for help!”

Yalden can’t overemphasize the importance of a healthy self-esteem.

“I promise – on the other side of fear is self-esteem. Don’t let anyone take that from you. You have to do the work, though,” he said.

He said that this very sad time affects us all – and this is a time that will shape us.

“This will either expose wounds or build muscles. It’s your choice how you respond. Allow yourself to grieve on your terms. I am so sorry and thinking of you all,” he said.

For more information, go HERE.

Check out Jeff’s new nonprofit HERE.

To book Jeff now, call (800) 948-9289.

JEFF YALDEN RETURNS TO ATCHISON, KANSAS

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Jeff will be on hand all day tomorrow, April 3, for students, parents, community members, and recent graduates. For details, contact Atchison High School at (913) 367-4162.

Atchison, KS – Latest suicide. I’m sorry. I’m here for you…. just a couple of thoughts from my heart to yours during this very difficult time. #Atchison #Kansas #Suicide #ForeverDecision #ItsOKtoaskforHelp #TeenSuicide #JeffYalden #MentalHealth

Posted by Jeff Yalden on Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Hey Atchison Community –

A lot of people in the community and parents have reached out to me and shared with me the latest loss.

First and foremost, I want to share my thoughts and prayers to the young man’s family, friends and the people that know the young man and the family. I am sorry.

I was just in your community. I love your community.

I wanted to come by and offer you a couple of thoughts.

My friends, I don’t think suicide is ever the right decision. I think suicide is a permanent action to a temporary problem – but I get it. I understand where young people are.

I want to share with you again two reasons why young people end up with the thought for the desire for suicide:

1) Young people feel alone – basically it feels like you don’t have meaningful relationships.

I get it.

We live in a world today where we spend so much time on smartphones and social media, and it’s about balance and boundaries. I don’t really want to go there, but if you spend more than four or five hours a day on screen time, you are 70 percent more likely to have depression in your life. So – I want to encourage you – less screen time and more social engagement.

And when you have social engagement – whether it’s a trusted adult, whether it is your friends – where you are problem solving, communicating and you are together – listen, that takes care of the “I am alone.” That makes sense, right?

2) The other reason is that you feel like you are a burden.

This basically means that you feel that you don’t make any notable contributions to the world and that you serve as a liability – and that you are disappointing your parents, teachers or coaches because maybe their expectations are so high – and you are spending so much time on your smartphones that you are not focusing on things that are really important: Your motivation. Your school, your future – your direction.

Here’s what happens: When emotionally you feel like you are alone and that you are a burden – and it lasts so long – suddenly you end up with that desire.

I don’t think young people want to die. I think one of the problems is that young people live in the here and the now.

Young people – you don’t know what you don’t know. Like, you don’t know what it was like at one time to not have smartphones, Internet, social media or YouTube – so you are the first generation growing up with this.

I think we have done a disservice to our young people as a society.

We have given young people these rights and these privileges where this frontal lobe, or frontal development has not matured and come into focus – so the emotions that come with smartphones, the Internet and social media – we’re not mature enough to emotionally handle the result of this.

If your parents aren’t going to say no and teach you balance and boundaries – it’s hard for you to put that balance and those boundaries in your life – but that’s something that you have to start working on.

Social and emotional learning does not come as a result of being on the screen all of the time. Online time can affect mental health in a negative way. Social engagement social interaction can help your mental health.

Think about it.

Two of the biggest things that we are concerned about with teenagers today are coping skills and problem-solving skills. We live in the here and the now. We think that we go to the bank and an ATM spits out cash. We send a text and get an immediate reply…

Again – Atchison, Kansas – I don’t know the details on this young man. But I will tell you this: It’s going to be OK.

My friends, it’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to want to talk to somebody. I meet young people all the time and they say, “Yo – I don’t want to talk to anybody because every time I talk to someone, it’s like they are telling me my emotions don’t matter. I shouldn’t feel like this, and it’s like they aren’t validating how I feel.”

Part of being young is about having crazy emotions and feelings – and not understanding them.

And it’s OK to have that trusted adult to go talk to.

I spoke at a school in Indiana today, and a girl wanted to talk afterwards. The girl has been in counseling for two years. Do you know that today she told me more than her two counselors knew about her? I asked her why she felt comfortable telling me what she did.

“I don’t know,” she said. “You seem like you get it.”

Don’t you think you have trusted adults in your life that – if you gave them the chance – they would get it too?

Folks – we can’t help you if we don’t know.

“Well Jeff – I don’t know how to talk to someone…”

When you didn’t know how to ride a bike, that didn’t stop you, did it?

When you didn’t know how to ask a girl out – you still found a way, right?

When trusted adults in your life sit down with you and something is wrong, they know what to say. You just have to be willing to just go up to them and say, “I don’t know what to say but I am kind of really struggling.”

When I spoke to that child today, I can’t tell you how many times she said, “I don’t know” in tears – and you know what I did? I just kept asking her if she felt safe and if she knew she wasn’t in trouble.

