The COVID-19 fatalities extend beyond the virus itself.
When I woke up yesterday, I found out that an ER doctor in New York City ended her life by suicide. Dr. Lorna Breen was 49 and was the medical director of the emergency department at New York Presbyterian-Allen Hospital. This brave woman contracted COVID-19 on the job, and when the hospital ultimately sent her home, her family brought her home to Charlottesville, Virginia.
It was there that she made her forever decision.
Her grieving father told the New York Times that she tried to do her job, and it killed her.
Think about that. It’s unbelievably sad.
To all of the front-line workers – doctors, nurses, first-responders, food service workers, truckers – everybody: It’s tough being considered a hero today because being a hero comes with a great deal of responsibility. As anxiety increases with the coronavirus pandemic, you want to continue serving people and saving lives…
But one of the things that we most often forget in our desire and our compassion and empathy to want to help and serve people – is that we forget to take care of ourselves.
Listen: You matter.
The situation that we are all in is traumatic. It is filled with a lot of anxiety and stress and the uncertainty of the world – but especially if you are one of these front-line workers that has to serve in the face of COVID-19.
You are still fortunate to have a job, but having this job can be extremely stressful
Remember: You can’t pour from an empty pitcher. It’s crucial that you have a daily routine in place, a structured lifestyle. The first order of business must be self-care. This could be anything from healthy eating, exercise, meditation, yoga or time in prayer. Whatever self-care looks like for you, now is the time to make sure you are setting time aside for this.
If you are not taking care of yourself, how can you take care of others? The best you isn’t showing up.
I have a niece who is a front-line worker in New York City. She sees the heartbreak of COVID-19 on a daily basis. I have friends here in the Myrtle Beach area who are nurses – and I applaud you all. I am so thankful to have people like you in my life, but one of the things that really sends up red flags is when you negate your thoughts and feelings with a statement like, “I’ll take care of me later. I’ve got to show up and do this now.”
NO! You have got to take care of yourself more now while you are taking care of others.
My intention is to be careful here, and I do not want to come across as insensitive.
You can be compassionate. You can be empathetic. But you cannot carry the darkness. Love people and serve others, absolutely – but you have got to take care of yourself first. This is so important.
God bless each and every one of you. I love you, and I hope you are well and staying safe.
About Jeff Yalden
Jeff Yalden is renowned for his work as a youth motivational speaker and teen mental health and suicide prevention expert. For three decades, Jeff has given his life to students, teachers, counselors, parents, and the mental health community.
For more about Jeff Yalden, click HERE.
Check out Jeff’s book: Teen Suicide: The “Why” Behind America’s Suicide Epidemic
Yalden said that leads to a persistent form of depression called dysthymia, which could lead to the desire for suicide.
“Teens need relationships. They need trusted adults that are patient, giving of their time, understanding, supportive, and love them unconditionally,” he said, adding that it is imperative that we teach them coping skills and problem-solving skills and instill in them the importance of balance and boundaries, especially when it comes to social media, the Internet and YouTube.
Too much exposure to social media, as Yalden explains in this video, can also cause depression and other mental health issues in our teens.
Mental illness threatens to become the biggest public health crisis in America, and this is no longer a family issue, according to Yalden. This is an economic issue.
He said that mental illness and depression factor into 90 percent of suicides – and many suicides are preceded by factors that we don’t even notice.
“Why should we notice it when we weren’t even looking for it,” he said. “The individuals that are on the schools’ radars aren’t necessarily the ones we need to look out for. A lot of school communities have said to me, ‘Jeff, we didn’t even know there was a problem. There were no signs. This is the last person we would have suspected.’”
As a man who proudly lives with mental illness every day, Yalden is all about crushing the stigma attached to it.
“It’s OK to ask for help!”
Yalden can’t overemphasize the importance of a healthy self-esteem.
“I promise – on the other side of fear is self-esteem. Don’t let anyone take that from you. You have to do the work, though,” he said.
He said that this very sad time affects us all – and this is a time that will shape us.
“This will either expose wounds or build muscles. It’s your choice how you respond. Allow yourself to grieve on your terms. I am so sorry and thinking of you all,” he said.
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If your parents aren’t going to say no and teach you balance and boundaries – it’s hard for you to put that balance and those boundaries in your life – but that’s something that you have to start working on.
Social and emotional learning does not come as a result of being on the screen all of the time. Online time can affect mental health in a negative way. Social engagement social interaction can help your mental health.
Think about it.
Two of the biggest things that we are concerned about with teenagers today are coping skills and problem-solving skills. We live in the here and the now. We think that we go to the bank and an ATM spits out cash. We send a text and get an immediate reply…
Again – Atchison, Kansas – I don’t know the details on this young man. But I will tell you this: It’s going to be OK.
My friends, it’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to want to talk to somebody. I meet young people all the time and they say, “Yo – I don’t want to talk to anybody because every time I talk to someone, it’s like they are telling me my emotions don’t matter. I shouldn’t feel like this, and it’s like they aren’t validating how I feel.”
Part of being young is about having crazy emotions and feelings – and not understanding them.
And it’s OK to have that trusted adult to go talk to.
I spoke at a school in Indiana today, and a girl wanted to talk afterwards. The girl has been in counseling for two years. Do you know that today she told me more than her two counselors knew about her? I asked her why she felt comfortable telling me what she did.
“I don’t know,” she said. “You seem like you get it.”