As long as she knew those two things – little by little, she opened up. It was a beautiful day.

My point is simply this: Suicide is a permanent action to a temporary problem.

If you are afraid to talk to a trusted adult and you don’t open up to anybody – and living in the here and the now – all of this pressure is so much that you start to think that the desire is there – but it doesn’t ever need to get to the point where you have that desire.

But you have to have the courage to realize that it’s OK to go talk to somebody.

I am praying for you. I’m sorry, and I love you guys.

Don’t be afraid to open your heart and find a trusted adult. And they are going to support you and encourage you – but you have to open up.

For more information, visit www.jeffyalden.com

To book Jeff now, call (800)948-9289

Check out Jeff’s new nonprofit: www.jeffyaldenfoundation.com

South Carolina High School Hosts Teen Mental Health Speaker Jeff Yalden

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Photo: Jamin Ortiz/JDO Designs

In early November, a young man in Myrtle Beach, SC, made the final decision to end his life, no doubt leaving a void of unspeakable loss in the hearts of his family, friends and the Carolina Forest High School community, where he was a ninth grader.

Through the grapevine, word about this heartbreaking incident made its way to youth motivational speaker, author and mental health advocate Jeff Yalden, who was then in Minnesota for a college presentation.

Yalden, who lives in Murrells Inlet, speaks more than 200 times a year at high schools, colleges and other venues across the country. Over 25 years, he has presented to more than 4000 live audiences across the globe.

But when tragedy strikes so close to home, the ripples through the community are palpable.

Yalden reached out to Carolina Forest High School, offering to help in any way he could with the counselors and crisis intervention experts. Instead, Carolina Forest High School invited him to do one of his signature presentations.

On Wednesday, November 21, Yalden delivered a hard-hitting and uplifting youth motivational talk in the school auditorium – a variation of his renowned “about life” presentations – covering such subjects as attitude, choices, self-respect and more.

Photo: Jamin Ortiz/JDO Designs

“This was not an assembly reflecting on the loss of the student who took his life. This assembly was about who we are, where we are and where we are going,” Yalden said.

Yalden said he proudly lives with mental illness every day. Diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II disorder, and PTSD [he served as a U.S. Marine during the Gulf War], he is transparent and authentic in his personal journey with self-care, therapy, and medication.

He was featured as a celebrity teen and family life coach on MTV’s long-running reality show, MADE.

Yalden is also a suicide prevention expert and crisis intervention specialist. A priority in his messages is to assure young people that it’s OK to ask for help.

His presentation Tuesday was meant to inspire and encourage the students – most of whom were ninth graders – as they prepared to leave for Thanksgiving break.

“They lost a ninth grader. They didn’t want me to focus on that, which I understand,” he said. “Every school community is different and handles it in their own way.”

Yalden covered three points in his presentation that he feels are very important: Self-value, attitude and choices – a trifecta that plays into his “take time to think” mantra.

“In the end, I think the kids appreciated the truth and the humor in a message that they were not really expecting,” he said.

Yalden said that mental illness is quickly becoming the biggest public health crisis in this country.

“Mental illness is becoming just so prevalent in schools, and teen suicide is a national epidemic. I am honored to have been able to speak in our community. I feel good that schools are opening their hearts and saying that we need to address this with our kids.”

Carolina Forest High School counselor Tammy Goodman said that although she wasn’t sure a lot of the students knew what to expect, she felt a different energy from the students following Yalden’s presentation.

“They were very excited about the books that he had to offer, and I do think the students received it positively.”

Photo: Jamin Ortiz/JDO Designs

Yalden handed out copies of his Amazon bestseller, BOOM! One Word to Inspire Action, Deliver Rewards, and Positively Affect Your Life Every Day – as well as motivational t-shirts. Students rushed to the front of the stage to snap them up.

Goodman noted that the auditorium was full of students from all walks of life and from different grade levels.

She explained the motivation behind Yalden’s talk.

“I think the main thing was to kind of let students know that regardless of what they are dealing with – whether it’s at home, academics here at school, or socially – we can pick up where we are and go from here,” she said. “The message for them really is that there is always hope – that no matter what they are dealing with, there is always somebody that they can go to for help.”

For more about Jeff Yalden, visit www.jeffyalden.com.

Check out Yalden’s new nonprofit at www.jeffyaldenfoundation.com.

Teen Suicide Epidemic . . . Why Teens Commit Suicide

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My name is Jeff Yalden. I’m a teen suicide prevention and crisis intervention expert and teen mental health speaker.

If you are in crisis or experiencing an emergency, please call 911 immediately – and always remember that it’s OK to ask for help.

When a teen makes that that “forever decision” to end his or her life, people want to know why. What drives a young person to suicide?

(Online Suicide Prevention Training for Teachers and Staff – Take the Course Now!)

Today, teens experience pain as fast as the flip of a switch – like turning a light bulb – and terrible situations can cause a teen suicide.  One of the things that hurts today’s teens is the inability to cope with life’s challenges and problem solving in the obstacles and situations they face.  What can be perceived as everyday life situations and challenges to adults can be insurmountable for a teenager today.

We have an epidemic on our hands – and we need to start talking about it. The trend is that in the next decade we will have a 31 percent increase in teen suicides, drug addiction, and alcohol abuse.

These issues factor in to what is quickly becoming the biggest public health crisis of our time.

Here are the top reasons why teens make that forever decision:

MENTAL ILLNESS

While the factors I will be addressing here are all driving contributors to teen suicide, often the underlying issue is one of mental illness.

Most teens who attempt suicide do so because of depression, bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder.  These disorders amplify the pain a teen may feel.  It is because of this that every suicidal teen should be treated by a medical professional.

Remember this: Teens attempt or succeed in suicide not because of a desire to die, but, rather, in an attempt to escape a bad situation and/or painful feelings.  It is rare that only a single event leads to suicide.  A single event can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, but it is quite rare a single event prompts a suicide attempt.

By helping a teen turn around a bad situation or by teaching her or him how better to deal with painful feelings, we can defeat the causes of teen suicide.  Most times, this requires professional help by a doctor or a psychotherapist and may also involve the teen’s school, such as in cases of teen bullying.

LONELINESS

Being a teenager is one of the most difficult phases of life. Many teenagers feel alone, isolated or somehow set apart – but they refuse to admit that they need help.

They need help. They really do. Everybody needs help at times – whether it’s obvious or not, and whether we want it or not.  Most of the time, we have convinced ourselves that we can manage everything on our own, but in reality, we can’t.

When they feel alone, what do teenagers do?  They open up their phones, computers, tablets – fire up the Internet and social media platforms or text a friend, hoping that someone does care about them – and the desire is strong that others will appreciate them for who they are.

The reality is that some people appreciate you for who you are, but others simply fake it. How can you know the difference?

Parents don’t understand teen problems even if they say they do. The Internet, social media, texting and YouTube is where they go to find something –  the passion that they lost or the happiness that they need.

It’s not that our teens think happiness is available on the Internet, but it’s a distraction from what they’re feeling. This distraction is very useful when they are feeling lonely.

Imagine that they go on the web and find someone their same age, dealing with the same issues that they are. It’s comforting for them to know that they are not the only one having that particular problem. You can see their point of view.

Now they’ve made friends – virtual friends that they wish were real and were right beside them.  But they aren’t. Why is this?

Teens say, “Why can’t we have long term and lasting friends? People talk behind our backs, especially the ones we thought were our friends.”

It’s a sad world that teens say they’re living in.

Adolescence is always an unsettling time, with many physical, emotional, psychological and social changes that accompany this stage of life.

SCREEN TIME

Research suggests hours upon hours of time in front of phones, on computer screens and tablets might worsen depression and increase thoughts of suicide.  Here is the deal: Depressive symptoms are more prominent in teens who spend too much time on their devices.

But how much is too much?  More than four a day is alarming.  Ideally, we’d like to see a maximum of two hours a day of screen time for our teens. That is considered the safe zone.

Nearly half of teens who got five or more hours of screen time each day had experienced thoughts of suicide or prolonged periods of hopelessness or sadness. That’s nearly double that of teens who spent fewer than an hour in front of a screen.

Although we can’t blame smartphones for the increase in mental health issues in teens, I will tell you this: Smartphones and social media are by far the biggest changes in teens’ lives in the last five years.  Coincidentally, over the last five years, the number of teen suicides has spiked, and this is staggering.

 

What is further alarming is that very young children are spending triple the amount of time on phones and tablets than they did even four years ago.

APPEARANCES VERSUS REALITY

Teens don’t let change happen, because when something is different, they want to change it back to normal, but what is normal today?

Young people struggle with having to look good for other people, and when they do it to make a positive change for themselves, they run the risk of being judged or ridiculed. They’re not accepted for who they really are.

Why We Feel Alone:

  • Family problems (most of the pain comes from family issues)
  • No real friends (just faces that pretend to be)
  • No acceptance in society (as a whole or even in smaller groups like schools…)
  • Not satisfied with their life
  • Nobody understands them
  • Not accepted for their choices (music artists/genre, fashion style, personality, sexual orientation, etc.)
  • Prejudices (some people find it fun to criticize you)
  • Rumors (it’s difficult to stop them)
  • Being afraid to speak up (sharing of opinions becomes difficult, and you get trapped by your own self)

There are so many more reasons… the list is just too long …

HOPELESS & HELPLESS

Most teens interviewed after a suicide attempt say that feelings of hopelessness and helplessness prompted them to try to take their lives.

Suicidal teens often feel like they are in situations that have no solutions. They see no way out but death.  Teens often feel they lack the power and control to change their situations.