Don’t you think you have trusted adults in your life that – if you gave them the chance – they would get it too?
Folks – we can’t help you if we don’t know.
“Well Jeff – I don’t know how to talk to someone…”
When you didn’t know how to ride a bike, that didn’t stop you, did it?
When you didn’t know how to ask a girl out – you still found a way, right?
When trusted adults in your life sit down with you and something is wrong, they know what to say. You just have to be willing to just go up to them and say, “I don’t know what to say but I am kind of really struggling.”
When I spoke to that child today, I can’t tell you how many times she said, “I don’t know” in tears – and you know what I did? I just kept asking her if she felt safe and if she knew she wasn’t in trouble.
As long as she knew those two things – little by little, she opened up. It was a beautiful day.
My point is simply this: Suicide is a permanent action to a temporary problem.
If you are afraid to talk to a trusted adult and you don’t open up to anybody – and living in the here and the now – all of this pressure is so much that you start to think that the desire is there – but it doesn’t ever need to get to the point where you have that desire.
But you have to have the courage to realize that it’s OK to go talk to somebody.
I am praying for you. I’m sorry, and I love you guys.
Don’t be afraid to open your heart and find a trusted adult. And they are going to support you and encourage you – but you have to open up.
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The reality is that some people appreciate you for who you are, but others simply fake it. How can you know the difference?
Parents don’t understand teen problems even if they say they do. The Internet, social media, texting and YouTube is where they go to find something – the passion that they lost or the happiness that they need.
It’s not that our teens think happiness is available on the Internet, but it’s a distraction from what they’re feeling. This distraction is very useful when they are feeling lonely.
Imagine that they go on the web and find someone their same age, dealing with the same issues that they are. It’s comforting for them to know that they are not the only one having that particular problem. You can see their point of view.
Now they’ve made friends – virtual friends that they wish were real and were right beside them. But they aren’t. Why is this?
Teens say, “Why can’t we have long term and lasting friends? People talk behind our backs, especially the ones we thought were our friends.”
It’s a sad world that teens say they’re living in.
Adolescence is always an unsettling time, with many physical, emotional, psychological and social changes that accompany this stage of life.
“As we wake up the next day, we move forward with one foot in front of the other. I think it’s important that we remember that everything we go through shapes us. Everything that we go through makes us the people that we are destined to become.”
Life is a series of victories and defeats.
“Some victories are epic, like the Houston Astros. Some victories are a part of life, like little league baseball. Some defeats are forever life-changing [think the Las Vegas massacre or the and the October truck attack in New York City], and yet a high school football team loses too.”
Jeff reminds us that we are not victims in life, and we should never play that card. We cannot have that mindset. We are not victims. We rise up and become victors.
But I’m thinking of gratitude – we are not a victim in life – we can’t play that card. We can’t have that mindset. We are not a victim. Rise up and become a victor.
“We can all be bitter and angry over circumstances and situations, but what does that do? It doesn’t help. Let’s choose to become better. That’s a mindset,” he said.
We all have a story, but do our stories define us – or do they shape us?
“Do you live your life for titles or testimonies? That’s a matter of being selfish or selfless. My friends, I want to invite you to be really specific about something you are grateful for. As a matter of fact, I challenge you to go back to a painful moment in your life – and I want you to find gratitude in that situation.”
Find out why Jeff Yalden is North America’s Number One Youth Motivational Speaker. Go 
“You don’t need to live in this pain. You can ask for help and get help. You can work through whatever you’re going through. Trust in a close and trusted adult. Trust your parents. Parents, be patient. Listen. Validate their feelings because our children only know what they know. They feel what they feel. They need you. They need to be heard.”
Getting the word out that there is hope is a high priority for Yalden.
“I have sat in bedrooms where the final decision was made. I don’t want to visit another family in their kitchen, feeling the pain and answering the questions that they wish they knew the answers to. I don’t want to feel the pain a parent or a school community feels when they knew this didn’t have to happen.”
Ask for help. Reach out and help a friend. Help a family. Know mental illness is all our responsibility. Let’s not be afraid to talk about it.
“Mental illness is going to be the greatest healthcare crisis of our time. It’s important that we start getting comfortable talking about it – because if we don’t get comfortable talking about it, we’re not going to be able to make any progress.”
He said that mental illness is something that might not be important to a family until somebody in that family is suffering – and then it becomes all too important.
Yalden can’t stress enough that problems come and go, but suicide is forever.
“One of the things that I have really come to learn about teenagers is that they live in the here and now – the right now. When something happens – it might be severe and there might be consequences – but that doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world.”
Take time to think.
“If you are thinking about that forever decision, remember that, while it might end the pain for you – it’s just now starting for all your family, friends and loved ones. They have to live the rest of their lives picking up the pieces – wondering if there was something more that they could have done.
Mike Bina, Kyler’s father, had this to say in a Facebook post on October 13:
“I would like to thank everyone that made today possible. The support that my family has received from our community means so much to us. Today is a day that I will always remember with hopes that kids, teachers and community had the opportunity to learn how to deal with emotional distress and make themselves better in the process. Jeff Yalden spoke to 600+ students and many more instructors and faculty today with emotion and heart. I truly believe that he touched a lot of souls today. Jeff expressed to me how impressed he was with our students, school and community. It just goes to show what a great place it is that we call home.”
For more about Jeff Yalden, click 