Other emotional causes come from trying to escape feelings of pain, rejection, hurt, being unloved, victimization or loss – that their feelings are unbearable and will never end. They think the only way of escape is suicide.

BEING A BURDEN & FAILED EXPECTATIONS

Unrealistic academic, social, or family expectations can create a strong sense of rejection and can lead to deep disappointment.  When things go wrong at school or at home, teens often overreact. Many young people feel that life is not fair or that things “never go their way.” They feel stressed out and confused.

To make matters worse, teens are bombarded by conflicting messages from parents, friends and society at large. Today’s teens see more of what life has to offer — both good and bad — on television, at school, in magazines and on the Internet.

Dealing with Adolescent Pressures

When teens feel down, there are ways they can cope with these feelings to avoid serious depression. All of these suggestions help develop a sense of acceptance and belonging that is so important to adolescents.

  • Try to make new friends.Healthy relationships with peers are central to a teen’s self-esteem and provide an important social outlet.
  • Participate in sports, job, school activities or hobbies.Staying busy helps teens focus on positive activities rather than negative feelings, behaviors or peer pressure.
  • Join organizations that offer programs for young people.There are myriad social programs geared to the needs of teens to help develop additional interests.
  • Ask a trusted adult for help.When problems are too much to handle alone, teens should not be afraid to ask for help, but adults need to be present for teens without lecturing or making them feel that their feelings aren’t valued.

But sometimes, despite everyone’s best efforts, teens become depressed.

Many factors can contribute to depression.

Studies show that some depressed people have too much or too little of certain brain chemicals.

Also, a family history of depression may increase the risk for developing depression. Other factors that can contribute to depression are difficult life events (such as death or divorce), side-effects from some medications and negative thought patterns.

SITUATIONS

Situations often drive the emotional causes of suicide. Bullying, cyber bullying, abuse, a detrimental home life, loss of a loved one or even a severe breakup can be contributing causes of teen suicide.

Often, many of these situations occur together to cause suicidal feelings and behaviors.

Suicide is rarely the result of one factor.

GRAPHIC MEDIA

It’s amazing how much information our teens have access to on the Internet – some of which can be traumatizing. In addition to cyber bullying which is a major problem today, kids can now easily access information about how to hurt themselves or how to harm others.

Today’s media continues to become more sophisticated and graphic, exposing our teens to many potentially negative and dangerous influences than their parents could ever have encountered a generation ago.

BULLYING AND CYBER-BULLYING

Any form of bullying, whether face to face or online is known to be connected to depression and suicidal behaviors in our teens.

THE DESIRE TO DIE

While I don’t think teens want to die, I think they don’t know how to ask for help, which could lead them to the only other option they believe is available to them – Death by suicide!

This saddens me the most because I think asking for help should be as easy as asking any other question.

Also, I receive quite a few messages saying, “Jeff, I’m not afraid to die, but give me a reason to live that is greater than my desire to not want to live.”

WOW!  Today’s young people think deep.

Let me leave you with this:

Many parents don’t acknowledge that their child is struggling. Mental Health isn’t an option for many families, and this makes it harder for our schools to help.  Many school counselors then don’t have those teens on their radar, because they don’t know what they are going through.

How do you expect our schools to help when they’re not aware, and we’re dealing with parents who say they will take care of their problem at home?

THE STIGMA

A large part of the work we are all responsible for is challenging the stigma that surrounds teen mental health – AND ELIMINATING IT ONCE AND FOR ALL.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Teens need adult guidance more than ever to understand all the emotional and physical changes they are experiencing. When teens’ moods disrupt their ability to function on a day-to-day basis, it may indicate a serious emotional or mental disorder that needs attention — adolescent depression.

Take action immediately.  Do something.  Getting help is OK!

Mental illness is an economic issue that is quickly becoming the greatest public health crisis of our time. We must take responsibility, and a large part of that responsibility lies in getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and talking about teen suicide.

This is an epidemic that is alarming and getting worse.

Thank you for watching this video!

If you are interested in me visiting your school community, please visit www.JeffYalden.com or my non-profit foundation www.JeffYaldenFoundation.com.

A Message to the Perry Township Community – Stark County, Ohio

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[The Perry Township community is struggling with the losses of four teens to suicide within six months.]

Hey, Stark County – Perry High School and Edison Middle School community.

My name is Jeff Yalden.

I’m a mental health and suicide prevention /crisis intervention expert for teens and young people.

Over the past few months, I have received a lot of cries for help from people in your community, so after this last loss, I decided to make the above video for you – hoping that you that you can do a little to help with all of you trying to move forward.

Parents and students, teachers, administrators and community – I hope you are listening.

I can’t do anything unless I am invited by the schools or the community, but first I want to be very careful in the words I use and how I say what I want to say.

Please understand that my intentions are pure, and my heart hurts for you all. Most importantly, I want to send my prayers and thoughts to every family that is directly impacted. Their lives will never be the same. For the rest of their lives, they have to spend time picking up the pieces and asking why.

I’m truly sorry.

I want to acknowledge each and every one of you – whether it be families, friends, classmates, students – teachers, staff members, administrators – the whole community and the surrounding communities as well. Not one person isn’t affected by these losses. And if my understanding is correct (I’m going off emails, social media messages and I’m reading online), you have all experienced significant loss in the past five or six months.

Four losses since August. One this past New Year’s Day.

In my work, I deal with teen suicide and loss every day – and words can’t adequately describe the pain I feel in my heart when I hear of the death of a young person. But I get it, though. I was once there. I understand.

After a suicide – or multiple suicides like you are dealing with – we’re left asking why a young person with so much to live for makes a forever decision to end his or her own life. Why or how would a teenager get so hopeless or feel that suicide is the only option?

My friends – our system is broken. It’s flawed. Our teenagers are growing up in a broken system in America, and America has a responsibility. The responsibility is simple: If we’re going to have Internet, cell phones and social media platforms –then our government needs to provide the adequate care for what this brings.

Simply put: We’re giving our young people rights and privileges that they are not emotionally capable of handling, and this can bring consequences like mental health issues and depression – and in many cases, this can lead to suicide.

IT’S OK TO ASK FOR HELP

We need to teach our young people coping skills and problem-solving skills. My friends, this is a parenting issue, but I think education needs to change. We need to focus more on social and emotional learning. We need to focus on and really build the self-esteem of our children and prepare them for life’s challenges, obstacles and situations. We need to give them the tools to be successful in life. In the meantime, we need adequate mental health care and counseling. We also need more involved parents.

We need to teach our young people that it is OK to ask for help without feeling intimidated or wrong for asking. But here’s what I am seeing all too much: When suicide happens, we’re left reacting. We are emotionally reacting. Parents and community are looking to place blame on the school, the administration, or the teachers.

“It’s bullying,” it’s that reason, this happened or that happened. “You’re not doing this…”

STOP!

Suicide is never the result of one thing.

I will say that one thing can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, but suicide is never the result of one thing. Also, no administrator is ever given a certificate on how to handle a suicide – whether that suicide is on campus or off campus – whether it happens in the building, outside the building – whether it is an incoming student that is relatively new to the school community or it’s a popular student athlete, adored by everyone. No student loss or suicide is ever the same.

They are all different, and how they are handled isn’t really anyone’s business because the school administrator and his or her team has to think about two things – what is in the best interest of the students, and what is in the best interest of the teachers and staff members.

Our job as parents is to support their decisions and accept them – especially now.

Our job is to rally together and support the school, the teachers, and the administration – not just when we have loss, but every day.

Our kids ask two questions, and whether you are a teacher, a coach, a parent or anyone that works with youth – we need to answer these two questions:

1) Can I trust you?
2) Do you care about me?

These two questions are the cornerstone of every trusted relationship.

Parents – if your if your child needs a trusted adult immediately because they are distraught and emotionally suffering more so than ever before – are you that trusted adult they would go to first?

You are either saying “I don’t know,” or “probably not.”

BE THAT TRUSTED ADULT

This is a problem. Parenting today’s young people is a different game than it ever was before. Today, I would never tell a child that I am disappointed in them. The point I am trying to make here is that kids are a parent’s responsibility. Parents need to support the schools, the teachers and the staff – and our teachers and staff need to support our parents.

We all need to do what is best to teach, to educate, to inspire and to encourage our youth. We all need to be trusted adults where our kids feel safe, so that they can open up to us without fear of being lectured, judged or even disappointing us.

Let me tell you about teen suicide today. There are three reasons why teens choose to end their lives:

1) They feel alone.
2) They feel that they are a burden.
3) They have the desire to end it all.

Let me tell you something else: The students that are on the school’s radar get help and they are taken care of. The students that aren’t asking for help are not on the school’s radar. They are the ones we find out about – and as counselors and teachers, we say, “I didn’t know.”

How do we help those that aren’t asking for help?

We need to do a better job to teach our kids that speaking up and saying something is the right thing to do, because our kids are on the front lines, and they find out first.

Our teens want to talk to someone that understands them – someone that understands what they are going through today. They don’t want to be lectured. They want to be listened to and validated that their feelings and emotions are normal.

We all need to do a better job, from our government, to our teachers and coaches, and most importantly, our parents.

Our teens need to also do a much better job of asking for help when they need help. I can’t emphasize enough, my friends: It’s OK to ask for help.

SUGGESTIONS FOR MOVING FORWARD

Young people: I’d like to invite you to open your heart that you have trusted adults wanting to be there to help you answer life’s toughest questions. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help.

You matter. Don’t ever think you’re alone.

You matter. Don’t ever feel that you are a burden to your family or society.

Parents: I need you to know that our youth today are hurting more than you can imagine – and starting earlier to feel emotions than we ever felt our own emotions when we were growing up. It’s almost like society is taking over. Parenting a child has become more difficult, with less parental influence and control. The speed of pain for a child is instant – almost as fast as turning on a light bulb.

Bring the family and community priorities back. Remember things like values and morals, kindness and community pride. Love and support our schools and our youth.

I challenge you to volunteer, sponsor, and donate. Give from your heart. And whatever rumors might be going around – let’s not participate.

Again – suicide is never the result of one thing. Talk to your children honestly. Be careful about sugar-coating the truth, because they know so much more today than we ever did.

For all adults, remember this: It takes a village to raise our children. And remember the two questions our children ask every adult in their lives: Can I trust you? Do you care about me?

Be approachable so that our children know that they can safely come and talk to you, and that you are not going to judge them for their questions and thoughts. Also know that all our teachers and our school communities are hurting too. Reach out and show your support.

A quick message to our teachers, staff and coaches: Thank you. Remember that you make a difference every single day. So many questions yet in many cases there are so few answers – but we are all responsible, and we need to move forward together for our youth and for each other.

Think about what is in the best interest of our community.

Let’s come together and respect how the school handles this on their end; the decisions need to be made, based on a comfortable balance – a comfortable balance compassionately meeting the needs of our students, their staff, their teachers and the community as a whole – while preserving the ability of the school to fulfill its primary purpose of education.

This is a very sad time – a time that affects all of us. It doesn’t have to define our year, though. I’m so, so sorry and I wish I can say more. My friends, suicide and mental health are becoming an economic issue, and we need all of you to speak up.

This is the greatest crisis of our time.

In the words of a friend of mine: “Choose life. Choose love. Choose you.”

I love you, my friends – and I am sorry for your losses. Stay beautiful, Perry Township – and I know you quite well, too. I’m sending prayers and thoughts to all of you.

If you are interested in me visiting your school community, please go to www.jeffyalden.com or my nonprofit, www.jeffyaldenfoundation.com

Attitude of Gratitude: Day Seven

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Day 7 – Attitude of Gratitude: Struggling to find Gratitude, but that’s a good thing. Shout out to Mike and Becky. Their son took his life 6 months ago. 16 years old. #GratitudeLife #BOOM #AttitudeofGratitude #Parenting #GratefulThis is for you Mike Bina and Becky Bina #Cresco #Iowa #Kyler.

Posted by Jeff Yalden on Thursday, November 2, 2017

 

If you have been keeping a gratitude journal, there are times when it seems like a struggle to pinpoint things you are grateful for on a daily basis. But remember to embrace the people and the moments in your life that lift you up, inspire and challenge you.

When he recorded this episode of The BOOM Podcast, mental health speaker and Amazon bestselling author Jeff Yalden said he had been struggling to find daily gratitude, but that’s a good thing.

“I think we have to look for what we are grateful for, and every day it’s about searching for something to be thankful for. I mean, who wakes up every day grateful, like – ‘Oh I’m grateful to be alive.’ How fake is that!”

Gratitude and Loss

Jeff woke up on this particular morning and thought about his new friends, Mike and Becky Bina, who recently lost their son Kyler to the forever decision of suicide.

“Let me talk about gratitude,” he said. “Mike and Becky have an amazing family of support, love and togetherness – and that’s really helping them get through this whole thing.”

Jeff recently spoke at a suicide awareness event set up by the Binas in Cresco, Iowa – and that is where they began their bond of friendship.

“Mike and Becky:  I’m waking up this morning, and I am grateful for our friendship. I’m grateful that we met, [but it was] through pain. You heard me say when I came up to Cresco that life doesn’t happen to us – life happens for us. You will understand this when you finish going through the grieving process and you get to that acceptance.”

If the above seems insensitive or unsympathetic, that is not Yalden’s intention. Far from it. Most of us have experienced hardship in life, and some of us have been devastated by unspeakable loss – but we wake up the next morning.

“As we wake up the next day, we move forward with one foot in front of the other. I think it’s important that we remember that everything we go through shapes us. Everything that we go through makes us the people that we are destined to become.”

Life is a series of victories and defeats.

“Some victories are epic, like the Houston Astros. Some victories are a part of life, like little league baseball.  Some defeats are forever life-changing [think the Las Vegas massacre or the and the October truck attack in New York City], and yet a high school football team loses too.”

Jeff reminds us that we are not victims in life, and we should never play that card. We cannot have that mindset. We are not victims. We rise up and become victors.

But I’m thinking of gratitude – we are not a victim in life – we can’t play that card. We can’t have that mindset. We are not a victim. Rise up and become a victor.

“We can all be bitter and angry over circumstances and situations, but what does that do? It doesn’t help. Let’s choose to become better. That’s a mindset,” he said.

We all have a story, but do our stories define us – or do they shape us?

“Do you live your life for titles or testimonies? That’s a matter of being selfish or selfless. My friends, I want to invite you to be really specific about something you are grateful for. As a matter of fact, I challenge you to go back to a painful moment in your life – and I want you to find gratitude in that situation.”

Find out why Jeff Yalden is North America’s Number One Youth Motivational Speaker. Go HERE.

Check out Jeff’s new nonprofit, THE JEFF YALDEN FOUNDATION.

Jeff’s speaking calendar fills up fast. To book him now for your event, organization or school now, call 800-948-9289.

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Jeff Yalden Visits Cresco, Iowa, for Suicide Awareness Events

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Last month, mental health speaker and Amazon bestselling author Jeff Yalden traveled to Cresco, Iowa at the invitation of Becky and Mike Bina.

Their son, Kyler, made the forever decision to end his life in April, at just 16 years old – and despite the crushing and tragic loss of their son, the couple decided to open their hearts and give back to their community by devoting their efforts to suicide awareness.

Over two days, Yalden spoke to parents and to students in the Crestwood school community and participated in a suicide awareness walk.

“When I left Cresco, I left the beautiful family of Mike Bina and Becky Bina and their wonderful extended family. Their son Kyler pulled the trigger on April 17, leaving behind two notes; one for mom and dad, and the other for his girlfriend of six months. I have many thoughts and feelings as I learned so much about his story and the family. Parents nor family are to blame, but they’ve had to and continue to pick up the pieces. I could share so much more, but it doesn’t change that that Kyler is forever gone,” Yalden said.

The walk itself included 200 families and friends whose lives have been affected by suicide.

“I’ve witnessed the unfathomable pain of too many parents having lost a child to suicide,” he said.  I’ve sat in their kitchens sometimes into the early morning hours in many homes. Wherever the final and forever decision was made, I’ve experienced the unexplainable feeling that still moves the energy of that space.”

As a suicide prevention and intervention expert – and as a person who struggles with mental illness himself – Yalden knows the subject from the inside out.

“I’ve been there, but knew I’d never pull the trigger. I know about mental illness. I love being able to make sense in a way doctors and psychiatrists can’t,” he said.

He has long said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem – and those considering suicide might not stop to think about the emotional pain their families and friends will go through for the rest of their lives as they pick up the pieces.

“Think about the financial burden. The expense of a suicide is beyond your comprehension and in most cases, will financially ruin a family if you’re not properly insured and prepared.”

Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help.

“There is help,” he said. “All you have to do is ask – and whatever it is you’re dealing with, you will get through it – but it’s never worth ending your life over.”

For those going through a tough patch, Yalden encourages them to consider all options, breathe, and know that they are loved.

“You don’t need to live in this pain. You can ask for help and get help. You can work through whatever you’re going through. Trust in a close and trusted adult. Trust your parents. Parents, be patient. Listen. Validate their feelings because our children only know what they know. They feel what they feel. They need you. They need to be heard.”

Getting the word out that there is hope is a high priority for Yalden.

“I have sat in bedrooms where the final decision was made. I don’t want to visit another family in their kitchen, feeling the pain and answering the questions that they wish they knew the answers to. I don’t want to feel the pain a parent or a school community feels when they knew this didn’t have to happen.”

Ask for help. Reach out and help a friend. Help a family. Know mental illness is all our responsibility. Let’s not be afraid to talk about it.

“Mental illness is going to be the greatest healthcare crisis of our time. It’s important that we start getting comfortable talking about it – because if we don’t get comfortable talking about it, we’re not going to be able to make any progress.”

He said that mental illness is something that might not be important to a family until somebody in that family is suffering – and then it becomes all too important.

Yalden can’t stress enough that problems come and go, but suicide is forever.

“One of the things that I have really come to learn about teenagers is that they live in the here and now – the right now. When something happens – it might be severe and there might be consequences – but that doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world.”

Take time to think.

“If you are thinking about that forever decision, remember that, while it might end the pain for you – it’s just now starting for all your family, friends and loved ones. They have to live the rest of their lives picking up the pieces – wondering if there was something more that they could have done.

Mike Bina, Kyler’s father, had this to say in a Facebook post on October 13:

“I would like to thank everyone that made today possible. The support that my family has received from our community means so much to us. Today is a day that I will always remember with hopes that kids, teachers and community had the opportunity to learn how to deal with emotional distress and make themselves better in the process. Jeff Yalden spoke to 600+ students and many more instructors and faculty today with emotion and heart. I truly believe that he touched a lot of souls today. Jeff expressed to me how impressed he was with our students, school and community. It just goes to show what a great place it is that we call home.”

For more about Jeff Yalden, click HERE.

To book Jeff now to speak at your school, event or facility, call 800-948-9289.

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Suicide Takes Another Young Life in Missouri

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In March, teen suicide prevention expert and youth motivational speaker Jeff Yalden spoke in northwest Missouri, delivering messages of comfort and hope to two communities reeling from the losses of two irreplaceable young people by suicide.

Yalden said then that Missouri was going through a tough time with teen suicides.

He was there three weeks before that to deliver a comprehensive presentation about teen suicide and mental health in Hannibal, MO before coming to Brookfield and Barnard.

And now, another young person in Barnard recently made the forever decision to take his own life – and he was a recent graduate from one of the very schools Yalden visited – South Nodaway High School.

After he got an email about this, Yalden confirmed this with Nick Wray, the guidance counselor there.

“My heart just broke,” Yalden said, adding that the young man graduated in 2017, and was a senior when Yalden spoke there in March.

“He didn’t really hang out with kids his age. All his friends were all older than him. I don’t know the details, so it’s not fair to speculate – but what upsets me so much about this is that I spent 24 hours there,” he said.

One of Yalden’s regrets is that while he was  in Barnard, he dealt with the junior class for the most part, because the junior class was hurting from the loss of their classmate, Bailee, who ended her life on February 5.

Yalden was upset because he repeats this message as much as possible, and yet it sometimes seems to fall on deaf ears: If you need to talk to someone, don’t be afraid to open your heart.

“Listen: We all have 100 percent potential, but if you are unwilling to ask for help in life, 100 percent shrinks down to 50 percent,” he said.

It’s important to figure out what you can do alone and what you need help with.

“If you can’t do it on your own, you have to delegate and ask for help. What saddens me is that the message is so strong when I say it: Don’t be afraid to ask for help.”

Yet he finds out months later that yet another young life has been snuffed out by suicide.

“Anyone can tell you that when you graduate, you have to go into the real world. It’s adulting and responsibilities, and no longer do you have the everyday structure and routine of going to school, doing your homework, going to sleep and going back to school.”

He said that in school, everything is kind of done for you. But after you graduate, what are you doing?

“Are you working? Are you in college? And then if you are hanging out with people older than you – and I don’t know about those influences – but are you ready to be 17-18 years old and hearing about the responsibilities and adulting of someone 20, 23, 24 – hearing about how tough college is, or the working world – or paying these bills? That’s speculation.”

Yalden’s intention is never to come off as insensitive. He has helped folks deal with loss for more than two decades. But he said that as parents, we need to do a better job of being present in our kids’ lives – teaching them about adulting and responsibilities.

“Nick was telling me that this young man was kind of a loner, and that’s another thing that scares me. If our kids are loners, why are they loners? Are we missing something?”

Every suicide is different, according to Yalden. Every suicide carries different emotions as it permeates throughout the school. In this case, the student had already graduated and gone out into the world.

“Bailee was the one that I went out there for. She was a very popular young lady, a junior and very well known. This young man was a loner, and because he graduated already, it has a different effect. It’s not in the school. It’s outside the school, but the shock is within the school.”

To the students, families, teachers and the school community in Barnard, Jeff sends his deepest condolences.

“My friends, I’m sorry. I wish there was more I could say or do. I want you to understand that what you are dealing with today is all over the world, and no matter how painful it is, I understand. I have been there.”

When we are young, we can’t see the wisdom in the phrase, this too shall pass.

“I want you to do a couple of different things:

  • Breathe through it.
  • I want you to know that our struggles – what we go through every single day – shapes us and builds our character. It defines our courage and builds our self-esteem. There is nothing that you can’t go through.

It WILL be OK in time.”

Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help.

“Know that you have trusted people in your life; people that  you respect – people whose opinions you value. Don’t ever be afraid to go to them.

Yalden said that if a person is unwilling to ask for that help, then all too often the pressure mounts and puts them in a state of mind where they are unable to make healthy decisions.

“If you know someone that is hurting – emotionally hurting – and they don’t know who to go to, they are not in their right frame of mind and can’t really think and make sound decisions for themselves. You as the friend, family member, boyfriend/girlfriend, parent – YOU have a responsibility to reach out and do the right thing because you are able to think more clearly than that person.”

We all need to do a better job of supporting and encouraging each other.

“I think we need to do a better job educating young people – letting them know that life is a struggle – to dot your I’s and cross your t’s and to move forward every single day,” Yalden said.

But the other side of that coin is the possibility that we might scare our kids too much in trying to teach them that they need to be great and perfect.

“Life is not about perfection. Life is about progress. Life is about patience in the process,” he said. “The more we are willing to talk about it, the more we are going to be able to do.”

Yalden said mental illness is no longer a family issue. This is an economic issue.

“If we are unwilling in our families and our schools to talk about mental illness and the attention that it needs, then we are not going to be able to make any headway. Whether it’s mental illness, depression, anxiety or suicide (yes, that word) – if we are unwilling to talk about it – we are going to continue dealing with this.

We need to get comfortable being uncomfortable talking about it. We all have a responsibility to save lives – to reach out and let people know that what they are going through is temporary. Suicide is forever.

To find out more about Yalden’s speaking programs, including suicide prevention, mental health, teen coaching and more, go HERE.

To book Jeff now for your school or event, call 800-948-9289.

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